Tag: gratitude

Where to do we go from here?

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

I spent the beginning of the week in Washington DC at the Jewish Federation of North America’s (JFNA) General Assembly (GA). The GA is a gathering of 2,000 Jewish communal professionals and volunteer leaders, networking and addressing the challenges facing the Jewish world. I’ve been to more than I can count and find them both energizing and exhausting. This year’s GA is no exception.

With the ‘end of the war’ and the return of the living hostages, this year has focused on rebuilding and resilence, two key factors not just for Israel but for those of us living in the diaspora. The past two years, since October 7, 2023, have been incredibly challenging, painful, and filled with far too many ups and downs both in Israel and the diaspora.

Having just been in Israel and seeing the difference in the country with the return of the living hostages and the hope that perhaps there will remain a cessession of the war, if not an opportunity for peace, I began to feel some hope for Israel and Israelis. I haven’t felt that way about the diaspora and particularly in America. Here at the GA, I have begun to get a little bit of that. So what is that began to give me this hope?

On Sunday night, at the beginning of the first main session, four former hostages spoke to us. Noa Argamani, Avinatan Or, Evyatar David and Guy Gilboa-Dalal shared not just some of what happened to them but also their incredible gratitude to the IDF soldiers who fought for their freedom. They recognized the soldiers who paid the ultimate sacrifice in order to rescue them and to defend Israel. They recognized the spouses and children of the soldiers who returned to milium (reserves) time after time after time, all to free the hostages and defend Israel. The incredible grace these four people showed was inspiring. I don’t know that I would be filled with gratitude after being held hostage as long as each of them were. I don’t know that I would be able to show grace instead of anger if I went through what they went through. It was an incredible lesson of humanity and I found it inspirational for me to be a better person, a better friend, a better member of society, and somebody who wants to continue to work to do my part in making this a better world for everybody.

Former hostages Noa Argamani, Avinatan Or, Evyatar David and Guy Gilboa-Dalal 

I was especially struck by Avinatan as he shared his story. Kept underground, by himself, in the tunnels, for 738 days, more than 2 years. Two years of no sunlight. Two years of no fresh air. Two years of no human companionship, only terrorists beating and harrassing him. He lived in his mind. He told us the story of his escape attempt, digging through the dirt day after day after day. When one day he hit the roots of tree, it was his first proof of life outside the tunnel and the entire audience could imagine that moment. He shared about finally breaking through into the outside and his first breaths of fresh air in well over a year, looking at the stars in the sky at night, and feeling alive, just for a moment, before he was caught and taken back to the tunnels. Bound to a chair and beaten for a week. Yet he wouldn’t lose hope. He wouldn’t lose faith.

We live in a world today that is lacking that hope and that faith. Listening to Avinatan, Noa, Eyatar and Guy was a powerful reminder of community. Of faith. Of hope. These four amazing people somehow managed to keep their faith and hope alive in horrifying circumstances. Just a few days ago, Guy publicly stated that he was sexually abused by Hamas while being held as a hostage. This could break a person’s soul, ruin their faith, and strip hope from them. Yet somehow Guy held on to hope and to faith.

My hope and faith get tested every day. At Park East synagogue in New York, protestors this week chanted antisemitic slogans such as “Death to the IDF” and “Globalize the intifada,” things Mayor-Elect Mamdani has failed to condemn. His spokesperson, Dora Pekec, issued the following statement to the online publication  Jewish Insider:

“The mayor-elect has discouraged the language used at last night’s protest and will continue to do so. He believes every New Yorker should be free to enter a house of worship without intimidation, and that these sacred spaces should not be used to promote activities in violation of international law.”   

So according to Mayor-elect Mamdani, promoting Aliyah (moving to Israel) at a synagogue is a violation of International Law. He doesn’t condemn those who advocate violence against Jews in other houses of worship. He doesn’t want to crack down on those who plan violence against Jews, those who hurl hate messages outside a house of worship, only those who want to talk about emigrating to Israel. It’s hard not to see the antisemitism and Jew hatred in his statement. I wonder what those in the Jewish community who voted for and support him will say and do if he begins to crack down on anything Israel related in a synagogueor in New York. Will there still be an Israel parade? Will Israeli flags be banned in synagogues in New York? Will we see extra taxes and fees place on flights leaving New York to Israel? How far will it go? He hasn’t even been inaugrated and the concern continues to mount.

Yet I remain hopeful. I won’t lose faith. For the last four days I have been in Seattle with Noam from Dror Israel. We spent a lot of time talking with each other. One of the things that he said repeatedly that stuck with me is that he can’t worry about changing the rest of the world. He can only worry about changing Israel. In this crazy world that we live in, it can be overwhelming to think that we have to change the entire world. Instead, if I focus on changing my world, I can have a real impact. Change my community, my city, maybe even my state. I am not responsible for the entire world or even my entire country. But I can work to change my community. That is my responsibility.

I have been on the road for the past week and have heard from a number of people how I have the best job in the world. I agree with them. I have the privilige of working with amazing nonprofit organizations that are changing their communities. They are changing the world by doing so. I get inspired by them every single day. Every day when I wake up, I know that in my small way, I am helping them to change the world. Because of the work that I do, these organizations are improving the lives of people. It fills me with gratitude. It gives me hope and restores my faith. With Thanksgiving just a few days away, there is so much I have to be thankful for. My family. My health. And the fact that every single day, it this crazy and often absurd world that we live in, I get to do my part to make it a little bit better. I don’t have to be the type of heroes that the IDF soldiers have been, risking their lives to save the hostages. All I have to do is my part to make the world a better place. I know when I wake up tomorrow, that’s exactly what I will do. Will you?

Four more home and more inspiration

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Four more hostages returned home on Saturday. Karina Ariev, Daniella Gilboa, Naama Levy and Liri Albag, all members of the Israeli Defense Forces, were released from captivity in Gaza by Hamas after 477 days. They were released early in the morning Eastern Time, so when I woke up, they were already out of Gaza.

L: Daniella Gilboa, Karina Ariev, Liri Albag, Naama Levy

When I watched the video of their release, I was horrified. Hamas held a parade to show them off to a cheering crowd. The video clearly shows the support of Hamas and of terrorists who brutally murdered 1,200 people on October 7th and kidnapped another 251 people. It’s more proof of the lies told by the media, the ICC, and the world. There is something very wrong about giving gift bags and certificates to people you have brutally kidnapped and held for 477 days.

The Hamas parading of the 4 hostages to a celebratory crowd in Gaza.

I anxiously awaited the videos and pictures of them reuniting with their families. Last week, those videos were incredibly emotional and both broke and warmed my heart at the same time. Thinking of those who will never come home alive, thinking of those still in captivity, and thinking of what nearly 500 days of captivity would do to a person.

The pictures and videos were amazing. They brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me why Israel made such a terrible deal. 200 terrorists and murderers went free to bring these 4 women home. A terrible deal. And worth it. When I looked at their faces, the faces of their family members, and listed to the sounds of their squeals of delight, it was an insight into the values of Judaism. Life. Family. Love. Perserverance. Humanity.

Naama Levy greeting her family
Daniella Gilboa with her family
Karina Ariev meeting her family
Liri Albag with her family

I’m not sure how any human being can watch these videos and not smile and have tears in their eyes. We’ve seen the brutality of Hamas on October 7th. We’ve seen them murder hostages. They kept these 4 women in captivity for 477 days. An incredible number of days. The hostages in Iran were held for 444 days in much better conditions.

I can understand how these women could be bitter and angry. How they could be filled with resentment. I would expect they would want privacy with the families and loved ones. Amazingly, I would be wrong. Last week we saw the amazing Emily Damari, who lost two fingers on her left hand, inspire us with her bravery and smile. The story of how she tried to get Hamas to release her friend’s father, Keith Siegel, instead of herself, is an epic exhibition of selflessness. This week we got the story of Liri Albag, now 19 years old, send the world a message of love. She has every right to be angry. She has every reason to hate the world that allowed her to remain in captivity for 477 days. Instead, she sent a message of love.

