Tag: travel

Fire, loss, and gratitude

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

The wildfires in California are devastating. People are losing their homes and their valuables. Some are losing their lives. I live in Florida, far from California. There is no threat of those fires expanding to my community, yet I truly understand what that loss feels like.

In 2013, my family and I were preparing to move from Gainesville, FL to Seattle, WA as I had been recruited and hired to be the new President and CEO of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. It was a big move with lots of nerves, fear, and concern for all of us. We were literally moving completely across the country. My wife and kids had never not lived close to family and now we were moving nearly 3,000 miles away.

This was a big new job in a new community for me. Alison, my wife, had one friend who lived there and my kids knew nobody. It was exciting and scary at the same time. We packed up our house, the movers took our belongings away, and we moved into my in-laws house for a few days. I was leaving a few days before my family to get things set up, move into our rental home, pick up our dog at the airport and then get the family a few days later. Everything was set up for this big change in our lives.

As I prepared to head to the airport in a rental car (our cars had been shipped already), my phone rang. It was the moving company. They told me that there had been a fire in our moving truck and it was a complete loss. Everything we owned that was on that truck was lost. My face dropped. I didn’t know what to do. For a minute I thought I was being pranked, I hoped and prayed I was being pranked, but I wasn’t. I told Alison and she was stunned. How do you comprehend losing all your belongings like that. Your memories. Your photos as a child, with your grandparents, your children as babies, your ketubah (marriage certificate) and so much more.

I headed to the airport in shock, talking to Alison on the phone the entire time. I called Delta, told them what happened, and they changed my flight to a day later. I called my new board chair and shared the news with her. She was shocked. Using humor to deflect my feelings, I said to her, “Well, at least we don’t have to unpack.”

When I got back to my in-laws house, we spoke to the moving company again and they said we could come to the facility in Jacksonville where the truck was and salvage anything that we wanted. Still in shock, Alison and I drove to Jacksonville, depressed at what we were going to see.

When we arrived, they told us what happened. The truck hadn’t left the yard yet. There was an issue with the truck that needed to be fixed before they could send it to Seattle. The way to fix it involved using a blowtorch. Their standard operating procedure is to removed everything from the truck, then use the blowtorch to fix it, and then reload the truck. The person who was fixing it decided he didn’t want to do that and just tried to fix it with all our belonging still on the truck. Something caught fire, the truck went up in flames, they rushed to put it out, but the fire, smoke, and water ruined our belongings. Later, I reached out to a few attornies about a lawsuit since they didn’t follow their procedures and I learned that they are only liable for the loss. Not for anything else. I learned that sentimental things have no value other than replacement of them. Things that were handed down from my grandfathers would be worth pennies because they were old things that could easily replaced. A lesson learned.

We were both fuming as we walked to the area where the truck and our belongings were. You could smell the smoke well before we got there. The sight was devastating. Boxes were charred and wet. Furniture burned. We slowly approached the area, tears in our eyes, and began to go through the boxes.

Then something amazing happened. We opened a wet and charred box and found our ketubah in it, in perfect condition. We opened another wet and charred box and found our wedding album along with other picture albums from our childhoods. We found our children’s professional pictures when they were 4 and 2 perfectly safe. We looked around as our furniture, clothes, and everything that could be replaced with money was damaged and lost and realized that things that really mattered to us were not. The collage from our wedding reception was fine. My autographed sports memorabilia that I got personally, signed to me, was fine. The things my grandfather and Alison’s grandfather did special for us, were fine. My grandfather had the newspapers from the 4 days leading up to Nixon’s resignation and the day that FDR died. They mean the world to me because they connect me to him, long after he died. They were all fine. Our hearts warmed quickly and were filled with gratitude. Yes, we lost all our material possessions and would have to get everything new. Yet the things that truly mattered to us, the things that were irreplaceable, were saved.

This was my proof that God exists. There was no reason for these things to be saved. They weren’t in a part of the truck that wasn’t burned. Our ketubah and Alison’s bridal portrait were in boxes that were behind the couch that burned up. The things that mattered the most were mixed with everything that was a complete loss. There was no reason for them to be saved and in great condition other than God.

