Tag: friends

Reflecting and Reflections

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

As we begin 2025, I have found myself much more reflective than normal. For me, the end of a year is usually more future focused than reflective. I tend to look at what the upcoming year may bring and the opportunities that lie ahead rather than looking back at what happened and can’t be changed. I am not sure what is different this year but it definitely is different.

The past four years have been filled with incredible challenges and learning experiences. From dealing with the challenges and stress of Covid, especially when I was running an organization with almost 150 employees depending on me, to health challenges that at one point indicated potential major surgery, life was challenging. 2022 is the year that my dad died, a truly transformative event in my life. We were very close and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and miss him. I had a major career change and recently had another health scare that thankfully turned out to not be anything serious. I’ve had friends die and seeing people my age or slightly older die has shown me the reality that there is far more time behind me than ahead of me. My oldest son has begun his career and no longer lives close by. My youngest son is graduating college in May. As I prepare for 2025, it is clear that all these things have made me more reflective than ever before.

As we approach the start of 2025, I find myself thinking about what really matters to me. What is it that I really want? What is it that I really value? Who do I want in my life? How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to invest my most precious commodity, my time, with? I recently found old picture albums and boxes with pictures in them. As I look back at my college pictures, it doesn’t seem that long ago, yet it also seems forever ago. My 40th High School reunion is in 2025 and as I look at those pictures, it feels like yesterday while also feeling like it was lived by a different person. Perhaps it’s that stage of life, approaching 60, my youngest graduating college, watching nieces and nephews get married and have children, that is causing this.

It is actually a wonderful place to be. Challenging for sure, but also wonderful.

What does matter to me? Over the past few years I have clarified things and been much more focused. Here is my list as we start 2025.

  • Health. Without health we have nothing. I remember hearing this from my grandparents as a child and not appreciating it. Over the past few years, I have had some health challenges and understand it. My father had health challenges and then died in 2022. I recently had a friend die of a heart attack while he slept. I’ve seen far too many people my age or close to my age struggle with health issues and many pass away. Health matters. That means taking care of myself in ways I never would have before. It means being grateful for every day I wake up and am not struggling with a health issue. It’s being grateful for the health of my family and my friends. At the end of the day, health matters the most because no matter what else I have, if I don’t have my health, I really have nothing.
  • Family. I grew up being taught about the importance of family. Not just immediate family, but family by blood and by choice. In my family, I have brothers and sisters, both by blood (one of each) and by choice (2 of each). I have cousins that I am close with that are not your typical first cousins. I have aunts and uncles that are defined that way by the dictionary and those that are defined that way by their actions. I recently was talking to my aunt and uncle (who technically would be cousins) and I said to them point blank, “You are my aunt and uncle. You always have been and always will be.”. Family matters. Family shows up. Family is so much more than just blood. I got a note from my ‘brother’ on New Year’s Eve that touched my heart deeply. He talked about how our friendship that began more than 35 years ago has changed his life. I told him it changed mine as well. He has been, and always will be, my brother. His mom was my mom. His aunt and uncle were my aunt and uncle. My parents were his parents. I’m known as ‘Uncle K’ to his kids. He is Uncle Aric to mine. You can replace most things in life but you can’t replace family.
  • Basic needs. I grew up in the 70s and 80s. Gordon Gecko and ‘Greed is Good’. Yuppies and the desire for material things. Madonna and ‘Material Girl’. More was always better. In my life today, more is not better. I find myself wanting less. I want to make sure I have clothes, shelter, and food. While I have a nice car, it’s not something that I ‘need’ and look forwad to when I get a different one and getting one that is a ‘step down’. I find that material things are not what drives me nor do I find myself ‘wanting’ many things. I’d rather get a call and a happy birthday wish than a gift. For Hanukkah this year, being together as a family and lighting candles together was so much more than any material gift. I am actively in the process of moving from ‘wanting less’ to ‘having less’, not because of economics but because things don’t mean much any longer. As I was cleaning out my garage last weekend, I came across some old photo albums. The memories in those pictures meant more to me than any material item. My focus is on my basic needs and the rest isn’t necessary. It no longer adds much value to my life.
  • Values. This may seem like a strange thing to list here but it is actually one of the most important to me. Who I am, what I stand for matters. The type of person that I am, matters to me. I don’t have to be right all the time. I don’t have to ‘win’ all the time. I appreciate those who help me and I want to do what I can to help others. Not because I will ‘get’ anything from it, other than feeling good because I am doing good. It helps me understand the Jewish value of “Tikkun Olam” in a different way. By being a better person, by having and living my values, by treating people with dignity and respect, by helping others without expectation of anything in return, I get so much. I recently had a friend who has been struggling to find full time employment. We would talk over texts as she shared her frustration with the job market. I kept my eyes open for her and found a variety of opportunities for her to consider. I was there to help and support her. Eventually, I found one that worked out for her – she got a job doing what she loves, in an environment that is positive, and that pays her a salary that she feels is appropriate for her skill level and talent. The fact that she is working for another friend of mine only makes it better, as they both win. What did I get out of it? Nothing material – just feeling good that I was able to help two friends. Values and integrity are everything. They mean far more to me than a paycheck or any material good. I feel good about who I am every day when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. That is truly priceless.
  • Time. This has become more important as I have gotten older. We have no control over the time we have on this earth. My cousin, who was my age and like a brother to me, died unexpectedly in 1995. His brother, who I sort of adopted as my little brother, died in 2015. My father died in 2022. My fraternity big brother died in 2013. One of my close friends and I have begun to keep track of our fraternity brothers who have died young. When our time is up, our time is up. It’s what we do with our time that matters. For many years, building my career was a top priority. It meant sacrificing time with my family, with my children, with my parents, because of the demands required to be successful. Many people behave this way. I made the decision that I no longer want that. I don’t want my time defined by work. Just this past year, I went to watch my older son coach college football games three times. I took a crazy day trip to California with my younger son to see the Giants and A’s each play home games before taking the redeye home. I took Brightline with my younger son and his girlfriend to Miami to see the Marlins play and get our SpongeBob Squarepants Marlins jerseys. My wife and I went to Red Rocks to see Carlos Santana in concert. We go to the theater for Broadway shows, we travel to watch the UFC fights, spending money to get good seats and have a memorable experience. I spend a good amount of time in Israel in 2024 with trips in May, July, and September. I meet my mom in Lakeland, halfway between us, for lunch or dinner. Time is a commodity. How we choose to use it is up to us. I spent enough time devoted to my career. While I still spend plenty of time working and on my career, I value family and time spent in meaningful ways much more than extra money, a bigger professional role, or a big title. My priorities have shifted.
  • Friends. Throughout my career and my life, I have made a lot of friends. What I have learned is that many people who we call friends are merely acquaintences. They are people who are there in the good times, who are there when you can give them something, and are there when it benefits them. Real friends show up during the difficult times. Real friends show up when it is inconvenient for them but you need them. Real friends don’t care what others think. Over the past few years, I have had the opportunity to learn who my real friends are. I have seen people that I thought were friends simply not show up. Not reach out. I have seen people show up and show that they are real friends who I didn’t expect would show up. I do things differently now. I make sure to check in with my friends, not matter where they live. I do it not because of what they can do for me but because I value them in my life. A few months ago, I started having lunch with a group of guys on Friday. They are all 80+ so I bring the demographic down signficantly. I love these lunches. I enjoy the company, the conversation, the things I learn from them. While some of them I have known for years, others are new friends. I do my best not to miss those lunches because I value their company. I learn from them. I can honestly say that if any of them needed something, I would be there for them. I reach out to friends that I know are struggling with things in life, just to be a voice telling them that I’m here and I care. I have learned how important active friendship is and make sure to be an active friend.
  • Spirituality. While I would not call myself a very religious person, I am a very spiritual person. I pray and meditate every morning and have for over 30 years. I like learning with a Rabbi (I have two that I do it with) because it helps me connect with God in different ways and helps me be a better human being. I enjoy rituals like putting on tefillin, singing Acheinu every day until the hostages are released, lighting the menorah, eating apples and honey, and cooking for holiday meals as if 40 people are showing up even when it’s just 4-6. These are things than bring me joy. My connection to God brings me joy. My Jewish identity brings me joy. These things actually make my life both simpler and fuller. I have found that nothing in life happens by accident. There is a divine force behind it all – I may not see or appreciate it for a while, but it is there. I am who I am today because of my life experiences. The ones that I loved and the ones that I would not have chosen. I know that God always takes care of me in the long run, even if the short run is uncomfortable and not what I would have chosen on my own. It is why I say thank you every morning for whatever the day may bring me. If it was up to me, I would always choose the easier option. This would inhibit my growth as a human being. This would limit me. Instead, I get the gift of opportunity to grow and experience life. I’ll take that every time. I love my spirituality and spiritual connection. It brings me great joy and meaning. It is a path I encourage everybody to follow, wherever it may take them. Each of our paths are different and I hope you follow yours. I’m going to keep following mine.
One of my favorite books by my spiritual advisor for the past 27 years

Speaking of friends, one of mine recently turned 24 (as you can tell, I have friends in their 20s and in their 80s, I’m an equal opportunity friend when it comes to age). For her 24th birthday, she listed 24 life lessons she has learned. It is an impressive list and one I look at very differently now than I would have at 24. It’s amazing how life experiences change the way we see the same exact things. Here is her list:

 1.⁠ ⁠Life means nothing without the people you love around you
 2.⁠ ⁠Chase your dreams everyday – life is not to be lived waiting around
 3.⁠ ⁠Purpose mixed with passion will take you places in life
 4.⁠ ⁠It’s okay to f*** up – we all do – that’s how you learn
 5.⁠ ⁠Not everything is for everyone, and that’s okay
 6.⁠ ⁠Workout before making a big or impulsive decision – you will always have a different perspective after
 7.⁠ ⁠If you don’t ask, you’ll never get
 8.⁠ ⁠Be comfortable being uncomfortable – that’s where growth happens
 9.⁠ ⁠Everyone has their own way of doing things, there is no 1 way to do it, find your way to make it work
10.⁠ ⁠Learn something from everyone you speak too – advice is not always meant to tell you what to do, sometimes it’s to show you what not to do
11.⁠ ⁠Two things can be true at the same time….
12.⁠ ⁠Happiness comes from doing things that you joy
13.⁠ ⁠Dare to be wrong in life, it’s always a lesson and a good story
14.⁠ ⁠If something won’t matter in 5 hours, 5 days or even 5 years – everything will be alright
15.⁠ ⁠You create memories everyday, make them memories with people you love
16.⁠ ⁠Being comfortable with yourself is the biggest gift you can give yourself
17.⁠ ⁠Ask questions always – don’t be afraid to feel stupid
18.⁠ ⁠People want to be around people doing good things for this world and making a difference
19.⁠ ⁠Life is not about you – it’s about the people you touch
20.⁠ ⁠You never know how something may affect someone else, good or bad
21.⁠ ⁠Do the difficult thing. Say the hard thing… whats the worst that can happen?
22.⁠ ⁠You don’t owe anyone your time or energy – it’s precious, hold on to it tight
23.⁠ ⁠Growth is a process – be patient with yourself – it doesn’t happen over night
24.⁠ ⁠Appreciate the moment because you will look back at the ‘good ole times’ and miss being here

As we move into 2025, I encourage you to take a look at your life. Ask yourself what really matters to you. Then act on what matters to you. Society tells us all sorts of things are ‘supposed’ to matter. The reality is that the only things that matter are those you decide are important to you. Take ownership and take action. Nobody is responsible for your life and your choices other than you.