I was astounded as I watched it. Her smile. The heart symbol at the end. Extraordinary. How does somebody come out of 477 days of captivity at 19 years of age with this type of attitude? How much gratitude for her family and for life must she have?

As the day went on, we learned more about their 477 days of captivity. They were used as domestic slaves, often given no food and not allowed to bathe or have any personal hygiene. They were kept in civilians’ home for a good amount of time. Civilians who harbor and hide hostages are not civilians. They are complicit and combatants. As the media decries attacks on civilians, it’s important that we remind them that these ‘civilians‘ are anything but innocent. They were part of the looting after the attacks on October 7th and they helped hide hostages. When the UN or the ICC makes their absurd claims, we have proof that they are lies.

Later in the day, word came out that a member of the Israeli Health Ministry said that the released hostages are in an “emotionally and medically complex” situation. None of us know what that means but it hurts to the core of our hearts. These brave women clearly faced things that are unimaginable. Yet the had brave faces for the world. She wanted to show strength and love in public. We can only pray for their full recovery, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

To summarize what we know about Hamas and these hostages on the day of their release:

  • They were held together in captivity along with Agam Berger, who remains in Gaza, and were separated from her just days ago.
  • In the first days of captivity, an elderly hostage helped ensure they had food and were able to shower. They were able to share that he was killed in captivity.
  • There were periods when there was no food and they were starved
  • The girls were held both in civilian apartments and in Hamas tunnels
  • They were disguised as Arab women when moved from place to place
  • They were able to see some news, mostly to Al Jazeera, and learned to speak Arabic

When they spoke about Hamas’ “release ceremony,” they said, “We showed them on the stage that it did not bother us. We are stronger than that.” Now we all say a mishaberach (prayer for healing) for them to have a full recovery.

The other topic of the day is the Bibas family. They are on the list to be released but have not yet been included. This beautiful family with two beautiful babies were taken hostage on October 7th. We don’t know if they are alive or not. We know that they have a deep meaning to us all. We need them to be alive. We need them to be ok. We need them to come home. If they aren’t alive, I am concerned about what the Jewish world will demand as a pound of flesh for their murders. Kidnapping a 9 month old and a 4 year old is bad enough. Murdering them is unforgivable. If they come home dead, I’m concerned that I will feel like I did at Kfar Aza while I watched and listened to Israel bomb Jabaliya, less than a mile away. In May, that was the only time I felt any relief at Kfar Aza, when the bombs were dropped and exploded. Listening and seeing buildings collapse. It’s not who I am but it is who I was in that moment. The murder of the Bibas family may be that way for not just me but many others. All we can do is pray and hope. All we can do is wait for Hamas to send them home.

The Bibas family – 2 beautiful babies and their parents taken hostage

It is hard to believe that we will go through this same emotional rollercoaster every week for another 5 weeks in this first stage of the ceasefire. 33 hostages will come home over a 7 week, painful period. Hamas wants us to feel the pain. Hamas wants us to agonize. We will. But we can also look at the videos of the released hostages. We look at the images of their reunification with their familes and see the love and gift of life. Their hope and their spirit can get us through this. After nearly 500 days in captivity, the three girls released last week and four girls released this week will continue to give to us. It feels selfish but somehow, I think they would disagree and would understand and appreciate our pain.

I will use this picture of Naama Levy reuniting with her parents. Naama, who’s kidnapping was one of the most seen videos from October 7th. Naama, who we begged to come home and now is. When I look at this picture, it reminds me of a picture I have with my dad, one from my older son’s bar-mitzvah, when we were both filled with joy, happiness, gratitude, and awe. Just like the Levy family who got their precious daughter back alive.

Reflecting and Reflections

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

As we begin 2025, I have found myself much more reflective than normal. For me, the end of a year is usually more future focused than reflective. I tend to look at what the upcoming year may bring and the opportunities that lie ahead rather than looking back at what happened and can’t be changed. I am not sure what is different this year but it definitely is different.

The past four years have been filled with incredible challenges and learning experiences. From dealing with the challenges and stress of Covid, especially when I was running an organization with almost 150 employees depending on me, to health challenges that at one point indicated potential major surgery, life was challenging. 2022 is the year that my dad died, a truly transformative event in my life. We were very close and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and miss him. I had a major career change and recently had another health scare that thankfully turned out to not be anything serious. I’ve had friends die and seeing people my age or slightly older die has shown me the reality that there is far more time behind me than ahead of me. My oldest son has begun his career and no longer lives close by. My youngest son is graduating college in May. As I prepare for 2025, it is clear that all these things have made me more reflective than ever before.

As we approach the start of 2025, I find myself thinking about what really matters to me. What is it that I really want? What is it that I really value? Who do I want in my life? How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to invest my most precious commodity, my time, with? I recently found old picture albums and boxes with pictures in them. As I look back at my college pictures, it doesn’t seem that long ago, yet it also seems forever ago. My 40th High School reunion is in 2025 and as I look at those pictures, it feels like yesterday while also feeling like it was lived by a different person. Perhaps it’s that stage of life, approaching 60, my youngest graduating college, watching nieces and nephews get married and have children, that is causing this.

It is actually a wonderful place to be. Challenging for sure, but also wonderful.

What does matter to me? Over the past few years I have clarified things and been much more focused. Here is my list as we start 2025.

