I do a lot of reading to keep up with things. I don’t depend on one source or one type of opinion (although my wife gives me grief for reading the NY Post, but honestly as a Yankee fan, it is for the sports more than anything else).
The latest image and story that has captivated my heart and mind is about Ariel Bibas’s best friend, Yoav. The story that has been shared is that Yoav has been waiting for his friend to come back from Gaza. He saved a Batman costume for him. He wrote him letters. It’s an incredible friendship story that inspires me to be a better person and a better friend. A 5 year old has become my teacher.
This morning, in Daniel Gordis’s substack, Israel from the Inside, he told an incredible story about Yoav. When told that his friend Ariel would not be coming home from Gaza alive, Yoav refused to accept it. He said, “If he’s coming back in a coffin, maybe he’s standing inside it, which means he’s still alive. He’s still alive, Mommy, you didn’t understand correctly. Because if Ariel is a khalal [Hebrew for “fallen soldier”], it means he’s flying in space [the Hebrew word for “space” is also khalal]. He can’t die. In Israel, there are very smart people, right Mom? So maybe they can invent a special potion that will bring Ariel and Kfir back to life.”
Oh to be 5 years old. To think the impossible is possible. To not really understand complete evil. The innocence of childhood. I hope that Yoav never loses that gift and that he never forgets his best friend Ariel. Maybe Yoav will be the one who changes the world, brings peace, leads the effort to eliminate hate. We can only hope.
Daniel also wrote very clearly and powerfully what I have been feeling. He said it much more succinctly that I have been able to do. He wrote, “We are at war not with mere enemies. We are at war with utter savages. Not human beings who are capable of savagery. Just savages. Irredeemable savages.” RIght to the point. Those who protest on college campuses, in the streets, and other places about Israel defending herself simply don’t understand the reality. They want us dead. Period. No ‘ifs, ands, or buts’. There is no common ground to be found. I am reminded of the famous political cartoon that states it better than any words can.
If we met them halfway, their demands wouldn’t change and we would simply have lost half of the Jewish population. That’s the reality. That’s who we are dealing with.
Nobody said that the Nazis should be allowed to stay in power or have their own Nazi Germany state as a part of Germany after World War II. There are laws to ensure that a child molestor won’t live close to their victim but also not close to any child. Nobody expects a victim of sexual assault to give their attacker a room in their home or welcome them to live in their neighborhood. Yet that is what is expected of Israel. To not just welcome these utter savages as neighbors but to enable them to rebuild their military strength and to be able to once again brutally attack, murder, kidnap, rape, and massacre the Israeli people. It’s beyond absurd.
The past week has been one where I flipflop between anger and range and sadness. Ariel, Kfir and Shiri Bibas’s murders and the stories coming out about how they were murdered along with what Hamas and the terrorists did to their bodies afterwards has my blood boiling. I’ve been in a place of anger and rage much more than sadness. Anger for what they endured. Anger for Yarden and what he has lost forever. Rage at the world who continues to enable and defend the monsters that strangled a 10 month old boy and 4 year old boy and then mutilated their bodies trying to cover up what they did. Enraged at fools like AOC and Bernie Sanders who continue to blame Israel for what the terrorists did and continue to do. Bernie pretends to take a moral stand by defending terrorists and is once again attempting to thwart efforts to support Israel against these savages.
In today’s Israel from the Inside, Daniel Gordis gives me hope and something to strive for. He highlights the Statement from the Bibas family about the upcoming funerals for Shiri, Ariel, and Kfir. They recognize that the country and the Jewish diaspora has an emotional attachment with the family and these children. They also recognize their own need to grieve in their own way this horror. It’s an incredible statement with compassion, care, pain, and beauty.
Daniel then points out, “That’s the difference between them and us. Chants for revenge at Nasrallah’s “funeral”, versus a request for a private, intimate parting at a kibbutz. Murderous savages hailed by their “people,” versus a wife who, too excited for words, just posts three words from a classic poem and that brief post makes the headlines of Israel’s most-read newspaper.
