August 25, 2025 is the 50th anniversary of the release of Bruce Springsteen’s album, Born to Run. Bruce was a big part of my adolescence and through college. Born to Run, The River, and Born in the USA were the anthem of my coming of age in the 70s and 80s.
As I read his blog and thought about the song on it’s 50th anniversary, I was inspired to think about the song in a different way. I went back to an old version of the song that I stumbled upon years ago. It is a very different version yet entirely recognizable. The music is very similar but the lyrics, the lack of harmonica, and the lightness in the song are noticably different. The intention of the story remains the same – a right of passage, a blank page as Neil describes in his blog, an exciting, unknown future. Yet the difference is signficant. The protaganist is different. The song is much more focused on the freedom of the car and what that means than the journey itself. As I listen to Bruce sing it, I understand where he’s going with the song, especially knowing the final version. It’s a beautiful version yet it isn’t the classic that millions have come to love. It’s part of his journey. Take a listen for yourself. I love it and enjoy the differences.
Early version of Thunder Road – enjoy the differences
When I listen to this song and then listen to the classic version, it is easy to see the process of growth. From a blank sheet of paper, Bruce got the version above. From a blank sheet of paper in our lives, we can get something beautiful. And just like Bruce, it doesn’t have to be the final version. When he wrote the song, it was about Angelina. The final version it is Mary. People come in and out of our lives, just like they came in and out of Bruce’s version of Thunder Road. Angelina is beautiful and powerful and was critical to the song. Until she wasn’t and it was Mary. The 442 was an essential part of Thunder Road in the first version until it wasn’t in the final version. As you listen, you will note so many things in the first version that do not appear in the final version.
That is life. As we approach Rosh Hashanah, we have a blank slate in front of us. We have the entire year to craft what is going to fill the page. Had Bruce left the song in its original format, it would have been a fantastic song. One people loved. Instead, he used the time he had to continue to work on it, to continue to alter what he put on the page, until he came up with the final, iconic version. I enjoy both. That’s the beauty of life – we can enjoy and appreciate the journey, the early versions of who we are, and the versions that we are today, all while we work to be a better version of ourselves.
As Rosh Hashanah creeps closer and I prepare a new, clean sheet of paper for the upcoming year, I am excited about the possibilities for that blank sheet of paper. What will I write? What colors will I used? Will there be artwork or just text? I don’t know what the page will contain but I do know that I will not settle for the first draft nor will I regret what the first draft looks like. When I get to the full page, I won’t forget the journey it took to get there or the beauty of the versions along the way that led to that final version.
Just like the clear notes in the first version of Thunder Road without the iconic harmonica, to the completely different lyrics that change from the freedom of a car to how he feels about the future, the path there is different but the song, like our lives, get us to a wonderful place as long as we appreciate the journey.
The classic version of Thunder Road
As you listen to both, I hope each speaks to you in a different way. I hope you enjoy and love each version for the message it provides and the different ways that Bruce uses to get there. That’s our blank sheet of paper. What are we going to choose to write on it? Are we going to be satisfied with the first version? If we aren’t, are we going to be critical of the early versions and not appreciate how critical they were to get us to the version we finally share with the world? Can we look at the early versions with love and appreciation rather than cringe at the things we ultimately found didn’t work and
In his Broadway show, Bruce talks about the song before playing an acoustic version of it. He talks about the blank page and how much he misses the beauty of that blank page as he has gotten older. The promise, the possibilities. As he says, “so much life in front of you.” The reality is that Rosh Hashanah gives us that blank page every year. The question is are you going to take it? Are you going to realize that we get the freedom to clean up our messes and begin fresh every year. As Bruce says at the end of the introduction, “Just daring you to write on it.”
I’d love to sit and talk with Bruce about the song. What he was thinking in that first version and why he made the changes he made. I’d love to hear his thoughts on that first version. Does he love it and embrace it as a part of who he was and how he got to where he is? Or does he hear only things he removed and think it’s a lesser version and is upset that it’s out in the public. The deep conversations that are possible from comparing an early version to a much more finished version are exciting. Just like our lives – the early, unvarnished, exploratory versions compared to the more polished, public facing versions.
Take the next few weeks to decide if you are going to dare to write on that blank page that the upcoming year offers you. No matter how old you are, no matter how much life you have behind or ahead of you, the blank page is still there. You can leave it and just look back on the prior pages and what you have written before. Or you can dare, be filled with adventure, and choose to write something new on that blank page. I know what my choice is. What’s yours going to be?
Last night I went to see the Jewish musical star Pink in concert. I bought tickets a long time ago and heard that she was a tremendous performer. I like her music, although I’m far from a rabid fan. With Sheryl Crow opening, I was excited for the show.
Sheryl Crow was awesome. She brought me back in time with her classic songs and while the show was in a stadium, I wish she was in a smokey crowded bar where you could really feel and appreciate her music. I enjoyed her performance as it brought me back to simpler times.
Then it was time for the main event. Pink was electric from the very beginning. Her energy and joy filled the stadium with positivity. Since October 7th, over a year ago, I’ve had a hard time truly letting go and embracing joy. Last night, Pink unlocked that for me. What a performer. She exuded happiness. Love flew from every song and every time she talked to us. Her very first song set the tone – watch and listen as she bounces with joy and flies effortlessly.