As we see what is happening in Calfornia with the fire and loss of homes, I think back to when we lost everything we owned. When people reached out, wanting to donate money to help us, we declined. Why did we decline? We had insurance on our items and they could be replaced. We thought we had enough insurance but eventually learned that replacing EVERYTHING you own is much more expensive than you think. We told people that most importantly, nobody was hurt. We still had a place to live and material things are not important compared to being healthy.

I feel for the people who have lost their homes and their possessions. I have been there with the possessions and was grateful it was just possessions and not my house. I was lucky that the things that couldn’t be replaced were saved. The people in California don’t have that luck. Houses and possessions can be replaced. It will be an inconvenience. It will be frustrating. It’s not something anybody would want to go through. For those who lost their lives, they can’t be replaced. For those who lost their material possessions, all that can, and will, be replaced.

After losing our material possessions in 2013, I found myself grateful. Grateful that we were safe and it was just things. Grateful we had insurance, which covered about 85% of the cost of replacing everything. I was incredibly grateful that the things that couldn’t be replaced were saved. It reminded me of my priorities. It reminded me that material things are just that – things. We may like them and enjoy them, but they are just things. There are many things far more important.

I hope that those going through this awful time of loss, of devastation, and in a time when they are in shock, the same way I was in shock after hearing the news, come to the same realization. Their homes will be rebuilt. They will buy new clothes and new furniture. They can buy new art for the walls, new rugs for the floors, new towels and sheets, and appliances. There are many things that are irreplaceable. Possessions are not among them.

I found great comfort in this realization. I hope those dealing with it in California find the same comfort. Having lost all my possessions in 2013, I know what is really important. I would gladly go through it all over again to ensure my health and the health of my loved ones. Possessions are temporary and unimportant. Our lives and the lives of our loved ones are what matters. Health and happiness. Let the pain those in California are going through be a lesson to us all about what really matters in life. I know it’s a reminder for me.

Me walking through the fire damage of our belongings
Inside the moving van where the fire occurred.

How my dog Bella (z’l) is like Israel

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Our 13 ½ year old chocolate labrador, Bella, crossed the Rainbow Bridge last month.  We got her as a Hanukkah present on December 1, 2010, and she has been a constant in our life and our family ever since.  She taught us about unconditional love, how important playing is in life, the joy of treats, and the joy in just being together. 

Bella as a puppy when we first got her and took her for her first checkup

Almost exactly a year ago, she almost died.  While being boarded, something we hadn’t done in many years, she developed 3 major infections and had 3 major open wounds.  She couldn’t eat, walk, or do much of anything.  We were preparing to say goodbye and tried one last Hail Mary attempt before saying goodbye.  That last attempt miraculously worked and for the last year Bella fought every day to be with us and to do whatever she could do.  She went on walks.  She climbed the stairs.  She did some physical therapy in a swimming pool.  She would climb up in my lap.

The last few months she would come upstairs at 2 am to wake me up and make me go downstairs and sleep on the couch next to her.  She liked sleeping on the travertine tile floor but didn’t want to be alone, so it was my job to be close to her.  Most of the time, as soon as we got downstairs together, she would lay on the floor and be content and sleep through the night.  Every so often she would let me spend the entire night sleeping in bed, but it was a rare occurrence.  I didn’t mind (much) because I knew how important it was to her.

Bella reminds me in many ways of Israel.  Israel is 76 years old.  When the US was 76, we hadn’t even fought the civil war yet.  Israel is still a baby, or maybe a middle school student.  It is start-up nation.  It is innovation.  We joke that the national bird is the crane because when you are in Tel Aviv or Jerusalem, there is so much construction that you see so many cranes all over the place.  My relationship with Israel is similar to the relationship I had with Bella.  It is one of mutual love.  It is one where we learn from each other every day.  It is unconditional love.  It doesn’t mean that I was happy when Bella stole the challah or that I am happy when the Israeli government makes what I consider to be a bad decision.  It does mean that I love Bella no matter what she does, just like I love Israel even when the government or some of the people make very poor decisions.

My relationship with Bella started the day I picked her up, December 1, 2010, and brought her to our home and our family.  While she is physically gone, it is a relationship that will last forever.  My relationship with Israel began as a child, shaped by my grandparents and parents.  It deepened when I made my first trip there in the summer of 1989 and has continued to grow on each of my 21 subsequent trips since that first one.  Just as my relationship with Bella deepened as she got older and we spent more time together, so has my relationship with Israel.  Each visit takes me deeper into my own Jewish identity.  Each visit helps me explore who I am, who I want to be, what my values are, how do I want to spend my life, and answer the question I have previously written about, “What would I die for?”, which tells me what I am living for. 