  • Health. Without health we have nothing. I remember hearing this from my grandparents as a child and not appreciating it. Over the past few years, I have had some health challenges and understand it. My father had health challenges and then died in 2022. I recently had a friend die of a heart attack while he slept. I’ve seen far too many people my age or close to my age struggle with health issues and many pass away. Health matters. That means taking care of myself in ways I never would have before. It means being grateful for every day I wake up and am not struggling with a health issue. It’s being grateful for the health of my family and my friends. At the end of the day, health matters the most because no matter what else I have, if I don’t have my health, I really have nothing.
  • Family. I grew up being taught about the importance of family. Not just immediate family, but family by blood and by choice. In my family, I have brothers and sisters, both by blood (one of each) and by choice (2 of each). I have cousins that I am close with that are not your typical first cousins. I have aunts and uncles that are defined that way by the dictionary and those that are defined that way by their actions. I recently was talking to my aunt and uncle (who technically would be cousins) and I said to them point blank, “You are my aunt and uncle. You always have been and always will be.”. Family matters. Family shows up. Family is so much more than just blood. I got a note from my ‘brother’ on New Year’s Eve that touched my heart deeply. He talked about how our friendship that began more than 35 years ago has changed his life. I told him it changed mine as well. He has been, and always will be, my brother. His mom was my mom. His aunt and uncle were my aunt and uncle. My parents were his parents. I’m known as ‘Uncle K’ to his kids. He is Uncle Aric to mine. You can replace most things in life but you can’t replace family.
  • Basic needs. I grew up in the 70s and 80s. Gordon Gecko and ‘Greed is Good’. Yuppies and the desire for material things. Madonna and ‘Material Girl’. More was always better. In my life today, more is not better. I find myself wanting less. I want to make sure I have clothes, shelter, and food. While I have a nice car, it’s not something that I ‘need’ and look forwad to when I get a different one and getting one that is a ‘step down’. I find that material things are not what drives me nor do I find myself ‘wanting’ many things. I’d rather get a call and a happy birthday wish than a gift. For Hanukkah this year, being together as a family and lighting candles together was so much more than any material gift. I am actively in the process of moving from ‘wanting less’ to ‘having less’, not because of economics but because things don’t mean much any longer. As I was cleaning out my garage last weekend, I came across some old photo albums. The memories in those pictures meant more to me than any material item. My focus is on my basic needs and the rest isn’t necessary. It no longer adds much value to my life.
  • Values. This may seem like a strange thing to list here but it is actually one of the most important to me. Who I am, what I stand for matters. The type of person that I am, matters to me. I don’t have to be right all the time. I don’t have to ‘win’ all the time. I appreciate those who help me and I want to do what I can to help others. Not because I will ‘get’ anything from it, other than feeling good because I am doing good. It helps me understand the Jewish value of “Tikkun Olam” in a different way. By being a better person, by having and living my values, by treating people with dignity and respect, by helping others without expectation of anything in return, I get so much. I recently had a friend who has been struggling to find full time employment. We would talk over texts as she shared her frustration with the job market. I kept my eyes open for her and found a variety of opportunities for her to consider. I was there to help and support her. Eventually, I found one that worked out for her – she got a job doing what she loves, in an environment that is positive, and that pays her a salary that she feels is appropriate for her skill level and talent. The fact that she is working for another friend of mine only makes it better, as they both win. What did I get out of it? Nothing material – just feeling good that I was able to help two friends. Values and integrity are everything. They mean far more to me than a paycheck or any material good. I feel good about who I am every day when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. That is truly priceless.
  • Time. This has become more important as I have gotten older. We have no control over the time we have on this earth. My cousin, who was my age and like a brother to me, died unexpectedly in 1995. His brother, who I sort of adopted as my little brother, died in 2015. My father died in 2022. My fraternity big brother died in 2013. One of my close friends and I have begun to keep track of our fraternity brothers who have died young. When our time is up, our time is up. It’s what we do with our time that matters. For many years, building my career was a top priority. It meant sacrificing time with my family, with my children, with my parents, because of the demands required to be successful. Many people behave this way. I made the decision that I no longer want that. I don’t want my time defined by work. Just this past year, I went to watch my older son coach college football games three times. I took a crazy day trip to California with my younger son to see the Giants and A’s each play home games before taking the redeye home. I took Brightline with my younger son and his girlfriend to Miami to see the Marlins play and get our SpongeBob Squarepants Marlins jerseys. My wife and I went to Red Rocks to see Carlos Santana in concert. We go to the theater for Broadway shows, we travel to watch the UFC fights, spending money to get good seats and have a memorable experience. I spend a good amount of time in Israel in 2024 with trips in May, July, and September. I meet my mom in Lakeland, halfway between us, for lunch or dinner. Time is a commodity. How we choose to use it is up to us. I spent enough time devoted to my career. While I still spend plenty of time working and on my career, I value family and time spent in meaningful ways much more than extra money, a bigger professional role, or a big title. My priorities have shifted.
  • Friends. Throughout my career and my life, I have made a lot of friends. What I have learned is that many people who we call friends are merely acquaintences. They are people who are there in the good times, who are there when you can give them something, and are there when it benefits them. Real friends show up during the difficult times. Real friends show up when it is inconvenient for them but you need them. Real friends don’t care what others think. Over the past few years, I have had the opportunity to learn who my real friends are. I have seen people that I thought were friends simply not show up. Not reach out. I have seen people show up and show that they are real friends who I didn’t expect would show up. I do things differently now. I make sure to check in with my friends, not matter where they live. I do it not because of what they can do for me but because I value them in my life. A few months ago, I started having lunch with a group of guys on Friday. They are all 80+ so I bring the demographic down signficantly. I love these lunches. I enjoy the company, the conversation, the things I learn from them. While some of them I have known for years, others are new friends. I do my best not to miss those lunches because I value their company. I learn from them. I can honestly say that if any of them needed something, I would be there for them. I reach out to friends that I know are struggling with things in life, just to be a voice telling them that I’m here and I care. I have learned how important active friendship is and make sure to be an active friend.
  • Spirituality. While I would not call myself a very religious person, I am a very spiritual person. I pray and meditate every morning and have for over 30 years. I like learning with a Rabbi (I have two that I do it with) because it helps me connect with God in different ways and helps me be a better human being. I enjoy rituals like putting on tefillin, singing Acheinu every day until the hostages are released, lighting the menorah, eating apples and honey, and cooking for holiday meals as if 40 people are showing up even when it’s just 4-6. These are things than bring me joy. My connection to God brings me joy. My Jewish identity brings me joy. These things actually make my life both simpler and fuller. I have found that nothing in life happens by accident. There is a divine force behind it all – I may not see or appreciate it for a while, but it is there. I am who I am today because of my life experiences. The ones that I loved and the ones that I would not have chosen. I know that God always takes care of me in the long run, even if the short run is uncomfortable and not what I would have chosen on my own. It is why I say thank you every morning for whatever the day may bring me. If it was up to me, I would always choose the easier option. This would inhibit my growth as a human being. This would limit me. Instead, I get the gift of opportunity to grow and experience life. I’ll take that every time. I love my spirituality and spiritual connection. It brings me great joy and meaning. It is a path I encourage everybody to follow, wherever it may take them. Each of our paths are different and I hope you follow yours. I’m going to keep following mine.
One of my favorite books by my spiritual advisor for the past 27 years

Speaking of friends, one of mine recently turned 24 (as you can tell, I have friends in their 20s and in their 80s, I’m an equal opportunity friend when it comes to age). For her 24th birthday, she listed 24 life lessons she has learned. It is an impressive list and one I look at very differently now than I would have at 24. It’s amazing how life experiences change the way we see the same exact things. Here is her list:

 1.⁠ ⁠Life means nothing without the people you love around you
 2.⁠ ⁠Chase your dreams everyday – life is not to be lived waiting around
 3.⁠ ⁠Purpose mixed with passion will take you places in life
 4.⁠ ⁠It’s okay to f*** up – we all do – that’s how you learn
 5.⁠ ⁠Not everything is for everyone, and that’s okay
 6.⁠ ⁠Workout before making a big or impulsive decision – you will always have a different perspective after
 7.⁠ ⁠If you don’t ask, you’ll never get
 8.⁠ ⁠Be comfortable being uncomfortable – that’s where growth happens
 9.⁠ ⁠Everyone has their own way of doing things, there is no 1 way to do it, find your way to make it work
10.⁠ ⁠Learn something from everyone you speak too – advice is not always meant to tell you what to do, sometimes it’s to show you what not to do
11.⁠ ⁠Two things can be true at the same time….
12.⁠ ⁠Happiness comes from doing things that you joy
13.⁠ ⁠Dare to be wrong in life, it’s always a lesson and a good story
14.⁠ ⁠If something won’t matter in 5 hours, 5 days or even 5 years – everything will be alright
15.⁠ ⁠You create memories everyday, make them memories with people you love
16.⁠ ⁠Being comfortable with yourself is the biggest gift you can give yourself
17.⁠ ⁠Ask questions always – don’t be afraid to feel stupid
18.⁠ ⁠People want to be around people doing good things for this world and making a difference
19.⁠ ⁠Life is not about you – it’s about the people you touch
20.⁠ ⁠You never know how something may affect someone else, good or bad
21.⁠ ⁠Do the difficult thing. Say the hard thing… whats the worst that can happen?
22.⁠ ⁠You don’t owe anyone your time or energy – it’s precious, hold on to it tight
23.⁠ ⁠Growth is a process – be patient with yourself – it doesn’t happen over night
24.⁠ ⁠Appreciate the moment because you will look back at the ‘good ole times’ and miss being here

As we move into 2025, I encourage you to take a look at your life. Ask yourself what really matters to you. Then act on what matters to you. Society tells us all sorts of things are ‘supposed’ to matter. The reality is that the only things that matter are those you decide are important to you. Take ownership and take action. Nobody is responsible for your life and your choices other than you.

Whine and Dine

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Every so often I read something that I think needs to be shared. In these crazy times, I wanted to share this piece by Norman Leonard. He has a substack where he writes weekly about funny/ironic things.

This is a story he wrote for his kids a long time ago. It’s in the style of Shel Silverstein, and he got a little playful with it, sketching out some moments.  Besides being a great read, it reminds up that no matter what, we should be grateful. Like the prayer, “Thank you for letting the rooster know the difference between day and night” reminds us, we can be grateful for every day we have.