Her flying early in the show was beautiful. The music was great and she added elegance and beauty. The past 12 plus months have been filled with so much ugliness. October 7th and those images never leave me. I’m glad that I saw the Hamas 47 minute video but it altered who I am. I am glad that I have been to the Nova site twice, heard from survivors, and those involved with rescuing people that day, but the horror is now a part of me. I’m glad that I went to Kfar Aza twice, heard the stories from the IDF and from somebody who was there that day and recently returned to their home. I’m glad that I saw what the Hamas terrorists did but those images are burned into my soul. Last night, as she performed, it was the first time since October 7th that the only thing in my mind, heart, and soul was beauty and love.
Her cover of Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker” got us up, singing and dancing. I was transformed to the early 80s and my high school days. To simpler times. A time when hate didn’t dominate the world. When we didn’t see daily antisemitism and Jew hatred. Violence against Jews wasn’t happening on the streets of Amsterdam, Paris, New York, Chicago, and so many other places. I thought of my diverse group of friends from that time – we didn’t think about identity politics or our differences – we focused on the people we liked. So many of them are still friends today. Jewish, Christian, Mormon, Black, White, Gay, and Straight. We played sports together, went to parties together, hung out on the streets together, went to concerts together, and got in trouble together. I miss the simpleness of those times. The moral clarity that existed for us in high school and then college. Enjoy the song and performance, I sure did.
I wish that I recorded Pink as she talked to, and about, her mother and their relationship. Her mom was in the front row and it was a classic Jewish mother moment. We all laughed but I think those of us who have Jewish mothers laughed a little deeper as she talked about her mom telling her what to do and then watching her mom actually do it from the audience and Pink listening to her and then begging her to stop. When she talked about her late father, it hit home deeply for me. It brought me right back to my dad and the relationship we had. It made me sad and joyous at the same time. While I don’t know her, never met her, and have no personal relationship, I know we bonded over the loss of our fathers. Then she brought her daughter on stage to sing part of a song with her. What a highlight. I enjoyed watching Pink’s face more than anything else as she listened and watched her daughter Willow sing. As a father, there is nothing better than seeing my children succeed. Their joy and success is so much better and more powerful than my own. I could see that on Pink’s face and it reinforced my committment to do whatever I can to make this world a better place for my children and eventual grandchildren. There is no excuse for us to sit back and not do the work. Not put in the effort. We are not responsible for the outcome but we are each responsible for doing the work. That’s a summary from Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of our Fathers. It shows that anybody can learn and even teach a little Torah.
The show ended with an incredible encore where Pink literally flies across the stadium. The freedom in the song and as she flies is so clear. It’s a reminder that we control how we feel. We control whether we want to be tied down, locked up, bitter and angry, or if we want to be free, flying through the air, looking for the beauty and enjoying what the world offers. It takes effort to do it, but the power to live meaningful and beautiful lives is entirely in our own hands. The question is are you willing to do the work? Watch Pink fly and sing – see and feel the freedom. As the movie version of Wicked is about to be released, watch Pink defy gravity. Sorry I lose her for a bit but you get to see the audience during that time and feel the energy.
Pink inspired me last night It shows that you don’t have to truly be a torah scholar to inspire people with Torah values. It also shows how learning some Torah can help you see Jewish wisdom in every day life.
My friend Yocheved Ruttenberg is another real example of this. Founder of the Sword of Iron Facebook group with 40,000 members all interested in volunteering in Israel, her story as a 23 year old changing the world is inspiring. She recently won the Z3 Bridge Builder award. Her speech highlights her story and what she has done and what she is doing. It is inspiring.
The joy Yocheved brings to the 40,000 members of Sword of Iron is incredible. I read the posts of people volunteering in Israel and sharing their pictures doing it. I read about all the amazing volunteer opportunities and am astounded and inspired. It makes me wish I was independently wealthy and could just go and volunteer full time in Israel. From picking fruits and vegetables to helping rebuild in the south. Preparing BBQs for IDF soldiers to making tzizit for them. Helping those in need in every aspect of society. All done with gratitude. All done with grace. All done from the heart. All for our Jewish brothers and sisters who are fighting for the survival of the Jewish people. If you really want to experience the joy of Yocheved and her work, watch this Shabbat Shalom video. I can’t get enough of it. I dare you to only watch it once. It’s infectious.
There are so many ways to change the world and the world needs changing. You can do it through music. You can do it with volunteering. You can do it by helping others. A friend of mine who made aliyah years ago reached out today. He and his family will be in the United States to get away for a much needed respite in December. They will be in Florida for part of their trip and like my family, love sports and wanted to go to the Orlando Magic game for Jewish Heritage Night. They were having trouble getting tickets and asked for my help. Quickly, I was able to secure tickets for him in the block at an affordable price. I then reached out to a friend to see if they can help with some VIP experiences for their children. After the year that they have experienced, the least I can do is try to help them have some peace and joy. Just like Pink gave me last night, I can help them have a few moments of joy where they aren’t worried about sirens, they aren’t worried about rockets, they aren’t worried about friends in the IDF and if they are alive or not. They can be kids, enjoying a basketball game and maybe getting some special access. It didn’t take much for me to help. A little research. A few text messages. It did take effort but not much. Often times we don’t realize how easy it can be to make a difference in the lives of others. How we can give a little bit of life and levity to those in need.
I work with Dror Israel, and amazing organization that helps children with schools, youth groups, and summer camps. Their ZIONIST youth movement is in all the Druze villages and in 55 Arab villages with more than 20,000 Arabs involved. They do amazing work. In this same context, they are creating restorative trips for children and families to get away from areas with sirens, to go to Mitzpe Ramon (Israel’s version of the Grand Canyon). This short video highlights what they do and what the effect and impact is. They are changing the lives of these children and families and changing the world.
