Before October 7, 2023, I have been concened about hatred and antisemitism. I have spoken about it frequently for more than a decade. When the hate groups started their public attack on Jews in Orlando, I spoke about it on the news with regularity. October 7th was still shocking and I haven’t stopped since then. This week I have reached a breaking point.
What brought me to my breaking point this week? The reaction to Hezbollah bombing a Druze village where kids were playing soccer. The Druze are are an Arab and Arabic-speaking esoteric ethnoreligious group from West Asia who adhere to the Druze faith, an Abrahamic, monotheistic, syncretic, and ethnic religion. They are citizens of Israel and serve in the IDF. They love Israel and are a part of Israeli society and culture. When anybody calls Israel an apartheid state, the Druze are one perfect example of how that is a lie.
I have been to Druze villages, met Druze people, and had a meal together. They are wonderful and warm people. This bombing broke my heart. 12 children were murdered as of this time with 4 coming from one family.
Not in order – 10 of the 12 names of the murdered children. Fajr Laith Abus Saleh, 16, Amir Rabie Abu Saleh, 16, Hazem Akram Abu Saleh, 15, John Wadie Ibrahim, 13, Izel Neshat Ayoub, 12, Finis Adham Safadi, 11, Yazan Naif Abu Saleh, 12, Alma Ayman Fakhruddin, 11, Naji Taher Halabi, 11, Milad Muadad Al-Sha’ar, 10.
The bombing made me angry but the response to the bombing and murder of these children playing soccer is what took me past the breaking point. The BBC headline was offensive. The example below shows what they wrote and what they should have written.
Then there are tweets like this where Hezbollah terrorists are celebrating the murder of these children. We saw the celebration on October 7th as Hamas recorded themselves ecstatic over murdering Jews.
Hamas has vowed to do October 7th over and over again. Hezbollah, another Iranian proxy, will do the same. The Iranian regime wants the eliminate the Jews and Israel. If the celebrations on October 7th weren’t enough (and they were more than enough), the celebrations of the murder of these Druze children shows the world who we are dealing with.
Audio recording of a terrorist celebrating killing 10 Jews with his parents on October 7
Yet the response from the world is shocking. Instead of being angry and seeing the evil of these terrorists, the Biden administration is urging a ‘measured response’. Vice President Harris (and prospective Presidential nominee Harris) has not said anything publicly. The UN remains silent. Amnesty remains silent. UNICEF remains silent. These are children, citizens of Israel, that were massacred. Unlike Hamas, there are no military bases here. There were no attacks from this Druze village. This was purely an attack on civilians but Hezbollah using rockets provided by Iran.
Victims from the Hezbollah bombing of Druze children playing soccer. May their memories always be a blessing.
Speaking of Iran, reports have come out that not only has Iran threatened war should Israel retaliate but American leadership has been talking with Iran to ensure them that they won’t allow Israel to respond in whatever way Israel determines necessary. Iran, two weeks away from breakout for nuclear weapons due to the disasterous JCPOA. Iran, the world’s largest state sponsor of terrorism. Iran, who wants to establish a caliphate and calls America ‘Great Satan’. Iran, who murders their own people.
I talk a lot about leadership and the lack of leadership that we face in today’s world. Our leaders are more interested in appeasement than leading. Their willingness to cave in and show weakness to avoid war has emboldened others to create war. Russia-Ukraine. Hamas-Israel. Hezbollah-Israel. China is threatening Taiwan. Iran, Russia, and China have joined forces to create a new axis of evil. Our leaders have forgotten that peace comes through strength, not through weakness and appeasement. They have forgotten that our Declaration of Indepence clearly states:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
That is the promise of America and we are not living up to it. These children murdered in the Druze village and their families and friends have been robbed of this. Our leadership is more interested in staying in power than doing their duty and living up to American values and morals.
We don’t know what the future holds. We don’t know how Israel will respond to this attack. Will it be full scale war with Hezbollah? Will it also be war with Iran? What will the United States do if it is war with either or both? How will the UN blame Israel for being attacked?
