Muhammad Ali, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and the 4 sons from the Seder.

I do a lot of reading these days to find both accurate and interesting information.  I use a lot of sources and enjoy reading differing viewpoints as I can always learn more.  One of the people I enjoy reading is former NBA all-star and Hall of Famer Kareem Abdul Jabbar.  While I don’t agree with every position he takes and think he misses many things in some of his analyses, he also makes me think and I would enjoy sitting down with him over a meal to discuss where we differ and why.

In his message today, he highlighted a quote by the great Muhammad Ali that resonated with me.

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.

As Kareem Abdul Jabbar wrote, “That’s how he lived his whole life: Ignoring personal consequences to help others. He inspired millions across the world.  I was one of those millions.”

As a child, I loved watching Ali fight.  He was a master class in showmanship.  More than watching him fight, I loved listening to him talk and especially his interviews with the great sports journalist, Howard Cosell.  I could listen to them talk with each other for hours, if they would have continued that long.  Ali was a poet who fought.  Cosell was a brilliant foil doing sports journalism.  Together they defined sports in the 1970s. 

Howard Cosell roasting Muhammad Ali in 1974.  Their love and respect for each other is clear as they smile and laugh through the comments about each other

Some of the great highlights of Ali and Cosell during different interviews.  Two very different people from very different backgrounds who found common ground, respected each other, became friends, and appreciated their differences.

Despite having incredible relationships with Howard Cosell and Billy Crystal, Ali also had a challenging relationship with the Jewish community.  He had no problem speaking out loudly against Jewish promoters and slamming “Zionist control of the world”, but he also had a Jewish grandson and attended his bar mitzvah, allowing his grandson to show him the Torah and explore it together.  He went to Israel and lobbying for the release of terrorists yet also publicly appealed to Muslim extremists to release Jewish journalist Daniel Pearl and attended Pearl’s funeral. 

This imitation of Ali by Billy Crystal always makes me smile, both because of the talent of Crystal but also because I could imagine Ali laughing at it and wishing he had come up with the idea first.  When Ali turned 50, he had Crystal perform at his birthday party.

In 1996, before lighting the Olympic flame in Atlanta, Muhammad Ali publicly stated:

“My mother was a Baptist. She believed Jesus was the son of God, and I don’t believe that. But even though my mother had a religion different from me, I believe that, on Judgment Day, my mother will be in heaven.

“There are Jewish people who lead good lives. When they die, I believe they’re going to heaven. It doesn’t matter what religion you are if you’re a good person you’ll receive God’s blessing. Muslims, Christians, and Jews all serve the same God. We just serve him in different ways.

“Anyone who believes in One God should also believe that all people are part of one family. God created us all. And all people have to work to get along.”

We live in very challenging times.  Ali did as well, as a black man who converted to Islam, refused the draft, spoke his mind, lost everything, and earned it back based on his beliefs.  Despite his challenges with the Jewish community, there is much we can learn from Muhammad Ali in how we choose to speak, act, and behave in our own challenging times of today.

The attacks on October 7th in Israel have fundamentally altered who I am as a person.  I don’t live in Israel so how can it have done this?  I have always been a passionate Zionist.  Since there is so much confusion about what this means, I am going to be clearer and define this.  It means I believe that the Jewish people have a right to a homeland.  I believe the Jewish people have a right to self-determination.  I believe that Judea and Samaria are the ancestral homeland of the Jewish people.  And I believe that no matter your religion or lack of religion, if you want to be a citizen of Israel, you should be allowed to pursue citizenship.  I love that there are Arab-Israelis and Druze-Israelis.  It’s wonderful to visit the Baha’i Gardens in Haifa and learn about the Baha’i Israelis and their community and beliefs.  There are Christian-Israelis and Bedouin Israelis.  There are Ethiopian-Israelis and Palestinian-Israelis.  The common thing they all have in common is that they are Israeli.

Since October 7th, I have seen an incredible amount of antisemitism and hate in the world.  It fascinates me in so many ways.  In many ways, the 4 sons/children from the Passover Seder can be an appropriate analogy.  There are those who always have been antisemites and now don’t have to pretend.  These are the wicked son/child. They are easy to see and identify.  They are the ones who demand proof of Hamas raping women when they spoke out against Brett Cavanaugh.  They stood chanting ‘believe all women’ and then don’t believe Jewish women.  They present a challenge as I’m not sure there is anything anybody can do to about them.  The slight hope that I have for these people goes back to my experience with Combatants for Peace.  I became aware of them in 2019 during a trip to Israel where I spent 4 days meeting with leaders of Palestinian civil society.  The members I met were across the spectrum in terms of where they came from and where they were at that time.  All had begun from a place of hate.  Hatred of Palestinians or hatred of Jews.  All were on a quest to leave hate behind.  Some were more successful than others.  All were trying.  For those who live in hate and recent times are enabling them to express it freely, I can only hope that at some point they decide that perhaps there is a different way to live and are willing to try to find that path.

