Tag: happiness

Two years of war and a happy country?

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

I returned from Israel on Friday. It was a long return trip, waking up at 5 am IST (10 pm Thursday night ET) and leaving early in the morning from Haifa to get to Ben Gurion airport. The long flight to JFK was easy but was during the day so I didn’t sleep much. A 2 hour layover and I was on my flight home. I got to my house around midnight, 26 hours after I woke up in Haifa.

The long trip gave me a lot of time to think. Dealing with jetlag upon my return gave me more time to think. This was a different trip for me. I knew going into it that I needed to be in Israel for my soul. I wasn’t touring the ‘normal’ way and was going to spend a few days just being in Israel before a day of work in Jerusalem and then 3 days up north working. It was a day about my relationship with Israel and Israelis, not about the Jewish connection to Israel. I was in Jerusalem but not the old city. I didn’t visit the Dead Sea or Masada. I did spend time on the beach, hanging in restaurants with Israelis, visiting schools and youth programs, and being connected to ordinary people.

On the plane returning and in the past two days, I have found myself reflecting on the ordinary people of Israel. Israel is typically rated one of the happiest countries in the world. This despite living in a very tough neighborhood with genocidal terrorist organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah on their borders. Terrorists try to come in every day to murder Israeli people and Iran is an existential threat. This was before the horrors of October 7th. Yet in the 2025 survey of the world’s happiest countries, Israel ranked 5th. A country that was attacked and invaded in 2023 where over 1,200 people murdered in the attack. A country at war with so many of her citizens called back to serve in the reserves. A country being villified by the international community based on terrible lies, being called terrible things, all due to Jew hatred. A country that had the north evacuated due to daily rocket attacks and who spent time almost daily in bomb shelters. This is the country that was the 5th happiest in 2024?

This past week helped me really understand how a country facing all these challenges could be the world’s 5th happiest country (for comparison, the United States was 21st). In Israel, they focus on what they have rather than what they don’t have. They focus on gratitude not desire. It’s a country that realizes that gratitude is a far better way to live than envy.

It got me thinking about my life and the changes I have made in the past few years. My dad dying in September 2022 was a life changing event for me. Not just because I lost a parent and mentor. It was a realization that the end is closer than any of us want to acknowledge and the question is more about who we want to be and how we want to live than how much we can have.

So I have changed my life. I removed a great deal of stress. for decades, my job was filled with stress. I’m just as busy and working just as hard but now it is without the stress that I used to have. I make sure that I am rested and not burning the candle at both ends. I make sure to eat and eat healthy. No more skipping lunch because I’m too busy. I eat healthy now – whole foods rather than something quick. Today I had the time to make a fresh salad for lunch, cutting up lettuce, tomatoes and other veggies rather than grabbing something quick to stuff down my throat because I had no time between meetings.

On this Israel trip, I got to meet people who were doing the same thing. People who lived by their values so they moved their family to the north to repopulate that area after the war. While many people won’t move back, there are many who realize how important it is to live there and are choosing to do so. The high school student who had the opportunity to decide whether he wanted to take the exams for his bagrut (high school diploma) and decided not to take them. As he shared that with us, I could feel his trepidation as he was waiting for criticism. Criticism that he didn’t get. The early childhood teacher who loved his job and the children he interacted with. The little tricks he did for them and the joy in their faces as he did them. The care in his voice as he talked to them and way they were truly little people, not just kids.

I talked with people who are more concerned about the mental health of IDF combat soldiers than their personal income. They are volunteering tremendous amounts of time to do their part in providing for the mental health care needed for these soldiers. Each time an IDF combat soldier commits suicide, a little piece of them dies, so they work to reduce that number to zero. They invest their time, their money, and their heart and soul.

I went to visit Hapoel Jerusalem Football Club (HJFC), a team that is much more than a professional team in the Premier League for men and women’s soccer. Their social programs are changing the face of Jerusalem and the future of Israel. Hersh Goldberg-Polin (z’l) was one of the leaders of their fan club. I wear my Hapoel Jerusalem FC shirt with his face on it proudly. It speaks to people living by their values, choosing to make the world a better place which means they are happier in their daily lives. Read the post below which describes somebody’s experience with the girls program of HJFC. It’s extraordinary.

I used to believe that I could never make Aliyah (move to Israel) because I want to live like an American in Israel and to do so is extremely expensive. There is a saying about life in Israel that explains this well.

People don’t move to Israel to become financially rich. They move to Israel to be spiritually rich. To be emotionally fulfilled. To have meaning in their life. You don’t have to move to Israel to have those things. We can choose them in our daily lives. Yet in America, we rarely do. We place money ahead of our values. Our answer to the saying, “You can either be happy or right” is often to be right. The lesson I was reminded of on this trip is that we don’t have to make those choices. We can learn to focus on what matters. Being happy. Enjoying life.