One thing we know is that Israel will protect her citizens. This Druze village was an Israeli village. The people murdered were Israeli citizens. It will not go unanswered. The question is how will the world respond? Will they support Israel’s right to defend herself and exist? Will they stand on the sidelines quietly? Will they criticize Israel, refuse to support her, and potentially support Iran and Hezbollah? Will they pay attention to the fact that the children murdered were Druze-Israelis and not Jewish Israelis?
Approximately 83% of the Druze population serve in the IDF. They are passionate about their country Israel. They are patriots. In Lebanon, 5% of the population is Druze. When Israel attacks, will the Lebanese Druze help Israel with Hezbollah? So much is unknown as a result of our approach of appeasement. Is this the time when China will attempt to take Taiwan? Will Russia use this as an opportunity to increase their efforts in Ukraine?
The world is unstable in a way it hasn’t been for decades because of a lack of leadership. The fear of war has only created the reality of war. Having just returned from Israel less than 2 weeks ago, my heart breaks for this Druze village and the Druze people. It breaks for the IDF soldiers who are now preparing for war with Hezbollah and their families. Leadership is hard. It is challenging. It is making tough decisions because they are the right ones, not because they are easy or because that’s what a section of the vocal public says they want. Leaders lead. They take risks because they understand that playing it safe often ends up doing just the opposite.
We are all Druze
I went to minyan this morning. It’s not something I do regularly but it is something I do monthly because it’s run by friends and the Rabbi who I learn with. The people there are friends and I enjoy being together as a community. I use the time to really think about both what I have been learning with Rabbi Ehrenkranz and my connection with God. Today, I chose to wear my IDF Tzizit. I don’t wear tzitzit and haven’t since I was in Jewish Day School in 5th grade. Yet today, I had to wear them. I had to do whatever it may take to help the Jewish people. I put on Tefillin and my tallis. I prayed with my friends. I asked God to keep Israel, the IDF, and the Jewish people safe. I prayed for the souls of the Druze children who were murdered. I was an active part of the Jewish community.
We all have a role to play. We need to hold our leaders accountable. They need to hear our voices. We need to be connected as Jews, whatever that means to you. Some do it through prayer. Some do it through actions. Some do it through Tikkun Olam. Some do it through study. Some through ritual and some through holidays. Others through food. It doesn’t matter what you do, only that you do something and it is meaningful to you.
How will you take action today to benefit the Jewish community, Israel, and the world? What role will you play in ensuring a bright future? Our actions matter, whether it is with our friends, our neighbors, our local community, our statewide community, or our country. Every one of us has the ability to change the world one person at a time. I urge you to take the time to do that before it is too late.
6 months ago, I woke to a very different world. I didn’t know it when I awoke that morning. I made coffee, sat down to catch up on the news, and was horrified to hear about the attacks in Israel. I turned on the TV and the only channel covering it well was CNN. I don’t like watching most television news because of the bias, but on October 7, 2023, I didn’t have a choice. It appeared nobody else was covering it well. I was shocked at what I saw and how CNN covered it that day. They acted like a real news network rather than being in the entertainment business.
The horrors I saw on October 7th only got worse as I watched the 47-minute Hamas video, the documentary on the Nova music festival massacre, and heard from survivors on the attacks on Kibbutzim on October 7th and the Nova Music festival. Images and stories I will never forget.
Many of you don’t know this about me, but in the early to mid 1990s I worked with the Department of Corrections. My population for 18 months was solitary confinement, and I did coverage of Florida’s Death Row when the person who had that as their primary job was on vacation. I also worked with rapists and child molesters who were getting treatment to stop offending if/when they ever got out of prison. I spent time with some of the ‘worst of the worst’. I read files of people who had done horrible things. I met with people who did horrible things. While each of these people did horrific things, none of that was as horrifying to me as what happened on October 7th. Working there definitely changed me and it took me 6 months after I left to feel like a normal person again. I’m not sure I will ever be the person I was before October 7th again.