It is sad but true that Jewish women don’t count to those people

There are a larger group of people who are behaving as antisemites, but I don’t think really are.  They often begin from an honorable place, such as I don’t to see civilians die.  I have some friends who are like this.  As a result, they call for an immediate and permanent ceasefire to stop civilians dying in war.  However, they miss the entire context.  They don’t assign responsibility to Hamas, who not only began the war but also uses civilians as human shields, turns hospitals, schools, mosques, and homes into military targets.  They don’t listen to the people in the north of Gaza, finally free of Hamas, who encourage Israel to finish the war by destroying Hamas.  They cite the starvation and need for humanitarian aid without realizing that the aid is coming in, however UNRWA makes sure that Hamas gets it and Hamas then keeps what they need and put the rest of the black market at exorbitant prices.  I have from people on the ground in Gaza who acknowledge there is plenty of food there, it’s just either in the tunnels with Hamas or so grossly overpriced on the black market that the ordinary people can’t afford it.  Sending in more aid won’t solve this problem and this group of people simply isn’t looking at facts while leading with their heart.  We all want the war to end.  We all want the death to stop.  We all want peace.  It cannot and will not happen until the hostages are released and Hamas leadership surrenders.  Those who call for a ‘Ceasefire Now’ or an” Immediate and permanent ceasefire” or “an immediate 2 state solution” miss the basic facts that:

  1. A ceasefire has to be on both sides and Hamas has already said they will do more October 7th massacres.  Hamas has also violated every ceasefire that Israel has been agreed to with them.  
  2. Hamas will not agree to, nor will they adhere to a permanent cease fire.  They have said this publicly and many times.  Why would Israel agree to something that would only be binding on them?
  3. There can be no ceasefire, nor can there be anything permanent while the hostages remain in Gaza.  Their release must occur for any ceasefire to be considered. 
  4. If Hamas remains in power, the Palestinian people in Gaza, those that these people profess to care about, will suffer greatly.  The Gazans in the northern part, who are now free of Hamas, are crying for Israel to finish the job, eliminate Hamas, and grant them freedom. 
  5. You can’t give people who call for your destruction, who commit actual genocide, who are supported by Iran, who don’t respect borders, who are known to be corrupt and steal from their people, their own state as a reward for committing genocide. 

These people are the simple son/child, who does not know.  They are so ignorant they don’t even realize they don’t know.  They use words like genocide and apartheid without knowing the meaning and when they clearly don’t apply.  They say things like, “Ceasefire now, Intifada” not realizing that they are telling Israel to put down their weapons while telling the terrorists to pick their up and kill Jews.  They chant “from the River to the Sea” without knowing what river, what sea, or that what they are advocating for is the elimination of Israel.  They accuse Israel of genocide while they, themselves, are actually advocating for genocide!  If they are truly antisemitic, it’s often because this is the new, cool, hip thing their friends are doing.  They aren’t filled with hate; they are filled with stupidity.  If they are willing to learn, there is a chance for them to understand.  If they aren’t willing to learn, it is more likely they will end up like the wicked son/child. 

They are so simple that they don’t even realize that Hamas would throw them from the roof of a building to their death for being in drag or being gay.

At the Seder table, we talk about the son/child who doesn’t know how to ask.  I remember thinking to myself for years, ‘how is this different from the simple son/child?’  What’s happened since October 7th has shown me the difference.  While the simple child doesn’t know enough to question what they are told and believe whatever they are old, the one who doesn’t know how to ask is oblivious to what’s going on around them.  These are the people who don’t say anything at all about the atrocities committed by Hamas.  They don’t comment or say anything about the incredible antisemitism we are seeing on college campuses or in major cities.  A hospital protested and vandalized because it has a Jewish name doesn’t raise their ire nor does it result in a comment.  People assaulted because they are Jewish or are wearing a kippah or a Jewish symbol isn’t even considered by them.  They live in a world where things like this don’t exist.  They aren’t antisemitic, they are totally disconnected from the reality of Jew hatred.  These are the people where we have the responsibility to show them what is happening, to engage them in conversation to educate them.  If we allow them to live in lala land, then we are responsible.  The actress and comedienne Tiffany Haddish who discovered she was Jewish later in life has taken an active role in this.  She isn’t afraid to talk about being Jewish and even publicly went to Israel recently to see and learn for herself.  She even had her own ‘Black Mitzvah’. She is the example to people who don’t even know how to ask about what they can do.  If she can do it, they can do it.

Since discovering that her mother was actually Jewish, Tiffany Haddish has embraced this part of her.

The final child is the wise one. This child asks for specific details about how to observe the holiday.  In the post October 7th world, these are the people that continue to seek truth and challenge what they are told.  They aren’t afraid to learn.  They understand the difference between Jews and the Israeli government.  They don’t take words like genocide, apartheid, and occupation at face value.  I want to be clear that this doesn’t mean they defend Israel no matter what.  They question.  They challenge.  They want to learn.  I urge us all to strive to be the wise child.  Don’t just believe what you hear or read.  Be open to conversations.  I had this happen regarding something it was reported that Turkish President Erdogan said.  A friend, who is actually in Turkey right now, let me know that this was a translation error/issue and that he would explain in detail this week.  I look forward to having him explain to me the translation issue and put it in another context. 

Muhammad Ali changed his name to mark his significant change upon converting to Islam.  The man named Cassius Clay ceased to exist and all that was left was a man named Muhammad Ali.  The me that existed before October 7th no longer exists.  The horrors of that day and what has followed has created a different version of me.  In order to mark that transition, I haven’t changed my name.  But I have marked my body.  I have wanted to get something that would mark that change for me and for everybody who saw it.  So last week, while in DC, I went with a friend to her tattoo artist and got two very personal and very meaningful tattoos.  One is the quote from Mia Schem, a hostage taken from the Nova music festival and released after 55 days.  She said, and then got tattooed on her arm, the words I will never forget.  “We will dance again.”  I now have those words on my right forearm.  I also saw a design memorializing the Nova music festival.  I can imagine being there listening to bands that I love.  I can imagine my children being at that music festival as they love concerts and live music.  So on my left forearm I got a tree with the word Nova and the date, 7-10-23 (written the Israeli way) tattooed.  They are forever reminders to me and those who see them both the horrors of October and the resilience of the Jewish people.  We will not go away.  We will continue to be Jewish and continue to thrive.  I am reminded of that every time I look at my arms.  Am Yisrael Chai!