Unlikely friends

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Friendship is a wonderful and strange thing. We do get to pick our friends although sometimes, our friends pick us. We have childhood friends that we lose touch with and those we stay in contact with. Sometimes our best friends of our youth are no longer part of our life and sometimes we lose touch for years and when we reconnect it’s like no time passed at all. Sometimes people flash into our life, make an impact, and then they are gone. Sometimes we have friends for our entire life. Friendship is dynamic, it’s not static. Friendship is something that is active and takes work.

I got a text Saturday night, letting me know that there was a good chance that a friend of mine had died. It was sudden. It was unexpected. I reached out to somebody who would know if it was true, and sadly it was. It’s a very strange, modern, Covid friendship. We only ever met in person 3 times. Yet the loss is profound.

I’m not sure how Zev found me on Facebook during Covid. Likely through a friend of a friend. He reached out about some things we were doing and thoughts I had shared. We began chatting on Facebook messenger and sharing thoughts and ideas about the Jewish community. For two years we had a virtual friendship. In December 2022, I was invited to the White House Hanukkah party and was heading to DC. It was my first trip since Covid and the first time since Zev and I ‘met’ on social media. We made plans to meet for dinner and finally got to meet in person.

My son Matthew was with me and the three of us had a great dinner filled with interesting conversation. We talked about Matthew’s college experience, how Covid impacted his high school years, the challenges of the organized Jewish community, the decline in synagogue membership, what Jewish life could look like, things in Israel (this was pre-October 7), and much more. We spent a few hours eating and talking and building our friendship.

When I returned to Orlando after the party, we continued to keep in touch. We would email, Facebook message, and talk on the phone. When Cantor Azi Schwartz performed at a synagogue gala, we discussed the role of music in prayer. A year or so later, he and his family commissioned a special musical score for MIZMOR L’DAVID: A PSALM OF DAVID by Sam Glaser at his synagogue, Adas Israel. Of course one of the senior Rabbis there is a long time friend and the Cantor there is the wife of another good friend. The Jewish world is small and Zev made it smaller. After October 7th, we had more to talk about. The conversation was always easy and flowed naturally.

Earlier this year, I was in DC for the AIPAC Policy Summit. I stayed a few days extra for some work with a client. One of the people we met with was Zev. I thought he would be interested in the project and would also provide some good feedback and suggestions. He did both. He financially supported the project and gave some great feedback that helped our messaging. He made some suggestions of other people to meet with and share information about the project. That’s who Zev was, a person who got involved and wanted to make a difference.

The last time I saw Zev was just a few weeks ago. I was back in DC to do some work with a different client. Zev and I planned to meet for lunch as my hotel was a short walk from his home. We had a great lunch, great conversation, and he was interested in the work of this client, agreeing to support them. I had another client doing work I thought he might be interested in and after lunch, sent him some of their Israeli wine to taste. In typical Zev fashion, he didn’t want me to spend money on him but I sent it anyway. We walked back to my hotel, continuing our conversation, and said goodbye in the lobby, making plans to meet again in 2025.

We emailed after that visit. He enjoyed the wine. He shared some things he was concerned about and wanted my thought on. It seemed like everything was going great for him and I looked forward to our next meeting. Unfortunately that will now never happen.

Zev and me in DC at the beginning of December. He passed away less than 3 weeks later.

Friendship is like that. It can be fleeting and it can be lasting. We never know where our friends will come from. A life lesson that I have learned is that we may think we know who our friends are and then life shows up. The people who show up then are our real friends. People I thought were friends have shown me they were really acquaintances. And people I didn’t think were good friends have shown me that they really are good friends. I’ve learned not to pre-judge anybody.

Zev was a real friend, even though we only met in person 3 times. I’m grateful that we met because of Covid and that he became a part of my life. I’m sad that he is gone, yet the things we discussed and the passion for Jewish life and the Jewish community we shared will remain a part of me forever. While he may be gone from this earth, his impact is not. He changed many people’s lives with his friendship, his committment to making a difference and being a light to the world. As a mutual friend of ours said to me after Zev passed, the Jewish people and the Jewish community were his children.

Thank you Zev for reaching out on Facebook back in 2020. Thank you for sharing who you are with me. Thank you for inviting me into your life and being my friend. You are greatly missed. זיכרונו לברכה (ichrono livrakha). May your memory always be a blessing.

Matthew, Zev, and me at our first meeting in person

Friends

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

What exactly are friends? It’s a term we use a lot, often when we mean acquaintences. What does it mean to be a friend? What does it mean to have friends? As a kid, friends meant popularity. Friends meant a good social life. Friends meant status. The older I get, the more that definition changes. As a kid, the more friends you had, the better. As an adult, having friends is an obligation, one that requires work and effort, and I no longer want more, I want better. A good friend of mine used to say that since he was in his late 50s (he’s now 73), he didn’t need any more friends, so he was just going to say things. To be his friend meant something and still does. That’s how I feel.

The past few days are good examples of what friendship really means to me. Let me explain. On Sunday, I got a call from a friend out of the blue. He told me about a friend of his in Baltimore who is on the autism spectrum. His friend has a job (he is a phlebotomist) but is struggling to make ends meet and needs some help. He has a cash problem and needs help accessing a kosher food bank. I jumped into action, reaching out to friends in Baltimore who were able to connect him with the Kosher Food Bank at Jewish Family Services in Baltimore, a Chabad program in Baltimore that helps Jews in need, a synagogue that has a program to help those in need, and a social service program that can help him as well. Within 15 minutes, we had assembled the information needed to help his friend.

My friend kept thanking me and I kept telling him that he didn’t need to. I told him, “This is what we do.” and I meant it. When a friend reaches out for help, we jump into action. We don’t sit back passively, we jump in actively. Thanks aren’t needed between real friends.

Another friend called me on Sunday because we hadn’t spoken in too long. We chatted about life and then began to discuss career choices, options, where he is in his career and where he wants to be. We talked about how to get there and steps he needs to take now so that in a year or two, he will be ready to move out of what he is currently doing and begin the adventure he wants to undertake. We talked about a potential client of mine that is doing something really amazing (more will be revealed in future posts) and how exciting it is and if there is a way for him to join in with it. I made the time to talk with him because he matters to me. He made the effort to call me because I matter to him. Friendship takes work and we both value each other and spent the time that shows it.

Today a friend called me to share some personal news. We have been talking on the phone but haven’t seen each other in over a month due to busy schedules and some health issues he has. He said, “I wanted to share this with you because I consider you a very close friend.” I made sure he knew that I also consider him a very close friend. He took a risk confiding in me. I took on the responsibility of not just keeping his confidence but also of being there for him. I shared some of my own personal health issues with him as he has shared his with me. We are there to support each other. That’s what friends do – they are there for each other all the time, not just when it is convenient.

I have three friends that I talk with almost every single day. We make time for each other via text or phone. We check in on each other, ask about our days, how life is going, share our challenges. It is just a part of what I do every day. It is a part of what they do every day. Friendship is a two way street and takes effort, takes work. Friendship is not a popularity contest like in high school or college. It isn’t who has the most or who has the coolest friends. It’s not about name dropping or being seen with a certain crowd. Friendship is about much more than that.

A friend of mine has been struggling finding a job. She’s been looking for a long time and has been frustated with interviews that offer way too low compensation, interviewers who don’t follow up, who don’t close the loop, and jobs with 20-30 applicants in the first days of them being posted. I’ve been working to help her find the right type of opportunity and shared different options with her through this search. About a month ago, I saw a friend of mine was hiring for somebody in her field and let her know. I reached out to my friend to let me know she was applying and asking to give her special attention (not to hire her, that’s his decision, but to really look at her candidacy). Last week she let me know that she got the job! I was so happy for her. Then my friend who was hiring reached out to let me know he was hiring her. I was so happy for him. In this case, friendship because a three way street with everybody winning.

As I am writing this, I scrolled through Facebook and saw a shocking post. An old friend from my BBYO (Jewish youth group) days died today. We were friendly rather than friends. We had lost touch for decades before connecting again on Facebook in the past few years. I knew he had some ups and downs but didn’t realize his health condition until reading the notice of his passing. It makes me sad to know that I missed out. That’s the other lesson of friendship. If you don’t work at it, if you don’t put in the effort, you miss out.

I had a life changing experience in October 2023. During this time, I learned who my real friends were. I saw those who showed up and those who didn’t. I saw those who stood by me and those who didn’t. I was surprised by people in both groups. It was an incredible life lesson. When a friend had a similar experience just over a month ago, I made sure to reach out. I made sure that he knew I was in his corner and he wasn’t alone. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to show up and real friends do it. Today I am gratetful that I learned who my real friends are and who showed up. I’m also grateful to know who didn’t show up. Life is too short to waste time on people. I want to invest my time and energy on people that I value and that value me.

I consider myself very lucky. I have a true best friend. I have a friend so close that he is like my brother. I have two friends that I consider sisters. I have a close friend that is my mentor. I have a group of friends that I would do anything for and they would do anything for me. That’s special. It doesn’t have to be unique. It is all about the effort you put into friendship. If you want acquaintances that you call friends, you don’t have to do much. If you want true friends, you have to do a lot. I choose to do a lot. And boy do I get a lot in return.

Love, Kindness, Goodness and Friendship – An Inspiration

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

This has been a challenging week for many people. For some it’s the results of the election. For others it is the pogrom in Amsterdam and watching Jew hatred go to another level. Today is the 400th day of the hostages being in captivity. Two Jewish students were assaulted at Chicago’s DePaul University for the crime of being Jewish. In the past months, Jewish students have been attacked at The University of Michigan and The University of Pittsburgh for being Jewish. Rockets continue to be fired every single day by Hezbollah from Lebanon into Israel.

We live in arguably the most divided time in the United States since the Civil War. The world may not be this divided since World War II. It is easy to feel sad and depressed. It is easy to lose hope and think the world is ending. Concern over the next few weeks, months, and years is a common refrain heard regularly.

And yet there are examples of hope all around us. There are examples that show when we decide to be the answer, the solution; when we decide that we are no longer going to wait for others to solve the problem and challengs of the world, that we create change.

We are a college football family. For years, our Shabbat has involved being together as a family, either watching college football on TV or in person. When our older son was playing High School football, Shabbat dinner was at the football field. When he was coaching High School football, we spent Friday nights watching him coach and as he coaches college football, we are watching on TV or in person once again. This morning, as I was watching ESPN Gameday, a beautiful and inspiring story was shown.

Malachi Moore, a star player for Alabama, befriend a young girl, Henrietta Murray, who had a terminal illness. Their relationship and his relationship with her family, is a beautiful thing to see. Once again, it shows the power one person has to change the world. Malachi changed not only Henrietta’s life but the lives of her parents and his own life. Listening to him talk about what his friendship with Henrietta not only meant to him but how it changed his outlook on life is powerful. We all have th ability to be like Malachi. We all have the power to change lives with our actions. Watch, listen, and feel the love.