Sundays are when I get my inspiration from songs and music. I debated whether to continue this week with that model or because of the 6-month mark of October 7th, to do something different. I spend time with a couple of Rabbis each week learning and one thing that has come across clearly and that resonates with me is that Judaism believes in hope and gratitude. So I decided to stick with music this week and pick a song that, for me, is entirely about gratitude and reinforces hope.
On day 184 of the hostages’ captivity, on the 6 month mark since October 7th, hope and gratitude are what I need. Hope that the hostages will be released soon. Hope that they are alive. Gratitude for the IDF and all those who risk everything to protect Israel and the Jewish people. Gratitude for our leaders who are speaking out publicly against Hamas and defending Israel’s right to defend herself. Hope that those who aren’t or who aren’t clear will get clarity and fight for good to defeat evil.
Don’t need no five-star reservations, I got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine. Don’t need no concert in the city, I got a stereo and the best of Patsy Cline
Ain’t got no caviar, no Dom Perignon, but as far as I can see, I got everything I want.
It’s a simple beginning focusing on all the things he doesn’t need. All the things that are materialistic but not important. As I sit here on day 184 of the hostages being in captivity and the 6-month mark of the terrorist attack on October 7th, I realize that none of the things that I thought were important on October 6th really are. I would trade the delicious food, the concerts and shows I attend, the nice cars I own for the safe return of the hostages. For the end of Hamas and the end of the war. For the safety of my friends and my friends’ children who are serving in the IDF. For those in Gaza who are innocent and suffering to have food, shelter, medicine, and a government that actually cares for them.
The Bibas kids – Kfir has spend nearly half his life as a hostage of Hamas
I am grateful for the health of my family. For my mom, my in-laws, my siblings and sisters/brothers in law, nieces and nephews, and family that isn’t by blood. I’m lucky that I want what I have rather than focusing on having what I want. The last 20 months, since my dad got sick and then died through the many changes in life, I have paid attention to what is really important to me. Family. Friends. Relationships. Health. As he sings, ‘as far as I can see, I have everything I want.’
‘Cause I got a roof over my head The woman I love laying in my bed And it’s alright (alright), alright I got shoes under my feet Forever in her eyes staring back at me And it’s alright (alright), alright, yeah I got all I need And it’s alright by me
The chorus reiterates this. The basics are what I need. A roof over my head, somebody I love in my life, clothes, and that powerful relationship. It’s what I need and when I focus on what I need, it’s certainly, “alright by me.”
I have heard the parents of hostages speak in person, on tv, and through interviews. One thing is very clear to me. They would trade EVERYTHING to get their loved one back. I have heard from people who lost loved ones on October 7th – either on the kibbutzim, at the Nova music festival, or trying to save the lives of people being attacked by the Hamas terrorists. They would give up everything to get their loved ones back. Many of them have said they would return to the kibbutz where they lived prior to October 7th but would never live in that house again. They need the roof over their head and the community that they love and love them, but they don’t need that specific home.
I have friends who had loved ones taken hostage that have since been released. When I talk to them, the appreciation they have for their loved one’s release and the empathy from those who have loved ones that have not been released. I have friends who still have loved ones that are hostages and the daily pain they endure is unthinkable. We often have these grandiose things that we want. The nice, new car. The bigger house. The vacation home. The exotic trip. The designer clothes, bag, shoes. I find myself, like the song says, caring about the things that money can’t buy. Health. Happiness. Family. I find myself grateful for the people who care about me and who I have the privilege of caring about. And while I am saddened by the people who I have learned don’t really care, it also frees me up to invest more of my time and my energy with the people who do.
Hila was released after being kept as a hostage the day before she turned 13. The look on her face is priceless as she gets her birthday and Hanukkah gifts from her worldwide Jewish family.
Maybe later on, we’ll walk down to the river Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon It may not be no French Riviera But it’s all the same to me as long as I’m with you.
May be a simple life, but that’s okay If you ask me baby, I think I’ve got it made.