It’s the kind of story I would have read to my kids when they were young because it’s funny, a bit scary, and teaches a lesson. It’s kind of like the classic book, Go the F*** to Sleep, read by Samuel L. Jackson that had my wife and I laughing out loud (I don’t think we actually ever read it or played it for our kids until they were MUCH older). If you haven’t heard it and are not offended by the vulgarity, it’s a true classic.

Here is the piece by Norman Leonard.

In my travels, I’ve been many places,

Done many things, seen many faces. 

There was one town I visited, not too long ago—

I thought it was normal. Turns out, it only seemed so. 

It looked like a lot of other towns I knew

With lots of boys and girls, many just like you. 

But this town had a secret and, no, not the fun clubhouse kind.

This secret was a whopper—scared one third-grader right out of his mind. 

The town had a monster who lived here and there,

A monster who could be lurking anytime, anywhere.

He hunted small children, specifically ones who would whine,

And he boiled them in his pot, often with garlic and brine.  

The whining, it had been hypothesized…

Well… it made the kids tasty, made them tenderized. 

One summer night, a first-grader began to whine and to pout,

When the monster heard, he prepped a stew with worms and sauerkraut.

As the first grader’s whining hit an all-time high,

The monster added to his stew some six-year-old thigh.

Later that week, another kid was devoured. 

It wasn’t too long after her attitude had soured.

And that wasn’t the last kid. Not a chance. Nope, nope, nope! 

The monster picked off more who would whine, gripe and mope. 

The town parents loved their children and didn’t want them eaten. 

Not by monster, not by ghost, not by fiend, freak, or cretin.

So they hired a wise woman, an old mother of the earth,

Smiling and warm, an ancient matriarch of mirth. 

And it didn’t take her long to identify the trend

That was bringing the children to a gastronomic end.

She observed the complaining and noted the whiny appeals

That turned kids into ingredients for the monster’s savory meals. 

And so the wise woman made a groundbreaking suggestion

To keep kids from being part of the monster’s digestion. 

She proposed that every whiny, belly-aching attitude

Be replaced by super-duper enthusiastic gratitude. 

Be thankful for parents, friends and siblings, too. 

Be thankful for a silly joke on days you feel blue.

 Be grateful for medicine and vegetables, all those things that make you say “yuck.”

Be grateful for every time you were stumped, bested, or stuck.  

Be grateful for what you have, grateful for what you don’t. 

If you are, you won’t get eaten. It’s true! You really won’t. 

Well, the kids took her advice and the whining stopped turkey-cold. 

The kids practiced gratitude, practiced just like they were told. 

They were thankful everyday, appreciative every night, 

And soon enough that hungry monster lost its appetite.

The monster in that town was never seen again.

And the kids cried, “Hallelujah, baby! Amen, amen, amen!” 

Now, you might be grateful, too, that this monster was run out,

But don’t think you’re safe to whine—it still might be about. 

No, not in that town—perhaps in yours—monsters are known to stray. 

So swap that whining for gratitude and keep that monster appetite away. 

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Who am I? Find for yourself a teacher.

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

As I have said many times, I am not a religious person.  I don’t go to synagogue often.  In fact, a monthly Sunday morning service is all I do right now.  And I only go because of the way it is done.  It is done in a meaningful and intentional way.  It is done not only for the ‘how’ of praying but more importantly for me, the ‘why’.  I began learning Torah with a Rabbi a few years ago because I valued the discussion and questions that came out of the process.  Studying Torah became about how I choose to live my life today rather than learning some stories verbatim and being able to repeat them back.

I often think that the challenge people have with religion and services, both in the Jewish and non-Jewish communities, is that we are taught only the HOW.  We are never taught the WHY.  One of my favorite parts of being Jewish has been that I have begun to ask the WHY question and don’t really care that much about the HOW.  The WHY is what matters. 

Simon Sinek’s amazing Ted Talk about Start with Why. The Why matters.

It’s interesting that for a guy who isn’t religious, doesn’t really like going to synagogue, doesn’t keep kosher, has his own definition of keeping Shabbat (I don’t do work but I drive, cook, drive a car, turn on the TV, etc.  I just don’t do professional work (most of the time)) that I find wisdom in the Torah.  As a few friends and teachers have told me, “The Torah is the instruction manual for life.”  I think it’s because of the teachers that I have found and the way they teach, how they explain the WHY of things rather than the literal story, that I find meaning and inspiration to be a better person.

I was excited that on this trip, the young adults and I were going to have the opportunity to learn some of the WHY from my longtime colleague and friend, Aryeh Ben-David.  From my experiences with him over the past 15 or so years, I knew that he would get to the WHY and boy did he.  He did in a brilliant and simple way, using only the first verse of the Torah. 

Genesis verse 1 talks about the creation of the earth.  Most of know the story of the six days of creation and the 7th day God rested.  None of this was what Aryeh discussed.  Instead, we focused on THE major life question.  WHO AM I?

Three words.  None more than 3 letters.  Yet it is perhaps the most asked and the most challenging question for all of us.  We start the Torah with the big question.  Judaism doesn’t mess around.  Let’s get right to it. 

As we discussed the question first in chevruta (pairs of two) and then as a big group, we were able to bring it together with Aryeh’s guidance to two things.  First, we are made in God’s image so that we are all perfectly as God intended.  This also means we have to strive to be more Godlike in life.  Secondly, we are both dust and soul.  The two don’t get along.  They fight constantly over us.  Are we focused on the here and now and pleasures of the body?  Or are we going to be focused on delayed gratification, making things have meaning, going deeper into what we are doing and why we are doing it?  Every choice we make is between the immediate pleasure or the delayed gratification.  The shallow or the deep.  One thing became very clear.  While there are people only for the dust (immediate pleasure), they are few and far between and typically easy to identify because they look like a caricature.  There are very few who are all about the soul (delayed gratification) and they are also easy to identify.  They are monks.  They deny the physical entirely, never marrying, living in isolation, depriving themselves of everything but the basics.  The challenge is the balance between the two.

There is a place for the dust.  We want nice things and there is nothing wrong with having nice things.  Good food.  Good wine.  A nice house.  A nice car.  Good clothes.  An enjoyable sex life.   Money in the bank.  The ability to travel.  The question is always, “at what cost?”  Where is the balance?  At what point are we only serving ourselves and not serving the larger community or God (and if you don’t believe in God, replace the word with nature or civilization or whatever you want).  Do we want to be like the wealthy attorney who owns the huge fields in Israel that we picked apples at and who donates all the food to those who are in need, or do we want to be the person who owns large parcels of land and lets them sit empty because they merely want to make a profit on the resale of the property?  Do we want to keep all our money, time, and talent for our benefit or do we want to give our money, time and talent to help others and improve the world.  These are the questions we need to ask.

In these crazy times that we currently live, this first verse of the Torah is more important than ever.  Do we want to fight hate or make money off it?  Do we want to hide and stay quiet, hoping it will pass us by or do we want to do the right thing and stand up against it?  Do we want to spend the time to get educated and understand the nuance or believe the soundbites and move on?  What are our morals?  What are our ethics?  What do we stand for?  The old saying, “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything” has never been truer.

We can even take this into the United State political arena.  Do you want to be part of the country that hates the other part of the country?  Do you want to live in hating the other political party and their candidates?  Would you rather work to solve our society problems?  These are choices we get to make every day.  Do we want to be spending more of our time on the dust, the physical plane or the soul, the spiritual plane.  Note that none of this has to do with religion or even being Jewish although the thought and questions come from the Torah. 

Each day we get to ask ourselves these questions.  Each day, when we wake up, we have the opportunity to make new choices.  In a different session, as we discussed a few of the prayers, there were two that jumped out at me.  The first, Modeh Ani, is what we are supposed to say every morning.  It is a simple thank you to God for letting us wake up.  It also ties into the dust and soul issue.  Our soul leaves us at night and returns in the morning.  Sleep is for the physical, the dust.  While I don’t usually say the Modeh Ani when I wake up, I do thank God every morning when I wake up.  It’s the first think that I do (maybe the second after using the bathroom).  I thank God for giving me the day ahead and everything that comes with it.  It takes me a minute or two and it’s really very simple.  “Thank you, God, for the day ahead and everything that comes with it.  I am excited to be alive today and grateful that you gave me the gift of life today.”  That’s the entire prayer.  Each morning when I say it, it inspires me to take action in the day, no matter what the day entails.  Sometimes I say it out loud, sometimes in my head.  I say it every day.