Irredeemable savage evil, versus a people that still believes in the possibility of goodness. A death cult embraced on American campuses “led” by administrations that have so lost their moral compass that they can’t even say that it’s wrong, versus a national liberation movement (ours, and it’s called “Zionism”) that still insists on believing that better days can lie ahead.”
He reminded me that we are different. That our essence is different. We love and treasure life. We revere it. We respect it. We honor the loss of it. They love and treasure death. They revere death. They celebrate death. We are not the same. Recognizing this, the question becomes, so what do I do with this difference? Daniel tells us in his closing of this piece.
“But that that is what we as a people must do is not in doubt. On a week when what we want most is to obliterate them, the way that we win is by being as different from them as we possibly can.” So we have our charge. We must maintain being as different from them as we possibly can. As much as the anger in me wants them to all be destroyed, Gaza to become a parking lot, eliminate them all so that we don’t make a mistake and let any of the evil continue, that is not who we are and that is not who I am. I’m still struggling with me standing in Kfar Aza during May 2024, watching and listening to the bombs being dropped in Jabaliya and that being the only thing that brought relief and peace to my soul. I said it then and I repeat it now, that is NOT who I am. That is NOT who I want to be. It was who I was in that moment. Our job is to lean into life. Our job is to do all that we can to be better human beings, not to match their level of depravity.
I had a friend reach out to me last week with a challenge she was facing and ask for my help. I was happy to help and did my part. The thanks she gave me over and over was overwhelming. I didn’t help for the thanks. I didn’t help because I was a ‘big shot with connections’. I helped because it was the right thing to do. Thank you Daniel Gordis for your piece this morning that reminded me not only THAT we are different from them but WHY we are different from them. And reminding me that vengance will only make me more evil and will not bring light to the world and to my soul. They will get what is coming to them. I need to work to be a better person and to celebrate life every minute of every day. The anger and rage is still there but it’s quieter now. I don’t need vengence to honor the lives of Shiri, Ariel, and Kfir Bibas. I need to bring more light into the world to replace their light that was eliminate by evil.
Art by Joanne Fink. Visit her website for more beautiful pieces that will inspire you. https://zenspirations.com/
I have written extensively about how behind the times I am when it comes to music. I recently discovered the 2001 song by Alan Jackson, Where were you? (when the world stopped turnin’). He wrote it about September 11, 2001 not long afterwards and performed it only 10 days later at the Country Music Awards (CMAs). I find it very impactful, not just as it reminds me of what I felt and was going through after 9/11 but also what I felt like on October 7th and continue to feel today.
Jackson said that he had strong feelings and wanted to write something that expressed them without being political or partisan. He wanted it to clearly reflect his thoughts and feelings. This song accomplished that in an incredible manner. Since October 7th, I have been writing to try to do the same. When I heard this song and when I listened deeply to the lyrics, they not only speak about September 11th and the feelings afterwards but easily could reflect October 7th and afterwards. Many Israeli artists have written songs about October 7th and after but I haven’t heard or seen a single American songwriter or singer with the exception of Bono and U2 changing the words of the song Pride: In the Name of Love to reflect October 7th instead of April 4 and the Supernova music festival. You can see and hear the pain Bono is feeling. I remember being incredibly moved when I heard it for the first time and even today, as I listen to it, it brings tears to my eyes. I wish they would re-release it with altered lyrics.
Where were you when the world stopped turnin’ That September day? Were you in the yard with your wife and children Or workin’ on some stage in L.A.?
Most people know where they were on September 11, 2001 as it is part of our American psyche. I know where I was. Who I was talking to. What TV station I was watching. Where I was when the first tower fell. Where I was when the 2nd tower fell. Keeping in touch with my brother, who worked in NYC at that time, to check on his safety. Being grateful that my dad wasn’t flying that day – he had flown the day before. Running a Hillel meant I had students to attend to and their needs. The pain everybody felt was palpable. September 11th and days that followed were filled with hugs, tears, conversations, and questions.