I have had the privilege in my life to do some amazing travel. Having been to Israel 20 times and my 21st coming up next month isn’t the extent of it. I’ve been to many of the islands in the Caribbean, as a another famous song says, “Aruba, Jamaica” and many, many more. I’ve been on cruises. I’ve been to Mexico and Canada, Italy (more than once), Turkey, Spain, Greece, England, Switzerland, Egypt, Thailand, Bali, and more. Every one of these trips was amazing. I got to see incredible sights and experience incredible cultures and food and meet wonderful people. And yet, I would much rather be with my loved ones and walk down to the lake. I’d rather lay on a blanket together and look up at the moon, spending time with them. I don’t need to go to the exotic places to get those special feelings.
I’m not saying I don’t love traveling (I do). And I’m not saying I’m going to stop traveling (I’m not). What I am saying is that I don’t want to miss the time with family and friends because of some exotic place. I get much more value from meeting my mom for lunch in Lakeland than eating at a café in Venice, Italy. I have more fun eating lunch with a bunch of friends at Portillo’s in Springfield, Illinois than I do at a gourmet restaurant in Istanbul. I love when we cook out at the beach or go as a large family out to dinner during our Greenberg family beach week much more than dinner at Big Itzik in Tel Aviv (and the food there is amazing).
Dinner at Big Itzik (Itzik HaGadol). The food is amazing and the salads are incredible
On day 184 of captivity, on the 6-month mark of the October 7th massacre, I know that the families of those taken hostage or murdered would much rather eat cheese sandwiches with their loved ones than a fancy meal. They’d rather sit in the living room with those in captivity or murdered than take an exotic trip. We live in a world where our priorities are messed up. We now value things so much we forget about the value of our friends and family until it’s too late.
On Friday I learned of the death of a friend and colleague. It wasn’t expected. It was a shock. He was a wonderful man, a friend, a colleague, and just a good human being. Salt of the earth. It was sudden. He was only 5 years older than me. We’ve known each other for around 20 years. It was devastating. It was shocking. I think what bothers me the most is that I don’t remember the last time we spoke. I think it was nearly a year ago in Atlanta. Not for any good reason. Life got busy. We knew we’d talk again. We knew the opportunity would occur. Until it didn’t. I don’t want to live my life that way any longer. I don’t want to regret the call I didn’t make once it is too late. I don’t want to regret the simple text or email to stay connected and make sure those who matter to me know they matter to me. That’s more important than anything else.
When I lay down at night, I thank the Lord above For giving me everything I ever could dream of
‘Cause I’ve got a roof over my head The woman I love laying in my bed And it’s alright, alright, alright, alright I got shoes under my feet Forever in her eyes staring back at me And it’s alright, alright, alright, yeah
I got all I need, yeah I got all I need And it’s alright by me, oh, yeah It’s alright by me, yeah, yeah, yeah
The last few lines and the chorus once again are powerful. God (or the Lord) is a challenging thing to talk about today. It tends to mean you are either an evangelical Christian, far right wing, a terrorist, a racist, you hate people who are different than you, or somebody who is trying to convert others to your beliefs. Yet it really means none of that.
I pray and meditate every day and have for decades. I have a relationship with God that is personal and meaningful. It’s my own and if you ask me about it, I’m happy to share mine and encourage you to have your own. And if you don’t want your own, that’s ok too. I no longer believe in the punishing God that I was raised with. I believe in a God that is loving, caring, and only wants the best for me. And that when the best doesn’t happen, it is never because of God, it’s always because of me. My favorite book, Illusions by Richard Bach, is a thought-provoking book which challenged my conventional thinking about God and the universe. It explores the nature of reality and perceived reality which led me to question my beliefs and consider new possibilities. In it, there are many sayings pulled from the handbook for life. My favorite is:
“Argue for your limitations and they are yours.”
Since reading the book the first time and reading that quote, I have challenged myself to not fight for my limitations and the limitations of God. It doesn’t mean I can do everything or even anything. It does mean that if I believe I can do it, I can do my best and it may just happen. And it may not happen. But if I argue before I do the work, it never happens. There are many of these gems in the book and at one point I wrote them on index cards and carried them with me to remind me of the lessons.