We have the ability to change the world with our own actions. Pink gave me a few hours of pure joy like I haven’t had since October 7th. Here is the question I pose to you. What are you going to do to find your joy. To find your stress relief? And what are you going to do to help others who are in need and can’t do it themselves? We all have that responsibility. It is Kol Yisrael Arevim zeh Bazeh(All of Israel is responsible for each other). Jewish or not, we can be inspired by this lesson. Each of us can change the world, one person at a time, one action at a time.
Let’s all choose to be like Pink, who electrified and inspired 75,000 people last night. Who sent a message of love, inclusion, support, family, and values. The movie The Waterboy puts it best. You can do it!
Last night I fulfilled a bucket list item. Most people know that a bucket list is a list of things you want to experience before you ‘kick the bucket’ and leave this world. Seeing a show a Red Rocks in Colorado was on my bucket list. But not just seeing any show. I wanted to see an artist who enhanced the beautiful venue and where the venue enhanced the artist. When I saw that Carlos Santana was playing Red Rocks, I knew this was the one.
Red Rocks is outside Denver. It’s a beautiful natural theater set in a park in the mountains. As you drive in, you are captivated by the beauty all around you. Instantly, you are transformed to a magical and special place. The beauty is awe inspiring. It immediately brought me to the desert in Israel which is also captivating. The view of Masada and when on top of Masada, the view of the Dead Sea and all around you.
Red Rocks Park
We drove up the winding hills to get to the upper level parking lot and I was thinking about the drive to Tzfat and how the bus driver is always a magician with the roads and the twists and then finally parking so we can get off the bus. The old parking area where he would back up until it felt the bus was going to fall off the cliff.
We parked and began the walk to get to the venue. Once again I was transformed to Masada. Either the snake path or the Roman path has the preliminary entrance that gets you excited about what’s ahead and sometimes even a little intimidated about the climb (especially the snake path)
Making the climb up to Red Rocks Arena. What a beautiful start to the climb
We got to the area and found our seats. Wow! What a venue. As you looked around it was spectacular. There was music playing, the buzz and energy from the crowd was electric and I knew that this was going to be something special. I have many friends that have seen shows here and they all rave about the venue and how special it is. I was about to experience it and couldn’t believe it. My wife, Alison, could sense my excitement and her energy level was high as well.
The Counting Crows took the stage. I loved their music in the early 90s and had forgotten about it. As they began the play, it was still daylight and we sang and danced. You could see the people in the crowd and on the stage. It felt like a festival.
We were entranced by the acoustics, the way you could feel the music fill your soul and your body because of the venue. We danced. We sang. We were free. It was exhilerating. The sun was setting and it was changing the vibe in the venue. As we were enjoying ourselves, the people next to us leaned over and asked, “Are you from Israel?” It seemed to be a strange question in the middle of Colorado while the Counting Crows were playing, but I answered them, “No, but I just got back. Why do you ask?” They had seen my tattoos on my forearms, one saying ‘We will dance again’ and the other to remember the Nova Music festival. They were from Israel and seeing me with my tattoos, my Magen David, and my dogtags to remember the hostages and the Nova festival was very meaningful for them.
Instantly, everything transformed for me. Having been to the Nova site twice this summer, I was suddenly transformed to an American version of Nova. The people in the theater were the people at the Nova festival. The music we were enjoying and letting go listening to was the music that they were dancing to and enjoying on October 7th. Red Rocks was the desert near Gaza. As I looked out beyond the stage, the views reminded me of the views from the lower Galil just a few weeks ago as we prepared for Shabbat.
Red Rocks views that resemble the Lower Galilee in Israel
I could imagine fireworks in the air above me, what the Nova concert goers thought the rocket attacks on October 7th were. I could imagine people on hangliders flying in over the mountains to attack. I could picture terrorists coming from the bottom by the stage and from the top and sides of the venue, trapping us with nowhere to go. No chance of survival. Red Rocks had become Nova and the bomb shelters around Nova.
It was a chilling feeling and hard to let go of. Part of me knew I would never let go of it. October 7th and what I had seen at Nova and Kibbutz Kfar Aza along with in the Hamas 47 minute video are burned into my soul, into my being. I also knew that I had to let it go. As Mia Schem said, and then had tattooed on her arm after being released from being a hostage by Hamas, “We will dance again'” means we must continue to live. We cannot be consumed by the past although we can never forget it. It is why I got it on my forearm. To remember both what happened and that we must live. So I refocused. Took in the beauty around us. As the Counting Crows finished and darkness took over the arena, I looked around and found the beauty again.
Red Rocks looking up from row 25 to the back. Spectacular.
Santana took the stage and the show was more incredible than I expected. He is a musical genius, his sound unique and piercing the venue, the acoustics bouncing it all around and through us. We sang. We danced, we were overwhelmed by the experience. I said to Alison many times through the show how incredible the music was both in my ears and through my body. If you have never had that experience, it is indescribable. It took over my entire being.
I love this song and it fills my soul – last night at Red Rocks it filled my body as well
Yet throughout the concert, I kept looking to the sides and above me, just in case there were terrorists hangliding into the arena or ambushing us from the front, back, and the sides. It was surreal, almost like being in a movie waiting for the bad guys to take over the innocent civilians and then hoping the good guys would get there in time. Knowing the isolation of Red Rocks, I wasn’t secure that they would. I could channel the fear of the festival attendees waiting for the IDF to show up and rescue them and not having them come in time.