Watch Malachi and Henrietta’s story

Then there is the story of Melhem Asad. A Druze fan of Maccabi Tel Aviv football/soccer, Melhaem was at the game in Amsterdam. As he watched the attacks begin against Israelis by criminal antisemites with law enforcement not helping, he thought quickly on his feet. As an Arab speaker, he ran to groups of Israeli fans, speaking loudly in Arabic to them, creating the impression that everyone in his group was Arab rather than Jewish. By doing this, he successfully misled the attackers, who left these groups alone as they searched for Jews to attack. He didn’t just do this once or two. He spent several hours using this strategy to shield Jewish Maccabi fans who were under attack in restaurants and bars, unable to safely reach their hotels. When people call Israel an apartheid state, when people say that Jews, Arabs, and Druze can never get along and never exist together, this is more proof that these are lies.

Thank you Melhem for showing that humanity isn’t about being Jewish, Druze, or Arab. It’s about being a good person, caring about your fellow human beings, and combatting hate. You are an example to everybody of what the future can look like when we choose to take action ourselves. When we don’t wait for somebody else to do something. When we don’t tolerate the status quo and do what we can to make the world a better place.

Melhem Asad, who’s quick thinking and speaking Arabic saved many from being beaten.

Kirk Herbstreit is the cornerstone of ESPN Gameday. He is well known, popular, and one of the people fans want to hear from. Recently, the focus has been on the relationship with him and his dog Ben. Ben became a travel companion for Herbstreit, with him on the road, on the field, and on the set. In many ways, he became America’s dog. Recently he got very ill and in the past week he died. His loss was felt not just by Kirk but by fans and dog lovers all over the world. ESPN chose to show a tribute to Ben today. It was beautiful and powerful. It shows the power of love. I have always felt that dogs are pure love in a living being. We lost our beautiful chocolate lab, Bella, earlier this year. I miss her every day, and ask Kirk publicly mourned the loss of Ben, I could relate and understand the loss.

Our sweet girl Bella, enjoying the back yard, the sun, the grass, and being with me.

We can have this type of unconditional love with a dog. Why can’t we have this type of love for our fellow human beings? Before the election and after the election, the vitriol expressed against those supporting a different candidate was horrific. You might be branded a racist, a bigot, a Jew hater, an antisemite, an islamaphobe, transphobic, anti-LGBTQ, anti-woman, anti-American, and many other terms. It’s ok to to support different candidates for many reasons. Understanding why people make the choices they make gives us a chance to build bridges, work together towards the type of society we want to live in. Most people don’t support every position that the candidate they supported stood for. Yet we simplify people and live in hatred and disgust rather than love and understanding.

Dogs aren’t like that. They love you no matter what. It is as if they understand that people are fallible and love is what helps us deal with our imperfections. Dogs really are perfect love. I miss having Bella climb in my lap to cuddle no matter what was going on. I miss her giving me kisses and laying down at my feet to be close to me. I miss taking her out to the backyard to walk and lay in the grass, appreciating the beauty of nature, the warmth of the sun, the smell of fresh air.

It’s pure love. Watch the tribute to Ben and let Ben inspire all of us to treat people better.

Speaking of Kirk Herbstreit, every week when I watch him on ESPN Gameday with Lee Corso, their interaction is one of the sweetest things in today’s world. It’s clear that they have a father-son relationship. As Corso has gotten older, Herbstreit openly provides him with more help and more support. It is a beautiful thing to watch.

Today, it was the opposite. As the tribute to Kirk’s dog, Ben, began, he was visibly crying and emotional. You could feel his pain and loss. And who was there to support him? Lee Corso of course. It was a public display of love and support. No worries about what it looked like or what anybody though. It was two close friends being together, even with millions of people watching.

We can use the example of the relationship between these two men as a teaching lesson for each of us. Every day we have an opportunity to be there for somebody else. Every day we have a chance to build these special relationships. I am lucky. Along with my brother and sister, I have two people that I consider brothers and two people I consider sisters. That’s how close we are. While biologically I have two siblings, in reality I have six. I choose to invest in relationships with people. The quality of friends is so much more important than the quantity. Many years ago, an older friend of mine (he was my age now back then) used to say, “I don’t need more friends at my age.” I heard him but didn’t really understand at that time. Now I do.

The example of Corso and Herbstreit shows us what we can do for other people if we want. It shows how we change the world, one person, one relationship at a time. It takes so little to improve the day and the life of another person. It also can take so little to suck the energy out of somebody’s day, making their life more challenging. The question is which type of person do you want to be. Do you want to be somebody who spends every day working to make the world a little bit better or do you want to live in negativity and make the world a little bit worse every day?

I choose to change the world every day with kindness.

As I process my time in Israel, a few early thoughts

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Processing my recent trip to Israel has been a challenge.  This is my 21st trip yet the first since October 7th.  In many ways, this makes it my first trip to Israel.  Rather than being able to sum up the trip in one blog post, I am going to take bits and pieces and talk about them.  Take bites out of this experience and share them.  As I was talking to somebody this morning about the trip, we discussed how it really was an overwhelming experience filled with emotion. I’m going to begin by writing about three things.

In 2021 I participated in my first Momentum trip.  One of the people on our trip was an Israeli man named Alex Malayev.  While we didn’t become close friends on the trip, we did get to know each other.  Throughout the years after the trip, we kept in touch through our WhatsApp group.  He shared with us in the group that his son Yoav was in the IDF and killed fighting Hamas on October 7th.  It was devastating to hear this news and my heart broke for him.  On the trip, he talked about his son and shared what Yoav wrote, after he was mortally injured and was dying.

Yoav Malayev z”l with his father Alex and mother Maya

“The best 20 minutes of my life, we crawled up to here.  I got injured, and there’s a barrage now.  I’m thinking about you, and I’ll be thinking about you the whole journey.  I love you.”

It brought tears to my eyes then and brings tears to my eyes now. As this 19 year old boy was injured and dying, his thoughts were on defending Israel, defending the Jewish people, and how much he loved his family. He was proud of his effort to defend the Jewish people and the Jewish homeland. The best 20 minutes of his life. What bravery. What inspiration. When I first heard it from Alex and read it on the page, I felt like I was being slapped in the face. He was willing to sacrifice his life for the Jewish people and the Jewish homeland. What am I willing to do? What am I willing to risk? How important is it to me? As I sit on my comfortable couch back in America, I continue to ask myself that question. I thought I did enough before this trip. After hearing Yoav’s story, I know I am not. I have to do more. I have to advocate for Israel. I have to advocate for the Jewish people. I can’t be silent because I am worried about my safety. He didn’t worry about his safety.

Alex’s son Yoav may have died but he didn’t die in vain. Not only did he help protect Israel and the Jewish people, his life and death is an inspiration to us all to do more. To give more. To take bigger risks. To represent being Jewish in a public way. We have a collective responsibility. When Israel called, 350,000 reservists answered right away. More than were expected. The Jewish people are calling. Israel is calling. We need to respond. I know that I will. The next few weeks will be figuring out exactly how. I urge you, if inspired by Yoav, to do the same.

The second thing I want to talk about is when we went to the Shura army base. When we arrived, we got there just as the body of Nachman Vaknin z”l was being loaded into the van to be taken to Eilat for burial. Nachman had been killed in battle a few days earlier. It was incredibly powerful watching his coffin being loaded into the van. Then, the doors were kept open so one of our group, who was saying mourners kaddish for his mother, could say kaddish there for both him other and for Nachman. When he finished, we were given the honor of escorting Nachman out of the parking lot and on his final journey home, where he would be buried later that day.

Nachman Vaknin z”l

None of us had known Nachman yet all of us felt we lost somebody close to us. This 20 year old boy was defending us. He was defending Israel. He was defending the Jewish people. On Thursday, we had been in Kfar Aza, less than a mile from Jabaliya. Before that, we had been working on a farm in the Gaza envelope where we could see Khan Yunis. After Kfar Aza we went to the site of the Nova music festival. Both Kibbutzim and the Nova festival were attacked on October 7th and suffered losses. Two of the three also had hostages taken. In the middle of the war, we knew that we could have been attacked at any time at those sites. Nachman was killed on Saturday, just two days after we were in the area. I think all of this combined to make him feel like an additional son to all of us.

We were incredibly moved by being there for Nachman as he was put into the van and driven away. It made us think about life. Earlier on the trip, Saul, our trip leader, had talked to us about what we would die for determining what we would live for. I know that as I stood there with Nachman’s body, I knew what he would die for and so I knew what he lived for. It continued the spin in my head. What would I die for? Because I know that determines what I live for. Now that I am home, that spin in my head hasn’t stopped. Yoav and Nachman both knew. My head still spins. They were 19 and 20 yet they knew. I am 56 about to be 57 and I am not sure. My family is one thing that I would die for. I know that and have known that for a long time. What ideals? What values? It goes to my core which is what makes it so difficult. A core value of mine is honesty but would I die rather than tell a lie? I don’t think so. Where that line is a challenge for all of us to ask of ourselves. This trip has truly highlighted it for me and I want to be like Yoav and Nachman and know to my core what I would die for. Then I know what I truly live for.

The final thing I want to write about also is from the Shura army base. After we said l’hitraot to Nachman on his final trip, we were introduced to Noa, who talked to us about the forensic center located at the base. Noa has 8 children and on October 7th, 7 of their family were called up from reserves. This includes both her and her husband. This means 7 of 10 people in her family have been active duty in the war since October 7th. It makes the story in Saving Private Ryan seem tame as he was one of 4 brothers and these are 5 siblings and 2 parents. Her job at the forensic center was to prepare the bodies of those who were murdered on October 7th for burial. One of the beautiful things she said that she always believes that the neshama, the soul, of the person who died is in the room with her. You can listen to her talk in this first video.

Noa speaking to us and introducing herself and the base.

Noa was truly amazing and inspiring. She talked about how they got not just the bodies of soldiers but of civilians as well. Men, women, and children. They also got the bodies of terrorists. This made it challenging as many of their bodies were booby trapped with bombs and grenades. Imagine working to humanely treat the bodies of the dead and having to rush out because there is concern one of the bodies has a grenade or bomb that could go off. As she talks about how many bodies were there on October 7th in such matter of fact voice was chilling. She finishes talking about an injured soldier with a twin brother and how she can’t make a mistake in the identification.

Noa talking more about the base and what she does.

When we went inside the thing Noa talked about that stuck with me the most was how after all the horror she saw, after all the blood she described dealing with, after seeing the mutiliated and abused bodies, she finds that she must still look for the positive. She still has to think about how to make the family a more delicious dinner. How to be a better wife and mother and friend. After all the horrors, instead of being stuck in them, she looks for the beauty in life. She looks for ways to make life better not just for herself but for those she cares about and loves. What a beautiful concept.

After she talked about that, I found myself thinking about the things that I struggle with that keep me from focusing on the beauty of life. What things am I allowing to keep me from asking how I can be a better husband, father, and friend. What more delicious dinner should I make? What keeps me focused on the negative instead of the positive? And if Noa can do this after what she has seen, what stops me from doing it? It should be so much easier for me as I haven’t seen the gore she has. I haven’t dealt with the inhumanity that she has.

Now that I am back in the United States, far away from the active war, I want to do better. I want whatever comes to my life to only make me want to do more. To do better. I have seen religious people talk about this often in the past, regardless of their religion, and always questioned it. After October 7th, after meeting Noa, after seeing the sacrifice made by Yoav and Nachman, after being at Kfar Aza and the Nova music festival site, I feel like it is my obligation to find ways to bring more light to world. Not to allow the darkness we all face to win. Noa actively shoves the darkness away and doesn’t merely make room for the light, she is the light. She fills the room with light. We were all amazing by Noa. Who she is as a person. What she does for Israel, for those who die in service to Israel, and for their families. The type of mother, sister, and wife she is. Who she is as a human being.