I thank God every day for the blessings in my life. The relationship I had with my dad. The relationship I have with my mom. My family, my wife, my children, my siblings and sister/brother in laws. My nieces and nephews. My cousins. My family that isn’t blood but is just as close. My friends. A roof over my head. Shoes under my feet. Food to eat.
Many years ago, when I was not yet 21, a friend told me to write down what I wanted in the next year and seal it in an envelope. A year later, we opened it together and I was amazing. My list was incredibly short sited. I had asked and hoped for far less than I actually got. I had argued for my limitations when I wrote the list but didn’t in my life. As a result, I got far more.
On day 184, the 6-month mark since October 7th, we can’t argue for the IDF or Israel’s limitations. They can do what they need to do to protect Israel and the Jewish people. They can do what they need to free the hostages. They will do what is needed to eliminate the evil that is Hamas.
At the end of the day, I do have all that I need and it is alright with me. I’m filled with gratitude and hope, despite the horrors of October 7th, the horrors of war, and the captivity of innocent civilians. We, as a people, will continue to survive and thrive and will do what is needed.
A number of years ago, when I lived in Gainesville FL, I was exposed to the idea of spending an hour with others learning about and talking about Jewish biblical stories. Three of us began having lunch once a week while we talked about learned about the book of Daniel for months. It was interesting, fascinating, fun, social, and a meaningful use of time. Unlike my Hebrew School experience growing up, this had real value and I truly enjoyed it. It’s something I have continued, on and off, for the past decade. Over the last few months, I have found a wonderful partner to study and learn with, and we spend an hour each week focusing on the weekly parsha (the part of the Torah we read each week) and digging into what some of the great Jewish commentators throughout the generations had to say. More importantly, we then talk about what we think it means to us. Frequently, I challenge him and he pushes back. We go back and forth sharing our thoughts, opinions, interpretations, until we come to some consensus about what it means for us in 2024. It’s a wonderful hour each week that I both look forward to, thoroughly enjoy, and think about the rest of the week as I apply these lessons in my daily life.
As I’ve previously written about, recently I have been obsessed with country music, the lyrics and stories that are told, and what it means to me. Similar to what I do weekly with my friend the Rabbi, many of the lyrics of these songs speak to lessons to improve my life. And sometimes, the song will trigger something from my Jewish learning as well. That’s what happened this weekend.
Once again, an old song was new to me. Voices by Chris Young came out in 2008. I discovered it in 2024. The lyrics spoke to me in a different way after last week’s hour of conversation. Here are some of the lyrics and some of my takeaways.
I hear voices. I hear voices like
My dad sayin’: ‘Work that job. But don’t work your life away.”
When I hear that line, I think of my dad. That work is important, however it is a means to an end, not the end. That nobody is going to put ‘he worked very hard’ on your tombstone but they will talk about the type of person you and what you mean to other people. The lessons he taught me about the place of work, values, and family. I can’t count how many times he would talk to us about family and how important it is. How it is everything. My parents showed it in their actions. Holidays were for extended family, and I have close relationships with my cousins because it wasn’t just about our immediate family. My kids laugh because they say that sometimes they aren’t sure who we are really related to and who are such close friends that we call them Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Sister, Brother. I have aunts and uncles that really cousins. I have aunts and uncles who are lifelong friends of my parents. I have brothers and sisters who aren’t related to me by blood but are family by choice. I have nieces and nephews that are really cousins. It doesn’t matter what the blood relationship is or isn’t, what matters is the relationship that we build. On my birthday this past year, my niece Rylee, who is 3 years old and technically a cousin by marriage once removed (we never use that language in my family) called and sang Happy Birthday to me on my voicemail. It was the sweetest message I have gotten in years. I called her back to say thank you and she promptly sang it again. It was the highlight of my day. Nothing at work will give you that feeling. So don’t work your life away. Its far too short and there are far too many beautiful moments you will miss.
My adorable ‘niece’ Rylee who sang me Happy Birthday.
