We recently finished with both Christmas and Hanukkah. Both have something in common that we often don’t think about. Light. Christmas lights and lights on the Christmas Tree. The light of the menorah/hanukkiah. Two holidays connected by light.
As we reflect on the year that just passed and think of the year ahead, one think I hope we all consider is light. Helping the world to have more light. Being the light in the world. Bringing the light of joy and happiness, the light of kindness.
It doesn’t take much be the light. I do it regularly with little things like holding the door for the person behind me. It’s a simple thing to do and almost always gets a ‘Thank You’ in response along with a smile. There are so many things we can do, like holding the door, to be the light. Here are a few thoughts and examples.
Help people in the grocery store. Often times people can’t reach what they are trying to get. Offer to help them get it. You may see them looking for an item. Ask what they are looking for and help them find it. Let the person with 3 or 4 items go in front of you in the checkout line. It adds a few seconds to your checkout time and will make their day. It’s likely they will tell everybody about that person with the full cart who let them go in front of them.
When you are talking to people, whether they are service people helping you or people you know, when you finish the conversation, add the words, “have a nice rest of your day.” These six words will put a smile on their face. They aren’t necessary but they do make a difference. It is a small gesture that will often get a smile in return and them wish you a nice rest of the day too. If it’s at night, you can say, “have a great evening” or something like that. It’s being thoughtful in a world that doesn’t have enough of that.
When you are driving and somebody needs to get over, let them get over! Odds are, it’s only going to add a few seconds to your drive and you just made their life a little less stressful. They may give you the ‘wave’ to say thank you and they may not. But I’m sure they will say something to the person in the car with them about it. It adds a little brightness to their day.
Randomly text a friend to say hi and you were thinking about them. It’s easy to do this with a few friends every day. It doesn’t take much time and even if you get into a text conversation with them, it still doesn’t take much time. If you really want to make a difference, actually call them to say hi. Let them know you were thinking about them and just wanted to call to say hello. No other agenda, just to say hello. It makes their day and brings joy to them and to you.
If you see a parent struggling with a child, go over and engage them and offer to help. Sometime just waving at a young child or smiling and making silly faces gets them to stop what they are doing and brings relief to the parent. Often times they don’t really need any help, but just the offer makes them feel better. The same is true if you are traveling and see a parent with children and luggage. Offer to help with the luggage. You will have made their day a little easier whether they accept your help or not.
When I am on an airplane, I always look to see who is struggling with getting their bag into the overhead bin. When I see it, I offer to help. The same is true when we land. I’ll help unload the entire overhead bin on my side and the one opposite me. Sometimes I’ll reach to the one ahead or behind me to get somebody’s bag out for them. It is a small gesture that has big impact.
When people ask for help, be there for them. I have a number of friends who have been or currently are in the job market. I go out of my way to look for things that might be a good fit for them. I share the opportunities with them. Sometimes I know the recruiter for the position, the CEO, or the hiring manager. In those cases, I always offer to reach out to them directly. Most of these opportunities do not pan out. When they do, it’s a big celebration and both my friend and I feel great. When I know the recruiter, CEO, or hiring manager, all three of us feel great. The people looking for the jobs know they are not alone. They have somebody in their corner, somebody who has their back. It is far too easy to be alone in the world today. A little kindness, a little friendship, a little reaching out and going out of your way to help others makes a tremendous difference.
Speaking of helping others,one of the easy ways to be the light is to thank people. If you see somebody in the military or law enforcement or a first responder, thank them for their service. I recently had some medical procedures and I made sure the thank my nurses repeatedly. I know there is a form to fill out when they do a great job so they get recognized and I made sure to ask for that form and filled it out for my nurses. Today when I picked up my rental car, I was hoping to get upgraded to a much bigger car because I need to take 6 people with me. Having a car that size would save hundreds of dollars in Uber fees to and from the Orange Bowl. The man at the counter didn’t have to upgrade me. But he did. And when we realized the car he upgraded me to only fit 5, he remembered somebody cancelled on a much bigger SUV that seats 7 and he upgraded me to that. I made sure to thank him. To let him know how much he helped me. People appreciate when you recognize them. People appreciate when you thank them. It brings a little light ot their day. It helps us continue to make the world a better place.
When people you know are going through a challenging time, reach out to let them know you care. A friend of mine recently went through some job challenges. He was very down and I understood what he was going through. I made sure to reach out, to check in, to let him know he wasn’t alone. I checked in on him a few weeks later, to make sure he was ‘hanging in there’. When I checked in last week he shared exciting news and the challenges were gone. I didn’t need anything for that. I didn’t do it to be recognized or thanked. I did it because I want to be a good friend, a good human being, and I appreciated it when people reached to me during my challenges over the past 3 years. I want to ‘pay it forward’ as people say by being there for others.
We live in a world filled with darkness. We don’t have to live in that darkness. We can choose to be the light. We can choose to make sure the darkness doesn’t overwhelm us and the people around us. It doesn’t take much. I listed a bunch of little things that can change somebody’s day. Things that change somebody’s attitude. That small thing that you do is like the small pebble in the lake – the rings keep going and going and going. The impact expands well beyond where the pebble enters the lake or where your interaction happened.
On the 8th night of Hanukkah, my Facebook feed was filled with pictures on menorahs fully lit, shining brightly, exhibiting Jewish pride. Enjoy the pictures. I hope the light inspires you as it did me. I hope it reminds you that you can be the light that changes the world. That brightens the lives of those around you, whether you know them or not. This is how we make the world the place we want to live. Be the light.
Friendship is a wonderful and strange thing. We do get to pick our friends although sometimes, our friends pick us. We have childhood friends that we lose touch with and those we stay in contact with. Sometimes our best friends of our youth are no longer part of our life and sometimes we lose touch for years and when we reconnect it’s like no time passed at all. Sometimes people flash into our life, make an impact, and then they are gone. Sometimes we have friends for our entire life. Friendship is dynamic, it’s not static. Friendship is something that is active and takes work.
I got a text Saturday night, letting me know that there was a good chance that a friend of mine had died. It was sudden. It was unexpected. I reached out to somebody who would know if it was true, and sadly it was. It’s a very strange, modern, Covid friendship. We only ever met in person 3 times. Yet the loss is profound.
I’m not sure how Zev found me on Facebook during Covid. Likely through a friend of a friend. He reached out about some things we were doing and thoughts I had shared. We began chatting on Facebook messenger and sharing thoughts and ideas about the Jewish community. For two years we had a virtual friendship. In December 2022, I was invited to the White House Hanukkah party and was heading to DC. It was my first trip since Covid and the first time since Zev and I ‘met’ on social media. We made plans to meet for dinner and finally got to meet in person.
My son Matthew was with me and the three of us had a great dinner filled with interesting conversation. We talked about Matthew’s college experience, how Covid impacted his high school years, the challenges of the organized Jewish community, the decline in synagogue membership, what Jewish life could look like, things in Israel (this was pre-October 7), and much more. We spent a few hours eating and talking and building our friendship.
When I returned to Orlando after the party, we continued to keep in touch. We would email, Facebook message, and talk on the phone. When Cantor Azi Schwartz performed at a synagogue gala, we discussed the role of music in prayer. A year or so later, he and his family commissioned a special musical score for MIZMOR L’DAVID: A PSALM OF DAVID by Sam Glaser at his synagogue, Adas Israel. Of course one of the senior Rabbis there is a long time friend and the Cantor there is the wife of another good friend. The Jewish world is small and Zev made it smaller. After October 7th, we had more to talk about. The conversation was always easy and flowed naturally.
Earlier this year, I was in DC for the AIPAC Policy Summit. I stayed a few days extra for some work with a client. One of the people we met with was Zev. I thought he would be interested in the project and would also provide some good feedback and suggestions. He did both. He financially supported the project and gave some great feedback that helped our messaging. He made some suggestions of other people to meet with and share information about the project. That’s who Zev was, a person who got involved and wanted to make a difference.
The last time I saw Zev was just a few weeks ago. I was back in DC to do some work with a different client. Zev and I planned to meet for lunch as my hotel was a short walk from his home. We had a great lunch, great conversation, and he was interested in the work of this client, agreeing to support them. I had another client doing work I thought he might be interested in and after lunch, sent him some of their Israeli wine to taste. In typical Zev fashion, he didn’t want me to spend money on him but I sent it anyway. We walked back to my hotel, continuing our conversation, and said goodbye in the lobby, making plans to meet again in 2025.
We emailed after that visit. He enjoyed the wine. He shared some things he was concerned about and wanted my thought on. It seemed like everything was going great for him and I looked forward to our next meeting. Unfortunately that will now never happen.
Zev and me in DC at the beginning of December. He passed away less than 3 weeks later.
Friendship is like that. It can be fleeting and it can be lasting. We never know where our friends will come from. A life lesson that I have learned is that we may think we know who our friends are and then life shows up. The people who show up then are our real friends. People I thought were friends have shown me they were really acquaintances. And people I didn’t think were good friends have shown me that they really are good friends. I’ve learned not to pre-judge anybody.
Zev was a real friend, even though we only met in person 3 times. I’m grateful that we met because of Covid and that he became a part of my life. I’m sad that he is gone, yet the things we discussed and the passion for Jewish life and the Jewish community we shared will remain a part of me forever. While he may be gone from this earth, his impact is not. He changed many people’s lives with his friendship, his committment to making a difference and being a light to the world. As a mutual friend of ours said to me after Zev passed, the Jewish people and the Jewish community were his children.
Thank you Zev for reaching out on Facebook back in 2020. Thank you for sharing who you are with me. Thank you for inviting me into your life and being my friend. You are greatly missed. זיכרונו לברכה (ichrono livrakha). May your memory always be a blessing.
Matthew, Zev, and me at our first meeting in person
What exactly are friends? It’s a term we use a lot, often when we mean acquaintences. What does it mean to be a friend? What does it mean to have friends? As a kid, friends meant popularity. Friends meant a good social life. Friends meant status. The older I get, the more that definition changes. As a kid, the more friends you had, the better. As an adult, having friends is an obligation, one that requires work and effort, and I no longer want more, I want better. A good friend of mine used to say that since he was in his late 50s (he’s now 73), he didn’t need any more friends, so he was just going to say things. To be his friend meant something and still does. That’s how I feel.