Israel is not a tourist attraction that you go to once and that’s it.  It is a fine wine.  A good bourbon or scotch.  Incredible music.  It is to be savored.  That first taste is exactly that, a taste.  It’s wonderful and exciting and exhilarating.  Floating in the Dead Sea, climbing Masada (or taking the cable car), going to the Kotel, touring the old city of Jerusalem.  Exploring Tzfat and spirituality.  Visiting the Kinneret.  Rafting down the Jordan river.  Hearing the Muslim call to prayer from the minarets, as you are in the middle Jewish or Christian prayers. Exploring Haifa and the Baha’i Gardens.  I could go on and on and on.  Yet it’s just a taste.  A first sip.  Your toe in the ocean.  There is so much to explore, so much to invest, so much to learn and grow.  Just like every relationship.  Just like my relationship with Bella.  The day I brought her home, I was in love.  She was adorable and cute and fun.  The day before she died, we were sitting outside together, she way laying the grass, happy as can be, a totally different and deeper experience.  My first trip to Israel was exciting and exhilarating.  I soaked it all up and have vivid memories from that trip, 35 years ago.  My trip to Israel last month was also powerful and deep in a very different and more mature way.  My trip this month was a deeper exploration into what Israel stands for, what she means, what her values are, and my personal connection that as a Jew, started when Abraham listened when he was told by God to “Lech Lecha”, go forth, and was guided to this land.  Just like sitting outside with Bella during her last weeks as she laid in the grass instead of playing frisbee or chasing a ball, it was even more special despite the vast difference.

Bella in the yard just before she died. She was happy until the end and gave us love her entire life

As we toured the old city of Jerusalem this time, our guide challenged us to view it very differently.  He urged us not to see buildings, walls, rocks, and rubble.  Instead, take a look at what happened. What are the stories?  What does it all mean?  When he took us through the tunnels under the Kotel, he posed the same questions.  It was a remarkable two tours with Eytan.  He spent three hours each time with us, pushing us to keep moving with him as he made the old city come alive in a completely different way.  I felt like I was there in the 1948 war for the old city.  My love for Jerusalem was captured during the tour as I asked myself what I would do to defend Jerusalem.  The old city will never be the same for me as I turn every corner and there is deeper meaning.

As he took us through the City of David, we stood where King David’s palace likely was.  There is enough archeological evidence to show this is where it would have been.  You could imagine what happened in that area.  The poetry of King David being written.  The decisions he had to make, both good and poor.  As we moved to the current excavation site, you could imagine the city that once existed there, more than 3,000 years ago.  The vibrancy of the people.  We walked through the drainage system, designed to capture the rainwater from the mountain to bring fresh water to the cisterns of the city below.  The system was small and narrow.  I couldn’t stand straight up and banged my head a few times.  It felt tight and constricted.  All I could think of as I walked through this tight place was the hostages and how they live like this every day.  A 3,000-year-old water collection system teaching me about life today.  I’m not sure there is anything more Jewish than that. 

I miss Bella every day, just like I miss Israel.  There are a few images that will stay with me from this trip for a long time. 

Our hotel is where the residents of Shlomi, a town in the north of Israel, have lived since October 7th.  They are right on the border with Lebanon and were bombed by Hezbollah and had to evacuate.  Throughout the hotel, we had families living their lives.  Kids running around, riding tricycles, women doing laundry at the specially installed washing machines because this was now their home.  A Gan (kindergarten) still functioning as the other children are now enrolled in local schools.  The hotel lobby had become a community center. Shlomi is a religious community and as we prayed each day, said the Birkat Hamazon (grace after meals), and learned Torah, they watched.  They came up to one of our leaders and spoke to him in Hebrew, telling him how much we inspired them.  How proud they were because of what we were doing and because we were there.  Imagine being forced from your home and living far away in a single hotel room with your 5-7 children for over 9 months.  And young people, choosing to come to Israel during the war, doing Jewish traditions, inspire you. 