And mama tellin’ me to drop cash in the offerin’ plate on Sunday
I was taught by my grandparents and my parents from a very early age the importance of Tzedakah, giving charity to help others. We had the blue JNF box that we always put coins in, especially on Friday night before Shabbat. Giving of our time, talent, and treasure was something my grandparents did, my parents did, and I learned to do. It’s something I have taught my children. We have an obligation as human beings to help those who need it. It’s why I fell in love with the acts of random kindness. It takes nothing to hold a door, let somebody go in front of you, wait patiently, or many other acts of kindness. When my kids and I go out for breakfast on Christmas day (usually Waffle House because they are open), I have begun to do my special Christmas day gift tip – whatever the amount of the bill is what I also tip. The server is working on Christmas, likely because they need the money to support their family. I’m privileged enough to not work and to be able to go out to breakfast with my kids. It’s a small, nice thing to do that likely makes their entire day. Random acts of kindness can change the lives of those that we do them for. So give a little of your time, talent, and treasure to help others. Not only will you change their lives, you will feel so much better because you are making the world a better place, one random act of kindness at a time.
One of my favorite pieces of art by Joanne Fink. A reminder of the importance of Kindness
And grandad sayin’ “You can have a few, but don’t ever cross that line.”
One of my mom’s favorite sayings has been “Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered.” What she was teaching us is that there is a limit to everything before bad things happen. Unlike the famous Gordon Gecko line from Wall Street that was a calling card to my 1980s generation, ‘Greed is good’, what my mom was teaching us is that greed is NOT good. Greed gets you in trouble. Excess desires take you places that you don’t really want to go. Decisions made on greed or the desire for more than you need end up with disastrous results.
Balance is the key to life. We hear it all the time. ‘I don’t have any work-life balance’. I struggle to balance my wants with my income. Too many people don’t set aside money for retirement, balancing the need for the future with the need for now. What good is working hard and missing out on your children growing up, on the relationship with your spouse? Covid stole two years of time with my parents from me, time I will never get back. Why? Because I worked too much and too hard to get through that time. For what? To lose my dad in September 2022?
My mom, dad, Evan and me at the UCF-USF game. Treasured memories worth everything
I think more about my mom’s message now than ever before. What do I need? And what do I really want? The material things that drove me to want more, more, more are meaningless. I want more time with my kids. More time with my family. In the summer of 2023, we almost lost our 13 year old dog Bella. It was a miracle she survived. I treasure the time with her now. Where before when she would climb on my lap and I was working I would get annoyed, now I simply set the work aside and welcome this 75 lb dog into my lap.
Bella laying on my lap – a daily occurance that I love.
Bella loves to lay out in the yard
Our sweet little girl
So as you choose what matters to you, remember to have a few but not cross that line. Remember that pigs get fed and hogs get slaughtered. Remember that you have control of balance in your life unless you give it away. And remember what is really important. It’s always possible to make more money and get more things. There will also be something newer, something shinier, something just a little bit better than what you have. But you can never get back time. Time is the ultimate treasure.
Yeah I hear voices all the time. Turns out I’m pretty dang lucky, for all that good advice. Those hard-to-find words of wisdom, holed up here in my mind And just when I’ve lost my way, or I’ve got too many choices, I hear voices.
I am lucky. I hear the voices of my Great Grandma Rose, my Grandma Esther and Grandpa Si, my Grandma Evie and Grandpa Lenny. I hear the voice of my dad the most. And of course, my mom, who is not only the voice in my mind, but on the phone and in person. The things they taught me and powerful and core to my life. They continue to guide me, even though most have been gone for more than 20 years.
Grandpa Len, Grandma Evie, me, my brother, Grandma Esther, and Grandpa Si
I have written before about how I discovered studying in chavruta (two people learning together) and how meaningful it is. For the past 4 months or so I have been learning with Rabbi Ehrenkranz. One of the things that I often struggle with, and we regularly discuss is when it seems that God is being ‘vindictive’ or ‘petty’ in his statements. It’s not how I envision God and I have a hard time understanding when the text says things that I interpret that way. Last week had another instance of this, so once again we discussed and debated. What I came to understand is that God is like our parent. He wants the best for us and provides guidance on how to live life. As a parent, he sets guidelines, expectations, and provides consequences. It’s actually not that he’s being vindictive or petty, but rather caring. The lessons he tells us can be voices we hear as well. A voice that tells us how to choose right over wrong. How to behave. What to do. Another guide when we’ve lost our way to help us get back where we need to be. After 15 minutes of back and forth, I found this explanation to be comforting and a different way to interpret the language.