The past few days are good examples of what friendship really means to me. Let me explain. On Sunday, I got a call from a friend out of the blue. He told me about a friend of his in Baltimore who is on the autism spectrum. His friend has a job (he is a phlebotomist) but is struggling to make ends meet and needs some help. He has a cash problem and needs help accessing a kosher food bank. I jumped into action, reaching out to friends in Baltimore who were able to connect him with the Kosher Food Bank at Jewish Family Services in Baltimore, a Chabad program in Baltimore that helps Jews in need, a synagogue that has a program to help those in need, and a social service program that can help him as well. Within 15 minutes, we had assembled the information needed to help his friend.
My friend kept thanking me and I kept telling him that he didn’t need to. I told him, “This is what we do.” and I meant it. When a friend reaches out for help, we jump into action. We don’t sit back passively, we jump in actively. Thanks aren’t needed between real friends.
Another friend called me on Sunday because we hadn’t spoken in too long. We chatted about life and then began to discuss career choices, options, where he is in his career and where he wants to be. We talked about how to get there and steps he needs to take now so that in a year or two, he will be ready to move out of what he is currently doing and begin the adventure he wants to undertake. We talked about a potential client of mine that is doing something really amazing (more will be revealed in future posts) and how exciting it is and if there is a way for him to join in with it. I made the time to talk with him because he matters to me. He made the effort to call me because I matter to him. Friendship takes work and we both value each other and spent the time that shows it.
Today a friend called me to share some personal news. We have been talking on the phone but haven’t seen each other in over a month due to busy schedules and some health issues he has. He said, “I wanted to share this with you because I consider you a very close friend.” I made sure he knew that I also consider him a very close friend. He took a risk confiding in me. I took on the responsibility of not just keeping his confidence but also of being there for him. I shared some of my own personal health issues with him as he has shared his with me. We are there to support each other. That’s what friends do – they are there for each other all the time, not just when it is convenient.
I have three friends that I talk with almost every single day. We make time for each other via text or phone. We check in on each other, ask about our days, how life is going, share our challenges. It is just a part of what I do every day. It is a part of what they do every day. Friendship is a two way street and takes effort, takes work. Friendship is not a popularity contest like in high school or college. It isn’t who has the most or who has the coolest friends. It’s not about name dropping or being seen with a certain crowd. Friendship is about much more than that.
A friend of mine has been struggling finding a job. She’s been looking for a long time and has been frustated with interviews that offer way too low compensation, interviewers who don’t follow up, who don’t close the loop, and jobs with 20-30 applicants in the first days of them being posted. I’ve been working to help her find the right type of opportunity and shared different options with her through this search. About a month ago, I saw a friend of mine was hiring for somebody in her field and let her know. I reached out to my friend to let me know she was applying and asking to give her special attention (not to hire her, that’s his decision, but to really look at her candidacy). Last week she let me know that she got the job! I was so happy for her. Then my friend who was hiring reached out to let me know he was hiring her. I was so happy for him. In this case, friendship because a three way street with everybody winning.
As I am writing this, I scrolled through Facebook and saw a shocking post. An old friend from my BBYO (Jewish youth group) days died today. We were friendly rather than friends. We had lost touch for decades before connecting again on Facebook in the past few years. I knew he had some ups and downs but didn’t realize his health condition until reading the notice of his passing. It makes me sad to know that I missed out. That’s the other lesson of friendship. If you don’t work at it, if you don’t put in the effort, you miss out.
I had a life changing experience in October 2023. During this time, I learned who my real friends were. I saw those who showed up and those who didn’t. I saw those who stood by me and those who didn’t. I was surprised by people in both groups. It was an incredible life lesson. When a friend had a similar experience just over a month ago, I made sure to reach out. I made sure that he knew I was in his corner and he wasn’t alone. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to show up and real friends do it. Today I am gratetful that I learned who my real friends are and who showed up. I’m also grateful to know who didn’t show up. Life is too short to waste time on people. I want to invest my time and energy on people that I value and that value me.
I consider myself very lucky. I have a true best friend. I have a friend so close that he is like my brother. I have two friends that I consider sisters. I have a close friend that is my mentor. I have a group of friends that I would do anything for and they would do anything for me. That’s special. It doesn’t have to be unique. It is all about the effort you put into friendship. If you want acquaintances that you call friends, you don’t have to do much. If you want true friends, you have to do a lot. I choose to do a lot. And boy do I get a lot in return.
This has been a challenging week for many people. For some it’s the results of the election. For others it is the pogrom in Amsterdam and watching Jew hatred go to another level. Today is the 400th day of the hostages being in captivity. Two Jewish students were assaulted at Chicago’s DePaul University for the crime of being Jewish. In the past months, Jewish students have been attacked at The University of Michigan and The University of Pittsburgh for being Jewish. Rockets continue to be fired every single day by Hezbollah from Lebanon into Israel.
We live in arguably the most divided time in the United States since the Civil War. The world may not be this divided since World War II. It is easy to feel sad and depressed. It is easy to lose hope and think the world is ending. Concern over the next few weeks, months, and years is a common refrain heard regularly.
And yet there are examples of hope all around us. There are examples that show when we decide to be the answer, the solution; when we decide that we are no longer going to wait for others to solve the problem and challengs of the world, that we create change.
We are a college football family. For years, our Shabbat has involved being together as a family, either watching college football on TV or in person. When our older son was playing High School football, Shabbat dinner was at the football field. When he was coaching High School football, we spent Friday nights watching him coach and as he coaches college football, we are watching on TV or in person once again. This morning, as I was watching ESPN Gameday, a beautiful and inspiring story was shown.
Malachi Moore, a star player for Alabama, befriend a young girl, Henrietta Murray, who had a terminal illness. Their relationship and his relationship with her family, is a beautiful thing to see. Once again, it shows the power one person has to change the world. Malachi changed not only Henrietta’s life but the lives of her parents and his own life. Listening to him talk about what his friendship with Henrietta not only meant to him but how it changed his outlook on life is powerful. We all have th ability to be like Malachi. We all have the power to change lives with our actions. Watch, listen, and feel the love.
Watch Malachi and Henrietta’s story
Then there is the story of Melhem Asad. A Druze fan of Maccabi Tel Aviv football/soccer, Melhaem was at the game in Amsterdam. As he watched the attacks begin against Israelis by criminal antisemites with law enforcement not helping, he thought quickly on his feet. As an Arab speaker, he ran to groups of Israeli fans, speaking loudly in Arabic to them, creating the impression that everyone in his group was Arab rather than Jewish. By doing this, he successfully misled the attackers, who left these groups alone as they searched for Jews to attack. He didn’t just do this once or two. He spent several hours using this strategy to shield Jewish Maccabi fans who were under attack in restaurants and bars, unable to safely reach their hotels. When people call Israel an apartheid state, when people say that Jews, Arabs, and Druze can never get along and never exist together, this is more proof that these are lies.
Thank you Melhem for showing that humanity isn’t about being Jewish, Druze, or Arab. It’s about being a good person, caring about your fellow human beings, and combatting hate. You are an example to everybody of what the future can look like when we choose to take action ourselves. When we don’t wait for somebody else to do something. When we don’t tolerate the status quo and do what we can to make the world a better place.
Melhem Asad, who’s quick thinking and speaking Arabic saved many from being beaten.
Kirk Herbstreit is the cornerstone of ESPN Gameday. He is well known, popular, and one of the people fans want to hear from. Recently, the focus has been on the relationship with him and his dog Ben. Ben became a travel companion for Herbstreit, with him on the road, on the field, and on the set. In many ways, he became America’s dog. Recently he got very ill and in the past week he died. His loss was felt not just by Kirk but by fans and dog lovers all over the world. ESPN chose to show a tribute to Ben today. It was beautiful and powerful. It shows the power of love. I have always felt that dogs are pure love in a living being. We lost our beautiful chocolate lab, Bella, earlier this year. I miss her every day, and ask Kirk publicly mourned the loss of Ben, I could relate and understand the loss.
Our sweet girl Bella, enjoying the back yard, the sun, the grass, and being with me.
We can have this type of unconditional love with a dog. Why can’t we have this type of love for our fellow human beings? Before the election and after the election, the vitriol expressed against those supporting a different candidate was horrific. You might be branded a racist, a bigot, a Jew hater, an antisemite, an islamaphobe, transphobic, anti-LGBTQ, anti-woman, anti-American, and many other terms. It’s ok to to support different candidates for many reasons. Understanding why people make the choices they make gives us a chance to build bridges, work together towards the type of society we want to live in. Most people don’t support every position that the candidate they supported stood for. Yet we simplify people and live in hatred and disgust rather than love and understanding.
Dogs aren’t like that. They love you no matter what. It is as if they understand that people are fallible and love is what helps us deal with our imperfections. Dogs really are perfect love. I miss having Bella climb in my lap to cuddle no matter what was going on. I miss her giving me kisses and laying down at my feet to be close to me. I miss taking her out to the backyard to walk and lay in the grass, appreciating the beauty of nature, the warmth of the sun, the smell of fresh air.
It’s pure love. Watch the tribute to Ben and let Ben inspire all of us to treat people better.
Speaking of Kirk Herbstreit, every week when I watch him on ESPN Gameday with Lee Corso, their interaction is one of the sweetest things in today’s world. It’s clear that they have a father-son relationship. As Corso has gotten older, Herbstreit openly provides him with more help and more support. It is a beautiful thing to watch.
Today, it was the opposite. As the tribute to Kirk’s dog, Ben, began, he was visibly crying and emotional. You could feel his pain and loss. And who was there to support him? Lee Corso of course. It was a public display of love and support. No worries about what it looked like or what anybody though. It was two close friends being together, even with millions of people watching.