You see how close Shlomi is to the Lebanese border

I watched as their Gan began the day.  The children were adorable.  The teacher filled with excitement and passion.  The joy in the room at the hotel was palpable.  These 4-year-old children who have had their life turned upside down had normalcy.  I was inspired.  I watched and smiled.  Life doesn’t just go on.  It flourishes.  That is Israel.  Even in the worst of times, there is joy and plans for a better future.  As we visited the Kotel before leaving Israel, what did we see?  Another group of children, dressed in costume, learning at the Kotel. It was a beautiful site. No matter how much people try to kill us, try to villify us, try to isolate us, try to mock us, try to eliminate us, we will not give up. We will not forget who we are.

The joy of being at Machane Yehuda in the day, as a bustling shuk (market) and then in the evening as a crazy fun group of nightclubs is amazing. The energy, the passion for Judaism and Israel expressed at both times is amazing. When in Jerusalem at the shuk, the singing is loud, the passion is raised, and there is a strong and powerful pride in being Jewish. Why can’t we keep this when we return? Why do our voices suddenly get quiet? As you watch this video of the shuk, feel the energy, the passion, the joy and make sure you bring it with you every day when it comes to being Jewish.

Can we always sing Am Yisrael Chai with this passion and love?

I have been to Israel 22 times now and will be back at least once more this calendar year. As I walked and talked with one of our participants who was on her first trip to Israel, she talked about how surprised she was at how she felt in Israel. She talked about how much she wished we had an extra week or two on the trip, with the group, to continue learning and having the experience. She talked about how much she wanted to come back and maybe next summer would work. Once you have been to Israel this will make sense to you. Until you go, you can’t really understand it. It brings up the existential question, how to do we maintain this connection to Judaism, to our history, to our family and community, and to God, when we aren’t in Israel? How do we bring it home with us so that it lives within us all the time, not just when we are in Israel?

Many people and organizations have tried to answer this question over the years, some with some success, others not so much. What I do know is that as long as those of us who aren’t super religious can inspire the religous people of Shlomi with our effort, we are doing ok. As long as we continue to make the effort to do it, we are having success. It truly is a journey, not a destination.

P.S. – Here is a little something to put a smile on your face – the Jerusalem Youth Choir with Arab and Jewish youth singing on America’s Got Talent.

Temple Mount, the Kotel, and Church of the Holy Sepulchre – what a morning.

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

One of the things I have always wanted to do is visit Temple Mount.  On my prior trips, I never had the opportunity to do it for many reasons.  The first intifada.  The second intifada.  Jews not being allowed on Temple Mount.  A schedule planned during the limited time that it is open to Jews.  This time it was different.  Jews are allowed on Temple Mount from 7 am until 11:30 am during the week.  I had nothing planned for the day so I could get up early and go up onto Temple Mount. 

Every time I have seen the line to go up on Temple Mount it was long.  I expected a wait, so we left the hotel at 7:30 to we would make sure to have some time up on Temple Mount.  When we got there, there was one person in front of us.  I guess war changes everything, including those who want to go up on Temple Mount.  The man who was in front of us had on his tallis (prayer shawl) and tefillin (the boxes on his forehead and arm). The rules for Temple Mount are controlled by Jordan.  This has been the agreement since 1967 to attempt to limit conflict.  This is why access is limited for Jews and at times has been prohibited.  Of the rules is that we are not allowed to enter any of the buildings now, including the mosques.  There was a time that we were allowed to do that.  Another rules I that Jews are not allowed to pray on the top of Temple Mount or use obvious prayer symbols like this man was wearing.  He was arguing with security who would not let him through.  It was clear he wanted to provoke something.   We passed the first part of security and headed up.  There was an area with information and clearly could be used for prayer.  We decided to keep on going.  On our way up, we passed a large number of Israeli security forces.  It was far more than I have seen at any other site in Israel, including Jacob’s tomb in the West Bank.  One final security officer greeted us to go over all the rules of Temple Mount including the hours, so we knew when we had to leave.  A few minutes later we stepped on the ground of Temple Mount.   