When I came back from Israel, my oldest son was home for the weekend. It was great having him home for the weekend, even though we didn’t do anything. Just having him around was nice. My best friend’s son is getting married next weekend and I’ll be there to celebrate. A few days later, my younger son is taking the LSAT and has to go to Ft Myers to take it (that’s an entirely different story). So we’ll drive down to Ft Myers, stay in a hotel, he’ll take the LSAT and then we’ll drive home. 8 hours in the car together along with a night at the hotel together. Priceless. That’s the key to being happy – enjoying every minute and the opportunities they present.

I think of my dog, a now 10 month old chocolate lab. She gets excited to see me every morning, not because I’m going to take her outside and give her breakfast. Not because she’ll get treats and do a puzzle. She gets excited because we are together. When my wife comes downstairs and comes home from work, my puppy is filled with anticipation and realizes she is the luckiest dog in the world because she’s with her people, with her pack. That’s how I want to be.

Israel taught me that. Despite two years of war, they cherish every moment. Despite a year of rockets falling on them and rushing to their safe room day after day after day, they found ways to appreciate things. As I sat on the beach in Tel Aviv, breathing the fresh air, listening to the waves and people all around me, I realized just how lucky I am. It’s not about the things I have or don’t have. It’s not about the size of my house or my bank account. It’s about the people in my life. Recognizing the beauty in the world around me. The gifts of life.

I have been to Israel 24 times. Trip 25 is scheduled. What a gift. What a blessing. As I look at that image, my heartbeat slows, any stress disappears, I relax and realize just how lucky I am. And when we realize how lucky we are instead of thinking about all we don’t have, the world is a much better place.

The journey of life on that ‘Red Dirt Road’

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

This week I had a number of songs that I was considering writing about.  One of the great things about music, and art in general, is that when you begin paying attention to it, there is inspiration all around.  I finally settled on a 2003 song by Brooks and Dunn called Red Dirt Road.  It’s a song about growing up in a small town, the lessons you learn in places that get burned into your mind and memory, and the dreams of youth compared to the realities of adulthood.  It seems like something worth digging into.

The song begins:

I was raised off of rural route three, out past where the blacktop ends.
We’d walk to church on Sunday morning and race barefoot back to Johnson’s fence.

That’s where I first saw Mary, on that roadside pickin’ blackberries.
That summer I turned the corner in my soul down that red dirt road.

We all grew up in different places, many of them with more similarities than differences.  Growing up in the 70s and 80s meant that we spent a lot of time outside, riding bikes to friends’ houses, playing in the streets, at the creek, in the woods – whatever we could discover.  It didn’t matter where you were raised, there was always a place where the blacktop ended, where there were fences to jump, fields to play in, dirt to roll around in, mud to get all over you.  And as we played outside, there was usually a spark with somebody that got you interested in being more than just friends.  That initial spark, as they sing about, turned a corner in our soul as we went from children to young adults.  And that first spark, that first love, that first interest in somebody else, likely impacted the rest of our lives as we searched for that partner to spend our lives with.

There are many of these type of moments in our lives in which that first spark is created that drives an interest we keep for the rest of our lives.  I still remember my first NY Yankees game at the Stadium in 1976.  It was electric.  There was excitement in the air.  It felt special and when the Yankees won in the bottom of the 9th I was completely hooked on baseball, the Yankees, and Yankee Stadium.  Nearly 50 years later that hasn’t changed.  I still love going to baseball games and taking my family.  My kids are big baseball fans because of the spark that I had in 1976 and the desire for them to find that same spark as they grew up. 

Yankee Stadium in 1976
Yankee stadium with Evan – I took both kids on their own trips
Yankee Stadium with Matthew on his trip. My brother Lawrence and niece Hannah joined us for one game

While neither are Yankee fans now, I had my moments when they were little

I remember the spark that turned into a career.  That first fundraising gift that I closed.  The excitement of what it was going to enable to happen.  How that would change the lives of other people.  25 years later, I still get that rush when I have the opportunity to raise money to do something that will change lives.  What it feels like to do something that changes lives.  Hearing from people the impact had on them many years later.  All coming from a spark.  Yesterday I spoke with a friend that I met nearly 25 years ago.  I have loved following his journey and am proud to have a played a small role in his life.  It was amazing to hear how much we have in common today, how that spark that was created 25 years ago has continued to grow and how we are both impacting people in different ways. 