This is the reality of the post October 7th world. We have seen evil up close in a way we never have before. The way that Hamas live streamed and recorded their murders, rapes and kidnappings has never happened before. The way it touched and impacted the entire Jewish community is transformative. As a little kid, I remember watching the TV mini-series “Holocaust” and being worried about taking a shower for a day or two, wondering if it would be a shower or gas. But that was a TV show. I knew that wasn’t real. I knew that it happened 30 years prior but that those were actors I was watching. What we saw on October 7th was real. They were not actors. I have met their families. I have seen the devastation with my own eyes, touched it with my own hands, felt it deep within my own heart.
Carlos Santana said twice last night that, “It takes courage to be happy” and he is correct. Mia Schem reminded us of that when she said, “We will dance again” and got her tattoo. I have mine to always remember that. October 7th was a defining moment in both Jewish life and in the history of the world. We saw pure evil face to face. How we choose to handle it yet to be determined. The fate of not just the Jewish people but the entire world depends on it.
Santana playing The Name of Love, a great song and reminding us about love, not hate.
I can’t wait to return to Red Rocks to see another concert. Alison and I both said the same things as we walked out of the venue, ‘we need to come back’. There is something spiritual and holy about this site. Just like there is somethign spiritual and holy about the Nova site and Kfar Aza for me. Red Rocks and Nova will always be linked for me. My vow is that it is also about the future beauty of music and love and community. I won’t let the evil of October 7th ruin the future. Last night I felt like the soul of every person murdered on October 7th was there with me, celebrating the music of Carlos Santana and dancing with me.
In the early to mid 1990s, Hootie and the Blowfish hit the scene with some great music. The lead singer was of course Hootie. Except he wasn’t. His name is Darius Rucker but even today, people still refer to him as Hootie. Until he transitioned from rock/pop to country music. It seemed to be a strange transition and as a fan of Hootie and the Blowfish’s music, I wondered if I would enjoy the new Country Music of Darius Rucker. I didn’t expect that I would. And I was wrong – I love it! He takes the best of his music style and adds the country music twist to it to create a new sound that also has the deep lyrics and messages of country music. This week, I decided to analyze the lyrics from his 2010 hit, This.
The song begins:
Got a baby girl sleepin’ in my bedroom And her momma laughing in my arms There’s a sound of rain on the rooftop And the game’s about to start I don’t really know how I got here But I’m so glad that I did And it’s crazy to think that one little thing Could have changed all of this.
I love that the song begins with such a normal setup. A child asleep in the bedroom. Her mother laughing in his arms. It’s raining outside and he can hear the patter of rain hitting the roof. So many of us have been in that exact situation in our lives many times. I can’t think of the number of times I was sitting on the couch, the kids asleep in their rooms, my wife in arm on the couch, as it was raining outside, and we listened to the rain hitting the roof. The only thing missing in the song, ironically for a country music song, is the dog laying on the floor by my feet! The normalcy of the situation is comforting. The game is about to start. Such a beautiful image in the first 4 lines.
I am sure most of us can related to the next line. I don’t really know how I got here. When I look back at my life, it’s hard to believe how much time has passed, where I am in my life, and how I got here. It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was in middle and high school. The big party I had at my house in Harrisburg that we still talk about seems recent, not 40 years ago. How can anything in my life be 40 years ago? Married for nearly 26 years? Two kids in their 20s, one a college grad finishing his master’s degree while the other is about to start his senior year of college. Friends from 30 and 40 and even 50 years ago that are grandparents now. I remember being in high school and listening to the Talking Heads song Once in a Lifetime and singing out loud the famous line, “And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?” Now I find myself truly asking, “How did I get here?”
I love the last 3 lines. First, I am so glad that I am where I am. Truly grateful. When I look back upon my life, there were many decision points that led me to this place at this time. And in a vacuum, I might go back and change a number of them because in hindsight, by themselves, they may not seem like the best choice. I look back and wish that I had spent a semester studying in Israel during college. I wish that I had done a gap year after college in Israel and perhaps served in the IDF as a 21 year. I made career decisions throughout my life that when I look back, I wonder what it may have been like had I chosen differently. But in the end, I am grateful I am here and had I not made every one of the choices that I did, I wouldn’t be right where I am today. Had I spent a semester abroad in college, maybe I would have done the gap year and served in the IDF. Maybe I would have made Aliyah after that. I’d have missed time with my grandparents and parents. I’d never have met my wife or had the children that I have. So yes, it would be meaningful to have had that experience, but I wouldn’t trade having that experience for the life I have today. And that’s the reality of the end of the verse. It is crazy to think that one little thing could have changed everything. Studying abroad for a semester in 1987 or 1988 may have led to me making Aliyah, having a completely different life, wife, and children. Choosing to stay in accounting rather than go back to get my Master’s Degree in counseling would have led to a different career, not moving to Florida when I did, and another totally different life. We make so many decisions every single day and never realize just how important and impactful each one is to the life we end up living. And I love the life I have today and am grateful for every decision that has led me here, even when the results ended up not being what I wanted at that time, because the results ended up getting me here, where I am grateful to be. That is the butterfly effect – the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a typhoon.
Maybe it didn’t turn out like I planned Maybe that’s why I’m such, such a lucky man
For every stoplight I didn’t make Every chance I did or I didn’t take All the nights I went too far All the girls that broke my heart All the doors that I had to close All the things I knew but I didn’t know Thank God for all I missed ‘Cause it led me here to this
There is no question that it didn’t turn out like I planned. And no question that it is why I am such a lucky man. I have learned over the years that my view of things tends to be very short term. I can never really see the long-term impact of regular decisions until much later when life plays out. Seemingly insignificant choices end up with huge, often life altering, results.