We can use the example of the relationship between these two men as a teaching lesson for each of us. Every day we have an opportunity to be there for somebody else. Every day we have a chance to build these special relationships. I am lucky. Along with my brother and sister, I have two people that I consider brothers and two people I consider sisters. That’s how close we are. While biologically I have two siblings, in reality I have six. I choose to invest in relationships with people. The quality of friends is so much more important than the quantity. Many years ago, an older friend of mine (he was my age now back then) used to say, “I don’t need more friends at my age.” I heard him but didn’t really understand at that time. Now I do.
The example of Corso and Herbstreit shows us what we can do for other people if we want. It shows how we change the world, one person, one relationship at a time. It takes so little to improve the day and the life of another person. It also can take so little to suck the energy out of somebody’s day, making their life more challenging. The question is which type of person do you want to be. Do you want to be somebody who spends every day working to make the world a little bit better or do you want to live in negativity and make the world a little bit worse every day?
I choose to change the world every day with kindness.
The past few years have been crazy in America and the world. The past year, since the October 7th attacks by Hamas on Israel, have increased and/or exposed antisemitism in the world and in the United States in a scary way. I have been very vocal about my concerns about the lack of leadership by our elected officials at all levels of government as well as within the Jewish community. Those concerns remain and grow stronger every day.
This past weekend gave me hope from the PEOPLE of America. What happened? What did I experience? What did I do? How did this happen?
First of all, I want to acknowledge that it was Rosh Hashana and I celebrate the chagim different than most. Services don’t do it for me so I find other ways to connect with God. Sometimes it is at the beach. Sometimes it’s in nature. It’s usually something that has deep meaning to me and gives me a chance to assess my life, my choices, and how I want to do better in the upcoming year.
As strange as it sounds, this year, I returned to my Alma Mater, Penn State University, for the Penn State – UCLA game. How could a football weekend give me such hope during such a bleak time? It doesn’t sound reasonable let along possible. Yet it happened. On multiple levels through multiple situations. With multiple different people.
I flew out on Thursday to meet one of my best friends who is like my brother. We’ve been friends and it’s been like this for 36 years. I called him mom, mom. He calls my mom, mom. His Aunt Jean my was my Aunt Jean. My dad was like his dad and my parents treat him like a 3rd son. It’s that type of relationship. He picked me up at the airport, we grabbed lunch, caught up, and went to see his new house and to hang out with his wife, who I have known literally just as long as he has (almost to the minute!). That’s a different story for a different time.
After stopping for lunch we went to his new house, built on 125 acres. Living in the country provides a different experience. People are nicer. People take care of each other. There was a different feeling being there than in the city. A calmness. Safety. Natural community. People know who belongs and who doesn’t. They look after each other. Favors are commonplace, not to keep a count but to help others. With the hate of the last year, it was refreshing to be in a place where kindness and care was so essential to life.
On our drive to Penn State, there were four of us in the car. We spent the time talking, laughing, bonding, and connecting. I didn’t know the other two guys before we got in the car, yet by the time we got there, it felt like we had been friends for life. It was refreshing to be with people who wanted to connect, who wanted to get to know each other, and focus on similarities, not differences. On the way, we stopped at Sheetz for dinner (If you don’t know what Sheetz is, you are missing a Western Pennsylvania highlight). The common Pennsylvania battle is Sheetz vs. Wawa. As the only one with Philly roots, I chose to remain silent about the competition to enjoy the company (although I prefer Wawa). We shared the unloading of the car, shared setting things up, and enjoyed each other’s company. There was common responsibility. It wasn’t any one person’s job to do anything. It was all of our jobs to do everything. How refreshing! The focus was on the common good, not counting who did what or if somebody had done too much or not enough. We hung out, talked, watched some TV, enjoyed the company, and then went to bed, getting ready for a full next day.
Friday was golf day. The four of us spent the day on the course, enjoying a beautiful October day of sunshine and cool weather. Three of the four of us are not good golfers but we sure had a lot of fun. We played on teams for the front nine, competing against each other. By the end of the front nine, we dropped the competition and just enjoyed hitting the ball, laughing at each other, and excited about the good shots we hit. As we finished golfing, the rest of the crew coming up for the weekend arrived. We headed home, ready to shower, have guests for happy hour, and then have dinner.
The more people who showed up, the more we bonded. Everybody was different yet we focused on our similarities. Living in a world where half our country hates the other half, it was an incredible change to be with people who didn’t care about the differences, who didn’t want to focus on the problems but instead enjoy everything we had. One of the guys owns cigar shops and we listened to him, fascinated by the things he was telling us and learning from him. On a beautiful evening, we sat on the back porch, enjoying each other’s company.
I had been having a health issue for a couple of days and it wasn’t getting better. I am known to try to just power through things and not always make the smartest decisions about my health needs. Since most people, including myself, know this, I finally decided to ask my wife about what was going on. Since she’s a nurse, I probably should have asked her a few days before, but again, I’m not always the smartest when it comes to my own health. When I shared what was going on, she told me to go to the Emergency Department at the hospital right away to get seen and have it addressed. She made me promise to text her when I got there and keep her updated. She knows me too well and that without making me promise to go right way and text her when I got there, I might delay going (or find a reason not to go at all). When I shared what I needed with a couple of guys, they jumped up to volunteer to help. I had offers to take me, to wait with me, whatever I needed. I didn’t need anybody to sit with me so I took the ride, thanked everybody for their offers, and went to be seen.
As I sat waiting to be seen, sitting next to an Amish couple (yes, a real Amish couple), a number of the guys started texting me to check on me. These were people I didn’t even know two days before. The power of community and friendship was clear. I found myself remembering what it was like growing up in Central Pennsylvania, where everybody really did care about each other. Our parents always knew that somebody’s parents would be watching us, no matter who’s house we were at. Somebody’s parents would pick us up when we needed to. It was that common responsibility, just like when we arrived at the house at Penn State, that I grew up with. I found myself wondering how that had changed throughout the country and very grateful to have found it once again.
After being seen and having the pressing issue taken care of with a promise to see my doctor in Florida when I got home, I was picked up and went back to the house. The response I got was amazing. People asking how I was. People checking on me. One of the guys had a similar issue and got open and vulnerable sharing about it with me. Some of these people I hadn’t even known 24 hours and yet I mattered that much to them. It was so powerful and overwhelming. I have written and talked about how kindness costs nothing and how valuable it is, yet being on the receiving end was both surprising and overwhelming. It’s something I will never forget.
The next day was the Penn State – UCLA football game. The guys were shocked that I was going, having just been at the hospital the night before. I felt fine after they resolved my issue and I wasn’t going to miss out. Throughout the tailgate before the game, the game, and the tailgate after the game, different guys would come up to me and tell me how they shared what happened with their wife and their wife was asking about me. They couldn’t believe I was at the game, happy, and having fun.
At the Penn State – UCLA game, less than 18 hours after my hospital visit
So much of our life is determined by out attitude. Despite the health issue, despite a couple hours at the hospital, with every opportunity to look at the negatives, I only wanted to focus on the positives. I wanted to be at the tailgate with friends. I wanted to enjoy the game with friends. I wanted to focus on the good rather than the negative. We all have that choice every day. How often do we take it? How often do we get stuck in the negative, complaining, whining, missing out on the opportunities that are in front of us because we are focused on something we have no control over.
Back at Beaver Stadium. I forgot how much joy I have there
A few of the guys who are now my lifelong friends pulled me aside to talk. They got vulnerable and shared some things going on in their lives because I had taken the risk and shared what was happening with me right then and there. I wonder how many people there are that are looking for that opportunity to get vulnerable and never find it, never feel safe enough, to open up. As strange as it sounds, I found myself glad that I had the medical issue because it gave me the opportunity to be vulnerable and that then allowed others to do so as well. We live in a world where being right is so important that we forget to be human. We argue and fight over things we have no control over instead of focusing on the things that matter. People. Friends. Family.
Before we all left on Sunday, I made sure to tell them that we need to find a weekend next year that doesn’t conflict with a Penn State home game and do this for a UCF game so I can expose them to the Bounce House. There was real excitement and hopefully we can make it happen during the 2025 season. I spent roughly 3 days with these guys and they are now friends. People I want in my life moving forward. People who showed me kindness and care when I needed it. People that opened up to me and that I opened up to.
Imagine a world where instead of half the country hating the other half, we had people who cared about the other half. Not in a political manner. Not in a big picture, social justice, argue about policy manner, but as real human beings. There is something special in the Central/Western Pennsylvania area that I had forgotten, having moved from Pennsylvania to Florida in 1992. The hominess. The welcoming attitude. It’s a lesson I am glad to be have been reminded. It is a reminder that it is my responsibility to act and behave that way no matter how other people choose to act and behave. It is that reminder of the power of kindness. It is that reminder that we all want and need to connect, no matter how crusty our exterior may be, and we all have the opportunity to create that connection.
So to Master Gunny Jimmy, Steve, and Gary, my newest friends, thank you for being who you are. Thank you for reminding me of how to act and behave all the time, especially in this crazy world. Thank you for your friendship. To my friend Aric, thanks for being my brother and thanks for bringing us all together.
Now ask yourself, “How do I live my life?” Do you live in joy or in anger? Do you live in kindness or resentment? Are you willing to be vulnerable and allow others to be vunerable with you? What type of person do you want to be and what type of world do you want to live in? We all get to make those choices and we all can live in the world we desire based on our actions. We are not powerless and don’t have to accept what is being given to us. This weekend reminded me of that.
In the immortal chant based exactly on this lesson (click on it read the story), one that never gets old:
I met Mahmoud in 2019 on my Encounter trip. You can read about the trip starting with this blog post and continue forward. It was great to see Mahmoud and we hugged when we saw each other. He asked us to sit as we caught up on our families, work, and life changes. This of course brought up the war which has impacted him both economically and in terms of how safe he feels for his family. It was another connection point as I have those same feelings as a Jew in the United States.
Mahmoud is incredibly smart. The conversation was deep and not stuck on talking points or things that often impede real conversation. It was refreshing to have somebody to talk with about what is happening without the incitement of specific words.