Three amazing people to inspire me and hopefully inspire you. Yoav, who while giving his life for the state and people he loves not only celebrates the opportunity but shares his love for his family. Nachman, who paid the ultimate price to keep us all safe and while we didn’t know him, felt like a family member to us all, and Noa, who took care of those from October 7th and every female soldier since so they get treated with dignity and respect before burial. Who makes sure the families going through intense pain and loss know somebody was caring for their child until they are buried. All three knew what they’d die for. All 3 knew what they live for. While only one remains alive today, all three have full lives. All three have changed my life. I hope that over the rest of my life, I can live up to the standard they have set. I know I have work to do.

My perception has changed. Where did WE go wrong?

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

I grew up in an interesting community.  In the 1970s and early 1980’s, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania was very middle America and a very integrated place.  My friends growing up were of various ethnicities and backgrounds.  We went to school together, played together, and grew up together.  I like to joke that because 1/3 of my public school was Jewish, we were closed for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and you would see tons of Matzo at lunch during Passover.  But because it was Central Pennsylvania, we were also closed the first day of deer hunting season, because 1/3 of the school (including teachers) wouldn’t be there.

My friends were Christian, Jewish, and Hindu.  They were African American, Indian, and Caucasian.  They were gay and straight (although nobody had come out at that time, we all knew).  They were in the gifted program and in the regular educational program.  They came from different socio-economic backgrounds.  We were kids who liked each other and hung out together and were friends.  It’s amazing how many of them I keep in touch with even to this day.

Growing up in this environment, I didn’t see the challenges that some of my friends faced.  They were my friends, so the fact that they were African American or gay wasn’t an issue to me and I wrongly assumed it wasn’t an issue in general.  I was ignorant because I made a key false assumption that people thought the way I thought.  As a result, I never saw the challenges they faced or would face in the future.

When October 7th happened, not only was I horrified, I also expected that the world would be horrified with me.  When I saw that not only were they not horrified but they also wanted more October 7th type violence against Jews, that they blamed Jews for being attacked and murdered by terrorists, and that the world openly turned against the Jews, I got it.  I finally understood what my friends dealt day in and day out that I never saw.  Just like I saw them as people first, there are those who see Jews as people first.  But there are far more who are filled with hatred towards Jews.  I felt guilty for how I missed what my friends dealt with and deal with. 

Protests defending the rape, murder, and kidnapping of Jews by Hamas after October 7th

I used to get frustrated when I would see things like ‘Queers for Palestine’ and think to myself, “Don’t they know that they would be persecuted and killed there?”  I would think, “Israel is the only place in the Middle East where you can be openly gay.  Don’t they know that?”  I would wonder, what’s wrong with them?  Since October 7th and in the aftermath, I no longer think that way.  I now wonder what did we do wrong?  How did we let them identify with a group that hates them instead of with Israel?  How did we abandon them?  Sure we fought for gay rights, marriage equality, the right to adopt, and many other things.  But we didn’t understand their challenges in the world.  We didn’t identify WITH them.  So instead they identify with those who would kill them, who want to kill us, because they did identify WITH them. 

I used to wonder how the African American community could have forgotten the civil rights movement and how the Jewish community played such an integral role in fighting WITH them.  How could they abandon the people who helped found the NAACP, who fought so closely in the 1960s for equal rights?  Since October 7th and the aftermath, I now wonder, “How did we abandon them?”  Where did WE go wrong?  How did WE move on and no longer serve as allies, creating an identification with terrorists who hate the very freedom we fought together to have? 

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel marching with Dr. King

The same is true for a part of our Jewish community who fights against Israel.  I used to wonder how THEY went wrong.  How could THEY be self-hating, how could THEY not understanding their homeland, how could THEY be so misinformed?   Since October 7th and the aftermath, I now wonder, how did WE lose them?  How did WE not provide what they needed?  What do WE need to change to ensure the future generations understand the real meaning of Zionism, the importance of Israel to all Jews, and that it’s ok to disagree with the ruling government without trying to delegitimize the only Jewish country in the world. 

If it’s really on US to change then we have to do things differently.  We have to not only invest in the relationship but also work to understand the barriers they face on an everyday basis. 

I read about Bayard Rustin, an openly gay black man during the civil rights movement who was the architect of the 1963 March on Washington.  He was the right-hand man for the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. until he was blackmailed and chose to step away rather than risk damaging Dr. King and the movement.  A man who formed BASIC – Black Americans to Support Israel Committee in 1975.  There was a movie made about his life in 2023 that is available on Netflix.  I am fascinated by this amazing man that I never knew about and it made me wonder how many more people like him do I not know about.  How many historic figures do our schools do not teach.

Bayard Rustin, a man I knew nothing about yet we all should.

I knew a little about the Tuskegee airmen but just a little.  I read an article in The Free Press about them and the lesson in excellence that they taught us.  It’s a lesson I never learned because schools don’t teach about them.  There is a lot for me to learn about the Tuskegee airmen, much to read, much to understand.  A few of the remaining airmen spoke in Orlando recently and I was disappointed that I had a conflict and couldn’t hear them speak.  If I get the opportunity again, I won’t miss it.  I heard a story from the event that really hit me.  One of the airmen said that many years later he met a white pilot who the airmen had supported and escorted many times in battle.  The white pilot had never met or known who escorted him so many years later, he went up and thanked him.  I can’t even imagine doing what they did with that little recognition or acknowledgement.  True heroes.  I was so inspired by the article that just like the author, I am getting a piece of artwork signed by some of the actual airmen to hang in my office to remind me what excellence, bravery, and commitment are really about. 

One of the autographed prints I am deciding amongst which will hang in my office

When I lived in Seattle, a friend of mine who is gay, made a comment, complimenting me and talking about Harvey Milk.  I had heard the name but didn’t know much about him at that time.  Since she was saying it as a compliment, I wanted to learn about him and his story.  What I learned was fascinating and once again, I was stunned and disappointed that I never learned about him in school. I had always heard of the ‘Twinkie defense’ in California and we used to joke about it growing up and even in college.  That was common knowledge.  The fact that the man who murdered Harvey Milk was who got away with murder for using the Twinkie defense wasn’t something I learned until I started reading about him.  I was stunned that such an important part of the story of the Twinkie defense was never taught.   I watched the movie Milk, starring Sean Penn, and was amazed at what a great job they did telling his story. 

Harvey Milk, who should be taught in our schools

I wrote earlier about my Palestinian friends and how I reached out to them to check on them.  After Iran attacked Israel, I reached out to friends in Iran to see how they are doing.  The people of Iran are not the government, and they have publicly supported Israel.  They have painted things like “Israel bomb the Ayatollah’s house” and cheered for Israel in the streets.  I am concerned about the safety of my friends in Iran, both from the government and potential attacks.  Since October 7th and the aftermath, I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes we have made with other communities.  So I reach out.  I share empathy.  I do my best to understand what they are going through and share what I am going through with them.  Build on commonalities so we see our similarities. 

I don’t know if it’s too late for the generation who thinks those that hate them are the ones they need to support.  I don’t know if we can educate or change their minds.  I know that I have to try.  I know that I have an obligation to make a difference with those that I can.  The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. finished his famous ‘I have a dream’ speech with the following words:

And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

We need to speed up that day with our actions.  I am committed.  I ask you to join me.

The value of real friends

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Friendship is an interesting thing.  It’s based on mutual respect and trust.  It’s something that is based in faith and belief.  There is no way to ‘prove’ that somebody is your friend.  There are plenty of times when one person thinks they are friends, and the other person thinks they are acquaintances.  Or you say ‘friends’ but don’t really mean you have depth of friendship; it is just easier than saying acquaintances.

Over the past 1 ½ years, I have had the opportunity to learn first-hand about friendship and what it really means to me.   When my dad died in September 2022, I saw who reached out, who showed up, and who really cared.  When these things happen, it’s always a surprise, as people who I think will show up don’t, and people I never imagined would show up, do.  Friendship is about showing up.  It’s about being there because you are care about the other person. 

Over the last 18 months, my life has taken many twists and turns.  There have been ups and downs, challenges, and successes.  As life has shown up, so have my real friends.  Those who I thought were friends and didn’t show up, indicated that I was wrong.  We were merely acquaintances, people with a shared interest, but not friends.  It’s been amazing to see the character of different people through this process and it has allowed me to make changes in who I want in my life and who really matters.

This week alone has had a number of instances that highlight true friendship.  A good friend of mine’s husband died 3 weeks ago.  I knew him as well and while he wasn’t in good health, nobody expected him to die when he did. I reached out when I heard and then called her yesterday to connect and talk.  Despite all that she is going through, she wanted to know about me.  We connected on a deep level and finished by telling each other “I love you’.  It’s a deep and wonderful friendship that I treasure. 

Another friend reached out because he is being interviewed for a PBS special and wanted to both tell me he is talking about me and also ask for a picture as they want one to show during the documentary.  I was blown away and humbled when he shared this with me.  We have been friends since he was an undergraduate student at The University of Florida (UF), and I was running UF Hillel.  I made sure he went to Israel as a student and served as a reference for him to do his master’s internship in Israel.  We have remained close over the past 20 years, and I let him know exactly what it meant to me that he chose to talk about me.  I’ve followed his career and been proud to call him a friend.  We check in with each other and check on each other.

I have a few friends that I speak with a few times a week and have done so for decades.  We support each other through challenging times and have been there during the good times and the bad.  Despite talking 3-4 times per week, it’s always a joy when their name pops up on my phone.  I know that I can call them and talk about anything, and they know the same about me.  When I think about how important that is, I am astounded that I have so many of them.  I always thought I’d be lucky to have one friend like that and I have half a dozen. They truly are like family.

I have my friend who is like a brother – his mom was my mom, his Aunt Jean was my Aunt Jean, my mom is his mom, and my dad was his dad.  My brother and sister are his siblings.  His wife is like my sister.  His kids call me Uncle Keith and mine call him Uncle Aric.  It’s a 35-year friendship that goes deep.  Either of us will drop anything if needed.  We have been through all of life’s challenges together. Getting married, having children, losing parents, career changes, parenthood issues, and so much more.

Aric and me back in the day when we were roommates at Penn State. Can you guess our favorite baseball team?

My friend Todd has been in my life for more than 36 years. We went through the death of his mother and two brother, my dad, both of us meeting our future wives and getting married, having and raising children, two of his kids getting married, our professional journey, and much more. We talk all the time and even have our special guys only cruise each year now to hang out without interruptions. He’s my best friend and completely dependable. We make fun of each other, have lots of incriminating stories about each other we laugh about privately, and are each other’s sounding board. I can’t imagine life without him as a key part of it. How lucky am I?

Todd and I on our guys cruise. His brother Eddie joined us on this one.

My dear friend Ron has been a sounding board and confidante for 30 years.  I was there when his wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I spoke to her just before she died.  When he had major surgery, I spent the day at the hospital with his family to support them and him.  He has been there for me in some of the most challenging times of my life and has been a rock when I need a calm head to process things.  A number of months ago he had a stroke.  While he is recovering, he still has aphasia so it’s very difficult to talk, a drastic change in our relationship.  We text daily and when I call and hear his voice, it brings a big smile to my face.  We have already proven to each other there is nothing we won’t do to help each other and I treasure that friendship. Our morning texts are always the best way to start the day.