It is hard to describe what it felt like to step on Temple Mount for the first time.  It was something I always wanted to do but never really expected I would get to do.  Knowing that I was standing on ground that was the center of Judaism from over 2000 years ago was incredible.  It was more powerful than being at the Kotel because I was actually even closer to the holiest place in Judaism where the actual Temple would have been.  I know that the Temple that Solomon built was smaller and likely in a different location on the mountain that the second Temple built by Herod, but it was likely in the area that I was now able to walk and explore.  I am not a religious person, but I had the urge to say a prayer now that I was up there.  My friends felt the same way, so we headed to a vacant area near the edge where we quietly said the Shema together.  It was a powerful moment and one that I will never forget.

Shema Yisrael

The door to the Al Aqsa Mosque was open, so we went to try to take a peek inside.  My friend Michael got a little too close to the door and the people there thought he was trying to enter so he was shooed away.  It was clear this was no joke.  We wouldn’t walk that close to another open door the rest of the time on Temple Mount.  The Kotel is a retaining wall built by Herod to support the floor of the Temple Mount on which the Temple was built.  It is the holiest place we have to pray as it is the holiest place we have access to 24/7.  It made me sad and a bit angry that as a Jew, in Israel, I was limited where I could go on the holiest place we have. 

We continued to walk around and explore the Temple Mount.  Despite the security and having to use a special entrance to get there, for Muslims there were multiple easy access points.  All had Israeli security at them, but they are there to keep non-Muslims from entering.  A number of years ago, our tour guide showed us one of the entrances from the Arab shuk in the Muslim Quarter.  As we got close to the entry, we were quickly approached by security who told us not to enter.  The difference in access was palpable.  There was an open park with its own access to and from the Muslim Quarter.  I didn’t expect that either.  I thought that we would be able to stand on the top of Temple Mount and look down on the Kotel but learned that there were buildings that blocked that area. 

We still couldn’t believe we were actually on Temple Mount just walking around and exploring.  My friend Matthew took a picture that mimicked one from his family 50 years ago.  Michael and I did the Gator Chomp on top of Temple Mount (I don’t think we were the first to ever do that, but we wanted to make sure we did it). 

Doing the Gator Chomp on Temple Mount. Go Gators!!

Then, with nobody around us, we decided to sing very quietly Am Yisrael Chai.  I guess another benefit of war is that so few people were on Temple Mount that we had the ability to be alone and do this.  We did it quietly because we didn’t want to offend anybody.  We also wanted to be Jewish on Temple Mount.  Maybe we shouldn’t have.  Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this.  To both say the Shema and sing Am Yisrael Chai on Temple Mount was very meaningful.  Since nobody saw it and we didn’t offend anybody, it was worth it.

We headed down from Temple Mount through the exit in the Muslim Quarter and in 5 minutes were standing at the Kotel.  We went to put on our own Tefillin and go to the Kotel to say our own prayers.  I had a note from a friend that she asked me to put in the Kotel so I did that for her and then began my own prayers.  I decided to try what Rabbi Palatnik told me from Maimonides and included all three components this time.  First, I acknowledged the presence of God and the greatness of God.  Then I asked God for what I wanted.  It felt a little weird to be doing this as I haven’t done this for a very long time.  Finally, I thanked God for everything in my life.  All around me there were different groups of people praying Shacharit, the morning service.  It was a cool way to spend the morning and when we finished, it wasn’t much past 9 am!

In front of the Kotel

Off we went to the final stop in our morning exploration of the Old City.  Both Michael and I had been to Church of the Holy Sepulchre before, but Matthew never had and wanted to.  It took us a little longer to get there because we made a wrong turn but in a few minutes we were there.  It is a reminder of how close these three important places to Jews, Muslims, and Christians are.  For me it is a reminder that no matter what you believe, something happened here.   The church is nondescript from the outside and home to seven (7) different churches representing seven different types of Christianity.  Home to the spot of the crucifixion, the place where Jesus’s body was ritually washed and anointed, and the cave in which he was buried and then was resurrected, it was originally built by the mother of Emperor Constantine who converted the Roman Empire to Christianity on his deathbed.  If you want a detailed accounting of that, read Constantine’s Sword (spoiler alert – it is a very long book).  As we entered, once again I noticed how empty it was.  The Greek Orthodox church was preparing for a ceremony.   We stood to the side and watched the ceremony.  You can see some of it below.  It is the second time I have been there when there was a mass/ceremony by one of the churches and it was cool to watch. 

We stood by the area where Jesus’s body was washed and anointed as a nice, out of work tour guide told us about the church.  It was clear how much he was enjoying having somebody to share his knowledge with. 