Learning with Rabbi Ehrenkranz. It’s a fun hour every week.
Whenever I have lost my way or am overwhelmed with too many choices, it is these voices that help me. These are the lessons that I learned from them that resonate in my mind. I can close my eyes and see and hear the person who taught me the lesson, reminding me of it once again. I truly am lucky to have had these special people in my life who not only taught me important lessons but continue to teach me throughout my life.
I hear voices, lke my dad sayin’ “Quit that team, and you’d be a quitter for the rest of your life.”
Commitment and dedication. Two very important concepts that have always been a part of my family and something that we were taught growing up. Finish what you start. Don’t start it if you aren’t going to finish it. Have integrity. Behave as if your words and actions will be on the front page of the NY Times.
Reliable and Dependable. Two more important concepts that were ingrained in me from a young age. If you aren’t reliable and aren’t dependable, you won’t have integrity. If you say you are going to do something, then do it. From 1992-1995 I worked for the Florida Department of Corrections in mental health. I worked in two different prisons. One was minimum security, the other closed custody (maximum security) and the home of Florida’s Death Row. I learned there to never make a promise I couldn’t deliver on. When I said I would do something, I did it. I earned the respect of the inmates because I didn’t promise them things that I wouldn’t do. I learned to be very clear about making promises and commitments.
My parents and grandparents always told me there is a right way to do things and taught and urged me to always do it that way. Commitment, dedication, reliability, dependability, and integrity – all incredibly important and things I believe in because of the people who’s voices I hear.
And mama tellin’ me to say a prayer, every time I lay down at night.
Prayer is something I grew up with. We went to synagogue almost every Saturday morning. I went to Jewish Day School for a year (it wasn’t for me). We had Shabbat dinner with kiddush and motzi every Friday night. I went to Jewish overnight summer camp (Both Camp Ramah in the Poconos and Camp Airy). I knew the prayers, knew the tunes, but didn’t know what it meant. As a result, it didn’t really have much meaning to me. I think it was summed up best by an IDF soldier on our birthright bus many years ago. After services on Friday night, we were talking as a group and he asked, “So you know the words?”. We answered, ‘Yes.’ Then he asked, “and you know the melodies?” We answered, ‘Yes.’ Then he asked, “but you don’t know what it means?” We answered, ‘yes, we don’t.’ He said, “I don’t understand!”
In college I began to explore a meaningful way to get involved with prayer. It wasn’t easy and took a long time to find a meaningful way to pray and what to pray for. Should I really be asking God for things? Would he really pay attention to my prayers, especially if I was asking for things I wanted? Didn’t he know what was best for me? Over the past nearly 40 years, I have learned my own way to meaningfully connect with God. It involves prayer and meditation. It involves my own conversations with God and connecting with nature. It involves some traditionally Jewish things like putting on tefillin (not every day but regularly). It’s lighting the Yahrzeit candle for my father. Similar to the lyrics of the song, I take a minute to thank God every morning and every evening for the life I get to live.
About 20 years ago, I began exploring spirituality with a friend of mine, Mickey Singer. Some of you may know him as Michael A. Singer, the author of The Untethered Souland The Surrender Experiment. I consider Mickey my spiritual advisor as he challenges me to think differently about my relationship with God. For the past 20 years, he has nudged and encouraged me to explore my relationship with God in a different way. If you haven’t read his books, I highly recommend them. He also gives a few talks a week and they are posted on the website for Temple of the Universe.
Mickey Singer, my spiritual advisor and friend.