We didn’t use words like Genocide. We both agreed that lots of people were dying, and we wanted that to stop. We didn’t use words like forced famine. We agreed that not enough food was getting to the people, and they were hungry. He doesn’t believe enough food is getting in even if it wasn’t being stolen and sold. He said there were fewer trucks going in now than before the war. From what I understood that wasn’t accurate but I didn’t have the facts in front of me so chose not to dispute that point and just agree that people were hungry. We agreed that the Hamas attacks on October 7 were unacceptable. We agreed that Hamas was evil. We agreed that Hamas must be removed and cannot continue to exist in power. The murders, rapes, burning of bodies, and other actions were evil and unacceptable. He shared that he and his friends were horrified when they learned of the attack. We agreed that taking the civilian hostages was unacceptable and he shared that his hope was that they would be released the very next day. He also said that he felt the taking of soldiers was different as this was an act of war by Hamas and taking military personnel for future prisoner swaps was ok. While I understand his position on this, I struggle with it because of how Hamas treats prisoners.
We talked about Zionism. When we met in 2019, he made the comment that, “If Zionism means the Jews have a right to the land and we do as well, then I am ok with Zionism.” When I said that the definition of Zionism is that the Jews have a right to a homeland and says nothing about anybody else, he commented that too many people disagree with me. There are people who believe all of historical Israel belongs to the Jews and not only should we have the West Bank/Judea and Samaria but also Jordan and more. That Greater Israel should be ours. Just like there are Palestinians who believe there should be no Jewish state at all. They believe the entire land should be Palestinian. We can’t listen to the extremes and that’s where we are at the current time. The media only covers the extremes. That is what sells. That’s what gets ratings and advertisers.
We talked about the campus protests. He wasn’t aware of the number of outside agitators that were involved with them. As we discussed it, he commented that the fascists and communists always do that. This is their pattern throughout history, so it isn’t a surprise. I shared that in my opinion they were stealing his story and his pain for their own agenda which had nothing to do with Palestinians. It was about anarchy and changing the United States government. He agreed.
We discussed how the status quo in the relationship between the Israelis and Palestinians was not something that could continue long term. When I participated in the Encounter trip, one thing that was clear to me was that the status quo couldn’t continue. We agree on that. From the day I met him, Mahmoud has been a proponent of a one state solution. For him this doesn’t mean someplace that is free of Jews. It is his position that Israel already controls the entire area and that it is already one state in which some of the people who live there get treated differently. The challenge of a one state solution is that it would mean that Israel would no longer be a Jewish state. That’s the cost of peace in a one state solution. Unfortunately, I agree with him that the cost of a one state solution is the loss of Israel as a Jewish state. I chose not to tell him that this would be unacceptable to the world Jewish community as the entire purpose of having a state of Israel is to have a Jewish state. It is why I believe a one state solution will never occur. The Palestinians would have to agree to leave the land and they are not going to do that.
He was pessimistic about any chance of a two-state solution working. He made the point that Gaza was effectively a two-state solution. We see how that worked out. I agree with him. The challenge of a two-state solution is that the Palestinian leaders and people need to not just accept that Israel exists as a Jewish state but also there will be travel limitations and challenges because there are two countries with sovereign boundaries. This also doesn’t even consider the trust factor needed. The current trust factor is at best zero right now. When I made the comment that it might take ten (10) years to get to a real two-state solution he shook his head and told me that was likely too long. He said if it is going to take 10 years, it is dead. I don’t agree with him here and we spent a lot of time talking about leadership.
For those who have been reading my blog, you know how critical I have been about our lack of leadership. This lack of leadership exists in the Jewish community, in America, in Europe and certainly in Israel and with the Palestinians. The Palestinian Authority President Abbas was elected to a 4-year term in 2005. There have not been elections since. He is in year 20 of a 5-year term. The world stays silent and supports him. Prime Minister Netanyahu has been in power longer than any other Israeli Prime Minister. While he has been in and out of power due to free elections, there is a reason why many countries have term limits for these and other positions. A new voice is needed. New leadership.
Both Mahmoud and I expressed our concerns about future leadership. Who might it be? Mahmoud is concerned Israel will elect Ben-Gvir, Smoltrich, or somebody on the far right like them. I don’t share those same concerns as the Israeli people are not far right like them. They are given a far too large platform because Netanyahu needs them to remain in power. I am concerned that the leadership that will follow Abbas is going to be Hamas or Hamas like. Somebody who will not lead towards peace but will lead back to the days of the intifadas and violence. Both of us are stunned that in the United States, with well over 300 million people, these are the two candidates we have for President. Because of their age, it is unlikely that either of them will be running in 2028 (one won’t be eligible per our constitution) so perhaps we can see some change in the US in four years but no matter who wins, it will be a very challenging four years. With all this negativity about leadership, Mahmoud wanted to talk more about the people rather than leadership.
His concern is that leaders are elected by the people. His concern is that the anger and rage at Hamas is spilling over to the Palestinian people and will make things worse. There are people who say, “just bomb them all” or “flatten Gaza and kill them all” or “they are all terrorists”. I shared with him that as I was in Kfar Aza and at the Nova site, I felt rage. I didn’t share that at Kfar Aza, as each bomb exploded in Jabaliyah, I felt better, as not only does that really bother me that I felt that way but also it would have been counterproductive to our conversation. He isn’t wrong. Israel is not the same country as it was on October 6. The people of Israel are not the same. The events of October 7 have altered the people and the country. I don’t know where it is going to end up. I told him I remain hopeful that when the war ends, and the war will end at some point, I am hopeful that the Israeli people can heal and look to a future where there can be peace and something like October 7 will never happen again. He was much more pessimistic and really fears that the long-term impact on the Israeli people will be to radicalize them further and further to the right. I shared my hope that after the war, it would bring them back towards the center due to the desire to live life.
We also spent time talking about how important it is for Jews and Palestinians to talk the way we were. To respect each other and share ideas, not ideology. To work towards finding solutions, not arguing and fighting for the sake of arguing and fighting. He shared that while some Israelis do some to talk with him, he has no platform in Israel to do this. Coming to the United States to talk to Israelis and Jewish communities isn’t the answer either. We need more dialogue. We need more discussion. This brought me back to my points about leadership and how they can’t and won’t do this. Perhaps after the war ends and Bibi is replaced and in the next few years when it is likely that Abbas will die, we will have a chance for new leadership that is willing to engage with each other and really work for the benefit of their people rather than to remain in power. Maybe I am overly optimistic. Maybe I am being too positive and too hopeful. I don’t see another way to live.
As we wrapped up our 90-minute conversation, there is much to think about and much to contemplate. We hugged goodbye and made plans to get together on one of my future trips to Israel. Because of the time and the heat, we chose to take a cab back instead of walking. Matthew and I began to talk a little about the experience, but those conversations will happen back in the US over a coffee or twenty.
I appreciate Mahmoud for giving his time. For sharing his opinions and concerns. For listening to both Matthew and my comments, concerns, and opinions. For being open to a real discussion and conversation. For looking to the future and not being stuck in the past. As we said during the conversation, we can’t change the past, but we can change the future. I look forward to future conversations with Mahmoud and to a future where there is peace. To a time when the Palestinians can live in peace with their neighbor Israel. When the thought of another October 7th isn’t on everybody’s minds.
My friendship with Mahmoud and a number of other Palestinians living in East Jerusalem and the West Bank/Judea and Samaria (two names for the same place) are examples that we can live together. We can have difference and get beyond them and live together. It gives me hope that when we finally get new leadership who truly cares about a different future, we might be able to have peace.
I remember being in high school and learning the ancient Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times.” and thinking to myself, what could be better than interesting times? I hate being bored, so interesting times would be exciting and fun.
Ah, the naivety of the young.
These are interesting times and as such are not so wonderful times. The rise of hatred over the past decade is frightening. The rise of antisemitism over the same time period and the exponential growth in the past 6 months is overwhelming. I read and listen to so much discussion and none of it seems to focus on the real challenge and the real solution.
We have been taught not to like each other. We have been taught that ‘the other’ is against us, will harm us, and that if they get what they want, we won’t get what we need. This seems to be fairly universal, regardless of who you are and who ‘the other’ is. We villainize them. We make broad generalizations about them. We make assumptions about them. The one thing we don’t do is actually engage with people who are different from us. That one thing we don’t do is the one thing that we need to do.
In November 2019, I had the honor and privilege of participating on an Encounter Immersive Experience. We spent 4 days meeting with, listening to, and learning from members of Palestinian civil society. I said it and used the word – Palestinian. So let’s set some ground rules for the rest of this post.
The Palestinian people do exist. They may have had different names over the years from Arabs to Bedouins, to Palestinians. We, as Jews, used to be called Hebrews and Israelites. Accept the fact that these people do exist, they live in what I will call ‘Greater Israel’, and aren’t going anywhere.
As a result of the 1967 war, Israel conquered territories. This happens in many wars and is a reality of millenniums. The area on the west bank of the Jordan River has different names. For purposes here I am going to call is Judea and Samaria, the ancient names for that land. Some may call in the West Bank. Some may call it Palestine. I am calling it Judea and Samaria.
Hamas, Hezbollah, and the Palestinian Authority (PA) are evil. Most Palestinian people don’t like them. I will discuss this later in this post however understand that there is a difference between Palestinian people and terrorists. If you insist on generalizing that they are all people or are all terrorists, you can stop reading here if you want. There is a difference.
Now back to my 4 days with leaders of Palestinian Civil Society. I remember thinking how 4 days seemed so short. This is such a complex issue; how could we only spend 4 days with them? There were 4 of the most intense days of my life. By the third day I was grateful that it was only 4 days because on how intense they were.