Where Jesus’s body was washed and prepared for burial and then annointed.

We went upstairs to the spot of the crucifixion.  I have been up there a number of times but there was always a line to pray at the spot and I never wanted to impede somebody who found it spiritually meaning to just see something that I found interesting.  This time there were two people praying and when they left, I was able to walk up and see the spot undisturbed. 

The site of the crucifixion

We went downstairs and stood in line to enter the building that protected the cave where Jesus was buried and then the cave itself.  Usually, the line wraps around a number of times and it is easily a 15–30-minute wait to get inside.   This time there were two (2) people in front of me.  Two nuns then came up and we let them go in front of us to enter the cave where Jesus was buried so they could pray.  Then we entered one at a time.  It is a small area and the place where his body was laid was accessible.  The first time I was there, the line was long, so we were rushed.  This time there was time to look around and spend a few minutes there.  It isn’t what I believe and doesn’t have spiritual meaning to me.  It was very meaningful to be in such a holy site to so many of my friends and others in the world.  I realized how many of my friends would never have the opportunity to be right where I was at that moment.  Gratitude flooded me. 

The building protecting the cave where Jesus was buried
Where Jesus was buried. His body was laid on this slab

We left the church and headed to Ben Yehuda Street to do some shopping.  Our trip was busy, and we didn’t have much time to buy anything.  I had requests to buy three things.  My oldest son wanted a Star of David necklace.  My younger son’s girlfriend wanted a piece of art to put on her wall.  And all three of them wanted the ‘cow chocolate’ from Israel (it is a special brand that is delicious).  Since it was still only 5 am at home, I shopped, took pictures and sent them for them to view when they woke up hours later so I could go back and buy what they wanted, and enjoyed a quiet Ben Yehuda Street. 

In 2019 I participated in a program called Encounter.  It takes Jewish leaders into the West Bank/Judea and Samaria for four (4) days to interact with members of Palestinian Civil Society.  It was a powerful trip for me.  You can read about it in my many blog posts starting here.  One of the people that I met at that time was named Mahmoud and during the day we spent together he said a lot of things that stuck in my head.  Some I agreed with.  Some I disagreed with.  Some just stuck and I have been chewing on for 4 ½ years.  I had reached out to him over the past four years a number of times to check on him during Covid and the start of the war.  Since I was coming to Israel I asked if he would be willing to meet and spend some time talking.  Today was that day.  Matthew came with me as this would be the first Palestinian that he would meet and listen to.  We walked from Ben Yehuda Street through a number of Arab/Palestinian neighborhoods until we got to the American Colony Hotel where we were meeting.  On the way there was a Palestinian Christian school letting out and we saw the kids with their backpacks being picked up by their parents.  It could have been any private school anywhere in the world and was a beautiful thing to see.  Matthew and I talked on the walk about how few people would do this out of fear, yet we felt safe as we walked.

My morning was a great and meaningful morning.  For my final day in Jerusalem, it was an amazing way to connect spiritually and appreciate how lucky I am to go to sleep in Jerusalem, wake up in Jerusalem, and walk the streets of Jerusalem.  This was a dream for my ancestors for 2000 years that I get to do on a regular basis.   I think prior to this trip I took that for granted.  I won’t any longer.

Rather than continue with my conversation with Mahmoud which would make this post far, far too long, I am going to stop here and my next post will be about that conversation.  This morning was about celebrating the beauty of Jerusalem and the freedom Israel provides to all religions.  The access I had today to these three sites has only been possible since 1967 under Israel.  I won’t ever take that for granted.

Love, Friendship, Mexico and the villa

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

We often talk about the treasures in our live.  The things we want and desire.  That incredible car.  The beautiful house.  That amazing vacation.  Expensive clothes.  Season tickets to the theater, our favorite sports teams, or tickets to see our favorite band  play in concert.  For a long time, that was what I was focused on.  The house and the neighborhood, the car, the vacation spot, the newest technology.  Things that could be purchased that showed the world how well I was doing.

Over the past number of years, that has changed dramatically for me.  I don’t really care about the house or the car (although I do like both my house and my car, I don’t need a newer or bigger or better one.)  And while I enjoy our season tickets to the theater, it’s going with my family that makes it so enjoyable, not just going alone.  Often I will pass up buying tickets to a game, concert, or show if my family doesn’t want to go with me because being together with them is what matters, not the show or the sporting event.