With my friend Ron. We’ve been through it all together.

My friend Harriet and I zoom or talk every week for the past 4 ½ years.  We started as part of a formal process in a program we were a part of.  We enjoyed each other’s company and insights so much we never stopped.  I know she is always just a call away for support and guidance and she knows I am there for her.  It’s amazing to have this type of friend, somebody to share personal and professional challenges, excitements, opportunities, happy times, sad times, and challenging times.  Sometimes, when things get a bit too crazy, we cut it short to 15 or 30 minutes, just to hear each other’s voice and do a quick check in.  It’s a friendship I treasure and the bonus is I got to discover her author husband and his amazing books!!

My friend Harriet and her husband Howie. Check out his books, especially the Jonah Geller series!

What do all of these people have in common?  When the chips were down for either of us, they were there for me, and I was there for them.  It didn’t matter what else was going on, our relationship and friendship came first.   The friendships have been through tough life experiences and proved themselves.  They have stood the test and survived and thrived.

The last 18 months have highlighted friendships, both real and imagined.  I have seen who my friends really are by their actions.  And I have learned who I thought were friends but really aren’t.  Those who didn’t show up in a time of need.  Those where the relationship did not stand the test and have not survived.  These are often sad to realize and can hurt my heart.  People who I thought I was close with.  People where we shared and provided support in the good times, absent when I faced the challenging ones. 

I have learned that life is too short to be caught up and invest time in people, careers, organizations, and other things that don’t provide value.  I’ll never forget the first time I learned this with who I thought was a friend.  I was sitting on the front porch of a camp bunk while somebody I thought was a good friend started talking bad about me.  I was stunned to hear a ‘friend’ talking behind my back this way.  It showed me that we really weren’t friends, and I chose not to invest any more time in that relationship.  It was incredibly painful but also incredibly impactful. 

Most of the time I feel like a kid.  It’s hard to reconcile thinking and feeling like I am in my 20s and really being in my mid 50s.  The realization that more of my life is behind me than ahead of me was a stark one and truly life changing.  It was also incredibly freeing as it meant that I could release the societal expectations of work, career, status, title and look at what I really value.  Family, friends, mental and physical health.  As I sit in the airport, traveling to Chicago for a family Bat Mitzvah that I might have missed in the past, I am so grateful to my friends who have showed up and been there over the last 18 months.  And I’m even grateful for the people who I thought were friends and have learned really aren’t, because they haven’t showed up.  They have given me a gift as well. 

It makes me think of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs that we used to sing when I was in BBYO, You’ve got a Friend by James Taylor.

When you’re down and troubled
And you need some lovin’ care
And nothin’, nothin’ is goin’ right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know, wherever I am
I’ll come runnin’
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there
You’ve got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you’ll hear me knockin’ at your door

You just call out my name
And you know, wherever I am
I’ll come runnin’, runnin’, yeah, yeah
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes, I will

Now, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend
When people can be so cold?
They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don’t you let them

You just call out my name
And you know, wherever I am
I’ll come runnin’, runnin’, yeah, yeah
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes, I will


You’ve got a friend
You’ve got a friend

Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend
Ain’t it good to know, ain’t it good to know
Ain’t it good to know
You’ve got a friend


Oh, yeah, now, you’ve got a friend
Yeah baby, you’ve got a friend
Oh, yeah, you’ve got a friend

That’s the best definition of friendship I have ever found.  Whatever the need, whatever is going on, you are always there for each other.  I’ve written a lot about morals, ethics, and values.  Friendship is all about this.  It’s all about understanding what is important and what isn’t.  My family and friends come first.  Always.  I can get another job, find a way to make money, get a different car or house.  People are indispensable.  As the song I wrote about previously said so beautifully, “You can’t get new, old friends”. 

I know who my real friends are.  Some surprised me in how they stepped up.  Some surprised me in how they didn’t.  At the end of the day, all we really have is people and time.  I have chosen to value them over everything else.  In a world dominated by money, power, prestige, titles, and divisiveness, the lesson I have learned is that it is ok to reject those as important principles and put people first.  To live an ethical life is worth more than any amount of money.  As I was talking to Harriet today on our weekly call, she commented at how nice it was that I could go to this family Bat Mitzvah and do all the things I have been doing recently.  And she was right.  The change in attitude and in understanding what is important has given me the gift of freedom that I didn’t even know I was missing. 

Friends do that for you.  Friends are the lifeblood we all need.  Real friends.  True friends.  Ones that don’t just talk the talk, but those who walk the walk.  2024 is a year all about investing in the people who show they are friends through their actions.  I’m so appreciative of those who have shown me they are my real friends and just as appreciative of those who have shown me that they are not.  Life is whole lot better when you have the right people in it. 

I’m grateful for all the right people I have in my life.  You know who you are.

What is the definition of a friend? How do you know who your real friends are? Today’s blog talks about that.

Sunday was an Israel day

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Sunday turned into a significant Israel day for me in a wonderful way.  Since October 7th, most Israel days have been focused on things like the hostages, the war, relatives of friends who were hostages or who were murdered, the IDF soldiers who were killed in action and both hoping that they weren’t people that I knew and being sad that they are people I will never get to know.  It’s writing the number of days the hostages have been held on a piece of masking tape that I wear over my heart, my two dog tags that say, ‘Bring them home now” and “We will dance again”.  It’s following the rocket attacks from Hezbollah in the north and hoping that there won’t be a war in the north.  Checking on my friends in Israel and their loved ones who are serving.  Following Congress’s lack of ability to pass the needed aid package for Israel (and Ukraine).  The inane demands for a ceasefire now without a demand to release the hostages now.  Seeing social media posts from friends who have no clue what’s going on, advocating against Israel, and believing the lies.  I love Israel and it’s a heavy burden on a daily basis even in America.

Sunday was a day of joy.  My childhood friend, Grace Rodnitzki, was in town for the BBYO International Convention on behalf of the Ethiopian National Project (ENP), where she has worked for nearly 2 decades.  I have previously written about not needing ‘new, old friends’ and being grateful for the long-term relationships I have.  Grace is one of those people as we have been friends since the early 1980s when we were in BBYO together.  She brought her boss, Roni Akale, with her.  Roni is the Director General of the ENP and made the walk from Ethiopia to Sudan in 1983 at the age of 20.  I’ve met Roni many times and he is a truly amazing person. 

My friend Grace – it’s always so good to see her either here or in Israel.

Roni Akale. I love seeing him and hearing his stories. The work of ENP is amazing.

Roni as a child in Ethiopia

I have visited a few ENP sites in Israel and was amazed at the work that they do for the Ethiopian Jewish community.  Having an opportunity for Roni and Grace to discuss the work of ENP and share Roni’s story with members of the Central Florida community was a privilege.  We spent a few hours before the event talking and catching up.  It was so meaningful to be talking about Israel, hope, and the future after October 7th. 

Watch the video of us learning Ethiopian dancing at an ENP site years ago. So much fun and such a great memory.
Another video of us dancing at an ENP site. Visit an ENP site and it will change your life.

There is so much misinformation and disinformation about Israel.  The antisemites want to paint Israel as a white, European, colonial effort.  It’s so inaccurate that it would laughable if people didn’t believe it so easily.  Walk the streets of Israel and experience the beauty of diversity.  Mizrahi Jews (those descended from Jews in the Middle East, North Africa, and Central Asia), Ashkenazic (Eastern European) Jews, Ethiopian Jews, Arabs, Druze, Christians, and B’hai all call Israel home.  If you explore the Ethiopian Israeli culture, you will experience a vibrancy that may surprise you.  There are now approximately 175,000 Ethiopian Israelis with 47% of them born as Sabras (born in Israel).  It’s a growing population just like all the diverse groups within Israel are growing.   

Israel is a growing and thriving country.  Not only is it the only democracy in the region, it is also the only place where equal rights exist for everybody.  I often get very frustrated by people who I know and like who believe the propaganda put out by those who hate Jews.  They aren’t bad people; they are simply misinformed.  When I have the chance to have a real conversation, face to face, it’s usually not only productive but personally meaningful.  I have chosen not to engage with them on social media because it doesn’t go anywhere and is often more harmful than helpful.  Finding ways to get them to experience the diversity of Israel is more productive through conversation, meeting with different Israeli populations, and serious dialogue rather than simple hasbara (advocacy).   

My favorite story that Roni tells is how during the walk from Ethiopia to Sudan, the man leading them did not continue and left the group with a donkey and his son.  As they walked through the jungle, they were robbed and had everything taken.  No food, no water, no supplies.  When they asked the son who was leading them how to get to Sudan, he didn’t know!  So how did they get from the middle of the jungle to where they needed to be in Sudan?  Because the donkey, who they had with them, knew the way!  It was the donkey who led them from Ethiopia to Sudan!  

I also had another wonderful surprise on Sunday.  My friend Yaron, who is in the IDF reserves and was recently released from duty in Gaza, was in town.  We got to spend time together before the ENP event and he even participated in the ENP event, sharing his experience that the Ethiopian community were incredible resources and merely needed the support and education that ENP provides to excel academically, in the IDF, and afterwards in university and in business.  Yaron and I then spent a few hours together catching up and touring Decision Tactical, a truly amazing place.  I encourage you to visit Decision Tactical and learn self-defense and more from them – you will be amazed.

My friend Yaron. So good to see him and know that he is safe. He is a true hero.

While touring Decision Tactical with Yaron, it was fascinating to see his reactions and hear his insights.  While we were touring, we had an opportunity to meet with some Israelis who have new technology with virtual reality and self-defense and law enforcement training.  I loved the fact that it was Israelis who designed this technology and that it will be available for our law enforcement to use as training and for civilians to experience and learn.  There is so much that Israel gives to the world that is not appreciated by those who are ignorant.  Those who use their iPhone to tweet about Boycott, Divest, and Sanction (BDS), not realizing they are using Israeli technology.  Those who text not knowing it was Israeli technology that created SMS.  People who lives are saved by Israeli medical research and technology that are on the front line of Jew hatred and BDS.     People who use their computers to spread hate against the Jews and Israel, not realizing their computer chips come from Israel.  The list goes on and on.

Yaron’s story was told in a much earlier blog post when I was in Israel.  He spent 120 days in Gaza after October 7th as head of operations.  He shared with me how often he faced death during those 120 days, and it was truly unbelievable.  On October 7th, he ran from his house to fight the terrorists without a weapon.  He didn’t have one until he came across a murdered IDF soldier and was able to use his weapon.  I found it insightful and very moving when he shared that hardest part was actually on the flight from Israel to the US when it was quiet.  It was the first time he had quiet in 120 days.  It was the first time that he could actually feel his feelings.  He told me how difficult that flight was as he began processing everything since October 7th.  It highlights the big challenge facing Israel after this war ends.  So many Israelis will have PTSD to deal with.  The trauma didn’t end on October 7th.  It just began.  Besides being a friend and an amazing human being, Yaron is a true hero and a real badass. 

I told Yaron the story of my friend’s cousin, Hila Rotem Shoshani, who was taken by Hamas along with her mother as hostages from Kibbutz Be’eri on October 7th.  You can read the story in this previous blog.  When I showed him the videos of her opening the birthday and Hanukkah presents that we got for her, the look on his face was priceless.  It’s one I will never forget.  You could see a bit of joy.  A bit of relief.  It was exactly why he put himself in mortal danger in Gaza.  It is why he spent his career in the IDF.  It is why he returned.  It’s the essence of the Jewish people.  Kol arevim ze la ze (all of Israel are responsible for each other.) 