October 7th was very similar for me. I remember exactly where I was, where I sat, what TV stations I watched, and who I was with. I remember sending WhatsApp messages to friends and family in Israel to check on them. The uncertainty of where the attacks were going to occur that day. Was it just going to be near the Gaza envelope? Were they going to be attacked from the north and Lebanon? What was the PA going to do and would we see terrorists coming in from the East as well?
There are moments in our lives that we never forget the details. My wedding. The birth of my children. Family simchas. The last day I spent with my father before he died. Three Mile Island (I lived nearby in Harrisburg at the time). The assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan. John Lennon and Yitzhak Rabin being assassinated. 9/11. October 7th. In one way or another, the world stopped turning on all of those days. Some due to joy, some due to sadness. How the world stopping turning impacted us and what we do with the changes that result is what’s key.
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke Risin’ against that blue sky? Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor Or did you just sit down and cry?
On 9/11, when the first plane hit the first tower, I remember thinking it was an accident. We watched in horror but didn’t realize we were under attack. It wasn’t until the second plane hit the second tower that the shock really hit. Where was going to be next? My brother worked in NYC and his building was attached to Grand Central Station. Was that the next target? My dad was supposed to fly that week and his flight was changed. I tried to remember when it was changed. Was it changed so that he was flying that day? Was it the day before? Was it the day after? What about my friends who worked and lived in NY? Then the plane was crashed into Shanksville, PA and then into the Pentagon. Were there going to be more attacks? If so, where? How?
On October 7th, I sat there in shock. I couldn’t believe what I was watching and hearing. As I communicated with friends and family in Israel, it didn’t get any better. I shouted in anger, in fear for my friends and family. I sat in shock at what I watched and as names were released, prayed that I didn’t know any of them and was also sad that these people, these members of my Jewish family, were killed or taken hostage.
I couldn’t move from my chair in front of the television. I couldn’t change the channel. I didn’t want to talk to anybody as I had nothing to say. It was so unbelievable. When I did talk, it was usually filled with anger at what happened, not understanding where the IDF was. Not understanding how this was continuing as long as it was. Not understanding how it even happened. The more that was reported, the angrier I got at Hamas for doing it and for the Israeli government for missing the signs and for allowing it to happen. I got angry at the Gazan people who were welcomed into the kibbutzim for work and ate dinner with the families that they sold out to Hamas, ensuring their death or kidnapping.
We all have our own way of dealing with this type of trauma. Jackson’s point is that whatever we did, however we dealt with it, is what we needed. He isn’t saying one is better than the other. He isn’t saying if you didn’t do it his way, you were wrong. It’s a recognition that however we dealt with 9/11 or with October 7th, it’s what we needed to do in the moment. And that’s good enough.
Did you weep for the children, they lost their dear loved ones Pray for the ones who don’t know? Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble And sob for the ones left below?
On 9/11 it was common to weep for everybody. Those who were killed. Those who we didn’t know what happened. The families of both. We prayed for the yet to be born children who lost their father on 9/11. And the children who lost one or both parents. We celebrated those who managed to escape and to live. And mourned those who didn’t. We found heroes in the passengers that crashed the plane in Shanksville, PA instead of letting the terrorists crash it into what they wanted, which would have killed more people.
October 7th seems to be viewed differently by many. I recently saw the documentary about the SuperNova music festival. These young people who were there to celebrate music were massacred by evil terrorists. I saw the Hamas video which showed them celebrating the murder of civilians – the elderly, women, children, and adults. Kfir Babis was taken hostage at less than a year old and his brother at 4 years old are forgotten by most of the world. The American hostages have been forgotten by Americans and by our leaders. In Israel, there is an uprising against the government for how they are handling the hostage crisis. Families have been displaced for more than 5 months, both from the Gaza envelope and from the north, where Hezbollah is sending rockets every day into Israel.