In my weekly chavruta, we discuss prayer a lot. God doesn’t need us to pray to him, he’s God. So why do we do it? What’s the point? If he doesn’t need it, why bother? They are interesting conversations and so much of what we discuss relates to remembering who is really in charge and what is our role and responsibility. It ties in with what Mickey has taught and teaches me. And just like the lyrics say, it’s important to do it regularly and consistently.
And grandma sayin’ “if you find the one, you better treat her right.”
One of my favorite stories about my Grandma Esther happened a few years before she died. She wanted to be a great-grandmother more than anything. So, she started bugging me about getting married and having kids so she’d be a great-grandmother. I told her that I didn’t have to get married to make her a great grandmother. The look on her face was priceless and one I’ll ever forget, as she quickly replied, “I can wait.”
Grandma Esther. I keep this picture on my mantle.
Both my grandfathers and my father showed me how important this is through their actions. Grandpa Len would get up early, go to the JCC for a swim and schvitz (steam room) and then come home to have breakfast with Grandma Evie. Every day. Without fail. After Grandma Evie died, I used to go visit Grandpa Len on Sundays. We’d go to whatever organization was having their pancake breakfast, have fun and laugh, and then go back to his house and put on football. Most of the time we would take a little snooze (nap) during the games. I’ll never forget one day there was a boxing match on. He told me how much he loved watching boxing but that my grandmother didn’t like it so for their entire 55+ year marriage, he chose not to watch boxing because he’d rather be with her than watch boxing. It’s a lesson I will never forget.
Grandpa Len and Granda Evie
Grandpa Si taught me a powerful lesson as well, one that I used to tease him about sharing with my wife. He said that early in their marriage, he and Grandma Esther figured out a great way to resolve any arguments. When they agreed, he got his way. When they disagreed, she got her way. It was a powerful lesson in the importance of being happy instead of being right. In their 55+ year marriage, they lived by that rule. I regularly ask myself if I’d rather be happy or be right. I have decided that I’d always rather be happy.
Grandpa Si was always teaching me something
My parents were married for 55 years. But they were together for a decade before they got married. After my dad died, his sister, my Aunt Sheila, talked about how it was always “Susie and Barry”. There is a famous story about my parents getting engaged and their cousin said, “they can’t get married!” When asked why, she said, “Because they are related.” My parents were a true partnership and they talked to us about it all growing up.
My parents wedding photo
Mom and Dad
You can see how much my mom and dad loved each other
In a world where divorce is far too common, the lyrics of the song ring true. When you find the one, you better treat them right.
Yeah I hear voices all the time. Sometimes I try to ignore ‘em, but I thank God for ‘em. ‘Cause they made me who I am.
There is no doubt that I am the person I am today because of the lessons from my grandparents, my parents, some aunts and uncles (both blood and those I call aunt and uncle) and my mentors. Understand and appreciating that is so important. As my children are now in their 20s, I hope they listen to their voices – their grandparents, their parents, their aunts and uncles and their mentors. We get so much wisdom from those close to us and whether we know it or not, it embeds in our brains.
I no longer try to ignore those voices. Perhaps its from the lessons I’ve learned from Mickey about my relationship with God. Perhaps it’s years of learning to pray and meditate in a way that is meaningful to me. Perhaps it’s the daily meditation and focus on gratitude for the life I get to live. I’m not really sure about the why and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is listening to them and their wisdom. What matters is being teachable.
I have written a lot about my struggles since October 7th. I’ve tried to express it in many different ways. I recently watched the music video of the original song “OK” by John Ondrasik, known by Five for Fighting. He’s not Jewish however this song and video is about not just October 7th but the feelings afterwards. It expressed what I have struggled to do. It’s a powerful video and there is a warning in the beginning. I suggest you watch it and leave a comment on this post about your experience.
Watch it on YouTube – it has some graphic video from October 7th in it.
The song has become another voice I hear, helping me cope with the trauma of October 7th and everything that has followed.
I treasure the voices I hear not just for their lessons but also for who’s voices they are. It brings this wonderful people back to life on a regular basis. And my life is better because of their lessons that they keep teaching me.
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