Hila opening the suitcase and some of her presents. Look at her face – how can it not warm your heart?
You will smile as big or bigger than she is when you watch this.

Yaron and IDF soldiers like him inspire me.  I have too many friends who are serving in the reserves.  Too many friends who have their children serving in the IDF.  4 friends that have 6 relatives that were hostages.  Four have been released, two remain hostages.  Friends that lost relatives at the Nova Music Festival.  These IDF soldiers are not just fighting for the survival of Israel.  They are fighting for the survival of the Jewish people.  Their willingness to fight for Israel and the Jewish people inspires me to do what I can here in America.  They inspire me to go to Israel as soon as possible so that I can contribute in whatever way possible.  As we see the increase of antisemitism around the world and especially here in America, it is frightening to think of a world without Israel.  These IDF soldiers ensure that we don’t have to worry about a world without Israel.

This poem (translated from Hebrew) inspired me.  It’s a beautiful poem but more importantly it is true. 

The Real Israelis – Asaf Perry

(Translation Gadi Ben Dov)

The History teacher is really a Delta Force fighter.

The kindergarten teacher is a Military Intelligence Officer

None of us knew that the stuck-up neighbor is a company commander in the Tanks corps.

And that the contractor with the funny hat working at the house next door is an F16 pilot.

That the “always dressed perfectly” female lawyer from upstairs is a combat officer that is

working overtime at her post in the army, the funny owner of the neighborhood food market

is a trained sniper who is lying on a rooftop somewhere in Gaza right now.

Some say that the angry tough lady who is the bank branch manager is deputy regiment commander in the Home Front Command and is now working to organize all the housing by

the Dead Sea hotels for the evacuees from the villages near the border with Gaza.

That the friendly smiley bus driver that always takes the kids to school is a commander of a

battery of 155mm artillery guns stationed in the north and the fancy looking interior designer next door is a paramedic who is now stationed in the West Bank.

Legend has it that the geeky looking physics student is really a Navy Seal that performs some crazy operations in an undisclosed location right now.

They look like normal ordinary everyday people dressed like normal people with ordinary jobs but that’s really just their cover story. Because suddenly when they are needed, they open a hidden drawer or closet in their apartment or pull out a trunk from under their bed and take out their superhero cape, their reserve duty IDF uniform and go out to save theworld and protect us.

In Israel we all look like ordinary people – really we do, but deep down inside we are a country of SUPERHEROS.

Since October 7th I find myself longing to be in Israel.  It’s been very difficult not being there and not being able to do something in Israel for Israel.  I do what I can from America but it doesn’t feel enough.  Israel isn’t just a core part of who I am as a Jew.  It’s who I am as a human being.  It’s part of my core identity.  If you have never been to Israel, I urge you to go and go soon.  I’m happy to help you find the best way to go.  There are many opportunities to go on solidarity and volunteer trips now where you can experience Israel and make a difference.  If you have been, I urge you to go back.  Israel needs us more than ever to show that we are all part of the same family. 

Am Yisrael Chai

Sunday’s musical inspiration – Luke Bryan and Most People are Good.

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

It’s Sunday so time to let music be my inspiration.  This week it’s a song by Luke Bryan from 2017 titled, “Most People are Good”.  It’s an interesting choice since not long ago, inspired by Anne Frank, I was talking about how there aren’t enough good people in the world.  I’m honestly not sure if there aren’t enough good people or if they are just quiet and do good, or if the media just chooses to only focus on the bad.  Perhaps it’s a combination of all three. 

The lyrics are insightful and thoughtful.

I believe kids oughta stay kids as long as they can.  Turn off the screen, go climb a tree, get dirt on their hands. 

We live in a world where kids grow up way to fast.  I think back to my childhood where we played outside every day.  People had part time jobs for pocket money not as a primary goal nor to further our future careers.  We played multiple sports and had diverse groups of friends.  There was no such thing as “travel ball.”  My mom would make us take off not just our shoes but our dirty clothes in the garage before entering the house.  Times were simpler.  The only screens were TVs and VCRs were fairly new so you could try to tape a show if you missed it but our lives were not dominated by TV, the internet (didn’t exist), streaming services, etc.  We stayed kids as long as we could and that wasn’t a bad thing.  When I look at how my kids and their friends grew up compared how I grew up, it’s truly a different world.  We walked or road our bikes everywhere.  Our parents didn’t know where we were every moment of every day through tracking software on cellphones or texting.  Life was simpler.  I have done what I can to provide that for my children.  We have never tracked their location on their cellphones.  We encourage them to stay kids as long as they can because adulting is both hard and long.  Childhood is meant to be cherished and in today’s world, it’s now rushed through.  I worry about our future when kids aren’t allowed and encouraged to be kids.

I believe we gotta forgive and make amends.  ‘Cause nobody gets chance to make new old friends.

I consider myself lucky, in part because I have so many friends for more than 30 years.  Some are more than 40 years and others more than 50.  People who I grew up with.  People who I have known most of my life.  Like the song says, you can’t make new, old friends.  Many years ago, I learned to ask a very important question.  Would I rather be happy, or right?  Most of the time, I’d rather be happy and choose actions that provide happiness.  By choosing to be happy, I forgive and make amends.  My friends stay my friends and we get through the challenges that all friendships and relationships have.  Just this week I was talking to a friend from middle school and a friend from high school.  I am getting together with a high school friend today because she is in town.  These relationships are precious.  They span decades and go back to a simpler time with cherished memories.  In today’s world, we often let disagreements end friendships.  Life is too short.  Time is too precious.  What do I gain from ending friendships that have lasted decades over unimportant things?  I like that my children know my old friends.  I like that they tell my children stories from ‘the old days’, even when they are embarrassing and especially when they are funny. Here are just a few pictures of a few of them.

I just got to spend time with Jim, Ananda, and Anna Marie at our friend Jeremy’s wedding. It has been years for some of us yet it felt like no time had passed.

My friend Aric who tells my kids classic stories they often don’t believe. We became friends in 1988 and are like brothers.

My friend Todd who has great stories to tell my kids, also ones they don’t believe. We became friends in 1987 and talk at least once a week.

My dear friend Ron – we have experienced the ups and downs of life together for the past 30+ years.

Larry and I met in either 1984 or 1985. We still talk every week.

Jamal and I have been friends for 20 years. He always inspires me and I am humbled when he says the same about me.

Darryl and I have been friends since 6th grade. He is now a mentor to my son Evan. Who wants to try to make new, old friends when you have old friends like this?

I read a very interesting article about two friends in Israel who allowed their political differences to impact their friendship.  The impact of October 7th made them realize how important their friendship is and their disagreements politically aren’t a reason to not be friends.  That’s a real life example of this lyric. 

I believe in workin’ hard for what you’ve got.  Even if it doesn’t add up to a hell of a lot.

My grandparents and parents taught me early in life the importance of hard work.  They would often say that hard work is its own reward.  As a kid, this was hard to understand.  Hard work was to get a result.  It was to obtain things.  How could hard work be its own reward?

As I got older, I began to understand what they were talking about.  It is about having a work ethic.  It is about having values and living up to them.  It is having integrity and working hard because it is the right thing to do, not because you will get a specific outcome. 

The older I have gotten, the more I appreciate the things I have.  Growing up and into my 30s it was all about more, more, more.  The bigger house.  The nicer car.  More toys.  The newest technology.  Today I am grateful for what I have and often time realize that I would be just as happy, if not happier, if I had less.  There is value in appreciating what you have and not wanting more all the time. 

There is also another hidden message in these lyrics.  Often times we judge people based on appearance.  Based on the car they drive, the clothes they wear.  This line urges us to look at the person, not what or how much they have.  It reminds me of quote by the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in which he said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”  The color of their skin, the amount of money in their bank account, the type of car they drive, the clothes they wear – all have nothing to do with the content of their character.  All have nothing to do with the type of person and human being they are.  We need to pay attention to who people are based on their actions, not their bank account.

A brilliant quote from To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. We see what we look for.

I believe most people are good and most mamas oughta qualify for sainthood.

This is the line that I struggle with.  Not the second part but the first part.  In today’s world, are most people good?  Half the country hates the other half.  The rise in antisemitism is frightening.  We literally see Nazis in Central Florida every few weeks.  Sometimes in uniform, usually waving a big Nazi flag and chanting horrible things with awful signs.  In Nashville there was a Nazi march where people were chanting ‘Heil Hitler’.  This is not the 1930s in Germany.  This is 2024 in the United States.  Crime is up.  Instead of random acts of kindness, we see random acts of violence.  The rape, murder, and kidnapping of Jews on October 7th is acceptable only because they are Jews.  Calls for a ceasefire happen daily but these people don’t demand the release of the hostages, now in their 133rd day of captivity.  Too many good people are silent.  It seems that over the past few years the famous quote, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” was everywhere being said by everybody.  Yet after October 7th, these people went silent.  It seems there are daily demonstrations of the evil of humanity.  I look every day for signs that most people are good and yet most people fail the test every day. 

This was yesterday, 2 miles from my house. The hatred is real.
I never thought I’d see Nazi flags flying like this in my lifetime. This was February 17, 2024.
The growth of antisemitism is real. February 17, 2024 in Winter Park, FL.

It is a reminder to me that I can’t control anybody else.  I am only responsible for myself.  I can choose to be good.  I can do my part to make the world a better place.  I can choose to engage in random acts of kindness.  I can choose to fight against all hatred and stand up and speak out.  I can be an example and live true to my values.  Perhaps if we each take responsibility for ourselves, we will end up with most people being good.  At the end of the day, I’m not responsible for most people.  I am responsible for myself.

I love the line about most mamas qualifying for sainthood.  Being a parent is difficult and as I have watched my mom, my mother-in-law, and my wife, I see how much more difficult it is to be a mom.  I don’t know if it is societal expectations and training or something innate, but the differences between being a mom and a dad are significant.  I am ok with my children struggling – it’s part of life and learning important life lessons.  My wife wants to protect them from any struggles, it’s in her DNA as a mom.  We both love our children and want only the best for them.  We talked about this last night, and I was fascinated by the difference in our points of view.  So I agree with Luke Bryan – most mamas should be Saint Mama. 

I believe most Friday nights look better under neon or stadium lights.

As the parent of a high school football player, there was not much better than Friday Night Lights and watching my son play each week.  It was an incredible four years and six years after it ended, I still miss it. 

I can dig deeper into this lyric and go beyond high school football.  Growing up, Friday night meant Shabbat dinner.  It didn’t matter what I wanted to do before or after, we sat down as a family, often with guests, for Shabbat dinner.  My mom would light Shabbat candles, my dad would typically make kiddush, and one of the kids would say the Motzi.  No matter what, we were together as a family for Shabbat dinner.  When my son played high school football, that became our Shabbat dinner – together as a family, under the stadium lights, usually eating a hot dog or hamburger for dinner, and loving every minute of being together. 