The trauma of Israelis is forgotten. The trauma of the diaspora Jews is ignored. The world weeps for the children of Gaza who are dying because of Hamas but ignores the children of Israel who died because of Hamas. The Red Cross still hasn’t visited the hostages, 177 days later. They haven’t received their medication in 177 days. As the father of a child with Type 1 diabetes, I know what would happen if he went 177 days without insulin. After 9/11, America stood together in support of those impacted and those who lost loved ones. We stood together against evil. When it comes to October 7th, that stand only lasted a few days before they became held responsible for their own victimization by evil. It disgusts me. When I listen to Alan Jackson sing these words, I find myself burning inside, wondering why it doesn’t apply to Jews. Why does everybody else matter but we don’t. How can people who supposedly stand for morals, ethics, justice, equality, and the like actually show how fraudulent they are and not be held accountable.
My heart breaks daily for the families of the current hostages. It aches every day for the hostages that were released and their families, for what they must go through. It hurts for the families of the victims and the survivors of the SuperNova music festival massacre. I have a deep hole in my heart and my soul for everybody impacted by October 7th – the Jews, Bedouins, Arab-Israelis, Druze, Bhai’I, and the innocent Palestinians and people of Gaza (because there is a difference between the terrorists and the people). I wish the world mourned with me and stood up against evil. This verse reminds me that no matter how much we want to think that we can just fit in with society, we are always Jews first and the world will always look at us differently. They will weep and cry out for anybody other than us. They will mourn and fight for the rights of everybody other than us. We are the only ones who will stand up for ourselves.
The great Israeli leader Golda Meir had a number of quotes that reflects this reality. They include:
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white, and blue And the heroes who died just doin’ what they do? Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer And look at yourself and what really matters?
After 9/11, American pride was as high as I have seen since the 1980 US Olympic Hockey team beat the Soviets and then won the gold medal. We were united as Americans. Nobody was going to stop us. We were going to kill the terrorists, restore democracy, rule the world. Our first responders were all heroes. I remember the flag from the Twin Towers being flown at Yankee Stadium. We begin singing ‘God Bless America’ in the 7th inning of baseball games. We thanked our soldiers for their service.
The flag from ground zero flying at Yankee Stadium in 2001
We looked to God for answers. As a Hillel Director, it was an incredible time as students flocked to ask existential questions. Nobody was afraid to ask a question and seem uneducated because everybody was asking questions. People reassessed their lives, their values. Seeing these widows and orphans, pregnant women who lost their husbands, hearing the recording from the planes, inspired us all to be better people. “Let’sRoll”, said by Todd Beamer, before he and the other passengers on Flight 93 attacked the cockpit and the terrorists, crashing the plane into a field before it could be used as a weapon, was an inspiration to us all. We asked ourselves what we would do, what could we do, if we were in a similar situation.
October 7th was different for the world. As Jews, as Zionists, we asked where was the IDF. We were united in our grief, not in our dominance. We knew that Israel would respond, that war was here, and that Gaza would be devastated, but we took no pride in that. We took no joy. We wanted our hostages back. We wanted our country back. We wanted to dream of peace back. We sang Hatikvah, ‘Hope’, the Israeli national anthem with hope for the safe return of the hostages, safety for the IDF soldiers who were going to war, hope that peace would come quickly. The heroes we saw were ordinary people who raced into danger to help others.