Recently, my focus has been much more on my friends and how valuable they are.  Life brings us many challenges and opportunities, and the past few months have had lots of both for me.  It’s an exciting time in my life yet also a major change that has helped me see who are the friends that really care and who are the acquaintances that somehow disappear in challenging times.  I’m grateful for the clarity and even more so for the friends who have shown up.

This past week was a true view into the power of friendship.

My longtime friend Jeremy was getting married this weekend.  He told me about his fiancé Astrid when they met, when they began dating seriously, and when he decided to marry her.  When he told me it would be a destination wedding in Puerta Vallarta and the date, I marked it on my calendar and told him I’d attend.  There was never any thought that I wouldn’t be there to celebrate with him and his new wife as they began this new journey. 

Jeremy and me at the airport in Puerto Vallarta

Last month, he asked if I would be will to be a part of the ceremony.  I was incredibly honored and immediately said yes.  I expected to be asked to do a reading, be an usher, or have some small role with the ceremony.  Two weeks ago, he and Astrid called me and asked if I wanted to know what they wanted me to do at the wedding.  I had to ask him to repeat himself because I was stunned by the request.  They wanted me to officiate their wedding!  There would be two of us, me speaking in English and the other person speaking in Spanish.  I was truly blown away by their ask and immediately accepted.

With Marlen, my co-officiant after the wedding. She is my new friend from Mexico who lives in Alaska.

We arrived in Puerto Vallarta around the same time this Thursday and met up at the airport before boarding a shuttle to the villa that everything was being held at.  This amazing, huge villa, is where we ate, slept, hung out, swam, and where the wedding was held.  A truly spectacular place.  A number of longtime friends came for the wedding, and we had a great time spending time together and catching up.  In addition, I got to meet Astrid’s friends and family and now have a whole new group of friends in Mexico. Then came the wedding on Saturday afternoon.

The villa looking up from the water

The pool

The water crashing against the rocks. A dream to sleep to and relaxing throughout the day.

The wade pool. Fun to hang out in and when the big waves come, truly amazing

The wave was huge and came crashing in – I was already videoing and managed to hold onto a rock with one hand while videoing with the other and not dropping or losing my phone!

I’ve told you it was an incredible resort, and the view was spectacular.  The pictures don’t do it justice.  On Saturday late afternoon it was spectacular.    The ceremony was entirely created by Jeremy and Astrid.  It involved the 4 elements (earth, fire, water, and air).  It included 10 crystals.  Each one of these was presented by a friend or family member with their own special words.  Then came the vows.  Jeremy and Astrid had written their own and chose to do it one at a time, going back and forth with each other.  They were real, honest, and powerful.  Finally, we got to the ring ceremony that included a red string, binding them together.   As we finished the ceremony, I was filled with love, gratitude, and an overwhelming sense of joy that these two found each other.  The ceremony was completely organic and meaningful.

Longtime friends Jim, Ananda, Anna Marie, and me just before the wedding.

Hanging with Jeremy before the wedding. Loving the linen suits!

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band

As the mariachi band began to play, with the sun beginning to set, as the hors d’oeuvres were served, I stood to the side and found myself reflecting on the power of community, friends, family, love, and meaning.  Their love was clear but so was the love of everybody that was there to celebrate together.  It was a group of people who were all connected through Jeremy and Astrid and yet had built relationships with each other in few days we were together.  We were friends and quickly became family.  The ceremony was incredibly meaningful, yet we found meaning in being together, playing cards, laughing, eating our meals together, sitting by the pool, in the hot tub, listening to music, and learning more about each other. 

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band as the sun sets

Beto, Ananda, me, Astrid, Jeremy, Peyton (Jeremy’s oldest son), Jim and Joe. Some old friends and some new ones.

My new friends who are also Astrid’s family members.

Astrid and Jeremy celebrating

In today’s world, where the divisiveness is so profound, where hate often seems to be more prevalent than love, this time together with friends reminded me of the beauty that is possible.  It was inspiring.  It filled my heart.  It gave me hope. 