Finally, in order to add some light to the darkness, I saw this in Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s writings today and after watching it, felt I had to share it.  In the Netherlands, cows are kept inside for 6 months of the year to protect them from the harsh weather.  On the day they are released to the outside, crowds show up to witness the ‘Cow Dance’

Try hard not to smile.  I will bet you can’t.

Evil will win if Good doesn’t actively fight

As a Jew in the United States of America, I have been struggling since October 7th.  It is difficult to put into words and explain but I am going to try to do so in many ways and hopefully one of them will be clear enough to understand.

I grew up with my Great-Grandma Rose, my grandparents and my parents teaching me the value of helping others.  Whether it was through Tzedakah (charity), Tikkun Olam (repairing the world), doing acts of random kindness, holding the door for others, or something similar, it was a core part of our identity and what we did.  As kids, we were taught to make the world a better place when we could and as a result, the world would end up being better.  If we were there to help others and were good people, others would be there for us and we would find good people.  We were taught that part of how the Holocaust happened was because people didn’t speak up, people weren’t allies, and our job was to change that.  To speak up, to build relationships and allies, to ensure that NEVER AGAIN would really mean NEVER AGAIN.  I believed that implicitly for a very long time.

I have spoken out publicly for more than a decade about the rise of hate in general and the rise in antisemitism.  I have publicly condemned all hate against any and every community.  Hate against the LGBTQ+ and the Trans community is not acceptable and must be decried.  Hate against the African American community is not acceptable and must be decried. Hate against the Muslim community, the Asian community, the Sikh community, the Hindu, the Christian – it doesn’t matter what community, hate only breeds more hate and being silent because it’s not against your group merely ensures that your group will end up being targeted. It is why I was one of the first to sign the Central Florida Pledge, a call to action for residents of Central Florida to create a safe and inclusive community for all. The pledge asks residents to commit to treating all people with kindness and respect, especially those with whom they disagree. 

Unfortunately, for the past few years, I have been amending that statement because of the realities of the world.  When talking with my kids, I have reminded them that ‘hate isn’t ok against any group, except the Jews’ because the rise in antisemitism was being excused and other groups chose not to speak up, not to speak out, not to stand up and be counted against hate when it was against the Jewish community.  I wanted my children to remember not only their responsibilities to stand up to hate but also set proper expectations that when the hate was directed at them, they may not have the support they expected.  I hated doing this but I wanted them to be prepared for reality.

The book, “Jews Don’t Count” called this out well before October 7, 2023 happened

The October 7th happened.  The horror was unspeakable.  I sat, staring at the TV, following news from Israel, flipping channels, reading updates of Israeli newspapers, sending whatsapp messages to friends in Israel, scanning the names of those confirmed murdered and those kidnapped and taken hostage for the names of friends and family.  As I spoke to my friend Maor, the Consul General for Israel in Miami, he told me to turn it off as it was too much for the soul of anybody to keep watching.  I tried but couldn’t do it. 

I started focusing on Twitter/X and getting angry at what was being posted and arguing back.  It only made me more angry and more frustrated at the lack of information, the strong hatred, and the absolute joy people were taking in the murder and kidnapping of Jews.  I started blocking people and trying to looking only at sports related posts which used to aggravate me but now seem inconsequential. 

Celebrities started advocating for Hamas and the terrorists and against the Jews.  Susan Sarandon, Mark Ruffalo, and John Cusack became new objects of disgust and the short list of celebrities who I no longer would watch or listen to their movies/music continued to grow.  Certain members of the US Congress actively spreading hate against Jews made me shake my head and beyond being angry, got me scared about what could be ahead.  The similarities to the 1930s in German were too real.  While many have been saying this about the far right for a number of years, I was now watching it happen in real time from the far left.  I began to question being safe living in the United States as a Jew.  I began to think where I would move if I had to and when that might be.  I began to think of who would hide my family and me if it was too late to leave and I needed to hide.  When I identified who that would be, I actually asked them if they would hide my family and me if/when the time came that we needed to hide. 

Mark Ruffalo apologizing for his Jew hatred before continuing to hate Jews publicly. Celebrities like him only apologize when called out and then go back to their Jew hating ways.

Susan Sarandon clearly not know what River and what Sea they are talking about as she advocates for the destruction of Israel. Her later apology was insincere.

John Cusack was an active antisemite on social media before being called out here. Embarrassed, he defended and apologized for his stance but continues to hate Jews and continues to say things incredibly hateful, hurtful, and antisemitic.

When I visited the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam in 1989, I imagined what it would be like to have lived there, in hiding, fearing for your life from the leaders of your country.  In late 2023 it was no longer theoretical as I began to think what it would be like living in hiding in the United States and where I would be living.  Would I be freezing in the winter?  Would I be hot in the summer?  Would I be able to live inside?  Would it be living outside? 

I came across this thought about Anne Frank today and it struck home.  For many, the line in her diary, “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good heart.” Is inspirational.  I admit until recently it was inspiring to me.  Today I read it very differently.  There was a time that I shared her hope and optimism about people really being good at heart.  I might have even written something like that in the past decade.  Today I wonder.