During these 4 days, which I wrote about at the time, and you can find about 17 blog postings in the beginning of this blog from that time period, I had the ability to meet with many different people. I had a chance to ask questions, listen to other points of view, and listed to people who had an entirely different history and narrative than I do. I met people who I really like and stay in touch with even today. I met people who I despised and who I am sure despised me only because I am Jewish. I met people whose effort to change and challenge everything that they know were inspiring. I met people who are a direct cause for the increase in hate, terrorism, and everything that led up to October 7th. I saw things that made me sad. Some were out of necessity, and some were simply terrible government policy. It was a life altering experience that only made me a stronger and more powerful Zionist but also made me a better human being because I began a journey of understanding some of the deep challenges and how much work it will take to find a solution, to make peace, and to get beyond the damage that has been done in the past so that we can live in a different future.
I have written a lot about how October 7th has impacted and changed me. I wrote about what seeing the 47-minute Hamas video was like. Recently I saw the documentary about the massacre at the Nova Music Festival and I shared what that was like. The past 6 months have been focused mostly on being a Jew in today’s world and in the United States. It has been focused on the challenge of being a Zionist, loving Israel, in a world that is openly hostile, willingly believes lies and knowingly uses inflammatory language that is not accurate. I have paid attention to my friends called up in the reserves, their children, either called up or who are currently serving in the IDF. What I haven’t done is think too much about my Palestinian friends and what life has been like for them.
Over the past few weeks, I have been talking a lot with various people about the future. As the US is demanding a permanent ceasefire and a 2 state solution (Hamas is the obstacle to the ceasefire as they have openly called for more October 7th massacres and still are holding hostages), I found myself thinking about who would be that partner for peace. Obviously, Israel and the government have to make their own changes and hopefully that will come soon. But what about the partner? Who would it be? It’s not Hamas or Hezbollah. It can’t be the Palestinian Authority (PA) who not only is corrupt and whose people hate them, still has not condemned the October 7th massacre nor have they had elections in 19 years! So again, who can this partner be?
I found myself thinking of my friend Ali Abu Awwad, founder of Taghyeer, the Palestinian National Nonviolence Movement. I met Ali on that trip and was amazing at what he said. There was real leadership about building a country that would live in peace with Israel. The line he said that I will always remember is, “Peace will not come through Jewish blood. It will come through Jewish hearts.” He then added, “we need to prove to the Jewish people that they can trust us because we have only showed them that they cannot.”
Ali and me together when he visited Orlando and spoke to our community.
Imagine leaders who are not calling for ‘intifada’ or ‘jihad’ but instead are calling for peace and understanding. Imagine leaders who came from a place of hatred and have overcome it to work with Jews, with Israeli, to build a better society. Imagine a leader whose mother was a high-ranking PLO leader, who spent time in an Israeli prison at the same time as his mother and was able to move beyond hatred. Imagine a leader whose brother was killed by the IDF and found peace and acceptance by spending time with a Rabbi whose son was killed by terrorists. That is Ali Abu Awwad. Just before Covid shut the world down, Ali spoke in Orlando. The room was at least half Israeli. They were primed for a fight. They were primed to hear somebody blame Israel and make the Palestinians innocent victims. They didn’t get what they expected. They heard somebody taking responsibility for their part in the hate. They heard somebody who gave hope for a different future.
I realized I hadn’t reached out Ali in quite a while. I hadn’t checked on him and asked how he was doing? then I began to think of some of the other Palestinian people that I met and considered friends. I hadn’t reached out to them either. What type of friend am I to be so overwhelmed with my own grief that I don’t check on my friends. So I began doing so. I reached out to Ali and am awaiting his reply.
I reached out to my friend Mahmoud. His family owns the Educational Bookshop in East Jerusalem. I spent a day with Mahmoud in 2019 walking around East Jerusalem, visiting the Palestinian theater, learning about the Palestinian arts community, and having coffee and a conversation at the bookshop. We finished the day at his home with another deep conversation. I wrote about that day in this blog post.
The day with Mahmoud was difficult and very meaningful. It is something that I think about regularly because of the power of his words. He is not a fundamentalist. He does not hate Jews. He does not want the destruction of Israel. He wants to live freely. He wants a government that represents him and takes care of him. It was very difficult to hear him say that if there was a public works project in his neighborhood, he wouldn’t ask the municipality of Jerusalem to fix it because they wouldn’t. And he wouldn’t/couldn’t ask the PA to fix it because even if they could, they wouldn’t. He felt helpless so he would just get people together to fix it himself or live with it being broken.
Mahmoud and the Educational Bookshop. I look forward to returning for another cup of coffee with him.
He talked about how challenging it was for him to be in West Jerusalem and how he felt there, how uncomfortable and that he was a focus of constant attention. He shared how he didn’t feel he belonged or was welcome there and how much that bothered him. It bothered him so much that he didn’t like going. He talked about how he would go to Tel Aviv, and he felt he didn’t stand out, he wasn’t a focus of attention like he was in West Jerusalem. And how that both made him feel welcome and how it also troubled him – why was it so different? He could disappear in Tel Aviv and just be a person while he felt he couldn’t do that in West Jerusalem. It didn’t sit well with me then – that’s not the Israel I love – yet with the rise of antisemitism in the past six months I have begun to understand it in a way that is very uncomfortable.
I watch what is happening in places like New York, California, Michigan, and Canada, and feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome as a Jew. This isn’t the America that I love. There are places around the world that I won’t visit now as a Jew. This isn’t the world that I want to live in.
I think often of something that Mahmoud said to us in his home. He said that if Zionism means that the Jews have a claim to the land and that the Palestinians also have a claim to the land, then he supports Zionism. It was incredibly powerful when he said it and even more powerful today. When a Palestinian man living in East Jerusalem can come to that type of understanding, it gives me great hope for the future. Zionism isn’t colonialism. It isn’t racism. It is the belief that the Jews have a right to self-determination in our historic homeland. In fact, the Declaration of Independence has some very clear definitions in it that need to be highlighted. They include:
This right is the natural right of the Jewish people to be masters of their own fate, like all other nations, in their own sovereign State.
Simply put, we have a right to our own sovereign State and self-determination. It’s very clear.
THE STATE OF ISRAEL will be open for Jewish immigration and for the Ingathering of the Exiles; it will foster the development of the country for the benefit of all its inhabitants; it will be based on freedom, justice and peace as envisaged by the prophets of Israel; it will ensure complete equality of social and political rights to all its inhabitants irrespective of religion, race or sex; it will guarantee freedom of religion, conscience, language, education and culture; it will safeguard the Holy Places of all religions; and it will be faithful to the principles of the Charter of the United Nations.
While Israel is a Jewish state, it is a place for everybody who lives there. It is based on freedom, justice and peace – this language is very different from the charter of Hamas and the PLO. And it guarantees social and political rights to all. Unlike Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran and others, we do not want to a place for us alone.
WE APPEAL – in the very midst of the onslaught launched against us now for months – to the Arab inhabitants of the State of Israel to preserve peace and participate in the upbuilding of the State on the basis of full and equal citizenship and due representation in all its provisional and permanent institutions.
Full and equal citizenship and due representation. Powerful words. Powerful ideals.
WE EXTEND our hand to all neighboring states and their peoples in an offer of peace and good neighborliness, and appeal to them to establish bonds of cooperation and mutual help with the sovereign Jewish people settled in its own land. The State of Israel is prepared to do its share in a common effort for the advancement of the entire Middle East.
That last line is so important, especially during these times. While we may not have a current partner for peace with the Palestinians, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do our part to find one. The Abraham Accords and potential normalization with Saudia Arabia and Indonesia create even more opportunities. We cannot let the horrors of the past stop us from the beauty of the future. When I think of Mahmoud’s words back in 2019 and Ali’s passion and mission, that’s what I find myself going back to.
We cannot let the horrors of the past stop us from the beauty of the future.
Ali and Mahmoud both want a world where people live in peace, together, building countries that care about their people. They are both incredible leaders with a following. We cannot afford to ignore them and let those who preach hate; Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran, the Palestinian Authority, etc., be in control.
Mahmoud and I have been emailing and when I’m in Israel in May, we are planning for me to go visit him at his bookstore in East Jerusalem, walk around the neighborhood once again, talk, share a long cup of coffee or tea, maybe have lunch or dinner, and talk. And talk. And talk. Learn from each other. Deepen our friendship. Because we both want the same thing. A brighter future together.
One of my favorite people that I met on this trip was Mohammad. I wrote about them in this blog post at the time. He and his wife Hiba, and their baby son hosted us for dinner at their home in East Jerusalem. They come from an amazing family. Hiba’s family is the Muslim family that holds the keys to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. It’s an amazing story and if you don’t know it, you can begin to read about it here. They both had Master’s degrees. She worked for the UN, he worked for an NGO that took him into Gaza on a monthly basis. We formed an instant connection and talked at length about the different challenges. The fact that the PA hasn’t had elections since 2005. How corrupt the PA is and how they do nothing for the people except steal money. How if there ever were elections, they could never vote for the PA, meaning that even Hamas would be a better choice because MAYBE they would do something for them (we haven’t talked about that since October 7th and I look forward to it in the near future) while they know the PA won’t do anything. I asked about them running for office and their response was demoralizing as they didn’t believe that they would win and if they did, they wouldn’t be able to do anything without being killed.
Mohammad, Hiba, their son and me at their home in East Jerusalem.
We made a promise to get together again on my next trip so he could take me to his favorite restaurants, bakeries, ice cream shops, and we could continue our conversation. Covid delayed my next trip, but I reached out before it, only to learn that Mohammad and his family had moved to Japan where he was working on a Ph.D. We haven’t been able to coordinate his trips back with my trips back yet, but in our last correspondence we are going to try later this summer when they will be there for a few months. In the meantime, they have a new baby that I want to meet. He offered his home for me to stay when I visit, and I plan to take him up on the offer. This is a beautiful family. Wonderful people. True friends. And Palestinians. It is possible.
The last friend from this trip that I have been in contact with is a woman named Suzan. She is a Palestinian Christian who lives in Bethlehem. She also hosted us at her home for dinner where we had an amazing conversation. She worries about the declining number of Christians in Bethlehem. She worries about the role of women in Bethlehem. She is privileged because she also has a German passport so is able to travel much easier.