Friday night, Shabbat, gives me the opportunity to set aside the business of the week and focus on the things that are really important.  Family.  Friends.  Spirituality.  Health.  Just like Friday Night Lights creates a special environment, Shabbat itself creates that opportunity, if we are willing to take it.   I fully admit that I am not a traditionally shomer shabbat person.  I do use Shabbat as a break from the week.  It’s the day that I get to refocus and recenter.  It’s the day I focus more intensely on family.   As a family of college football fanatics, Shabbat has been a traditional day where all four of us sit together all day watching college football.  When the kids were little, we all climbed into our bed.  Now that they are bigger than me, we watch in the living room.  It’s become a family tradition that is a break from the rest of the week. 

Friday night looks better under the neon or stadium lights because of the uniqueness they offer.  Friday night also looks better because of the uniqueness of Shabbat and the opportunity to, for one day, set aside the stress of the real world and focus instead on the smaller, more intimate world of family and friends.

I believe you love who you love.  Ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of.

It makes me so happy that a country singer wrote these words and sings it proudly.  Country music and fans of country music are often categorized as racist and homophobic.  To have a major country music star make this type of statement helps improve the world.  It says loud and clear that people are people.  Who you love is your business and nobody else’s.  And there is nothing wrong with loving whoever it is that you love.

Growing up, we had a tight group of friends that all went to Hebrew School together.  Most of us also went to the same public schools.  We remain close today and have a Facebook messenger chat group to keep in touch.    I remember when two members of our tightknit group came out.  It wasn’t a surprise to any of us.  We had known for years and years.  It didn’t matter because we love everybody in the group for who they are.  We celebrate all the diversity of our friends because of who they are.

My confirmation class – we stay in touch 40 years later.

In a song about most people being good, this line is so important.  Hate is simply unacceptable yet continues to grow in our world.  It doesn’t matter who the hate is targeting.  It can be the African American community, the LGBTQ+ community, the Asian community, the Muslim community, the Jewish community – hate is hate is hate.  We must stand together against all hate because those who live in hate will simply move their hatred from group to group.  Our power comes from standing together and strongly condemning all hate.  Not allowing it to fester and grow.  Hate is taught which means we can teach love instead of hate.  Just like Luke Bryan, I believe you love who you love and there is nothing to be ashamed of.  You are who you are and there is nothing to be ashamed of.  If we want to live in a world driven by love instead of hate, we accept people for who they are and appreciate all the differences each of us bring to our community and to the world. 

I believe this world ain’t half as bad as it looks.  I believe most people are good.

Despite some of my struggles with most people being good, I find this line inspirational.  Perhaps it is because he says it ‘ain’t half as bad as it looks’, recognizing that the world looks pretty bad today.  So much of why the world looks bad is because of what the media shows us. The saying, “If it bleeds, it leads” has become more than the truth, it seems it is now the mantra for the media.  We get shown the worst of humanity most of the time.  We live in our own bubbles where we don’t interact enough with people who are different from us.  We don’t celebrate our diversity and we don’t bother to try to understand others, instead we try to get them to agree with us. 

In 2019 I had the gift of participating on the Encounter Immersive Program.  This is a program that takes Jewish leaders to meet with leaders of Palestinian civil society for four days.  I remember thinking that four days seemed awful short.  After day 3, I was grateful it was only four days.  The tagline for Encounter is “Listen, Learn, Lead.”  And the program is really all about listening.  It’s about understanding a different point of view and perspective.  It’s not about trying to convince anybody of my beliefs but rather a chance for me to learn about their beliefs, their narrative, their story.  It was a truly fascinating experience that I wrote about earlier in this blog – you can find the many posts I wrote near the beginning of this site.  By listening, learning, and asking clarifying questions, I got a better understanding of the challenges in the region.  It wasn’t just the simple good vs. evil or mine vs. yours.  It gave me a chance to dig into challenges that have reframed by understanding.  It only strengthened my Zionism while also increasing my humanity and building bridges. 

If we can get beyond the surface answers and really spend time communicating – listening and learning – there is hope for the future.  Not just in Israel but in the United States and around the world.  There is so much clickbait and so many people only read the headlines without really understanding the details that it is easy to lose hope and only see the negative.  I truly believe that most of us want the same things, it is more about how we get there and how we find was to talk about it that are the key.  I think often of the stories of President Ronald Reagan and Speaker of the House, Tip O’Neill.  They would spend all day arguing policy and at the end of the day, they would go out together and get a beer.  How do we get back to the days when we focused on our similarities, not our differences?

So maybe the world really isn’t half as bad as it looks.  We can certainly hope and do our part, since it looks pretty awful right now.

I believe them streets of gold are worth the work.  But I’d still wanna go even if they were paved in dirt. 

My parents taught us all that results aren’t promised.  We can only do our part and put in the work.  That’s what they asked of us – put in the work.  I remember being happy in school getting an A- without any work and my parents being very upset.  I didn’t understand.  I remember working hard and only getting a B and they were happy and supportive.  That confused me as well – wasn’t the A- better than the B?  It took me a long time to understand that the value was in the work, not the result. 

As I got older and began to understand the importance of the work itself, I began to learn things like not having control of the results.  I can only do the work and put things in place for a likelihood of success.  There are too many other factors to make it my responsibility for the outcome.  The wisdom of Benjamin Franklin spoke to me when said, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail”.    One of my mentors, Rabbi Mark Kram, was famous for saying “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”   

Over the past years as I began to learn with a Rabbi, these thinking was reinforced again.  I have learned with many Rabbis and educators.  One common theme has been and continues to be that everything comes from God.  Our job is to the work, not determine the results.  Recently I was having dinner with my friend Harry Rothenberg, an attorney who is perhaps the best Jewish educator I have ever experienced.  I watch his video blog every week and learn something meaningful each time.  We were talking about how he had been stuck in terrible traffic and was going to be late to an event.  He didn’t have a chance to eat lunch and there was a great cocktail reception before the event with delicious food.  He was incredibly hungry and was going to miss the chance to eat.  He was getting frustrated.  He managed to make it to the event just as they were finishing clearing up the last of the food.  Disappointed and hungry, he sat down for the event.  At that time, he realized that the entire plan was one from God.  He made the event on time.   He arrived safely.  Sure he missed the food but he wasn’t going to starve.  He just missed the food.  In the meantime, he had missed the bigger picture of everything being God’s plan. He realized he needed to do better.

Harry and me after dinner and a great learning session. I love having him as a friend and teacher.

I was inspired by the story for two reasons.  First, if you are like me, you tend to get caught up in what is happening that minute and can lose sight of the big picture.  I can get upset because traffic means I will be late.  The person in front of me is driving slowly.  I didn’t get to eat lunch and am hungry.  All sorts of details that are happening right at that time but don’t really matter.  I lose the big picture that I I will arrive where I need to get safely.  That patience is a virtue.  That I won’t starve and have plenty of food, just not at that minute.  When I focus on the big picture, I get filled with gratitude.  Even if the roads are paved in dirt, they feel like they are paved in gold.

The second part of inspiration is the desire to do better.  There is always an opportunity to improve, to do a little more, to be a little better.  My spiritual advisor, Mickey Singer, would often guide me that life is a journey to be experienced.  We are here as a spiritual being, having a human experience, so experience it.  Realizing that we can improve, that we can be better, and doing the work required to do better really does make those dirt roads into gold.

I believe that youth is spent well on the young.  ‘Cause wisdom in your teens would be a lot less fun. 

How many times have any of us said, “If I only knew then what I know now…”?  Would we really want to know then what we know now? As a 16-year-old, would I really know and be able to follow through on things that took me 40 years to learn?  Would that knowledge ruin the childhood that I talked about above?  Would I be any better off knowing it then but not having the capacity or ability to really take advantage of it? 

Youth is for the young.  Our bodies are able to do more.  We have more energy and the lessons of the world have not been learned yet.  As somebody who grew up in the 70s and 80s, I look back with fond memories.  Not because I want to be who I was back then but because of who I was back then.  It was the only time in my life that I could be that person.  That I could have the freedom offered to the young.  No physical restriction.  No limitations because of the responsibilities of a wife and children.  No career to be concerned about. 

I think about friends who didn’t have the luxury of youth when they were young.  Financial insecurity.  Issues with permanent housing.  Unstable home life situations.  They were forced to grow up quickly and had far more wisdom at 16 or 20 than I did.  It comes at a cost.  I think of the children impacted by the war with Israel and Hamas.  They have far too much life wisdom now.  How many of them would trade all of this wisdom to go back to an October 6th world?

We live in such a fast-paced world now that kids don’t get a chance to be kids.  There is academic pressure that begins at an insanely early age.  I remember a few years ago talking to parents about their 2-year-old child in our preschool.  The child’s grandfather had already called Harvard about getting him on a wait list.  Let me repeat, the child was 2 YEARS OLD!  I think about the IB and AP courses my children took in high school and the academic pressure they faced.  In hindsight was it really worth it?  When I talk with them the answer is no – both would have been much happier doing a dual enrollment program or even taking regular coursework. 

Youth is for the young.  Let’s not steal it from them by trying to get them somewhere before they need to be there.

I believe if you just go by the nightly news, your faith in all mankind would be first thing you lose.

I stopped watching the nightly news a number of years ago.  Everything was negative and the national news was focused entirely on their own spin.  There is a reason there is no longer a news department and these programs are in the entertainment division.  It is far too easy to find a news channel that will reinforce your own beliefs or will make you hate those with different views. 

For a while I watched the CBS Sunday morning show because they only told happy and inspiring stories.  It made me realize that there are plenty of these stories available if you look for them.  We don’t have to be consumed with the negativity and lose our faith in mankind.  We can find the stories that inspire us.  That give us hope.  One news site I follow does a story every Sunday where they allow a reader to tell a story of gratitude where they get to highlight the kindness somebody else did for them.  It’s one of my favorite things to read because it reinforces faith in mankind. 

The nightly news can be toxic.  On October 7th, my friend the Consul General of Israel to Florida, told me to stop watching the news.  It wasn’t healthy to be so focused and so obsessed on the murder, rape, and kidnapping of Jews by Hamas.  I understood but also couldn’t stop.  When I watched the Hamas video of October 7th, many people asked why I would want to see that inhumanity and put myself through it.  I told them I needed to bear witness.  We have to be careful with what we consume as it shapes our reality.  I spend time talking with friends of mine in Israel, with friends who have had family members taken hostage – some have been released and some are still hostages.  I talk with people who are actively looking to change the world through their actions.  Medical research.  Summer camp for children.  People working with victims of terror to attempt to restore humanity.  Mentoring and coaching youth who need the guidance and support to have a better future.  Those working with pediatric hospitalized patients and seniors struggling with loneliness.  People focused on finding the light in the world amidst the darkness.

We can find our faith in mankind restored when we choose to see the beauty happening all around us and make an active choice to join in that beauty. 

I believe that days go slow, and years go fast.  And every breath’s a gift, the first one to the last.

As a kid, the days went slow, and the years seemed to go slower.  There was always something to look forward to.  Turning 10 and being double digits.  13 was Bar Mitzvah.  16 was my driver’s license.  Graduating high school and going off to college.  18 was voting. 21 the legal drinking age.  Graduating college.  Focusing on the milestones, time seemed to drag on as the next one was always so significant and exciting.   I remember when my oldest son was born and being told that now the days will go slow, but the years will go fast.  How true that statement became.  It seems like yesterday my sons were in preschool, taking naps, and I was reading them bedtime stories as we cuddled, never certain who fell asleep first, them or me.  Precious days and precious times.  My wife commented to me the other day how much she misses my older son who is now in Tennessee starting his career.  My youngest is still at home and we treasure the time because it goes too fast.  In a few months he will be a senior in college, and we will prepare for the next big change in our lives. 