So while Brooks and Dunn are singing about a romantic spark, they are really talking about so much more.  It’s the spark of spirts connecting beyond romance.  It’s the connections that occur when you have that organic experience.  Mary was picking blackberries.  I can think of so many other people in my life where that spark happened in other random places. 

Her daddy didn’t like me much in my shackled-up GTO
I’d sneak out in the middle of the night throw rocks at her bedroom window.
We’d turn out the headlights and drive by the moonlight
Talk about what the future might hold, down that red dirt road.

It’s never about what other people think.  Daddy didn’t like him, but it didn’t matter and didn’t stop him.  Once there is that spark and that connection, nothing stops it.  As I look at the various people in my life where that spark of connection built a lifelong relationship, it never mattered what other people thought.  It doesn’t matter about the outward differences because of that soul connection.  If I wanted to focus on the differences, I’d see people of various ages, genders, economic status, political party affiliation, religions, races, and so much more.  I have never let any of those differences interfere with that connection.

When I think of my best friends, the people who I talk with regularly, the men who I call brother, the women I call sister, it’s amazing to see the internal connection yet the external difference.  It shows that what other people think doesn’t matter.  One is an Orthodox Jew, another is Christian, yet another is almost 20 years older than me and African American and Christian, another is a gay man.  My friends are just as diverse.  Some have significant incomes, and some don’t.  Some are older, some are my age, and some are younger.  They are Jews, Muslims, Christians, Bhai, and atheist. They are my friends because of who they are on the inside, not because of who they are on the outside. The world today may tell me that we are very different, but we are not – we are connected through the soul and those differences don’t matter. 

If I were to listen to what is being said in the world today, they wouldn’t be my friends.  Just like the ‘daddy’ in the song who didn’t like him, I wouldn’t be allowed to like my friends.  I’d have to sneak around to be friends with them.  So, while the world wants us to focus on the differences, I choose to focus on the similarities.  I choose to focus on the connections I have with my friends.  I’d rather talk about the future and how our experiences can help each other get through life.  I’d rather live in a world where people are judged by who they are and how they act rather than some generic stereotype based on their religion, skin color, ethnicity, or sexual identity.  It’s a much better way to live.

It’s where I drank my first beer
It’s where I found Jesus
Where I wrecked my first car
I tore it all to pieces.

Those special places from our childhood have special meaning to us.  So much of our lives happened in those small towns, random places, with childhood friends.  There is that place we gathered to drink.  The special place to go with a date.  One of my friend’s fathers lived in an apartment and his fiancé had her own apartment.  His dad stayed at his fiancé’s apartment so that apartment became our special party place.  Nearly 40 years later we still talk about the apartment, the parties we had there, and the stories of what happened there.  The JCC in Harrisburg, PA which was a place my Jewish and non-Jewish friends would spend time.  City Island for concerts, the Susquehanna River for sailing.  There are so many special places, our red dirt roads, that will always have special meaning to me and to my childhood friends. 

These places continue throughout our lives.  There are those locations where meaningful things happened, where relationships were formed and cemented.  I moved to Gainesville in 1992 and as I made friends, those places developed.  Skeeter’s and their giant biscuits.  Our weekly group of 20 that would go to Perkins.  The weekend breakfast at 43rd Street Deli. Bill (z’l) and Rick’s (z’l) house on Monday nights for Chinese food and Northern Exposure.  So many places that are tied to powerful memories of friendship.  So many red dirt roads.


I learned the path to Heaven
Is full of sinners and believers
Learned that happiness on Earth
Ain’t just for high achievers (I learned)
I’ve come to know there’s life at both ends
Of that red dirt road.

It’s the time we spend on our own red dirt roads that teach us so much.  We build those friendships that last a lifetime.  These lessons teach us that people are people.  Throughout our life, we make mistakes and that we behave ethically.  Nobody is perfect.  The ‘path to heaven’ isn’t just for believers and doesn’t exclude sinners.  We have the ability to change and do better.  We all make mistakes.  The key question is if we learn from our mistakes.  Do we strive to improve?  Are we willing to accept the limitations and challenges put upon us or are we going to put for the effort to do better than where we began? 

The next line talks about happiness is for everybody.  It’s not just the best of the best.  We all have the right to be happy and can be happy.  The key is measuring ourselves against ourselves.  If I base my definition of success against the financial success of Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, or Jeff Bezos, I will always fall short.  I will never measure up, never be ‘successful’.  It’s fool’s gold.  But if instead, I look to measure myself against my needs, it’s a different story.  I have a place to live, and I like it.  I have a job, food, a vehicle, clothes, and the ability to do things I enjoy.  Happiness is entirely defined by the expectations I put upon myself.  I don’t have to live in the most expensive home, drive the most expensive car, have multiple vacation homes, etc. to be happy.  Happiness isn’t just for the ‘high achievers.’ 