Today I wonder how she felt when they loaded her on the cattle car.  Did she still have hope and belief in the goodness of people?  Had she no longer questioned it and only saw evil?  What about when they shaved her head and tattooed a number on her arm?  Was that when she no longer saw good in people?  Was it when she was starved and got sick that he lost her belief in the goodness of people?  Was it when she got typhus and began to die that she lost her belief in people being inherently good?  Was it when she finally realized that she was going to die in that concentration camp, alone, bald, starving, sick, dehumanized, that she finally came to grips with people perhaps being inherently evil instead of good?

It is frightening how easy it is to envison ourselves in this picture instead of them

The piece I read was clear that the Diary of Anne Frank is not meant to be inspirational but rather a story of horror.  It’s meant to show us the evil in people extinguishing the light in people.  It’s meant to show us that without our ACTIVE intervention, evil wins over good.  We have been reading it wrong all these years.  It’s a warning to us from a beautiful and innocent 13-year-old girl filled with hope and belief who, step by step, loses it all until she dies a horrible death.

The Diary of Anne Frank is a warning, not an inspiration. We’ve gotten it wrong for decades.

I hear that warning loud and clear.  We have many people who are good and who are fighting against evil.  Yet we have far more that are showing their inherent evil and hatred.  UNRWA and the UN and the Red Cross have been shown to be evil organizations, despite their stated goals of good.  The Red Cross still hasn’t visited the hostages, still has refused to ensure they get their needed medication.  It’s now 120 days.  UNRWA had at least a dozen employees ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE in the atrocities of October 7th who were not fired until last week.   There are at least 10% of all UNRWA employees who are part of Hamas or Islamic Jihad, terror organizations.  Estimates are that at least 1,300 of the 12,000 UNRWA employees are part of Hamas or Islamic Jihad.  The UN’s mission, “maintaining peace, advancing human rights and promoting justice, equality and development.” applies everywhere except the only Jewish state in the world, who they constantly target and refuse to defend.  As countries begin to pause funding to UNRWA, there are now cries about the impact on the people of Gaza.  Yet there is plenty of documentation that UNRWA ensures Hamas gets the aid before the people.  That UNRWA aids Hamas and the people of Gaza need to riot and storm the supply areas to get the food, water, medicine and other supplies provided to UNRWA to dispense to those in need.  The people need help, not Hamas.  And UNRWA is effectively Hamas.  Will we ever learn?

Statement by US Representative Michael McCaul, chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee on UNRWA

Today is February 3rd.  Tomorrow my mother-in-law turns 80 and my oldest child turns 24.  At the end of the month my father would have been 80.  Would my father even recognize the world he left in September 2022?  Would he be telling me how it looks just like his parents told him the 1930s looked?  Will my oldest live to 80 as a Jew in America?  Will he be able to live in America his entire life as a Jew? 

During Covid in October 2021, when Israel was still shut down to tourists, I had the opportunity to go on a special trip.  Instead of the normal 400 people, there were 80 of us.  The country was empty.  When we went to visit to Yad Vashem, the Israeli Holocaust memorial, there were only two other people in the entire museum besides us.  It was a deeply moving experience and for the first time I identified with the middle-aged people in the pictures who were mostly murdered immediately at the death camps.  It was no longer me who was the freedom fighter.  I was no longer the leader in the Warsaw Ghetto uprising.  I was no longer the person kept alive to work in the death camps trying to survive and help others survive.  Those were my children.  I was the either the one who betrayed my people by playing the role of ‘good Jew’, excusing what was happening in order to survive another day or sent directly to the gas chambers.  It was a shocking moment for me that I had to process with the group later on.

The Hall of Names at Yad Vashem. Will our pictures one day be there? Will our stories be told to future generations and if so, what will those stories be?

In February 2024, I know who I am.  While I am not the leader of the resistance, of the Warsaw ghetto, nor the active partisans fighting in the woods, I am also not going to excuse what’s going on for another day of survival nor am I going willingly to the gas chambers.  I will speak out, I will demand change, I will not allow the growing hate to continue to grow while I sit silent or excuse it.  I see others who choose to be quiet and fly under the radar.  I see others who find excuses for October 7th and the Jew hatred that has been shown day after day since then.  I get incredibly frustrated and angry as Jews excuse evil against our community that they would never excuse against anybody else. I will not be one of them.  I will not hide, nor will I be quiet.  While I fear another Shoah may be coming to Europe and America, I will not be someone who simply believes in the goodness of people and that good will win over evil.  Good only wins over evil with a lot of help.  We are facing evil like we haven’t seen in 80 years.  I’m in the army of good, fighting that evil, with whatever I have.  I will not let evil win because I believe in good.  I will fight for good to win over evil. I hope you join me.

It’s not just what side are you on. It’s are you actively fighting evil. If you don’t actively fight evil, it will win.

We choose in our hearts and our actions if we will actively support good or evil. Failing to support good is unconsciously supporting evil.

Good has the final say but only if you use it. We can’t be silent or we waste of final say.

Choose to actively feed the good. If you don’t feed good, it won’t win.

Evil will win if we don’t fight for good. Are you going to stand up and speak out for good or let evil win?

We must remain vigilant and continue the struggle for good or evil will take control

The evil of Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthi’s and the Iranian government are currently better organizaed, better trained, better armed, sneakier and gutsier than good. What are you going to do to change that or are you going to let evil win?

Gandalf is right. It’s the small, everyday deeds that we do that will defeat evil. We each have the power to change the world. Are you going to use the power you have for good?