The second prayer that jumped out at me was the first prayer of the morning service.  It is a strange one.  We thank God for giving “the rooster understanding to differentiate between day and night.”  What a weird thing to say as the very first prayer of the service. We all sat there thinking about why we would say that.  What makes that so important to have it be the first prayer of the morning service.  Our teacher talked to us about how the most precious thing we have in life is time.  On a trip with a group of young adults, all under 26, that’s an interesting concept to discuss.  Time is endless for them.  They are in the beginning of living as adults.  We talked about how Judaism ensures we mark time to remember how important it is.  A bris or baby naming.  Bar/Bat Mitzvah.  Wedding/chuppah.  Yahrzeit (anniversary of somebody’s death).  We constantly mark the passage of time to not forget how important it is.  We say this prayer so that we notice not just the passage of time but also that we pay attention to all the little things that happen every single day that we take for granted.  The sun rising.  Food to eat.  Clothes to wear.  Shelter.  Loved ones in our life.  The rooster knowing the difference between day and night is to symbolize nature and all the things we take for granted.  We start each day with gratitude by saying Modeh Ani or our own thank you to God for the day ahead.  Then we thank God again for all the things we take for granted. 

What a way to start every day.  As most of you know, I’m not very religious so saying the Hebrew prayers isn’t something that I do regularly.  Every day, I do thank God for the gift of the day and now I have the opportunity to thank God for all the things I take for granted.  Maybe that will help me notice them during the day and not take them for granted. 

On my trip to Israel last month, we learned about what a miracle it is to wake up in Jerusalem.  To breathe the air in Jerusalem.  To walk the streets.  This morning, I woke up in the Southern Galilee to beautiful views.  God as an artist.  We rode jeeps around the area, looking at the fields growing fruit and vegetables.  At the mountains and the sky.  At the Kinneret (Sea of Galilee).  When we are in a different place and see the beauty around us, it is very easy to notice it.  What about in our own daily life?  What about in our own homes, looking at our own backyards? 

View of the lower Galilee. The Kinneret n the distance. Israel, Syria, and Jordan in the background.

As I spend two weeks of July in a country at war after spending 10 days here in May and planning another 10 days in August, I am so grateful for many things.  Grateful for the existence of the State of Israel.  Grateful to the IDF who protect this country.  Grateful that I have the ability to come to Israel as often as I have in my life.  Grateful for the pioneers who made the desert bloom.  Grateful to the leaders like David Ben Gurion, Moshe Dayan, Golda Meir, Shimon Peres, Menachem Begin, Yitzhak Rabin, Ariel Sharon, and many more who created this country.  I have the opportunity to live in the dust, enjoy being able to come here and enjoy the food, the people, the beach, and everything it has to offer.  More importantly, I have the opportunity to live in the soul as well, fighting on Israel’s behalf to educated and inform people about what it is really like and what is really happening.  I have the opportunity to let my soul open up while here and make sure it stays open when I return home. 

A short video from the lower Galilee with Israel, Syria, and Jordan in the background. It highlights how close everything is and is a way for me to educate and speak out on Israel’s behalf.

In Pirkei Avot 1:6, there is a famous line that I have chosen to live by.  To paraphrase it, we are charged to find ourselves a teacher, make them our friend, and judge others with grace and giving them the benefit of the doubt.  While all three are important, I sometimes struggle with the third and it is the first two that I am living by.  I have found myself not just a teacher but a few teachers.  They have become my friends.  They provide me guidance to be a better person.  They explain things and I ask lots of questions.  They make it relatable to my life today, in 2024.  One of my teachers, who I have been learning with and from for more than 20 years, told me a few weeks ago that I was now a yogi.  That was high praise from him and I’m not sure that I really believe that, but I have come a long way.  They all continue to inspire me.  I learn from all of them. 

So, who are you?  Where do you stand in the balance of dust and soul?  If you don’t know, that is totally ok.  Most people do not know.  Find yourself a teacher.  Make them your friend.  Learn.  It is not about being more religious.  It is about learning life lessons and how to apply them.  It is about finding meaning for you in what you choose to do.  It is a deeply personal journey and a powerful one.  I encourage you to begin the journey.  From my experience, it is one you will really enjoy.

My favorite band. One of their great songs. Who are you? That’s the key question.
In case you want to listen. Watching Keith Moon on drums is always a joy.

More thoughts and inspiration from Israel

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

As I continue to process my 10 days in Israel this month, I can only do so in bite size pieces.  Here is my second bite at the experience and what it has meant to me and what I have learned.

On my trip in 2021, we had a number of Israeli men on our bus.  I wrote about Alex, whose son died on October 7th, in my last blog post.  Another person I met on that trip has become a close friend. I can’t use his name or pictures for security reasons.

There were a few things that he spoke about that really resonated with me then and as I unpack the time in Israel, reinforce common themes that have come out of the trip and that I want to apply in my life.  One of the most significant was when he talked about holding his son’s bar mitzvah at Kibbutz Be’eri.  After being decimated on October 7th by the Hamas terrorists, he wanted to bring light and life to Kibbutz Be’eri, so that is where he held his son’s bar mitzvah.  It’s like saying that I want to get married on the still smoldering ruins of the Twin Towers in 2001.  Let’s celebrate a significant event at the devastated site of the apartment building in Sunny Isles, Florida.  Let’s celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary at any of the sites of school shootings a few months after children were murdered there.  In many ways, it doesn’t make sense.

Yet through a Jewish lens, it makes total sense.  We value human life more than anything.  The Talmud teaches that Whoever Saves a Life Saves the World.  The idea of bringing light and life to a place where light and life was destroyed is incredibly Jewish.  It’s similar to what Noa was saying at Shura Army base when she spoke about making a better dinner for her family, being better for her children and husband.  We can take the sad, the dark, the bitter, and find a way to make the light shine again.  That’s what he and his family did at Kibbutz Be’eri.  They door a place stained with death, kidnapping, torture and pain and brought light to it.  They brought joy to it, if even for just a few hours or a day. 

Noa, a true inspiration about how to live life. Our teachers show up when we are ready to learn.

The lesson I take from this is that we all have an opportunity to bring light and joy to the world every single day.  It doesn’t matter what is happening in our own lives, in our country, or in the world.  We have the ability to make a conscious decision to do things that bring light to the world.  Sometimes it can be something as simple as holding the door for somebody.  Helping somebody cross the street.  Say a kind word to somebody that you see even if you don’t know them.  It doesn’t take much to bring light to our lives and the world.  It does take a conscious effort.  After this trip, one of the things I am going to do is find ways to bring light to the world around me.  Pay attention to the opportunities that present themselves every day and act.  The small random acts of kindness brighten somebody’s day and improve the world.  Thank you Yaron and Noa for inspiring and teaching me.

Our trip leader, Saul Blinken, was incredibly inspiring.  We spent most of our time based out of Jerusalem and he said something that had an immediate impact on me.  Saul said that every day we wake up in Jerusalem, it’s a miracle.  Every day we breath the air in Jerusalem is a miracle.  Every day we walk the streets of Jerusalem, it’s a miracle.  And every night we go to sleep in Jerusalem, it’s a miracle.  He asked us to imagine if somebody told the Jews who were being exiled by the Romans not to worry, that 2000 years later the Jews would be back in Jerusalem and there would be a Jewish state.  They wouldn’t believe it.  Yet it happened.

Saul passionately speaking to us. What an incredible teacher and friend.