Suzan (far left in the black dress) and four of us at her home for dinner.
Suzan is an artist and runs an art studio. The Bethlehem Fair Trade Artisans shop is an amazing place highlighting a variety of artists, mostly women, and I encourage you to check it out and if you see something you like, to purchase it. (Full disclosure – I encourage you to purchase as much as you can from Israeli artists and Israeli businesses. I have purchased many pieces from Israeli artists since October 7th. If you need help finding Israeli artists or businesses, please let me know and I’ll be happy to share my favorites and many others with you.)
Her focus is on women artists and fair-trade practices. She was very frustrated that she was being told by the city government that her future shows and community events could not include Jewish women. She told us that she didn’t care what they said, she was still going to invite the Jewish women to participate. And she was going to continue to sell the works of Jewish women artists in her shop. She didn’t care what they said, she was going to do what was right. What was moral. What was ethical.
Put those words together. Moral. Ethical. Palestinian. Generalizations simply don’t work. There are terrorists. There are people who hate and are evil. I have met many of them, especially on that trip in 2019. There are also many good people. Great people. Caring people. People who you’d want as your neighbor. As your friend.
I hope to see Suzan either in May or later this year. When I met her, it was just after she harvested her Olive trees so I saw the harvest. Maybe this time I can see the trees filled with olives, filled with life. Wouldn’t that be an incredible symbol.
Suzan with her harvest of olives from her trees
These are four examples of wonderful, amazing people. People I call friends. People I would be honored to have as neighbors. People I trust. Good people.
I met terrorists. You can read about my lunch with a member of Hamas, a murderer, and a member of the Al Aqsa Brigade in this post. There is a difference between my friends who are Palestinian and the terrorists. And I met people who were terrorists and are on a journey towards something different. There is hope for the future but only if we are willing to do something different than the past. That difference isn’t just up to us but it can start with us. We can change our language. We can use our contacts to meet Palestinians who want peace, who don’t hate, who don’t support Hamas or the PA, who will invite you into their home, share a meal, a coffee, and who you will come to really like. We can help them rise up and together we can ensure the terrorists aren’t in power, don’t have the ability to kill Jews and oppress the Palestinian people.
I’m not being pollyannish. I’m not being naïve. I am being hopeful. I am talking about creating a systemic change. I’m talking about taking action to stop the funding to UNRWA and the PA. Ensure a new government ‘of the people, by the people, and for the people’ is set up in Gaza (sound familiar?) We can lobby our government to force elections in Judea and Samaria, so Abbas’s 4-year term finally comes to an end before he serves 20 years of a 4 year term. We can encourage the leaders in Israel to work with these leaders who want peace in a methodical manner to build trust. As Ronald Reagan famously said, ‘Trust, but verify’.
The Israeli national anthem is Hatikvah, the hope. Let’s make sure we don’t lost hope. Then the terrorists win and we all lose.
IDF soldiers singing Hatikvah after October 7th just before they prepare to enter Gaza and defend Israel.
I look forward to sharing stories, pictures, and maybe even some videos and conversations with my Ali, Mahmoud, Mohammad and Hiba, and Suzan. As deeply as October 7th has damaged and changed me, I won’t let it drive out hope. Hope in the good people. Hope for a better future. And in the words of Theodore Herzl, “If you will it, it is no dream.” I’m going to put the work in. I hope you decide to as well.
PS
I came across this video of IDF soldiers rapping about the lies that are told about them. It’s very powerful and timely.
Sadly, it was recorded 10 years ago, showing that these allegations have a long rooted basis in antisemitism, Jew hatred, and bigotry. Enjoy the video as it’s powerful.
Friendship is an interesting thing. It’s based on mutual respect and trust. It’s something that is based in faith and belief. There is no way to ‘prove’ that somebody is your friend. There are plenty of times when one person thinks they are friends, and the other person thinks they are acquaintances. Or you say ‘friends’ but don’t really mean you have depth of friendship; it is just easier than saying acquaintances.
Over the past 1 ½ years, I have had the opportunity to learn first-hand about friendship and what it really means to me. When my dad died in September 2022, I saw who reached out, who showed up, and who really cared. When these things happen, it’s always a surprise, as people who I think will show up don’t, and people I never imagined would show up, do. Friendship is about showing up. It’s about being there because you are care about the other person.
Over the last 18 months, my life has taken many twists and turns. There have been ups and downs, challenges, and successes. As life has shown up, so have my real friends. Those who I thought were friends and didn’t show up, indicated that I was wrong. We were merely acquaintances, people with a shared interest, but not friends. It’s been amazing to see the character of different people through this process and it has allowed me to make changes in who I want in my life and who really matters.
This week alone has had a number of instances that highlight true friendship. A good friend of mine’s husband died 3 weeks ago. I knew him as well and while he wasn’t in good health, nobody expected him to die when he did. I reached out when I heard and then called her yesterday to connect and talk. Despite all that she is going through, she wanted to know about me. We connected on a deep level and finished by telling each other “I love you’. It’s a deep and wonderful friendship that I treasure.
Another friend reached out because he is being interviewed for a PBS special and wanted to both tell me he is talking about me and also ask for a picture as they want one to show during the documentary. I was blown away and humbled when he shared this with me. We have been friends since he was an undergraduate student at The University of Florida (UF), and I was running UF Hillel. I made sure he went to Israel as a student and served as a reference for him to do his master’s internship in Israel. We have remained close over the past 20 years, and I let him know exactly what it meant to me that he chose to talk about me. I’ve followed his career and been proud to call him a friend. We check in with each other and check on each other.
I have a few friends that I speak with a few times a week and have done so for decades. We support each other through challenging times and have been there during the good times and the bad. Despite talking 3-4 times per week, it’s always a joy when their name pops up on my phone. I know that I can call them and talk about anything, and they know the same about me. When I think about how important that is, I am astounded that I have so many of them. I always thought I’d be lucky to have one friend like that and I have half a dozen. They truly are like family.
I have my friend who is like a brother – his mom was my mom, his Aunt Jean was my Aunt Jean, my mom is his mom, and my dad was his dad. My brother and sister are his siblings. His wife is like my sister. His kids call me Uncle Keith and mine call him Uncle Aric. It’s a 35-year friendship that goes deep. Either of us will drop anything if needed. We have been through all of life’s challenges together. Getting married, having children, losing parents, career changes, parenthood issues, and so much more.
Aric and me back in the day when we were roommates at Penn State. Can you guess our favorite baseball team?
My friend Todd has been in my life for more than 36 years. We went through the death of his mother and two brother, my dad, both of us meeting our future wives and getting married, having and raising children, two of his kids getting married, our professional journey, and much more. We talk all the time and even have our special guys only cruise each year now to hang out without interruptions. He’s my best friend and completely dependable. We make fun of each other, have lots of incriminating stories about each other we laugh about privately, and are each other’s sounding board. I can’t imagine life without him as a key part of it. How lucky am I?
Todd and I on our guys cruise. His brother Eddie joined us on this one.
My dear friend Ron has been a sounding board and confidante for 30 years. I was there when his wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I spoke to her just before she died. When he had major surgery, I spent the day at the hospital with his family to support them and him. He has been there for me in some of the most challenging times of my life and has been a rock when I need a calm head to process things. A number of months ago he had a stroke. While he is recovering, he still has aphasia so it’s very difficult to talk, a drastic change in our relationship. We text daily and when I call and hear his voice, it brings a big smile to my face. We have already proven to each other there is nothing we won’t do to help each other and I treasure that friendship. Our morning texts are always the best way to start the day.
With my friend Ron. We’ve been through it all together.
My friend Harriet and I zoom or talk every week for the past 4 ½ years. We started as part of a formal process in a program we were a part of. We enjoyed each other’s company and insights so much we never stopped. I know she is always just a call away for support and guidance and she knows I am there for her. It’s amazing to have this type of friend, somebody to share personal and professional challenges, excitements, opportunities, happy times, sad times, and challenging times. Sometimes, when things get a bit too crazy, we cut it short to 15 or 30 minutes, just to hear each other’s voice and do a quick check in. It’s a friendship I treasure and the bonus is I got to discover her author husband and his amazing books!!
My friend Harriet and her husband Howie. Check out his books, especially the Jonah Geller series!
What do all of these people have in common? When the chips were down for either of us, they were there for me, and I was there for them. It didn’t matter what else was going on, our relationship and friendship came first. The friendships have been through tough life experiences and proved themselves. They have stood the test and survived and thrived.
The last 18 months have highlighted friendships, both real and imagined. I have seen who my friends really are by their actions. And I have learned who I thought were friends but really aren’t. Those who didn’t show up in a time of need. Those where the relationship did not stand the test and have not survived. These are often sad to realize and can hurt my heart. People who I thought I was close with. People where we shared and provided support in the good times, absent when I faced the challenging ones.
I have learned that life is too short to be caught up and invest time in people, careers, organizations, and other things that don’t provide value. I’ll never forget the first time I learned this with who I thought was a friend. I was sitting on the front porch of a camp bunk while somebody I thought was a good friend started talking bad about me. I was stunned to hear a ‘friend’ talking behind my back this way. It showed me that we really weren’t friends, and I chose not to invest any more time in that relationship. It was incredibly painful but also incredibly impactful.
Most of the time I feel like a kid. It’s hard to reconcile thinking and feeling like I am in my 20s and really being in my mid 50s. The realization that more of my life is behind me than ahead of me was a stark one and truly life changing. It was also incredibly freeing as it meant that I could release the societal expectations of work, career, status, title and look at what I really value. Family, friends, mental and physical health. As I sit in the airport, traveling to Chicago for a family Bat Mitzvah that I might have missed in the past, I am so grateful to my friends who have showed up and been there over the last 18 months. And I’m even grateful for the people who I thought were friends and have learned really aren’t, because they haven’t showed up. They have given me a gift as well.
It makes me think of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs that we used to sing when I was in BBYO, You’ve got a Friend by James Taylor.