Change and the power of people

Change isn’t easy.  It’s new, it’s different, and often comes with pain, either because it’s something we don’t want or because it’s something that hurts that forces us to see things differently and behave differently.  As we approach the new year, 2024, it’s a time many people make resolutions for the new year.  Things they will change.  A number of years ago I made the last one, and one I have kept ever since.  I vowed to stop making New Year’s Resolutions?

Why did I do that? Most of these are aspirational with no intent to actually make the changes.  The impetus is a date on the calendar, not a desire for real change, and as a result, they simply don’t work.  By not making any more new year’s resolutions, I empowered myself to make the changes in my life when they are needed rather than because it’s now January 1st of a new year.

As I look back at the past year, it gives me a chance to look at the changes I have made and the impact they have had and what I hope they will have as I move forward.

On September 6, 2022, my father died.  I have been lucky in my life to have wonderful relationships with my parents, and this was a transformative moment in my life.  My dad was who I went to for advice and guidance.  He was a role model.  With him no longer physically here, change was needed in my life.  I had to find others who could help provide the guidance that my dad offered for nearly 55 years.  My Uncle Marty, my close friends Todd and Ron.  People who I had long standing, trusted relationships went to a deeper level. 

I began to question what was really important in my life.  What mattered to me.  I made a commitment to increase the amount of time I spent with my family as time had become the most important thing in my life.  I wanted to improve my health, lose weight, and get better reports from my doctors.  None of this happened overnight, but it all happened because of the combination of the pain from the loss of my dad and the strong desire for something different.  I lost 55 pounds, my health improved, and my doctors were beyond thrilled, and I chose to invest more time with my family, taking advantage of what I could.  As my oldest son left the house this morning to return to Tennessee because they needed him back a week early, I was filled with gratitude for the time we did get to spend and look forward to the next opportunity.  Pain, something we all do our best to avoid, forced change, something we also tend to avoid, to improve my life, which all want but often aren’t willing to do the work to make happen.

I changed my career.  As somebody who spent 25 years working in the Jewish non-profit sector, it was something I enjoyed and something that was core to my identity.  I had thought of doing something else many times but never actually made it happen.  Fear?  Insecurity?  Uncertainty?  Change is often forced upon us and then we have the choice to rise to the challenge or not.  I’m excited about the new future and what it means.  I have more time with my family, more time to address improving my health and fitness.  Less stress.  When my mom said to me, “I was waiting to get the call that you had a heart attack.” it was a wake-up call.  It’s a new future ahead with things I cannot foresee and yet, I am more excited about it than I have been in a long while.  Change can be scary and exhilarating, uncertain and exciting.  How we choose to approach it, what our attitude is and what we are willing to often determine our success. 

October 7 was a sea change for me and many others.  As I watched the news unfold, as I communicated with friends and family in Israel via WhatsApp during the day, I was horrified, scared, angry, and stunned.  I’ll never forget the video of people murdered in their cars and they zoomed in on a minivan with the father, dead and slumped forward on the steering wheel while his young daughter, clinging to his back, was slumped dead against him.  It’s a horrifying image that is burned into my brain.  I saw the 47-minute Hamas video and those images are forever in my memory.  I have connections through friends to at least four hostages who thankfully have been returned to Israel.  October 7 was deeply personal in a way I never expected or wanted.

As somebody who was already a very public Jew due to my career, being more public wasn’t a real change.  But choosing to invest in being Jewish in my actions was something I could do.  I had begun learning with a Rabbi and have continued to do that weekly with a bigger zest and interest.  Sometimes I’ll even learn with 2 Rabbis in a week because it’s interesting to hear different perspectives.  My tefillin is out and gets used (not daily as some change comes slowly).  I don’t identify with any particular denomination any longer – I am a Jew and that’s enough.    I am not a jewelry person, yet I bought a new Mogen David (Star of David) from Israel that has the State of Israel as the center of the star and wear it proudly and visible when many others are feeling the need to keep theirs hidden due to safety concerns.  I have ordered some additional pieces from Israel, both for my own identity and to support Israeli artists.  The guy who hates jewelry is now wearing Jewish jewelry. 

I have always been somebody who felt that people were the most important thing in the world.  Throughout my life and my career, I have always invested in people.   I have some long term friends that I have known literally all my life to those who I’ve been friends with for 20 and 30 years.  My kids often joke about their ‘relatives’ that aren’t really related to them.  Alice and Jerry (z’l), Amy, Gabi, Karen, and their kids.   Uncle Aric and Aunt Carol.  My best friend Todd.  Ron and Sandy z’l (z’l).  It’s very common for them to not ask ‘how are we related?’ but ‘are we really related?’ when these names come up. 

I have people that I have worked with from 25 years ago that I still keep in touch with and are still friends.  These relationships are ones that I treasure (and those who worked with me or were students at UF when I was at Hillel or at Federation in Seattle or the JCC or Federation in Orlando know exactly what I mean and who you are.)  We still talk on a regular basis, sometimes out of the blue and sometimes every few weeks.  While not a change, my commitment to people has increased in the last year.  Investing in them.  Helping them.  Being their friend regardless of anything else.  October 7th reminded me just how precious those friendships are.  The messages on my birthday reminded me how precious those friendships are.  People reaching out after my dad died made me realize how incredibly luck and wealthy I am, not because of money or things, but because of people.  My career shift highlighted the people who reached out to talk and ask questions.  Here are just four examples from the past 5 days that highlight this (I could give many more):