From the time Saul said that I took it to heart.  Every day when I woke up, it was an incredible feeling to know that I was waking up in Jerusalem.  As I walked the streets, I had a deeper appreciation of what it meant to be able to do that.  Going into the old city, visiting the Kotel, walking freely throughout the city – everything became a WOW moment.  It reminded me of what my friend Roni Akele, the Director General of the Ethiopian National Project said about being a Jew in Ethiopia.  He said that they always dreamed of returning to Jerusalem.  Everything was about Jerusalem.  The psalm we sing is “If I forget you, oh Jerusalem….”

I fell in love with Jerusalem on my first trip to Israel in 1989 and it has never changed.  I am not an overly religious person, yet going to the Kotel is powerful.  This trip I got to visit Temple Mount for the first time.  Incredibly powerful.  As we stood there and said the Shema, I felt a connection that is indescribable.  Saul’s words hit home and deeply.  I’ll never take Jerusalem for granted again.  I’ll never take for granted all the time I have spent there, all the sites I have seen, all the friends I have who live there. 

It’s an opportunity to think deeply about gratitude.  This was my 21st trip to Israel and I hope to be back in Israel a few more times this year.  I don’t think much about it yet now I am filled with gratitude that I have these opportunities.  Each time I go to Israel, I get a deeper connection to Judaism and to understanding myself.  As I have said, I’m not very religious but I am very Jewish.  Israel brings that home to me.

I also think about how many things I have to be grateful for in my life.  Jerusalem can easily be representative of so many important things.  My family.  My health.  Doing work that is personally meaningful.  The success of my children as people and in life.  The life I have is truly beyond my wildest dreams.  It is easy to lose track of that and focus on the things that aren’t going well or that I don’t like.  Temple Mount was a good example.  I wish we could go there whenever we want.  I wish we could openly pray there and celebrate that holy space.  I could focus on the things we don’t have.  Or I can focus on the fact that we can go there.  That I did find a private place to pray quietly.  That I did feel the connection with God in this special place.  Our choices determine everything.  Do I want to focus on what I don’t have or what I have?  Do I want to be bitter about the things I think I deserve or be grateful for the wonderful things I actually have?  Just like I’ll never take Jerusalem for granted again, I won’t take the wonders and gifts of my life for granted either.  Nothing is perfect but it sure can be great.

A picture I took overlooking the Western Wall plaza. The beauty never disappoints.

The last thing I want to unpack in this post relates to Israelis.  Not since the second intifada have I been in Israel where I was thanked so much by Israelis for being there.  During the second intifada they were happy to see Jews coming because most were not.  It was the Christians who were coming to visit.  This time they were grateful for Jewish solidarity.  For knowing the Jews of the diaspora love Israel and support them as brothers and sisters.  That we are willing to come in the middle of a war because of our love for Israel and the people of Israel.   That the Jewish community truly is global.  There was a unity we felt and that they needed.  I never expected to get the thanks we did or for it to mean as much as it did to me. 

During the second intifada, part of the thanks was due to the economic benefit the country needed by our visiting.  While that is very true right now, that wasn’t what I was being thanked for.  The Israelis need to see us in person.  They need get our hugs and love.  They need to know they aren’t alone.  When the guys on our bus from an LA Jewish Day School gave the soldiers letters from kids at the school, they were deeply moved.  October 7th, the hostages, and the ensuing war is taking an incredible toll on the entire country.  Seeing their Jewish brothers and sisters from America and the rest of the world makes an incredible difference.

It’s a reminder to me that not only do I need to show up both through WhatsApp and in person for my Israeli brothers and sisters, I need to do the same for my friends and family.  That random phone call, text, or email may often mean far more than I ever thought.  Checking in on friends and family doesn’t take much effort and the payoff is always significant and meaningful.  This trip reminded me that the 30 seconds it takes to send a text or email, or the 15 minutes I allocate for a phone call, may change a person’s entire day and outlook.  It doesn’t matter if they reply or if they answer the phone.  The effort is what is meaningful.

The other thing that was surprising to me was the Israelis response to my tattoos related to October 7th.  I got them because of their meaning to me.  My children could have been at Nova.  I could have been there with them.  It hit home and hard.  The Mia Schem quote, “We will dance again” and the tattoo she got inspired me as well.  It is a reminder that we never give up hope.  We will overcome the challenges and not just survive but thrive.  Whatever is taken from us, we will get back.  They will never take our spirit or our soul.  Here in America, I get very few comments on them.  People are very used to tattoos and I have been surprised at the lack of comments or questions because of the uniqueness of them.  In Israel it was just the opposite.  Not only did they notice them, but people were stunned that October 7th meant that much to me.  ‘Wow’ was the most common thing said to me, followed by questions and a conversation.  At a t-shirt store where I got a few meaningful ones for myself, the owner was so taken by my tattoos that he asked if he could take pictures of them and use them on t-shirts he would sell.  Of course I said yes.  On my next trip, I’ll swing by and see if he has them on a t-shirt.  How cool would that be??

Nova music festival – it could have my kids and me.
The Mia Schem saying and tattoo

Standing up for what you believe in matters.  The old saying, “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything” really holds true.  I’m not advocating that everybody should get a tattoo.  I am advocating that whatever matters to you, whatever you stand for, make sure that you actually do it publicly.  It matters.  People notice what you say and do and what you don’t say and don’t do.  If they are your values, make it public.

Trips to Israel, especially the Momentum Men’s Trips, always have me returning with my head spinning.  There is always much to unpack.  More is coming as I continue to process the time I spent there, the people I met, the things I saw, and how I felt.   If you have never been, I urge you to go.  If you have been, I urge you to return.  It truly does change your life.

184 days. 6 months. Hope and Gratitude?

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

6 months ago, I woke to a very different world.  I didn’t know it when I awoke that morning.  I made coffee, sat down to catch up on the news, and was horrified to hear about the attacks in Israel.  I turned on the TV and the only channel covering it well was CNN.  I don’t like watching most television news because of the bias, but on October 7, 2023, I didn’t have a choice.  It appeared nobody else was covering it well.  I was shocked at what I saw and how CNN covered it that day.  They acted like a real news network rather than being in the entertainment business. 

The horrors I saw on October 7th only got worse as I watched the 47-minute Hamas video, the documentary on the Nova music festival massacre, and heard from survivors on the attacks on Kibbutzim on October 7th and the Nova Music festival.  Images and stories I will never forget.

Many of you don’t know this about me, but in the early to mid 1990s I worked with the Department of Corrections.  My population for 18 months was solitary confinement, and I did coverage of Florida’s Death Row when the person who had that as their primary job was on vacation.  I also worked with rapists and child molesters who were getting treatment to stop offending if/when they ever got out of prison. I spent time with some of the ‘worst of the worst’.  I read files of people who had done horrible things.  I met with people who did horrible things.  While each of these people did horrific things, none of that was as horrifying to me as what happened on October 7th.  Working there definitely changed me and it took me 6 months after I left to feel like a normal person again.  I’m not sure I will ever be the person I was before October 7th again.

Sundays are when I get my inspiration from songs and music.  I debated whether to continue this week with that model or because of the 6-month mark of October 7th, to do something different.  I spend time with a couple of Rabbis each week learning and one thing that has come across clearly and that resonates with me is that Judaism believes in hope and gratitude.  So I decided to stick with music this week and pick a song that, for me, is entirely about gratitude and reinforces hope. 

On day 184 of the hostages’ captivity, on the 6 month mark since October 7th, hope and gratitude are what I need.  Hope that the hostages will be released soon.  Hope that they are alive.  Gratitude for the IDF and all those who risk everything to protect Israel and the Jewish people.  Gratitude for our leaders who are speaking out publicly against Hamas and defending Israel’s right to defend herself.  Hope that those who aren’t or who aren’t clear will get clarity and fight for good to defeat evil.

The song is Alright by Darius Rucker

Alright (alright), alright, Yeah, it’s alright (alright), alright.

Don’t need no five-star reservations, I got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine.
Don’t need no concert in the city, I got a stereo and the best of Patsy Cline

Ain’t got no caviar, no Dom Perignon, but as far as I can see, I got everything I want.