When I was in Seattle, we came back to Florida to visit my parents in Tampa. As it happens, one of my dear friends, Sandy, was in the hospital in Tampa because she was having problems they couldn’t figure out. Her husband Ron, one of my best friends in the world, let me know where they were, so I went to see them. During my visit to their room, the doctor came in with a devastating diagnosis. Glioblastoma. 6 months to live was the normal expectation. As we all stood there in shock as this vibrant, healthy woman received terrible information, I was able to be the one there for both Ron and Sandy to help them process this shocking information. I had moved across the country to Seattle. I just happened to be visiting Tampa when she went to the hospital, in Tampa (they lived in Winter Haven). And I happened to be visiting at the exact time when they got the diagnosis. What are the odds? Nearly 5 years later, as Sandy way outlived expectations, I called to say my goodbyes. She couldn’t speak to me but could hear me as I talked to her. About 30 minutes later, she died. Again, what are the odds? If I had done an errand before calling, I would have been too late. As the song states in this verse, “For every stoplight I didn’t make, every chance I did or I didn’t take, all the nights I went too far, all the girls that broke my heart, all the doors that I had to close, all the things I knew but I didn’t know.” Every single choice we make in life takes us on the path we are supposed to be on and makes us who we are today.
Ron and Sandy – love them both and the role I got to play in their lives
My senior year of college, my girlfriend and I were very serious. We went looking at engagement rings together, found one she loved, and I almost bought it. She wanted me to buy it. The jewelry store owner wanted me to buy. I even wanted to buy it. And the owner of the store made it financially possible for me to buy it. But for some reason I didn’t. About two months later we ended up breaking up and my life went on a different path. How different would my life be today if I had bought that ring? Would we have gotten married? Had kids? I believe we would have ended up being divorced. Would I ever have moved to Florida? Certainly not in 1992 like I did. My career path would have been different. Everything about my life would have been different with that one different choice.
So, like the song says, Thank God for all I missed, ‘cause it led me here to this.
For many, many years I have believed the life is a tapestry and we only see the back end as we move along. We see the flaws. We see the strings and the extra yard or wool or silk. It isn’t until we reach the right point that it is turned over and we see the beauty that we have created by living through what we saw as the mess. Darius Rucker hits it right on the head with this song – everything we have today is because of every single small decision point along the path of life. There is no need to regret any of these decisions because we wouldn’t be who we are, we wouldn’t be where we are, without every single one of them.
This is the back of the tapestry and what we see most of the time. It isn’t until it’s flipped over that we see the real design and beauty. God knows what it really looks like all the time while we see the mess. Trust in God because he knows the real beauty all the time.
Like the girl that I loved in high school Who said she could do better Or the college I wanted to go to Till I got that letter All the fights and the tears and the heartache I thought I’d never get through And the moment I almost gave up All led me here to you I didn’t understand it way back when But sittin’ here right now It all makes perfect sense
This verse gives us more examples. It’s as if he knows that we will struggle with accepting that every single choice along the way is what got us here. And that by changing any single one of them, we won’t be who we are, where we are, today. In high school, I fell in love with Duke University. I had my heart set on going there. I applied early decision and wore my sweatshirt that my mom and I bought on our campus visit every week at a minimum. I was 100 percent sure that I was going to Duke for college. I applied a few other places, but I knew I was going to Duke. When I studied abroad in November 1984, I got my acceptance letter to Penn State. My friends who were in England took me out to celebrate, but honestly, I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to Penn State. I was going to Duke. What did it matter that I got in there? Of course, as you have realized, I didn’t get in to Duke. I ended up going to Penn State, where I met my best friends who are like brothers to me. My life was completely altered for the better because I didn’t get what I wanted and got what I needed. If I could go back and change things so that magically I would get into Duke and go there, I would not do it. I would be a completely different person living a completely different life if I had a gone to Duke for college. And I like who I am today and the life I have today. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Life has its ups and downs and plenty of challenges. As the song says, there were plenty of times that I wasn’t sure that I would be able to get through whatever it was I was facing at that time. I remember a number of them, as I sat alone, crying, and wondering what was going to happen now. I almost gave up many times in many situations. But I didn’t give up. I did manage to make it through. The same as many of you reading this were able to get through the things that, at the time, you thought were insurmountable. In fact, as we look back, we may even find it silly that we thought we couldn’t get through these things, but that was who we were at that time. As we sit here right now, it makes perfect sense. Yet tomorrow, when we face the struggles and challenges that arise in our life, will we be able to remember that it really does all make sense, just not today? Will we remember to thank God for all we miss, for the windows that open when the door we preferred gets shut? Or will we be stuck looking at the back side of the tapestry, thinking that the mess we are looking at is really the art that will be final?
Oh I cried when my momma passed away And now I got an angel Looking out for me today So nothing’s a mistake
I have reached a point in my life where I know that I am closer to the end of it than the beginning. It’s not as depressing a thought as I expected it to be. As I look back, I am so lucky to have had so many amazing people in my life for the time that I had them. Grandma Esther and Grandpa Si. Grandma Ev and Grandpa Len. Grandma Rose. Grandma Florence and Grandpa Morris. Grandma Cora and Grandpa Ralph. They are my grandparents, my wife’s grandparents, and my great-grandmother. My cousin Eric, who was my age and tragically died at the age of 27 in 1995. My cousin Todd who died of an overdose in 2015 at the age of 42. My niece Madeline, who died a few weeks after her birth. My big brother in the fraternity, Jeff, who died young. My Uncle Joe, who died at the ‘old’ age of 50 (I was 21 at the time and thought 50 was a good long life – how foolish we are when we are young.) I wish this was the entire list but life doesn’t work that way. We have the chance to build special relationships in our life and they end when they end.