  1. Thursday I spent an hour on a zoom with my friend Harriet.For the past 3 years or so we meet on zoom every week to talk about life, work, stress, family, and the just be friends.It started as part of a cohort and we just never stopped.It’s often the highlight of my week just for the personal connection.
  2. Friday I spent an hour on a zoom with my friend Shelley, catching up on life, talking about our families, our other friends, our careers, things we have considered doing, things we are doing, and just being together for the hour enjoying each others company.
  3. Monday I reached out to a number of friends to wish them a Merry Christmas.  One of them, Jamal, let me know that he is writing a book that will be published in 2024 and that he references me in the book and will share it with me before it’s published.  I was beyond humbled and overwhelmed by this.
  4. About a week ago, I messaged my friend Yaron, who is a leader in the IDF reserves that I know is on the front line in Gaza.  I didn’t expect a prompt reply, or maybe any reply, because of what he is tasked with doing.  Monday he replied, apologizing for the delay, which also humbled me.  He is currently the operations officer for the Gaza Division so you can imagine what he is living.  While he will never talk about it, I heard from other friends that on October 7th, he grabbed his gun and raced into the fight against the Hamas terrorists, helping defend Israelis by taking on the terrorists.  He thanked me for reaching out, for keeping him in my thoughts and that he mattered that much to me.  We messaged and began making plans to get together after the war, both when I am in Israel and when he is in the United States.  His heroism awes me. The fact that my message to him, asking about him and hoping he is ok and safe and that the war ends both successfully and soon, meant so much to him is proof of the power of people.

At the end of the day, change isn’t easy or fun, but is rewarding.  People are the key to change.  The relationships we build today can last a lifetime.  They help us get through change.  They help us get through the pain of things like losing a parent, a massacre on October 7th, dealing with a war where friends are on the front lines, and the challenges of daily life.  As we come to the close of 2023, I find myself most proud of three things.

  1. The relationship with my parents and my siblings.
  2. The relationship with my wife and children.
  3. The relationship with my friends, colleagues, and former students.

No amount of money can enter the top 3.  No amount of success can enter the top 3.  Nothing material truly matters until after those 3.  I’m humbled and grateful and look forward to a better 2024.

The power of stories

Today has been a day focused on stories.  I have found that stories have the most impact and do my best to be a storyteller throughout my career.  As I continue to focus on what’s happening in the war between Israel and Hamas, I find myself captivated by the stories that are now coming out.  Some are sad.  Some are uplifting.  Some are horrifying.  They all are powerful.

When I woke up this morning and began my morning routine of reading various news sources that I like to read (The Free Press, Daniel Gordis and Kareem Abdul Jabbar on substack, 1040 Daily Digest, eJewishPhilanthropy, Jewish Insider Daily, Philanthropy Today, FLAME, and all my sports news), I was struck immediately by the story of Iris Haim. 

Iris’s son Yotam was taken hostage by Hamas on October 7th and brought into Gaza.  He and two others managed to escape and were thought to be terrorists and mistakenly killed by IDF soldiers the other day.  It’s a heartbreaking story.  And yet just days later, here is Iris speaking out to the IDF soldiers who mistakenly killed her son, telling them that she loves them.  That she wants them to visit her so she can give them a hug.  That she knows in the moment they did what they thought was right and what was needed.  Tears came to my eyes as I looked at the picture of her and Yotam while listening to her place the blame where it belongs, on Hamas for taking her son hostage, and sending love to the IDF soldiers.  I can’t imagine what she is going through nor what the IDF soldiers are going through.  It was an extraordinary expression of forgiveness and love.  I had tears in my eyes and have watched in many times to see true humanity.  You can watch the video and below it see her on TV just a few weeks ago talking about Yotam and IDF soldiers who were killed. 

I continued to explore the news and saw a horrific story about the music festival.  Hamas terrorists took the phone of an Israeli at the festival, used his facial recognition to open it, and videoed their torture of him (I won’t write what they did but you can watch the video and learn) and the murder of 9 others at the festival.  They then used his WhatsApp to send the video to all of his friends and then sent it to him mother.  I can’t imagine what his mother thought when she got a message from him, knowing he was at the festival that was under attack, opened it, and saw her son being tortured, mutilated, and humiliated and other friends being murdered.  The brutality is astounding.  I went from being inspired and overwhelmed by love to pure anger and rage.  This is why Israel can’t stop until Hamas is removed and their leadership eliminated.  They are pure evil.  Here is the video that I watched – remember there is graphic description of what happened so be prepared.

As my day came to a close, I read two more stories.  The first was about 85-year-old Yaffa Adar, who shared her story of how she survived 49 days in Hamas captivity.  “Every morning, I’d sing to myself Bocelli and say, ‘God, maybe this will bring a good day. Maybe today will bring [my release],’” she recalled, admitting that for a long time that day never came.

It reminded me of the story of Osama who I met in 2019 and was involved with Combatants for Peace.  He life was changed when he was at his lowest point in prison and was ready to give up when he heard somebody humming a song.  That music gave him hope.  A few years later, at his first Shabbat dinner, they began by singing Shalom Aleichem.  Osama broke down in tears because he realized this was the song that saved his life. 

This story inspired Andrea Bocelli as well, who wrote to Yaffa.  You can read about it and what Bocelli wrote to Yaffa here.  It’s a powerful statement about the power of music and the understanding that our actions and what we give to the world may have much more power than we ever imagine at the time we are doing.