Over the years, I have spent a lot of time talking with my ‘spiritual advisor’, Mickey Singer, about happiness.  How it’s truly self-defined.  How we choose to limit ourselves in our happiness because expectations.  Brooks and Dunn are telling us clearly that to be happy is actually easy.  It’s the difference between having what you want and wanting what you have.  As long as our basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing are met, the rest is merely a matter of perspective.

Mickey’s teachings are truly inspiring
Mickey taught me that happiness is a choice. I choice to be happy.

The last line of the verse is one of my favorites.  I’ve come to know there’s life at both ends of that red dirt road. It doesn’t matter where we have come from or where we are today.  Life exists in all places.  One isn’t better than the other.  They are different points on the journey we call life.  We may look back at the time on that red dirt road and remember ‘the good old days’, but they rarely were as good as we remember, and the times today are usually just as good if not better.  They are just different.  I think back to childhood and my red dirt roads, and they are great memories.  Far better than the actual time was. We embellish, we remember differently now than what it was then.  There are pieces we long for.  It sounds so great now to think back to when I lived in my parents’ house, and everything was taken care of for me.  I didn’t have any real bills to pay.  The stress level, in hindsight, seems like it was so much lower than as an adult with life responsibilities.  I also know that if I could go back and talk to the me of that time, that me would tell this me that the stresses I faced were real and could be overwhelming.  Pressure of college acceptance, high school cliques, living under my parents’ rules.  And that me would tell this me how lucky I am that I have my own home, set my own rules, get to pick the career I want and spend my money the way I want.  It’s all relative.

The important message for me in this section of the song is to enjoy the moment.  Each moment in our live is a unique opportunity to experience life.  When that moment is gone, so is the opportunity to experience and learn from it.  Both sides of the red dirt road are valuable and important.  One isn’t better than the other.  Life is a journey until it is over, why would we want to miss out on any of it and the opportunities that each step in that journey provide.  It’s not about being a sinner or a believer.  It’s not about the good old days or the challenges of today.  It’s about the journey of life that we get to experience and enjoy, if we choose, until it ends.

Mickey taught me this and it’s something I live by. When I read it, I can hear his voice telling it to me

I went out into the world, and I came back in
I lost Mary, oh, I got her back again
And driving home tonight, feels like I found a long-lost friend.

The song’s last verse has a haunting piece to it.  We leave our hometown.  We leave our childhood friends, lovers, families, and red dirt roads to go out into the world and experience it.  Whether it is college, the military, jobs – it’s the next step in our life journey and we leave things behind.  At some point we have the opportunity to reengage with our original red dirt roads, with our childhood friends.  It’s rarely what we thought it would be like.  Those childhood crushes that we thought and hoped would turn into something more, never did.  Our lives and theirs took different paths. Some of those childhood friends have passed away young.  Others have had serious life challenges.  Yet others have been wildly successful.  We lost the dream of the future when we were children, but we didn’t lose the people in the dreams.  It’s just different.

Bruce Springsteen’s ‘My Hometown’ captures this essence as well.

I think of my own life and some of the relationships I had with those childhood friends.  Some I thought might be forever romantic partners and they aren’t.  Some I thought would be best friends and we would be connected forever, and we aren’t.  Others have become better friends over the years or at a later time, when we reconnected, ended up being closer than we ever would have imagined. 

In the song, he lost Mary as a lover and future partner.  His life, and hers, went on different paths than they ever imagined.  Yet the opportunity to reconnect was there and they did.  It wasn’t what they thought it would be on the original red dirt road, however it’s still special. It’s still important and meaningful.

I am grateful that I still have some type of relationship with so many of the people from my red dirt roads.  They are all very different.  Some are more casual and connected mainly online.  Others we text and talk.  Still others we make time to see each other as often as possible.  The quality of the relationships is high, no matter what it was like as children or how often we get to see each other.  The time on our red dirt road bonded us in a way that can never be broken. 

At the end of the day, I think that’s what inspires me most about this song.  It’s truly about experiencing the journey of life and realizing that the connections we make with other people can last a lifetime.  But it takes effort.  If he hadn’t reached out to Mary and reconnected with her, it would have been a relationship that was inactive.  If we want the beauty of the journey of life, it takes ongoing effort, knowing that the work we put into relationships in the past isn’t wasted and isn’t gone, it just needs to be rekindled.  When I listed to Red Dirt Road, I find myself filled with gratitude for the experiences and relationships I had as a child and the opportunities to continue those relationships as an adult. 

To truly experience the journey of life, it takes effort.  And it’s effort that is always rewarded.