The beautiful sunset after the wedding

Dinner was amazing Mexican tacos.  Not like in the US or our Mexican restaurants.  A plate filled with corn tortillas, fresh everything.  I don’t know what they put on mine; I just asked for a little of everything.  We ate and listened to a jazz band while we celebrated Astrid and Jeremy.  Then came the DJs.

The first two hours of music were mariachi and jazz.  They were wonderful.  When the first DJ took over however, we had two hours of dancing ahead of us.  We filled the dance floor, smiling and laughing.  The joy was palpable.  As we began to tire a little, we took a quick break because the next few hours the dance floor was turned into a rave.  It’s been a long time since I was at a rave.  And when I say a long time, I mean a very, very, very long time.  Yet the music was pounding, the lights were flashing, and once again the dance floor was filled with energy.  I told Jeremy that I didn’t think I could make it until 2 am when the rave was set to end – after all I am usually asleep by 10 or 11 pm at home and since this was central time, that would be me staying up until 3 am.  His response was classic.  “It’s my wedding.  You have to make it until at least 1!”  So, I promised and continued dancing, taking a few more frequent breaks to rest until at 1 am I gave both him and Astrid big hugs, and went to bed.

The next morning at breakfast, we started talking about how we needed to do this every year to celebrate their anniversary.  How we liked being together so much and the venue was so incredible, we needed to plan for next year and get it scheduled.  It was a great reminder that there is no need to wait to spend time with those you care about.  Spending time with friends and family is priceless.  So many other things can easily be replaced but time is not one of them.  Neither are the people you care about.  We are now planning for January 2025 to be all back together in Puerto Vallarta at this resort for maybe a few more days than this time.  Unless of course, one of the couples we met gets engaged and plans their wedding before then in which case we’ll all be together at their wedding and then Puerto Vallarta!

Astrid’s family put on a show for everybody. It was a beauty pagent they made up on the spot. Miss Brazil won but you can pick your own winner from the picture. It was fun to watch.

During the 5 days we spent together, we had a lot of time to talk.  A few of my friends wanted to ask me questions about the Israel-Hamas war, Israel itself, and about Hamas.  One afternoon, we sat in the hot tub as they asked questions and I answered.  It was one of the more refreshing conversations I had, not because it was filled with joy and not because it was talking about happy things.  It was refreshing because they really wanted to know.  They had real questions and followed up with more questions.  We were talking about history, not hasbara (advocacy).  One of them had been to Israel once before on a Baha’i pilgrimage so while she had experienced part of Israel, there was much she didn’t know.  In a later conversation, I was talking with another friend when I blanked on a name and filled the gap while I thought by saying ‘you know’.  She quickly corrected me and said, ‘No, I don’t know.  That’s why I am asking.’  It was a throwback to a time when it was important to learn, to understand, to inquire, to ask, and to communicate.  Not to yell.  Not to demand that everybody agree with one point of view.  It reminded me of what is possible and why conversations, outreach, friendships, communication, dialogue, and respect are so critical. 

As we prepared to leave the villa today, every one of us was sad.  Not just because we were leaving such a beautiful place but because we were leaving each other.  Emails and phone numbers were exchanged with new friends.  Plans were made with longtime friends.  We took three shuttles to downtown Puerta Vallarta where one of us was staying to extend their trip.  One group left for the airport, having earlier flights to Guadalajara.  The rest of us stored our bags in his Airbnb and headed to a local restaurant.  The food was great, the company even better, as this little restaurant pushed together a bunch of 4 tops so we could all sit together.  As we headed to the airport in multiple Ubers, we hugged, said our Thank Yous and were all filled with gratitude. 

Our incredible view from the main balcony of the villa

Our last sunset was spectacular

A panoramic view from the villa. It’s not the only reason we’ll be back.

While I’m lucky to have friends like this and am even luckier that we do the same thing with family to be together, it shouldn’t make me unique.  For some people, the family connection isn’t an option.  Community and friendship always are.  It takes effort.  It takes commitment.  It requires going out of your way often, just because a friend is in need for something.  And it’s 100% worth every bit of it.  I can’t wait to see my old and new friends again.  I can’t wait to spend time with my family this upcoming weekend to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday.  I can’t wait to see my siblings and mom at my cousin’s daughter’s bat mitzvah in March. The joy that fills my heart when I get to do this is unexplainable.  I hope you take the opportunity to experience it. 

The bride and groom dancing is what I want to leave you with