My cousin Eric – he looks so young and innocentMy cousin Todd. We spoke a few days before he died and I always wonder what if I had gotten on the plane to Florida that Monday. Would it have made a difference?
Of course, my father died in September 2022. This has been the hardest of all for me, both because of the relationship we had and how much I was able to depend on him for guidance and advice. I have cried a lot about my dad, both when it happened and ongoing since then. I do believe he, and others, are my angels looking out for me. I do believe that my dad and others continue to teach me as they were so influential in my life and development that it is as if I can ask them the question and they will answer.
My dad just before my mom and I said goodnight and left his room. He died a few hours later. The sweet look on his face is one I will never forget.
I agree that nothing is a mistake. It may not be what I wanted at the time. It may not be what I would prefer. It may not be enjoyable either at the moment it happens or ever. Yet everything that happens in life shapes us into the person we are. We have the things we have in our life today because of every one of these choices. The ones we made and the ones we didn’t make. The ones we knew we were making and the ones we never even noticed.
The song ends with a repeat of the chorus and while I typically omit the chorus when it repeats, in this instance, I think it’s important to cite it one more time.
Every stoplight I didn’t make Every chance I did or I didn’t take All the nights I went too far All the girls that broke my heart All the doors that I had to close Everything I knew but I didn’t know Thank God for all I missed ‘Cause it led me here to this
It led me here to this
It’s a reminder that we face so many decisions every day in our life. It seems as if some matter and some don’t’. They all matter. They all help us become the person that we are today. They give us the life that we have today. Since my father died, I have faced a number of challenging life situations. It has shown me who in my life really cares and who was really transactional. It has also taught me that if I value people, it is MY obligation to reach out and tell them. It is MY responsibility to call or text them, even if just to say hi and I was thinking of you. I know first-hand how much those calls and texts mean. I know that sometimes they are the difference in somebody else’s life. I have the ability to take the chances, to act, and to not allow excuses of things that don’t really matter get in the way. Or I can choose not to take that action and let people fade away from my life.
This song makes me ask myself the following:
Who do I want to be?
What are my values?
What do I stand for?
How do I show my gratitude for being who I am today and for the life that I get to live today?
Am I happy with the person I am and the life that I have today? When I answer this last question with a resounding YES, it means I am accepting of every little decision or choice I have made, knowingly or unknowingly, because without them, I would not be the person I am today nor would I have the life that I have.
It’s Sunday so it’s back to music that inspires me. Before this week’s blog, written just before I left for a concert by Sting and Billy Joel, I want to comment on the concert.
Both are amazing musicians and performers. Both are in their early 70s and put on an incredible show. Both brought me back to the late 1970s and early 1980s with their music, as vibrant today as it was when released. That’s the power of music. I sat with my 21 year old son Matthew, his 21 year old girlfriend Carla, and my wife, as we all enjoyed the show. Matthew was amazed when Sting performed one of his songs that was recently sampled by a current artist. Carla was in shock when I explained to her that Scenes from an Italian Restaurant was actually 3 unfinished songs that Billy Joel creatively crafted into an all time classic. We sang, we danced, and we enjoyed the music and the performance. My favorite was Billy Joel imitating Mick Jagger as he sang Start Me Up and did his interpretation of Mick’s dancing. I may write about this concert and what it meant to me later, but it felt wrong not to mention it in a post about music a few hours after experiencing such a powerful few hours of music.
Now onto the song I wanted to discuss.
Luke Combs got a lot of attention at the Grammy’s with his duet with Tracy Chapman. If somehow you haven’t seen it, watch it. If you have seen it, watch it again. There is so much that is truly remarkable about it. You could see how in awe of her he was and how honored he was to have the chance to sing with her. It’s a song written by a queer woman of color in the 1980s that was a big hit then and covered by a white country star in 2023 who didn’t change the pronouns and had no problem singing it as written. And the lyrics speak about the challenges of the American dream in the 1980s that is perhaps even more relevant today. There is a lesson for us all there that could be an entire different blog post.
I saw Tracy Chapman in concert when I was in college, and it was an amazing show. She is an amazing artist. And so is Luke Combs. I’ve always been a fan of hers and have become a big fan of his and have many of his songs that I love. Today I want to talk about his song, “Does to me.“
Released in 2019, it makes me feel better that I am only 5 years behind the music curve. Like a number of amazing songs, Eric Church is also featured. The lyrics read:
I was a third-string dreamer on a second-place team But I was hell on wheels with a full head of steam When coach put me in And I’m still proud of that hit
To start a song with true self-awareness is an amazing choice. Most of us like to brag about the size of the fish that we almost caught. Or we talk about the star player we played with or against. The superstar we met or saw nearby to us. The hole in one we almost made, the local tennis tournament we won or almost won. We glory in greatness or close to greatness. Yet here is Luke Combs talking about being a third string player who wasn’t very good on a team that wasn’t very good. It’s about as far from greatness as possible. When he finally got a chance to play, he was so proud that he actually got a chance to play and did something in the game. He doesn’t get into any details of ‘that hit’, who it was against, or that anybody else thought it was something special. Just that he got into the game, played, and made a tackle. He is bragging about making one tackle. Not leading the team, not making a key or important tackle to anybody but himself.