Bedouins like Ismail Al-Karnawi, who left Rahat with three other family members to head towards Kibbutz Be’eri in order to rescue residents from the inferno. Sari Al-Karnawi, who served as a police officer at the Nova party and rescued partygoers from the attack. Muhammad Abu Najah, an employee of the cleaning company at Nova, who fought against the terrorists, called first responders, and warned others of the presence of terrorists. Omar Abu Sabeelah, who in Sderot heard a woman’s scream and saw Odaya Suissa with her two daughters, aged 6 and 3, and her husband Dolev who was shot dead by the terrorists. Despite being wounded, Sabeelah managed to reach the girls in the car and get them out to safety. He later died from his injuries. Yousef Alziyadneh, who saved the lives of approximately 30 Nova party revelers who were under fire. Anis Abu Dabbus, a senior paramedic crew at the Rahat Magen David Adom station, who acted with his crew in the Rahat and Ofakim area, treating the wounded and providing lifesaving treatment to many.
Heroes like retired general Noam Tibon, who got in his car with his wife and headed towards Kibbutz Nahal Oz, where his son, daughter-in-law, and two young granddaughters were hiding in their safe room as the Kibbutz was attacked and overtaken by Hamas terrorists. Tibon encountered a battle between IDF soldiers and Hamas and picked up a weapon and helped defeat the terrorists. He took 2 of the wounded soldiers to his wife who drove them to the hospital for treatment while he continued on foot until being picked up by another retired general who was answering the call and taken to the Kibbutz. 60 Minutes did a story on his heroism.
Countless other heroes like my friend Yaron Buskila, who left his house without a weapon to fight the terrorists and save lives. Yaron shared a little of what it was like and that little bit that he shared showed me not just his bravery, but the bravery of so many Israelis; Jewish, Bedouin, Arab, and Christian on October 7th.
On October 7th we all looked to heaven for an answer. An answer that will never come. Instead, we began to question ourselves about what really matters. What is important to us and how do we show that. How do we reprioritize our lives around the things that matter instead of the things we thought mattered before October 7th. It’s amazing to have lived in the post 9/11 world and the post October 7th world. Two terrorist attacks. Two tragedies. Two horrible things. Two very different outcomes and feelings.
I’m just a singer of simple songs I’m not a real political man I watch CNN, but I’m not sure I can tell you The diff’rence in Iraq and Iran
I find this to be one of the most profound lines in the song. So many of us don’t know what’s really going on. We didn’t know who the Taliban was before 9/11. We couldn’t tell you the difference between the Shiite country of Iran and the Sunni country of Iraq other than their rulers.
The same holds true after October 7th but it’s even worse. People don’t only know what Hamas and Hezbollah are, they don’t know that Gaza hasn’t been ‘occupied’ since 2005. They use phrases like “From the River to the Sea” and don’t know what river or what sea they are talking about. They use words like Apartheid and Genocide because they sound good and are powerful without understand the facts or definition of those words. They talk about the high number of civilians that have been killed, not understanding that war is terrible and civilians are killed, but that Israel is nearly 9 times better than the norm in minimizing civilan deaths. Instead of addressing the evil of Hamas, people are feeding into ancient Jewish tropes and feeding global antisemitism.
Israel-Hamas figures compared to the normal rates in war
I am concerned that this ignorance, this hate, will result in catastrophic events happening in the United States as we blame the victim and both encourage and allow the evil to grow.
But I know Jesus and I talk to God And I remember this from when I was young Faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us And the greatest is love
One of my favorite things about Judaism is the way we look to God, to the Torah, for answers. There are always lessons to learn. Since October 7th I have spent much more time asking questions, learning Torah with Rabbis, and working to understand my role as a Jew in this world.
There is a line in Pirkei Avot, the lessons of our fathers, that always speaks to me. It comes from 2:16 and says that Rabbi Tarfon used to say, “It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it.” After October 7th this hit home in a very different way. I am not a soldier and can’t fight with the IDF. I am not an Israeli citizen. I do not have the duty to finish the work of the war. However, I am also not able to just neglect the situation and not do my part. There are many ways to do my part and I have learned that there is much I can do. We all have roles to play and our responsibility is not to do everything but rather to play our part, to do what we can. Speak out. Get educated. Encourage others to learn and not just repeat things they hear.