The final story comes from a friend of mine, Sherri Mandell.  Her husband, Rabbi Seth Mandell, was the Hillel Director when I was at Penn State, but I didn’t go to Hillel and never met him there.  He left to be the Hillel Director at University of Maryland, where one of my best friends worked for him.  He later made Aliyah and lived in Tekoah. In May 2001, while living in Tekoah, his 13-year-old son, Koby Mandell, and his friend Yosef Ish Ran were murdered by terrorists near their home.   They started the Koby Mandell Foundation and that’s how and when I met Sherri and Seth. 

In the article today, she writes about how the Israeli government asked permission to show pictures of Koby and Yosef in 2001 and they declined, thinking it would be too hard on them and their family to have them public.  In the aftermath of October 7th, she questions the decision back then and grapples with the balance between personal need and the need for the world to see these atrocities because it didn’t take 30 days for people to begin denying they occurred.  It’s a powerful piece by a mother who has unfortunately dealt with this personally.  Sherri’s book, The Blessing of a Broken Heart , is the most painful book I have ever tried to read  I say tried to read because as a father, I had to put it down about halfway through because my heart was breaking and I was crying.  I tried to get through it out of a feeling of obligation, but I couldn’t.  As I read the piece by Sherri, I found myself thinking of visiting them at their home, meeting their other children, listening to them speak about Koby and the work of the foundation, my own children, and the world we live in today 

Two stories were uplifting. One was horrifying. One filled with sadness. All are emotional. As my day comes to a close, I find myself wondering both if and when we can all find the blessing of our broken hearts.

I think too much

Since October 7th not a day goes by where I’m not thinking of Israel.  Thinking of my friends who are on the front lines.  Thinking of the children of my friends who are fighting in the IDF against Hamas.  Thinking of my friends still running to their safe rooms due to the rockets.  Thinking of my friends on the moshav who need help harvesting the crops.  Thinking of the more than 260,000 Israeli refugees who fled their homes more than 2 months ago and have been living in one hotel room for an entire family since then.  I think about what it’s like to share a hotel room with my 2 adult children for a night or two and can’t imagine more than 2 months of that being our home.  Without our things.  Without a kitchen. 

I use the term Israeli refugees instead of evacuees because I have been an evacuee.  In 1979 we lived in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania when the Three Mile Island (TMI) accident happened.  We evacuated to my grandparents’ home in Connecticut for a week and then returned home.  Living in Florida, we have evacuated to my in-laws in Gainesville when a hurricane is coming.  We’re usually there for a day or two and then return home.  Spending more than two months out of your home, with no return in sight, is not being an evacuee.  It’s being a refugee.

Israel is a small country, and everybody is family.  I learn more about the cost of October 7th all the time.  I have two friends who have family members who were taken hostage by Hamas into Gaza.  Thankfully they were all returned in the last ceasefire.  I have a friend whose cousin was murdered at the music festival.  I have a friend whose son was an IDF soldier that was killed in the fighting on October 7th.  Being Jewish isn’t about our religion, it’s about being part of a people.  It’s being mishpacha, Hebrew for family.  Every day when the names of the soldiers who were killed are released, I take a deep breath and then read the names, hoping and praying that they are not names that I know.  And when they are not people that I know, I am deeply sad because they are people I will never get to know.  People who paid the ultimate sacrifice to save Israel and fight for the Jewish people.

I learned today that there is currently a 60% dropout rate in Israeli high schools.  Think about that – 60% of high school students have dropped out.  Maybe they will return when the war is over.  Maybe they won’t.  How will this affect the IDF, where they normally join after graduation?  What if they go back but are a year behind?  That means that 60% of those who would normally be joining the IDF are not.  How does this affect their long-term success, when military service and the unit you serve in is so integral to future opportunities?

A friend of mine is from Sderot, a town on the Gaza border that I have visited many times.  The playgrounds are also bomb shelters.  The movie theater is also a bomb shelter because why would anybody go to the movies if it wasn’t with the regular rockets fired by Hamas at Sderot.  I’ve been to the police station there many times where they talk to us about the ongoing rocket attacks and show us the rockets that Hamas fired at Sderot.  A friend who was in Sderot just a few weeks ago sent me a picture of the police station.  It’s gone, completely leveled.  My friend who lives there went back last week and told me that the town is empty.  There is nobody there because it’s not safe.  My heart breaks for my brothers and sisters who live on the border and are now refugees inside Israel.

My friends who live on moshav Bitzaron in southern Israel need help harvesting their crops.  I think of how I can put together a mission to help them and how I can approach my wife and children about doing that since they don’t want me to go because they are in fear for my safety in a war.  I haven’t figured out a way to bring that up in a way that wouldn’t get them angry at me for even talking about it, knowing how they feel. 

I think about the rise of antisemitism that I have seen and been talking about for a decade.  I wrote a piece with some colleagues in 2016 for the Seattle Times.  That was more than 7 years ago and yet it has grown.  And I think about the op-Ed disagreeing with me, saying that antisemitism wasn’t a problem and how frustrating it was then and how angry it makes me today.  Over the past 75 years we have convinced ourselves in the United States that we are US citizens just like anybody else.   That antisemitism was going away because of wonders of the United States and our freedom of religion.  Our Jewish history is that we forget who we are due to assimilation.  Here we are again.

In a piece by Daniel Gordis today, he wrote about how, as Jews, our history in the diaspora has always been based on the question, “How long are we going to be here until we get thrown out. Now, why would anybody think they were going to get thrown out? Because they always did.”  Whether it was England in the 1200s, the Spanish Inquisition, the pogroms in Poland/Russia in the 1800s and 1900s, Germany in the 1930s and 1940s, or the many Arab states in the more recent past, this is our history.  Once again, we are finding ourselves facing this hatred in the US and around the world.  Only now we have Israel, our homeland.