It’s a simple beginning focusing on all the things he doesn’t need.  All the things that are materialistic but not important.  As I sit here on day 184 of the hostages being in captivity and the 6-month mark of the terrorist attack on October 7th, I realize that none of the things that I thought were important on October 6th really are.  I would trade the delicious food, the concerts and shows I attend, the nice cars I own for the safe return of the hostages.  For the end of Hamas and the end of the war.  For the safety of my friends and my friends’ children who are serving in the IDF.  For those in Gaza who are innocent and suffering to have food, shelter, medicine, and a government that actually cares for them. 

The Bibas kids – Kfir has spend nearly half his life as a hostage of Hamas

I am grateful for the health of my family.  For my mom, my in-laws, my siblings and sisters/brothers in law, nieces and nephews, and family that isn’t by blood.  I’m lucky that I want what I have rather than focusing on having what I want.  The last 20 months, since my dad got sick and then died through the many changes in life, I have paid attention to what is really important to me.  Family.  Friends.  Relationships.  Health.  As he sings, ‘as far as I can see, I have everything I want.’

‘Cause I got a roof over my head
The woman I love laying in my bed
And it’s alright (alright), alright
I got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it’s alright (alright), alright, yeah
I got all I need
And it’s alright by me

The chorus reiterates this.  The basics are what I need.  A roof over my head, somebody I love in my life, clothes, and that powerful relationship.  It’s what I need and when I focus on what I need, it’s certainly, “alright by me.”

I have heard the parents of hostages speak in person, on tv, and through interviews.  One thing is very clear to me.  They would trade EVERYTHING to get their loved one back.  I have heard from people who lost loved ones on October 7th – either on the kibbutzim, at the Nova music festival, or trying to save the lives of people being attacked by the Hamas terrorists.  They would give up everything to get their loved ones back.  Many of them have said they would return to the kibbutz where they lived prior to October 7th but would never live in that house again.  They need the roof over their head and the community that they love and love them, but they don’t need that specific home. 

I have friends who had loved ones taken hostage that have since been released.  When I talk to them, the appreciation they have for their loved one’s release and the empathy from those who have loved ones that have not been released.  I have friends who still have loved ones that are hostages and the daily pain they endure is unthinkable.  We often have these grandiose things that we want.  The nice, new car.  The bigger house.  The vacation home.  The exotic trip.  The designer clothes, bag, shoes.  I find myself, like the song says, caring about the things that money can’t buy.  Health.  Happiness.  Family.  I find myself grateful for the people who care about me and who I have the privilege of caring about.  And while I am saddened by the people who I have learned don’t really care, it also frees me up to invest more of my time and my energy with the people who do.

Hila was released after being kept as a hostage the day before she turned 13. The look on her face is priceless as she gets her birthday and Hanukkah gifts from her worldwide Jewish family.

Maybe later on, we’ll walk down to the river
Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon
It may not be no French Riviera
But it’s all the same to me as long as I’m with you.

May be a simple life, but that’s okay
If you ask me baby, I think I’ve got it made.

I have had the privilege in my life to do some amazing travel.  Having been to Israel 20 times and my 21st coming up next month isn’t the extent of it.  I’ve been to many of the islands in the Caribbean, as a another famous song says, “Aruba, Jamaica” and many, many more.   I’ve been on cruises.  I’ve been to Mexico and Canada, Italy (more than once), Turkey, Spain, Greece, England, Switzerland, Egypt, Thailand, Bali, and more.  Every one of these trips was amazing.  I got to see incredible sights and experience incredible cultures and food and meet wonderful people.  And yet, I would much rather be with my loved ones and walk down to the lake.  I’d rather lay on a blanket together and look up at the moon, spending time with them.  I don’t need to go to the exotic places to get those special feelings. 

I’m not saying I don’t love traveling (I do).  And I’m not saying I’m going to stop traveling (I’m not).  What I am saying is that I don’t want to miss the time with family and friends because of some exotic place.  I get much more value from meeting my mom for lunch in Lakeland than eating at a café in Venice, Italy.  I have more fun eating lunch with a bunch of friends at Portillo’s in Springfield, Illinois than I do at a gourmet restaurant in Istanbul.  I love when we cook out at the beach or go as a large family out to dinner during our Greenberg family beach week much more than dinner at Big Itzik in Tel Aviv (and the food there is amazing). 

Dinner at Big Itzik (Itzik HaGadol). The food is amazing and the salads are incredible

On day 184 of captivity, on the 6-month mark of the October 7th massacre, I know that the families of those taken hostage or murdered would much rather eat cheese sandwiches with their loved ones than a fancy meal.  They’d rather sit in the living room with those in captivity or murdered than take an exotic trip.  We live in a world where our priorities are messed up.  We now value things so much we forget about the value of our friends and family until it’s too late. 

On Friday I learned of the death of a friend and colleague.  It wasn’t expected.  It was a shock.  He was a wonderful man, a friend, a colleague, and just a good human being.  Salt of the earth.  It was sudden.  He was only 5 years older than me.  We’ve known each other for around 20 years.  It was devastating.  It was shocking.  I think what bothers me the most is that I don’t remember the last time we spoke.  I think it was nearly a year ago in Atlanta.  Not for any good reason.  Life got busy.  We knew we’d talk again.  We knew the opportunity would occur.  Until it didn’t.  I don’t want to live my life that way any longer.  I don’t want to regret the call I didn’t make once it is too late.  I don’t want to regret the simple text or email to stay connected and make sure those who matter to me know they matter to me.  That’s more important than anything else.

When I lay down at night, I thank the Lord above
For giving me everything I ever could dream of

‘Cause I’ve got a roof over my head
The woman I love laying in my bed
And it’s alright, alright, alright, alright
I got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it’s alright, alright, alright, yeah

I got all I need, yeah
I got all I need
And it’s alright by me, oh, yeah
It’s alright by me, yeah, yeah, yeah

The last few lines and the chorus once again are powerful.  God (or the Lord) is a challenging thing to talk about today.  It tends to mean you are either an evangelical Christian, far right wing, a terrorist, a racist, you hate people who are different than you, or somebody who is trying to convert others to your beliefs.  Yet it really means none of that. 

I pray and meditate every day and have for decades.  I have a relationship with God that is personal and meaningful.  It’s my own and if you ask me about it, I’m happy to share mine and encourage you to have your own.  And if you don’t want your own, that’s ok too.  I no longer believe in the punishing God that I was raised with.  I believe in a God that is loving, caring, and only wants the best for me.  And that when the best doesn’t happen, it is never because of God, it’s always because of me.  My favorite book, Illusions by Richard Bach, is a thought-provoking book which challenged my conventional thinking about God and the universe.  It explores the nature of reality and perceived reality which led me to question my beliefs and consider new possibilities.  In it, there are many sayings pulled from the handbook for life.  My favorite is:

“Argue for your limitations and they are yours.”

Since reading the book the first time and reading that quote, I have challenged myself to not fight for my limitations and the limitations of God.  It doesn’t mean I can do everything or even anything.  It does mean that if I believe I can do it, I can do my best and it may just happen.  And it may not happen.  But if I argue before I do the work, it never happens.  There are many of these gems in the book and at one point I wrote them on index cards and carried them with me to remind me of the lessons. 

I thank God every day for the blessings in my life.  The relationship I had with my dad.  The relationship I have with my mom.  My family, my wife, my children, my siblings and sister/brother in laws.  My nieces and nephews.  My cousins.  My family that isn’t blood but is just as close.  My friends.  A roof over my head.  Shoes under my feet.  Food to eat. 

Many years ago, when I was not yet 21, a friend told me to write down what I wanted in the next year and seal it in an envelope.  A year later, we opened it together and I was amazing.  My list was incredibly short sited.  I had asked and hoped for far less than I actually got.  I had argued for my limitations when I wrote the list but didn’t in my life.  As a result, I got far more. 