We can also work to live with faith, hope, and love. This doesn’t mean excuse the behavior of the terrorists or those who repeat the lies because they don’t know better. We can have faith that Israel will defeat evil. We can have faith in God and the IDF. And we can focus on love. Love of the Jewish people. Love of our mishpacha (family). Love of Israel. Love of our family. Love of the teachings of the Torah (which if you know me doesn’t sound like something I would say.)
In these terrible times, in these times of desperation, we can still live with faith, hope, and love. We can choose to look to the future with positivity or negativity. We can do our part to make the world a beautiful, better place or we can allow it to die. The choice is ours.
Where were you when the world stopped turnin’ That September day? Teachin’ a class full of innocent children Or drivin’ down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty ’cause you’re a survivor? In a crowded room did you feel alone? Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her? Did you dust off that Bible at home?
This verse reminds us that the world did stop turning on both 9/11 and on October 7th. We don’t have to pretend that it didn’t. President Bush was reading to a class full of innocent children. We were all doing something when it happened, when we got the news.
President Bush reading to children as terrorists attacked on 9/11
We don’t have to live with survivors’ guilt. I wasn’t living in NY on 9/11 or in Israel on October 7th. Why would I have survivors’ guilt? Because I know people who were. I know people who lost loved ones. My life was altered only in the inconveniences I had to deal with after 9/11. October 7th meant that I didn’t get to go to Israel in November like I had planned. Yet the survivors’ guilt is real because I am part of a community. While I am an American, Israel is my homeland. I have a strong tie to Israel and my homeland, my love, was critically injured and damaged on October 7th. That is where my survivors’ guilt comes from. Because I haven’t been able to go to Israel since October 7th.
There are plenty of times when I do feel alone. People chanting antisemitic tropes. Dressing in Nazi uniforms and flying Nazi flags. When I see friends posting hateful comments that they don’t even necessarily understand are hateful and hurtful. I have learned who my friends really are and who aren’t. This can be painful but it’s also refreshing because I don’t have to include those people in my life any longer.
After 9/11 I made sure to talk to my parents, my siblings, and my loved ones. It was a reminder of how short life is. The same thing happened after October 7th. This type of brutality and horror reminds us how precious life is. How limited our time really is. What and who is really important to us. Last week I reached out to my friends who are Palestinian and live in that area. I wanted to see how they are doing. I wanted to let them know I was thinking of them. I wanted to let them know I consider them my friend no matter what is happening in the world. And that I want to see them when I get to Israel in the near future because they matter. I choose to live in faith, hope, and love, not in hate.
After 9/11 people began asking questions about God and opened a door that had been closed for them. October 7th was the same. The opportunity to study, to learn, to ask questions, and to explore Judaism, God, and spirituality was there and many of us took it. It opened me up to learning more, to being a better person, and to ask why I behave certain ways and is that reflective of the person I want to be. We have an opportunity to do better and to be better. I am taking that opportunity.
Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened Close your eyes and not go to sleep? Did you notice the sunset for the first time in ages And speak to some stranger on the street? Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow Go out and buy you a gun?
After 9/11 I know a lot of people who did close their eyes and hope it never happened. People who struggled with sleep. I wasn’t one of them. But after October 7th, I was. I hoped it was a nightmare. I hoped I would wake up and it was only a nightmare. I struggled to sleep and when I did sleep, it wasn’t restful. October 7th was much more personal for me than 9/11. Unfortunately, I think most of the country has forgotten the horror of 9/11 and October 7th happened ‘over there’ and ‘to them’ and doesn’t affect their daily lives.
I have chosen to invest more in random acts of kindness. Today I was at the grocery store behind a couple with a child that has a disability. It meant that they were going very slow. I was stuck behind them. Instead of getting frustrated and trying to push by, I took a deep breath and watched them with their daughter. And found joy in it. Instead of being angry and resentful, I was grateful and filled with love. All because I took a deep breath and didn’t push past them. I say hello to strangers and talk with them as people, not strangers. I will hold a door open, let somebody get in front of me, and enjoy the beauty of the day.