I turned 56 in December.  I still feel like I am in my 30s most days and there are times I feel like I’m back in high school.  Yet 60 is around the corner.  I remember when my Uncle Joe died at 50 years old thinking, “at least he lived a good long life.”   I was 21 – what did I know?  As a kid, filled with youth and being young, time was plentiful and abundant.  Now it is the most precious commodity in the world.  We only get so much of it and then it is gone forever.

I first experienced this when my cousin Eric died in 1995 at the age of 27.  We grew up together and were like brothers.  My childhood is filled with stories of Eric and me.  One day he was here, vibrant, alive, with an incredible future.  Then he was gone.  I was blessed to know two of my great grandparents, all four of my grandparents, all four of my wife’s grandparents, and have great relationships with my parents and my in-laws.  My great-grandparents and all eight of the grandparents are now gone.  I treasure the time with them and appreciate all that I got.  My dad died in September 2022, and I miss him every day.  My cousin Todd, Eric’s younger brother, died tragically in 2015.  After Eric’s death, he became another little brother to me, and we had many long and deep conversations.  I had spoken with him a few days before he died.  Every breath truly is a gift, the first to the last.  And we are never promised the next one. 

Its still hard to believe it has been almost 30 years since Eric died

I can’t beieve it’s 8 1/2 years since Todd died.

Over the last two years I had a number of health issues.  I was still in the youth mindset of living forever and being indestructible, despite the clear signals that wasn’t true.  My dad dying was the point where I knew I had to make changes.  I lost weight, got in better shape, and tried to put better boundaries in my life.  Work life balance became much more important as I realized that I had taken more breaths in my past than I would in my future.  As these changes took hold and required significant life alterations, it really hit home when my mom said to me, “I was waiting for the call telling me you had a heart attack.”  That statement shook me to the core and still does today.  I’ve chosen to live my life differently as a result.  Each breath we get is truly precious, from the first to the last.  Why would want to waste a single one?

Who would have thought that a simple country music song would inspire a 5,000-word essay?  I guess the need for believing that most people are good is really that important.  The world we live in is so fraught with challenges that a simple believe in the goodness of people is essential and a given.  Let’s join together to change that.

Love, Friendship, Mexico and the villa

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

We often talk about the treasures in our live.  The things we want and desire.  That incredible car.  The beautiful house.  That amazing vacation.  Expensive clothes.  Season tickets to the theater, our favorite sports teams, or tickets to see our favorite band  play in concert.  For a long time, that was what I was focused on.  The house and the neighborhood, the car, the vacation spot, the newest technology.  Things that could be purchased that showed the world how well I was doing.

Over the past number of years, that has changed dramatically for me.  I don’t really care about the house or the car (although I do like both my house and my car, I don’t need a newer or bigger or better one.)  And while I enjoy our season tickets to the theater, it’s going with my family that makes it so enjoyable, not just going alone.  Often I will pass up buying tickets to a game, concert, or show if my family doesn’t want to go with me because being together with them is what matters, not the show or the sporting event.

Recently, my focus has been much more on my friends and how valuable they are.  Life brings us many challenges and opportunities, and the past few months have had lots of both for me.  It’s an exciting time in my life yet also a major change that has helped me see who are the friends that really care and who are the acquaintances that somehow disappear in challenging times.  I’m grateful for the clarity and even more so for the friends who have shown up.

This past week was a true view into the power of friendship.

My longtime friend Jeremy was getting married this weekend.  He told me about his fiancé Astrid when they met, when they began dating seriously, and when he decided to marry her.  When he told me it would be a destination wedding in Puerta Vallarta and the date, I marked it on my calendar and told him I’d attend.  There was never any thought that I wouldn’t be there to celebrate with him and his new wife as they began this new journey. 

Jeremy and me at the airport in Puerto Vallarta

Last month, he asked if I would be will to be a part of the ceremony.  I was incredibly honored and immediately said yes.  I expected to be asked to do a reading, be an usher, or have some small role with the ceremony.  Two weeks ago, he and Astrid called me and asked if I wanted to know what they wanted me to do at the wedding.  I had to ask him to repeat himself because I was stunned by the request.  They wanted me to officiate their wedding!  There would be two of us, me speaking in English and the other person speaking in Spanish.  I was truly blown away by their ask and immediately accepted.

With Marlen, my co-officiant after the wedding. She is my new friend from Mexico who lives in Alaska.

We arrived in Puerto Vallarta around the same time this Thursday and met up at the airport before boarding a shuttle to the villa that everything was being held at.  This amazing, huge villa, is where we ate, slept, hung out, swam, and where the wedding was held.  A truly spectacular place.  A number of longtime friends came for the wedding, and we had a great time spending time together and catching up.  In addition, I got to meet Astrid’s friends and family and now have a whole new group of friends in Mexico. Then came the wedding on Saturday afternoon.

The villa looking up from the water

The pool

The water crashing against the rocks. A dream to sleep to and relaxing throughout the day.

The wade pool. Fun to hang out in and when the big waves come, truly amazing

The wave was huge and came crashing in – I was already videoing and managed to hold onto a rock with one hand while videoing with the other and not dropping or losing my phone!

I’ve told you it was an incredible resort, and the view was spectacular.  The pictures don’t do it justice.  On Saturday late afternoon it was spectacular.    The ceremony was entirely created by Jeremy and Astrid.  It involved the 4 elements (earth, fire, water, and air).  It included 10 crystals.  Each one of these was presented by a friend or family member with their own special words.  Then came the vows.  Jeremy and Astrid had written their own and chose to do it one at a time, going back and forth with each other.  They were real, honest, and powerful.  Finally, we got to the ring ceremony that included a red string, binding them together.   As we finished the ceremony, I was filled with love, gratitude, and an overwhelming sense of joy that these two found each other.  The ceremony was completely organic and meaningful.

Longtime friends Jim, Ananda, Anna Marie, and me just before the wedding.

Hanging with Jeremy before the wedding. Loving the linen suits!

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band

As the mariachi band began to play, with the sun beginning to set, as the hors d’oeuvres were served, I stood to the side and found myself reflecting on the power of community, friends, family, love, and meaning.  Their love was clear but so was the love of everybody that was there to celebrate together.  It was a group of people who were all connected through Jeremy and Astrid and yet had built relationships with each other in few days we were together.  We were friends and quickly became family.  The ceremony was incredibly meaningful, yet we found meaning in being together, playing cards, laughing, eating our meals together, sitting by the pool, in the hot tub, listening to music, and learning more about each other. 

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band as the sun sets

Beto, Ananda, me, Astrid, Jeremy, Peyton (Jeremy’s oldest son), Jim and Joe. Some old friends and some new ones.

My new friends who are also Astrid’s family members.

Astrid and Jeremy celebrating

In today’s world, where the divisiveness is so profound, where hate often seems to be more prevalent than love, this time together with friends reminded me of the beauty that is possible.  It was inspiring.  It filled my heart.  It gave me hope. 

The beautiful sunset after the wedding

Dinner was amazing Mexican tacos.  Not like in the US or our Mexican restaurants.  A plate filled with corn tortillas, fresh everything.  I don’t know what they put on mine; I just asked for a little of everything.  We ate and listened to a jazz band while we celebrated Astrid and Jeremy.  Then came the DJs.

The first two hours of music were mariachi and jazz.  They were wonderful.  When the first DJ took over however, we had two hours of dancing ahead of us.  We filled the dance floor, smiling and laughing.  The joy was palpable.  As we began to tire a little, we took a quick break because the next few hours the dance floor was turned into a rave.  It’s been a long time since I was at a rave.  And when I say a long time, I mean a very, very, very long time.  Yet the music was pounding, the lights were flashing, and once again the dance floor was filled with energy.  I told Jeremy that I didn’t think I could make it until 2 am when the rave was set to end – after all I am usually asleep by 10 or 11 pm at home and since this was central time, that would be me staying up until 3 am.  His response was classic.  “It’s my wedding.  You have to make it until at least 1!”  So, I promised and continued dancing, taking a few more frequent breaks to rest until at 1 am I gave both him and Astrid big hugs, and went to bed.

The next morning at breakfast, we started talking about how we needed to do this every year to celebrate their anniversary.  How we liked being together so much and the venue was so incredible, we needed to plan for next year and get it scheduled.  It was a great reminder that there is no need to wait to spend time with those you care about.  Spending time with friends and family is priceless.  So many other things can easily be replaced but time is not one of them.  Neither are the people you care about.  We are now planning for January 2025 to be all back together in Puerto Vallarta at this resort for maybe a few more days than this time.  Unless of course, one of the couples we met gets engaged and plans their wedding before then in which case we’ll all be together at their wedding and then Puerto Vallarta!

Astrid’s family put on a show for everybody. It was a beauty pagent they made up on the spot. Miss Brazil won but you can pick your own winner from the picture. It was fun to watch.

During the 5 days we spent together, we had a lot of time to talk.  A few of my friends wanted to ask me questions about the Israel-Hamas war, Israel itself, and about Hamas.  One afternoon, we sat in the hot tub as they asked questions and I answered.  It was one of the more refreshing conversations I had, not because it was filled with joy and not because it was talking about happy things.  It was refreshing because they really wanted to know.  They had real questions and followed up with more questions.  We were talking about history, not hasbara (advocacy).  One of them had been to Israel once before on a Baha’i pilgrimage so while she had experienced part of Israel, there was much she didn’t know.  In a later conversation, I was talking with another friend when I blanked on a name and filled the gap while I thought by saying ‘you know’.  She quickly corrected me and said, ‘No, I don’t know.  That’s why I am asking.’  It was a throwback to a time when it was important to learn, to understand, to inquire, to ask, and to communicate.  Not to yell.  Not to demand that everybody agree with one point of view.  It reminded me of what is possible and why conversations, outreach, friendships, communication, dialogue, and respect are so critical. 

As we prepared to leave the villa today, every one of us was sad.  Not just because we were leaving such a beautiful place but because we were leaving each other.  Emails and phone numbers were exchanged with new friends.  Plans were made with longtime friends.  We took three shuttles to downtown Puerta Vallarta where one of us was staying to extend their trip.  One group left for the airport, having earlier flights to Guadalajara.  The rest of us stored our bags in his Airbnb and headed to a local restaurant.  The food was great, the company even better, as this little restaurant pushed together a bunch of 4 tops so we could all sit together.  As we headed to the airport in multiple Ubers, we hugged, said our Thank Yous and were all filled with gratitude. 

Our incredible view from the main balcony of the villa

Our last sunset was spectacular

A panoramic view from the villa. It’s not the only reason we’ll be back.

While I’m lucky to have friends like this and am even luckier that we do the same thing with family to be together, it shouldn’t make me unique.  For some people, the family connection isn’t an option.  Community and friendship always are.  It takes effort.  It takes commitment.  It requires going out of your way often, just because a friend is in need for something.  And it’s 100% worth every bit of it.  I can’t wait to see my old and new friends again.  I can’t wait to spend time with my family this upcoming weekend to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday.  I can’t wait to see my siblings and mom at my cousin’s daughter’s bat mitzvah in March. The joy that fills my heart when I get to do this is unexplainable.  I hope you take the opportunity to experience it. 

The bride and groom dancing is what I want to leave you with