We often judge ourselves by other people’s outsides. What looks good or important. We forget about what might really be important to us and the things we value. The songs opening stanza is a reminder that we only need judge ourselves against ourselves. He knows he isn’t a good player. He wants to be on the team and is appreciative that he got a chance to actually play. That one hit is enough for him. He doesn’t have to be Al Bundy from Married with Children constantly remembering his 4 touchdowns at Polk High School 30 years later. What makes that funny is we can all relate to that desire for greatness and adoration from the outside when what really matters is what’s inside.
I was a last resort to go to prom with the queen Thanks to an ex-boyfriend who broke her heart that week No, I didn’t get luck But I still felt like a king
Once again, Luke Combs is self-deprecating. He was the last resort for the prom queen because her boyfriend broke up with her that week AND he didn’t have a date. Think about what it’s like to acknowledge that yes, I went with the prom queen but only because the week of prom, I didn’t have a date and she suddenly became single. He’s proudly beating his chest saying I was the best choice of the bottom of the barrel of options for her.
Once again, he understands who he is and what is important to him. He got to go to the prom with the queen. That’s all that matters. How it happened is a fact but doesn’t define him. It wasn’t a romantic prom experience, but it was a prom experience that he will forever be grateful to have had. And he can always say he went to prom with the prom queen!
Many things in life are like that for all of us. If we focus on all the details of the how they happened, we miss out on the great experience. Many years ago, I took my kids to a Tampa Bay Rays baseball game. We didn’t have great tickets, but they weren’t bad ones. Yet when we walked into the ballpark, for some reason they chose us to get the Stubhub upgraded tickets. We sat behind the Orioles bullpen and my kids had fun talking to the Orioles relievers the entire game. One of them even gave my kids baseballs.
Mark Hendrickson was the pitcher on the Orioles who spent most of the game talking with my kids and gave them baseballs. He won’t ever remember them but we will always remember him.
Well more than a decade later, we still talk about the experience and laugh about the funny things they talked to the players about. We could have focused on the fact that it was the Orioles, not the Rays bullpen. We could have focused on the fact that players they interacted with were not stars. Instead Major League players (and Mark Hendrickson in particular) spent most of the game talking with them. Focusing on anything else would only diminish the experience. Something similar happened at a UFC fight we went to last year. Sedriques “The Reaper” Dumas came into the stands and they stopped him, took pictures, and spent a minute talking with him and hanging out. It was a fun moment and I only remember his name because it was unique. I’d never heard of him before but we thoroughly enjoyed the moment.
Sedriques!
Combs is telling us to enjoy the moment when they come. It doesn’t matter why or how they come. Live in the moment, appreciate the cool and fun things when they happen. Otherwise we miss the moment and they don’t come around often enough.
And that might not mean much to you But it does to me
This is point of the entire song. Our life experiences that we value don’t have to mean anything to anybody else. They only have to matter to us. As a kid, I was a huge baseball fan (I still am). I followed both college and the minor leagues. The college player of the year in 1982 was a guy named Jeff Ledbetter. He attended Florida State. He had been drafted by the Yankees (my favorite team) out of high school and that year was drafted by the Red Sox (their rival) in the first round. At my summer camp, we used to go to see the Hagerstown Suns (Orioles minor league team) play. That year they played the Red Sox minor league team and Jeff Ledbetter was on the team and playing. I was so excited to watch him play. My friends laughed at me because they’d never heard of him and I was acting as if he was a major league star. During the game, I went near the bench, found him, and engaged in a conversation. In 1982, having a fan know who you are in the minor leagues and seek you was a big deal, so he was happy to talk to me during the game. He even gave me some of his chewing tobacco which I tried (and got sick under the bleachers). I got his autograph and was beyond excited and happy for weeks. And my friends kept laughing at me. It didn’t matter to me. 41 years later, I still remember him, the conversation, and the experience because it mattered to me.
Jeff Ledbetter in 1982
We all have stories like this. It may be a college band. An author we fell in love with at some point in our life. The local sports or weather broadcaster on the news. The high school star athlete when we are in middle or elementary school. It doesn’t matter who they are in general, only in how they matter to us at that point in our lives. We treasure those moments because they mark a special time in our life. We should enjoy them when they come because they don’t come often enough.
So say I’m a middle of the road Not much to show Underachieving, average Joe But I’m a hell of a lover A damn good brother And I wear this heart on my sleeve And that might not mean much to you But it does to me
Once again, it’s amazing to see somebody so proud of who they are. Self-awareness is so critical in the world and most of us struggle with it. We think we are more important that we are, that our roles and titles define us, how much money we make equates to our value. There has been a loss of pride in doing what we do as best as we can and that being enough. I think of my grandfathers and what they did. One owned a 5 and dime with a luncheonette across from the GE factory with his brother-in-law, my great uncle. Working class, high character, good citizen, good husband, father, grandfather. The other one worked managing low-income housing with his 2 partners, an accountant and attorney. They handled the business side; he handled the management and people side. I’ll never forget that he would get up early, go to the Bridgeport JCC to exercise and have a ‘soak and a schvitz’ (hot tub and steam room) and then come back to have breakfast with my grandmother. Blue collar, hardworking, good husband, father, and grandfather. Both were exceptional people and could have been called ‘average Joe’s’. Neither were flashy. Neither measured their worth by what they did for a living or how much money they had. They were good people first. Active community members and true role models.