The world is a scary place and has only gotten scarier since October 7th. Being so public as a Jewish leader, I felt targeted and at risk. Long before October 7th, I did get training on firearms and made sure that I have them to protect myself. They are things I hope to only use on the range when I practice. But I won’t be a victim. I won’t allow my family to be at risk from the hatred that exists in the world. And I know I am not alone in these thoughts, concerns, and actions.
Did you turn off that violent old movie you’re watchin’ And turn on I Love Lucy reruns? Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers Stand in line to give your own blood? Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family Thank God you had somebody to love?
This last verse asks what we are doing differently. While there are specific things listed, it’s really about who you are and what you are doing as a result of 9/11 and now October 7th. There are many things I do differently today than I did prior to October 7th. I speak out much more often against antisemitism and hatred. I reach out to those I love and to my friends. I make sure my friends who are different religions, races, cultures, etc. know I care about them and that I am interested in our similarities, not our differences.
Like Pirkei Avot teaches us, I have an obligation to help with the work. So I give blood, hold doors, exhibit patience, spend more time with my family, tell those that I love that I love them. I invest in friendships and allow those that have been shown to not be investable to die so that I am investing in those of value.
I appreciate what I have in my life. I am a rich man because I want what I have rather than having what I want. I am grateful for the life that I get to live rather than worrying about the life I wish I had. I am more connected spiritually and am open to all that the universe brings to me.
I am committed to making the world a better place. That starts with those around me and in my local community. It means doing things for the right reasons. President Ronald Reagan had on his desk a sign that said, “There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn’t mind who gets the credit.” That is how I live my life post October 7th. I don’t care who gets the credit. I don’t care about the recognition. I only care about what we can do together. What we can accomplish. How we can make the world a better place for all.
The paperweight from President Ronald Reagan’s desk
Where were you when the world stopped turnin’ On that September day?
The song ends with the haunting question that it began with. It reminds us that the world did stop turning. Both on 9/11 and October 7th the world was forever altered. We were forever altered. Where were we? What did we do as a result? How did we change? How did we change the world? What did we do to make the world a better place and to get it turning once again.
At the end of the day, all we can control is our own actions. What are you going to do today to make the world a better place? How are you going to change the world today? Remember that just because the world stopped turning on October 7th doesn’t mean we are free from the obligation to make sure it is turning once again. I’m up for the challenge and I hope you will join me.
It’s Sunday so time to let music be my inspiration. This week it’s a song by Luke Bryan from 2017 titled, “Most People are Good”. It’s an interesting choice since not long ago, inspired by Anne Frank, I was talking about how there aren’t enough good people in the world. I’m honestly not sure if there aren’t enough good people or if they are just quiet and do good, or if the media just chooses to only focus on the bad. Perhaps it’s a combination of all three.
The lyrics are insightful and thoughtful.
I believe kids oughta stay kids as long as they can. Turn off the screen, go climb a tree, get dirt on their hands.
We live in a world where kids grow up way to fast. I think back to my childhood where we played outside every day. People had part time jobs for pocket money not as a primary goal nor to further our future careers. We played multiple sports and had diverse groups of friends. There was no such thing as “travel ball.” My mom would make us take off not just our shoes but our dirty clothes in the garage before entering the house. Times were simpler. The only screens were TVs and VCRs were fairly new so you could try to tape a show if you missed it but our lives were not dominated by TV, the internet (didn’t exist), streaming services, etc. We stayed kids as long as we could and that wasn’t a bad thing. When I look at how my kids and their friends grew up compared how I grew up, it’s truly a different world. We walked or road our bikes everywhere. Our parents didn’t know where we were every moment of every day through tracking software on cellphones or texting. Life was simpler. I have done what I can to provide that for my children. We have never tracked their location on their cellphones. We encourage them to stay kids as long as they can because adulting is both hard and long. Childhood is meant to be cherished and in today’s world, it’s now rushed through. I worry about our future when kids aren’t allowed and encouraged to be kids.