On day 184, the 6-month mark since October 7th, we can’t argue for the IDF or Israel’s limitations.  They can do what they need to do to protect Israel and the Jewish people.  They can do what they need to free the hostages.  They will do what is needed to eliminate the evil that is Hamas. 

At the end of the day, I do have all that I need and it is alright with me.  I’m filled with gratitude and hope, despite the horrors of October 7th, the horrors of war, and the captivity of innocent civilians.  We, as a people, will continue to survive and thrive and will do what is needed. 

Change and the power of people

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Change isn’t easy.  It’s new, it’s different, and often comes with pain, either because it’s something we don’t want or because it’s something that hurts that forces us to see things differently and behave differently.  As we approach the new year, 2024, it’s a time many people make resolutions for the new year.  Things they will change.  A number of years ago I made the last one, and one I have kept ever since.  I vowed to stop making New Year’s Resolutions?

Why did I do that? Most of these are aspirational with no intent to actually make the changes.  The impetus is a date on the calendar, not a desire for real change, and as a result, they simply don’t work.  By not making any more new year’s resolutions, I empowered myself to make the changes in my life when they are needed rather than because it’s now January 1st of a new year.

As I look back at the past year, it gives me a chance to look at the changes I have made and the impact they have had and what I hope they will have as I move forward.

On September 6, 2022, my father died.  I have been lucky in my life to have wonderful relationships with my parents, and this was a transformative moment in my life.  My dad was who I went to for advice and guidance.  He was a role model.  With him no longer physically here, change was needed in my life.  I had to find others who could help provide the guidance that my dad offered for nearly 55 years.  My Uncle Marty, my close friends Todd and Ron.  People who I had long standing, trusted relationships went to a deeper level. 

I began to question what was really important in my life.  What mattered to me.  I made a commitment to increase the amount of time I spent with my family as time had become the most important thing in my life.  I wanted to improve my health, lose weight, and get better reports from my doctors.  None of this happened overnight, but it all happened because of the combination of the pain from the loss of my dad and the strong desire for something different.  I lost 55 pounds, my health improved, and my doctors were beyond thrilled, and I chose to invest more time with my family, taking advantage of what I could.  As my oldest son left the house this morning to return to Tennessee because they needed him back a week early, I was filled with gratitude for the time we did get to spend and look forward to the next opportunity.  Pain, something we all do our best to avoid, forced change, something we also tend to avoid, to improve my life, which all want but often aren’t willing to do the work to make happen.

I changed my career.  As somebody who spent 25 years working in the Jewish non-profit sector, it was something I enjoyed and something that was core to my identity.  I had thought of doing something else many times but never actually made it happen.  Fear?  Insecurity?  Uncertainty?  Change is often forced upon us and then we have the choice to rise to the challenge or not.  I’m excited about the new future and what it means.  I have more time with my family, more time to address improving my health and fitness.  Less stress.  When my mom said to me, “I was waiting to get the call that you had a heart attack.” it was a wake-up call.  It’s a new future ahead with things I cannot foresee and yet, I am more excited about it than I have been in a long while.  Change can be scary and exhilarating, uncertain and exciting.  How we choose to approach it, what our attitude is and what we are willing to often determine our success. 

October 7 was a sea change for me and many others.  As I watched the news unfold, as I communicated with friends and family in Israel via WhatsApp during the day, I was horrified, scared, angry, and stunned.  I’ll never forget the video of people murdered in their cars and they zoomed in on a minivan with the father, dead and slumped forward on the steering wheel while his young daughter, clinging to his back, was slumped dead against him.  It’s a horrifying image that is burned into my brain.  I saw the 47-minute Hamas video and those images are forever in my memory.  I have connections through friends to at least four hostages who thankfully have been returned to Israel.  October 7 was deeply personal in a way I never expected or wanted.

As somebody who was already a very public Jew due to my career, being more public wasn’t a real change.  But choosing to invest in being Jewish in my actions was something I could do.  I had begun learning with a Rabbi and have continued to do that weekly with a bigger zest and interest.  Sometimes I’ll even learn with 2 Rabbis in a week because it’s interesting to hear different perspectives.  My tefillin is out and gets used (not daily as some change comes slowly).  I don’t identify with any particular denomination any longer – I am a Jew and that’s enough.    I am not a jewelry person, yet I bought a new Mogen David (Star of David) from Israel that has the State of Israel as the center of the star and wear it proudly and visible when many others are feeling the need to keep theirs hidden due to safety concerns.  I have ordered some additional pieces from Israel, both for my own identity and to support Israeli artists.  The guy who hates jewelry is now wearing Jewish jewelry. 

I have always been somebody who felt that people were the most important thing in the world.  Throughout my life and my career, I have always invested in people.   I have some long term friends that I have known literally all my life to those who I’ve been friends with for 20 and 30 years.  My kids often joke about their ‘relatives’ that aren’t really related to them.  Alice and Jerry (z’l), Amy, Gabi, Karen, and their kids.   Uncle Aric and Aunt Carol.  My best friend Todd.  Ron and Sandy z’l (z’l).  It’s very common for them to not ask ‘how are we related?’ but ‘are we really related?’ when these names come up. 

I have people that I have worked with from 25 years ago that I still keep in touch with and are still friends.  These relationships are ones that I treasure (and those who worked with me or were students at UF when I was at Hillel or at Federation in Seattle or the JCC or Federation in Orlando know exactly what I mean and who you are.)  We still talk on a regular basis, sometimes out of the blue and sometimes every few weeks.  While not a change, my commitment to people has increased in the last year.  Investing in them.  Helping them.  Being their friend regardless of anything else.  October 7th reminded me just how precious those friendships are.  The messages on my birthday reminded me how precious those friendships are.  People reaching out after my dad died made me realize how incredibly luck and wealthy I am, not because of money or things, but because of people.  My career shift highlighted the people who reached out to talk and ask questions.  Here are just four examples from the past 5 days that highlight this (I could give many more):

  1. Thursday I spent an hour on a zoom with my friend Harriet. For the past 3 years or so we meet on zoom every week to talk about life, work, stress, family, and the just be friends. It started as part of a cohort and we just never stopped. It’s often the highlight of my week just for the personal connection.
  2. Friday I spent an hour on a zoom with my friend Shelley, catching up on life, talking about our families, our other friends, our careers, things we have considered doing, things we are doing, and just being together for the hour enjoying each others company.
  3. Monday I reached out to a number of friends to wish them a Merry Christmas.  One of them, Jamal, let me know that he is writing a book that will be published in 2024 and that he references me in the book and will share it with me before it’s published.  I was beyond humbled and overwhelmed by this.
  4. About a week ago, I messaged my friend Yaron, who is a leader in the IDF reserves that I know is on the front line in Gaza.  I didn’t expect a prompt reply, or maybe any reply, because of what he is tasked with doing.  Monday he replied, apologizing for the delay, which also humbled me.  He is currently the operations officer for the Gaza Division so you can imagine what he is living.  While he will never talk about it, I heard from other friends that on October 7th, he grabbed his gun and raced into the fight against the Hamas terrorists, helping defend Israelis by taking on the terrorists.  He thanked me for reaching out, for keeping him in my thoughts and that he mattered that much to me.  We messaged and began making plans to get together after the war, both when I am in Israel and when he is in the United States.  His heroism awes me. The fact that my message to him, asking about him and hoping he is ok and safe and that the war ends both successfully and soon, meant so much to him is proof of the power of people.

At the end of the day, change isn’t easy or fun, but is rewarding.  People are the key to change.  The relationships we build today can last a lifetime.  They help us get through change.  They help us get through the pain of things like losing a parent, a massacre on October 7th, dealing with a war where friends are on the front lines, and the challenges of daily life.  As we come to the close of 2023, I find myself most proud of three things.

  1. The relationship with my parents and my siblings.
  2. The relationship with my wife and children.
  3. The relationship with my friends, colleagues, and former students.

No amount of money can enter the top 3.  No amount of success can enter the top 3.  Nothing material truly matters until after those 3.  I’m humbled and grateful and look forward to a better 2024.