The second half of the lyric highlights what is important. Hell of a lover, damn good brother, and not embarrassed to have a heart and let it show. The final two sentences show that those are the things that matter. It’s about setting our priorities. It’s about values. It’s about ethics. It’s about what matters to each of us. I’ve yet to be at a funeral where people reveled in the house the person owned, the car they drove, the jewelry that they wore. They always talk about the person they were. Their values. How they impacted the world. Their behavior and their actions. It’s yet another lesson to not judge our insides by other people’s outsides.
I was the one phone call when my brother went to jail Pawned my guitar just to pay his bail No, I will never get it back But I’m okay with that
Reliability. Responsibility. Dependability. That’s what this verse adds to morals, values, and ethics. In the example he sings about, he can be depended upon by his family and friends. He understands what’s important in life, family, and that things can always be replaced. And if we don’t ever replace the things, they are just things. Things are designed to be enjoyed and an added bonus to our lives, they are not the key to enjoying our lives.
Most of my life, I was obsessed with getting the things that I wanted. The newest technology. The biggest TV. I remember getting my first real component stereo system when I was 13 (for those of you too young to know what this was, it was the most incredible thing in the world). The best car, the nicest and biggest house. Today, while I appreciate the things I have, I’m just as happier if I have less. I don’t need the new car or the bigger house. I’m happy with my phone, which is a few years old, and my TVs, which aren’t the newest nor the biggest. I have a little Bluetooth speaker to listen to music that cost less than my first turntable. The things I have enhance my life, they don’t define it. My family, my mom, my in-laws, siblings, cousins and friends are what’s important. I’d rather spend the money to go to my cousin’s daughter’s Bat Mitzvah in Chicago than buy some other toy. It’s so nice having less because I actually have more.
I was the first man standing next to my best friend The day the love of his life said “I do” to him I was a couple beers deep But I still remembered that speech And that might not mean much to you But it does to me
I have had the privilege of being the best man a few times in family and friend’s weddings. I even had a chance to officiate a friend’s wedding last month! The opportunity to be present for these life events are priceless. Where before I may have found an excuse to not go, letting my life be too busy to take the time, spend the money, or whatever excuse I came up with, I have realized that there is nothing like being there when loved ones celebrate special occasions. The most valuable thing in life is time and the people we choose to spend it with. Over the past 25 years, I have made choices and spent time with people that when I look back, weren’t worth the time or the opportunity cost of doing so. Today I get to choose who I want to be around. Who is worth my time. Who do I want in my life and why are they important. It’s a much smaller group of people but it’s a much more impactful group of people. It’s a lesson that I wish I had learned earlier in life and certainly one that I am actively teaching my children now. I want them to understand that people will show you who they are and use that to ensure they don’t have to waste the time that I did with people who show you they don’t deserve it.
There’s a worn-out blade that my Granddaddy gave me My Mama’s first Bible, Daddy’s Don Williams vinyl That first-fish-catching Zebco thirty-three Well, that might not mean much to you But it does to me
I have a number of things from my grandparents and my dad that are meaningful to me. It’s not the financial value of them, it’s the emotional value. I have my grandfather’s masonic ring that I can wear because, like him, I joined the Masons. I have the newspaper covers from when Nixon resigned that my other grandfather had, which always reminds me of him and working in his basement workshop together. We have the handmade wooden trucks that my wife’s grandfather made with his handwriting, signature and date on the bottom. I have candlesticks and special China from my great grandmother than I still use. It’s not the item itself that has the value, it’s the memories they bring up. Once again, we are reminded that time and people are what matter. The memories we make with people are what last forever. The stories we get to tell our children and grandchildren make them live for generations after they are gone. I am not the handiest person in the world, but I have my grandfather’s tools because he was handy and used them constantly. Holding them in my hand is like holding his hand, 25 years after he passed away.
So say I’m a middle of the road Not much to show Underachieving average Joe But I’m a hell of a lover A damn good brother And I wear this heart on my sleeve And I’m a damn hard working One thing’s for certain I stand up for what I believe
And that might not mean much to you But it does to me
The final stanza, while similar to one above, adds two key lines to highlight. The first is working hard. We live in a world today where hard work is often considered a four-letter word. That working hard is related to compensation and if we don’t feel that we are compensated appropriately, we don’t work as hard. This line reminds us that working hard is entirely about ourselves. It’s about our values, our morals, our ethics. We choose to work hard because it is who we are. I remember when being told you worked hard was a complement that had nothing to do with a paycheck. Hard work in school was its own reward. As a 15 year old working part time at Wendy’s for $3.35 an hour I worked hard because I was taught that was what you did at a job, regardless of the pay. It makes a statement about my values, not my wallet. I have never forgotten that lesson.
As he finishes the song by saying “I stand up for what I believe.” I find myself thinking how important that is. A friend used to say all the time that, “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” I think about that and often ask myself, what do I believe? What is important to me? What does society tell me matters that really doesn’t. How much is ego driven instead of value driven? What is the outcome I really want and if I don’t stand up for what I believe, can I get that outcome both externally and internally. There have been times in my life when I have gotten the external outcome that I desired but internally it was empty. It didn’t feel good. There have been times where I didn’t get the external outcome I desired, however I stood up for what I believed and even though others might say that I ‘lost’, I actually won because at the end of the day, I felt good inside.
I truly love this song because as I have said earlier, it reminds me not to judge my insides with other’s outsides. It reminds me that what I choose to value and prioritize is what matters, not what society or other people tell me matters. At the end of the day, if society views me as a success but internally, I am empty, I am not a success. If I feel internally successful and value the way I live my life, nothing else matters.
This Steve Jobs quote truly resonates. Do something wonderful today. Be with the people you want to be with. Stand up for what you believe.
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