When you’re down and troubled And you need some lovin’ care And nothin’, nothin’ is goin’ right Close your eyes and think of me And soon I will be there To brighten up even your darkest night
You just call out my name And you know, wherever I am I’ll come runnin’ To see you again Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I’ll be there You’ve got a friend
If the sky above you Grows dark and full of clouds And that old north wind begins to blow Keep your head together And call my name out loud Soon you’ll hear me knockin’ at your door
You just call out my name And you know, wherever I am I’ll come runnin’, runnin’, yeah, yeah To see you again Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I’ll be there, yes, I will
Now, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend When people can be so cold? They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you And take your soul if you let them Oh, but don’t you let them
You just call out my name And you know, wherever I am I’ll come runnin’, runnin’, yeah, yeah To see you again Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I’ll be there, yes, I will
You’ve got a friend You’ve got a friend
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend Ain’t it good to know, ain’t it good to know Ain’t it good to know You’ve got a friend
Oh, yeah, now, you’ve got a friend Yeah baby, you’ve got a friend Oh, yeah, you’ve got a friend
That’s the best definition of friendship I have ever found. Whatever the need, whatever is going on, you are always there for each other. I’ve written a lot about morals, ethics, and values. Friendship is all about this. It’s all about understanding what is important and what isn’t. My family and friends come first. Always. I can get another job, find a way to make money, get a different car or house. People are indispensable. As the song I wrote about previously said so beautifully, “You can’t get new, old friends”.
I know who my real friends are. Some surprised me in how they stepped up. Some surprised me in how they didn’t. At the end of the day, all we really have is people and time. I have chosen to value them over everything else. In a world dominated by money, power, prestige, titles, and divisiveness, the lesson I have learned is that it is ok to reject those as important principles and put people first. To live an ethical life is worth more than any amount of money. As I was talking to Harriet today on our weekly call, she commented at how nice it was that I could go to this family Bat Mitzvah and do all the things I have been doing recently. And she was right. The change in attitude and in understanding what is important has given me the gift of freedom that I didn’t even know I was missing.
Friends do that for you. Friends are the lifeblood we all need. Real friends. True friends. Ones that don’t just talk the talk, but those who walk the walk. 2024 is a year all about investing in the people who show they are friends through their actions. I’m so appreciative of those who have shown me they are my real friends and just as appreciative of those who have shown me that they are not. Life is whole lot better when you have the right people in it.
I’m grateful for all the right people I have in my life. You know who you are.
What is the definition of a friend? How do you know who your real friends are? Today’s blog talks about that.
This week I had a number of songs that I was considering writing about. One of the great things about music, and art in general, is that when you begin paying attention to it, there is inspiration all around. I finally settled on a 2003 song by Brooks and Dunn called Red Dirt Road. It’s a song about growing up in a small town, the lessons you learn in places that get burned into your mind and memory, and the dreams of youth compared to the realities of adulthood. It seems like something worth digging into.
The song begins:
I was raised off of rural route three, out past where the blacktop ends. We’d walk to church on Sunday morning and race barefoot back to Johnson’s fence.
That’s where I first saw Mary, on that roadside pickin’ blackberries. That summer I turned the corner in my soul down that red dirt road.
We all grew up in different places, many of them with more similarities than differences. Growing up in the 70s and 80s meant that we spent a lot of time outside, riding bikes to friends’ houses, playing in the streets, at the creek, in the woods – whatever we could discover. It didn’t matter where you were raised, there was always a place where the blacktop ended, where there were fences to jump, fields to play in, dirt to roll around in, mud to get all over you. And as we played outside, there was usually a spark with somebody that got you interested in being more than just friends. That initial spark, as they sing about, turned a corner in our soul as we went from children to young adults. And that first spark, that first love, that first interest in somebody else, likely impacted the rest of our lives as we searched for that partner to spend our lives with.
There are many of these type of moments in our lives in which that first spark is created that drives an interest we keep for the rest of our lives. I still remember my first NY Yankees game at the Stadium in 1976. It was electric. There was excitement in the air. It felt special and when the Yankees won in the bottom of the 9th I was completely hooked on baseball, the Yankees, and Yankee Stadium. Nearly 50 years later that hasn’t changed. I still love going to baseball games and taking my family. My kids are big baseball fans because of the spark that I had in 1976 and the desire for them to find that same spark as they grew up.
Yankee Stadium in 1976Yankee stadium with Evan – I took both kids on their own tripsYankee Stadium with Matthew on his trip. My brother Lawrence and niece Hannah joined us for one game
While neither are Yankee fans now, I had my moments when they were little
I remember the spark that turned into a career. That first fundraising gift that I closed. The excitement of what it was going to enable to happen. How that would change the lives of other people. 25 years later, I still get that rush when I have the opportunity to raise money to do something that will change lives. What it feels like to do something that changes lives. Hearing from people the impact had on them many years later. All coming from a spark. Yesterday I spoke with a friend that I met nearly 25 years ago. I have loved following his journey and am proud to have a played a small role in his life. It was amazing to hear how much we have in common today, how that spark that was created 25 years ago has continued to grow and how we are both impacting people in different ways.
So while Brooks and Dunn are singing about a romantic spark, they are really talking about so much more. It’s the spark of spirts connecting beyond romance. It’s the connections that occur when you have that organic experience. Mary was picking blackberries. I can think of so many other people in my life where that spark happened in other random places.
Her daddy didn’t like me much in my shackled-up GTO I’d sneak out in the middle of the night throw rocks at her bedroom window. We’d turn out the headlights and drive by the moonlight Talk about what the future might hold, down that red dirt road.
It’s never about what other people think. Daddy didn’t like him, but it didn’t matter and didn’t stop him. Once there is that spark and that connection, nothing stops it. As I look at the various people in my life where that spark of connection built a lifelong relationship, it never mattered what other people thought. It doesn’t matter about the outward differences because of that soul connection. If I wanted to focus on the differences, I’d see people of various ages, genders, economic status, political party affiliation, religions, races, and so much more. I have never let any of those differences interfere with that connection.
When I think of my best friends, the people who I talk with regularly, the men who I call brother, the women I call sister, it’s amazing to see the internal connection yet the external difference. It shows that what other people think doesn’t matter. One is an Orthodox Jew, another is Christian, yet another is almost 20 years older than me and African American and Christian, another is a gay man. My friends are just as diverse. Some have significant incomes, and some don’t. Some are older, some are my age, and some are younger. They are Jews, Muslims, Christians, Bhai, and atheist. They are my friends because of who they are on the inside, not because of who they are on the outside. The world today may tell me that we are very different, but we are not – we are connected through the soul and those differences don’t matter.
If I were to listen to what is being said in the world today, they wouldn’t be my friends. Just like the ‘daddy’ in the song who didn’t like him, I wouldn’t be allowed to like my friends. I’d have to sneak around to be friends with them. So, while the world wants us to focus on the differences, I choose to focus on the similarities. I choose to focus on the connections I have with my friends. I’d rather talk about the future and how our experiences can help each other get through life. I’d rather live in a world where people are judged by who they are and how they act rather than some generic stereotype based on their religion, skin color, ethnicity, or sexual identity. It’s a much better way to live.
It’s where I drank my first beer It’s where I found Jesus Where I wrecked my first car I tore it all to pieces.
Those special places from our childhood have special meaning to us. So much of our lives happened in those small towns, random places, with childhood friends. There is that place we gathered to drink. The special place to go with a date. One of my friend’s fathers lived in an apartment and his fiancé had her own apartment. His dad stayed at his fiancé’s apartment so that apartment became our special party place. Nearly 40 years later we still talk about the apartment, the parties we had there, and the stories of what happened there. The JCC in Harrisburg, PA which was a place my Jewish and non-Jewish friends would spend time. City Island for concerts, the Susquehanna River for sailing. There are so many special places, our red dirt roads, that will always have special meaning to me and to my childhood friends.
These places continue throughout our lives. There are those locations where meaningful things happened, where relationships were formed and cemented. I moved to Gainesville in 1992 and as I made friends, those places developed. Skeeter’s and their giant biscuits. Our weekly group of 20 that would go to Perkins. The weekend breakfast at 43rd Street Deli. Bill (z’l) and Rick’s (z’l) house on Monday nights for Chinese food and Northern Exposure. So many places that are tied to powerful memories of friendship. So many red dirt roads.
I learned the path to Heaven Is full of sinners and believers Learned that happiness on Earth Ain’t just for high achievers (I learned) I’ve come to know there’s life at both ends Of that red dirt road.
It’s the time we spend on our own red dirt roads that teach us so much. We build those friendships that last a lifetime. These lessons teach us that people are people. Throughout our life, we make mistakes and that we behave ethically. Nobody is perfect. The ‘path to heaven’ isn’t just for believers and doesn’t exclude sinners. We have the ability to change and do better. We all make mistakes. The key question is if we learn from our mistakes. Do we strive to improve? Are we willing to accept the limitations and challenges put upon us or are we going to put for the effort to do better than where we began?
The next line talks about happiness is for everybody. It’s not just the best of the best. We all have the right to be happy and can be happy. The key is measuring ourselves against ourselves. If I base my definition of success against the financial success of Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, or Jeff Bezos, I will always fall short. I will never measure up, never be ‘successful’. It’s fool’s gold. But if instead, I look to measure myself against my needs, it’s a different story. I have a place to live, and I like it. I have a job, food, a vehicle, clothes, and the ability to do things I enjoy. Happiness is entirely defined by the expectations I put upon myself. I don’t have to live in the most expensive home, drive the most expensive car, have multiple vacation homes, etc. to be happy. Happiness isn’t just for the ‘high achievers.’
Over the years, I have spent a lot of time talking with my ‘spiritual advisor’, Mickey Singer, about happiness. How it’s truly self-defined. How we choose to limit ourselves in our happiness because expectations. Brooks and Dunn are telling us clearly that to be happy is actually easy. It’s the difference between having what you want and wanting what you have. As long as our basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing are met, the rest is merely a matter of perspective.
Mickey’s teachings are truly inspiringMickey taught me that happiness is a choice. I choice to be happy.