I have had a number of people reach out to me to ask questions about what’s going on in Israel and to ask for clarity on many things that they are hearing, or friends are saying to them.  It’s startling to me the lack of information that so many smart, well-educated people have.  The number of people who don’t know that Gaza hasn’t been occupied since 2005 is shocking.  Or that Gaza has a border with Egypt.  Or that the blockade didn’t occur until after Hamas took over and started raining bombs and attacking through the tunnels they built.  People don’t know that Israel has been sending in humanitarian aid and continues to increase it.  There continue to be cries for Ceasefire Now, not understanding that what they are asking for is Israel to allow Hamas to restock, rebuild, and attack again, killing more Jews and resulting in the death of more Gazans.  The lack of information is an incredible failure in Israel education.  It’s why I volunteer my time as a board member for the Center for Israel Education.  I’m proud of the work they do and we need much more of it.  Check out the website – it’s worth it and the amount of information available is incredible.

I think about the word Zionism and how many people don’t know what it means.  How many people think that it means you can’t criticize the government (I don’t know a single Israeli who doesn’t criticize the Israeli government!!).  They think it means that only Jews get to live in Israel.  They think it means that if you aren’t Jewish and are a citizen in Israel, you don’t have equal rights.  They don’t know that it’s simply the right for Jews to have self determination and a state of their own. 

Since October 7th, I think too much.  Yet if I don’t think about these things and do whatever I can to deal with them, who am I?  What do I stand for?  Each of us has a role to play.  We can speak out.  We can educate those who don’t know.  We can learn more ourselves. 

What are you going to do?

Ein Habesor and the impact of October 7

Thursday morning, I went to an early breakfast with people from City Serve, an organization that is doing great work in Israel.  They are particularly focused on Ein Habesor, a Moshav near the Gaza border.  On October 7, 2023, the terrorists of Hamas attacked Ein Habesor and thanks to the bravery of some members of the Moshav, there were no casualties and no hostages taken from the Moshav.  However, nearly 60% of Israel’s produce comes from the area and the Thai workers returning to Thailand, many other workers being recalled to serve in the IDF during the war, and the members of the Moshav being relocated to the Dead Sea for safety, there aren’t enough workers to harvest the fields.  City Serve is working to help with getting the fields harvested and raising money to help take care of the needs of the members of the Moshav while they are living in hotel rooms at the Dead Sea.  These are all worthy and important causes, however that isn’t what I found most impactful from the conversation.

One of the people at breakfast was Dr. Yftach Gepner who lives on the Ein Habesor moshav.  On the morning of October 7, his brother, with one M-16, defended the moshav from the terrorists, getting the gates closed and keeping them from getting inside to murder, rape, and kidnap the Israelis who live and work there.  In the process of defending the moshav, he was shot in the shoulder and the bullet remained inside him.  As a physician, Dr Gepner knew he needed to get him to a hospital as the bullet could have gone anywhere and could have damaged internal organs.  You may have heard and read about the rest of the story.  Dr Gepner put his brother in the passenger seat of their Tesla, laid it flat, and began racing on back roads to get his brother to the hospital, which normally is 20 minutes away.  His Tesla was attacked by the terrorists and shot more than 100 times, yet he was able to keep driving, sometimes in reverse to get away from them.  It took him two hours to get to the hospital while escaping the hostages.  During the escape, his brother was shot again in the hip, breaking it.  He needed surgery and this hospital couldn’t provide it so Dr Gepner hot-wired an ambulance and stole it, giving his brother an IV to ensure his survival during the drive.  Not only did his brother get the surgery he needed, but merely weeks later he was back on the moshav, patrolling the grounds to keep it safe.  The story was inspiring on so many levels and made me want to go to Israel to volunteer even more – helping pick vegetables, cooking meals, or cleaning – doing anything that is needed from a 50+ year old.

Another of the people at the breakfast flew to Israel immediately after October 7 and was taken to Kibbutz Nir Oz.  As he spoke, his voice increased in volume, and you could feel his pain.  He shared that he had to step over dead bodies and personally saw decapitated babies, babies with limbs cut off, and true heinous crimes.  My heart broke listening to his personal experience of the horror of this Hamas attack.

City Serve is raising money to help the people of Ein Habesor.  If you are moved to give, 100% of your gift will go to the people, and there is a $150,000 match so every dollar becomes two.  You can give by clicking here.

In America, we often like to think that everybody is like us.  That everybody has the same values and morals that we do.  That it is common and normal to value human life and that we do anything to protect and safe it.  It is one of our most endearing qualities and one of our most dangerous, and many other cultures do NOT hold the same values and morals.  Their behavior shows us who they are and too often we refuse to believe them.  Hamas has shown true evil.  They have shown who they are and what they believe and value.  They do not value human life, shown through the use of human shields and turning schools, hospitals, private homes, and mosques into military bases.  They have shown they don’t value human life through the attacks on October 7th when they murdered, raped, kidnapped, and decapitated innocent civilians.  There is no moral equivalency and there is nothing to do but to eliminate them. 

Yesterday, listening to Dr Gepner describe October 7 at Ein Habesor and hearing the other person speak about what they saw at Nir Oz, was powerful and painful.  As a proud Zionist and Jew, it strengthened my resolve to continue advocating for Israel and to embrace and express Judaism.  October 7 was a wakeup call not just to Israel but to all Jews around the world.  Hiding doesn’t get us anywhere.  Rallying as a community, like they have done in Israel, is the answer.