The last line of the verse is one of my favorites. I’ve come to know there’s life at both ends of that red dirt road. It doesn’t matter where we have come from or where we are today. Life exists in all places. One isn’t better than the other. They are different points on the journey we call life. We may look back at the time on that red dirt road and remember ‘the good old days’, but they rarely were as good as we remember, and the times today are usually just as good if not better. They are just different. I think back to childhood and my red dirt roads, and they are great memories. Far better than the actual time was. We embellish, we remember differently now than what it was then. There are pieces we long for. It sounds so great now to think back to when I lived in my parents’ house, and everything was taken care of for me. I didn’t have any real bills to pay. The stress level, in hindsight, seems like it was so much lower than as an adult with life responsibilities. I also know that if I could go back and talk to the me of that time, that me would tell this me that the stresses I faced were real and could be overwhelming. Pressure of college acceptance, high school cliques, living under my parents’ rules. And that me would tell this me how lucky I am that I have my own home, set my own rules, get to pick the career I want and spend my money the way I want. It’s all relative.
The important message for me in this section of the song is to enjoy the moment. Each moment in our live is a unique opportunity to experience life. When that moment is gone, so is the opportunity to experience and learn from it. Both sides of the red dirt road are valuable and important. One isn’t better than the other. Life is a journey until it is over, why would we want to miss out on any of it and the opportunities that each step in that journey provide. It’s not about being a sinner or a believer. It’s not about the good old days or the challenges of today. It’s about the journey of life that we get to experience and enjoy, if we choose, until it ends.
Mickey taught me this and it’s something I live by. When I read it, I can hear his voice telling it to me
I went out into the world, and I came back in I lost Mary, oh, I got her back again And driving home tonight, feels like I found a long-lost friend.
The song’s last verse has a haunting piece to it. We leave our hometown. We leave our childhood friends, lovers, families, and red dirt roads to go out into the world and experience it. Whether it is college, the military, jobs – it’s the next step in our life journey and we leave things behind. At some point we have the opportunity to reengage with our original red dirt roads, with our childhood friends. It’s rarely what we thought it would be like. Those childhood crushes that we thought and hoped would turn into something more, never did. Our lives and theirs took different paths. Some of those childhood friends have passed away young. Others have had serious life challenges. Yet others have been wildly successful. We lost the dream of the future when we were children, but we didn’t lose the people in the dreams. It’s just different.
Bruce Springsteen’s ‘My Hometown’ captures this essence as well.
I think of my own life and some of the relationships I had with those childhood friends. Some I thought might be forever romantic partners and they aren’t. Some I thought would be best friends and we would be connected forever, and we aren’t. Others have become better friends over the years or at a later time, when we reconnected, ended up being closer than we ever would have imagined.
In the song, he lost Mary as a lover and future partner. His life, and hers, went on different paths than they ever imagined. Yet the opportunity to reconnect was there and they did. It wasn’t what they thought it would be on the original red dirt road, however it’s still special. It’s still important and meaningful.
I am grateful that I still have some type of relationship with so many of the people from my red dirt roads. They are all very different. Some are more casual and connected mainly online. Others we text and talk. Still others we make time to see each other as often as possible. The quality of the relationships is high, no matter what it was like as children or how often we get to see each other. The time on our red dirt road bonded us in a way that can never be broken.
At the end of the day, I think that’s what inspires me most about this song. It’s truly about experiencing the journey of life and realizing that the connections we make with other people can last a lifetime. But it takes effort. If he hadn’t reached out to Mary and reconnected with her, it would have been a relationship that was inactive. If we want the beauty of the journey of life, it takes ongoing effort, knowing that the work we put into relationships in the past isn’t wasted and isn’t gone, it just needs to be rekindled. When I listed to Red Dirt Road, I find myself filled with gratitude for the experiences and relationships I had as a child and the opportunities to continue those relationships as an adult.
To truly experience the journey of life, it takes effort. And it’s effort that is always rewarded.
I am the first to admit that I am not up on the newest trends. Whether it’s fashion, movies, language, or music, I am always late to the table. Recently I discovered the Tim McGraw song Live Like You are Dying that was released in 2004 (only 20 years behind the times!) that of course was the #1 song on the US Country Billboard chart for 7 weeks. Like I said, I’m behind the times.
As we enter a new year, 2024, the lyrics struck me deeply as a guide for how to live my life. The song was written by Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman who based it on family and friends who learned of illnesses (cancers), and how they often had a new perspective on life upon learning they had limited time.
When one person asks the other what they did with this news, their answer was simple, beautiful, and powerful. The answer is:
I went skydiving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu. And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying.
What an inspiration. Upon learning of a potential life ending medical condition, their decision was to invest in life. To invest in living every moment possible. To do the things they always wanted. To feel the exhilaration of life. I find myself wondering why it took the diagnosis to make the investment in life. Why do we often wait until it is too late to do the things that we really want or that really matter?
Often times we put the things that society values in front of living. We feel the need to work more, have more money, more things, a nicer car, a bigger house. It often takes a major life event for us to realize our priorities are in the wrong place. Would my life be any less if I drove a less expensive car? Had a less expensive house? Wore less expensive clothes or jewelry?
In Bali I did the swing and it was incredible. I’ve been skydiving. It’s important to do the things that are fun in life.
Horseback riding on the beach in Netanya, Israel with my friend Remo. These opportunities come up for all of us and we need to remember not to miss them.
The next line in song is haunting.
Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.
We get this chance every single day. Do we want to be home for dinner with the family or work that extra hour or two? Do we want to take our children to their doctor appointment, watch their sporting events, plays, recitals, and concerts or spend more time working, accumulating ‘things’. Why do we have to hope that “someday” we will get this change when we have it every single day.
The second verse talks about the person they want to be. As I read the lyrics, it reminded me of the things that are really important to me.
I was finally the husband that most of the time I wasn’t, and I became a friend a friend would like to have. And all of a sudden going fishin’ wasn’t such an imposition and I went three times that year I lost my dad. Well, I finally read the Good Book, and I took a good, long, hard look at what I’d do if I could do it all again
Fishing with Evan and my nephews Nick and Caden. It was a fun day, especially because I caught all the fish! Memories are priceless.
The past 15 months have been life changing for me. My father died in September 2022. We had a very close relationship and the last few weeks of his life I got to be there for him on a daily basis. The ability to do that was one I will always treasure. His passing started a process of self-evaluation and reflection that continues today.
When my children were little, I had the flexibility to take them to their doctor appointments and almost always did. I didn’t miss a performance or sporting event. As they got older and my travel requirements for work changed, I began missing some things when I was out of town however, I did my best to schedule around their appointments and events. A friend of mine gave me wise advice when my children were little. He said, “Every age is the best.” As such, I wanted to fully engage with them at every age and through every phase.
There came a 3-year period of time when work was overwhelming, and I was not able to engage this way. I remember how I felt during that time period and how much I didn’t like it. I remember feeling like I was not the father I wanted to be. I was not setting the example that I wanted for my children. I was not being the person that I wanted to be. So, I made a change.
The past years have been filled with time invested with my family. I have incredible memories I have with both of my children are ones that will last a lifetime. The time visiting colleges for football recruiting with my oldest. Friday night lights watching him play football in high school and then with UCF and coaching high school football. The spent with my younger son at Jaguars games and theater at the Dr. Phillips Center. Eating dinner as a family. Holiday celebrations together. Birthday traditions, family vacations.
At the UFC fight – it’s become a tradition for Evan, Matthew and me to go.
Matthew and me at the 2022 White House Hanukkah Party. A memory with stories we will always remember
I had the chance to take my nephew Jacob to the Braves-Mets game in Citi Field. Time together is irreplaceable.
On the drive to Tennesse to move Evan in to start as a GA coaching football at Tusculum College, he wanted a little detour to stop at the University of South Carolina football stadium. Worth every minute of the detour.
At my father’s funeral, my brother, sister, and I all spoke about him. None of us talked about how much he worked. None of us talked about the material things that we had. It wasn’t important that we didn’t have the most expensive home, car, or clothes. We talked about the person my dad was. We talked about the time we spent with him. We told stories about him and the impact he had on our lives and the lives of our friends. I wrote in a previous blog how my dad told somebody that he wasn’t afraid of dying. He was just sad about the things he would be missing. I truly believe that is because when he “took a good, long, hard look at what I’d do if I could do it all again” he found little that he would do differently when it came to his family. He was ‘a friend a friend would want like to have’ and inspires me to make sure that I am as well.
Evan with my longtime friend Darryl. Darryl is a college football coach and has served as a mentor to Evan. A friend a friend would want.
The final verse of the song teaches me to do it now, not wait. The lyrics state:
Like tomorrow was a gift and you’ve got eternity to think about what you’d do with it. What could you do with it? What did I do with it? What would I do with it?
I decided years ago that I didn’t want to live with regret. I never wanted to look aback on my life and regret missing out on things. As my oldest is almost 24 and living his dream as a college football coach (graduate assistant) in Tennessee and my youngest is 21 and finishing his Junior year at UCF, I look back at time when they were young without regrets. I took advantage of the time with them to fully immerse myself in being there. I was cautioned by others to take advantage when they still wanted me around because the day would come when they didn’t any longer. I’ve been blessed that they still want me around. That we still do things and go places together. That my oldest wants me to come to watch him coach. That my youngest wants to go to sporting events, concerts, the theater with me. That they both want to go on vacation with their parents.
Evan, Matthew and me the night before he coached in the conference championship game. I wouldn’t trade the 10 hours each way with Matthew or the chance to watch Evan coach for anything.
Alison, Matthew, Carla and me at the Orlando Ballet performance of the Nutcracker. Going to the theater and the arts have become a fun thing for us.
A song that starts with a cancer diagnosis sounds depressing. Yet this one is inspiring. Not because the person survives – we don’t know that outcome. But we do know that they chose to live. They chose to take advantage of every day they have on earth with people.
As we start 2024, I renew my commitment to living in the moment. To not having regrets. To set my priorities and have them in line with my values. To live like I am dying.
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