I believe we gotta forgive and make amends. ‘Cause nobody gets chance to make new old friends.
I consider myself lucky, in part because I have so many friends for more than 30 years. Some are more than 40 years and others more than 50. People who I grew up with. People who I have known most of my life. Like the song says, you can’t make new, old friends. Many years ago, I learned to ask a very important question. Would I rather be happy, or right? Most of the time, I’d rather be happy and choose actions that provide happiness. By choosing to be happy, I forgive and make amends. My friends stay my friends and we get through the challenges that all friendships and relationships have. Just this week I was talking to a friend from middle school and a friend from high school. I am getting together with a high school friend today because she is in town. These relationships are precious. They span decades and go back to a simpler time with cherished memories. In today’s world, we often let disagreements end friendships. Life is too short. Time is too precious. What do I gain from ending friendships that have lasted decades over unimportant things? I like that my children know my old friends. I like that they tell my children stories from ‘the old days’, even when they are embarrassing and especially when they are funny. Here are just a few pictures of a few of them.
I just got to spend time with Jim, Ananda, and Anna Marie at our friend Jeremy’s wedding. It has been years for some of us yet it felt like no time had passed.
My friend Aric who tells my kids classic stories they often don’t believe. We became friends in 1988 and are like brothers.
My friend Todd who has great stories to tell my kids, also ones they don’t believe. We became friends in 1987 and talk at least once a week.
My dear friend Ron – we have experienced the ups and downs of life together for the past 30+ years.
Larry and I met in either 1984 or 1985. We still talk every week.
Jamal and I have been friends for 20 years. He always inspires me and I am humbled when he says the same about me.
Darryl and I have been friends since 6th grade. He is now a mentor to my son Evan. Who wants to try to make new, old friends when you have old friends like this?
I read a very interesting article about two friends in Israel who allowed their political differences to impact their friendship. The impact of October 7th made them realize how important their friendship is and their disagreements politically aren’t a reason to not be friends. That’s a real life example of this lyric.
I believe in workin’ hard for what you’ve got. Even if it doesn’t add up to a hell of a lot.
My grandparents and parents taught me early in life the importance of hard work. They would often say that hard work is its own reward. As a kid, this was hard to understand. Hard work was to get a result. It was to obtain things. How could hard work be its own reward?
As I got older, I began to understand what they were talking about. It is about having a work ethic. It is about having values and living up to them. It is having integrity and working hard because it is the right thing to do, not because you will get a specific outcome.
The older I have gotten, the more I appreciate the things I have. Growing up and into my 30s it was all about more, more, more. The bigger house. The nicer car. More toys. The newest technology. Today I am grateful for what I have and often time realize that I would be just as happy, if not happier, if I had less. There is value in appreciating what you have and not wanting more all the time.
There is also another hidden message in these lyrics. Often times we judge people based on appearance. Based on the car they drive, the clothes they wear. This line urges us to look at the person, not what or how much they have. It reminds me of quote by the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in which he said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” The color of their skin, the amount of money in their bank account, the type of car they drive, the clothes they wear – all have nothing to do with the content of their character. All have nothing to do with the type of person and human being they are. We need to pay attention to who people are based on their actions, not their bank account.
A brilliant quote from To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. We see what we look for.
I believe most people are good and most mamas oughta qualify for sainthood.
This is the line that I struggle with. Not the second part but the first part. In today’s world, are most people good? Half the country hates the other half. The rise in antisemitism is frightening. We literally see Nazis in Central Florida every few weeks. Sometimes in uniform, usually waving a big Nazi flag and chanting horrible things with awful signs. In Nashville there was a Nazi march where people were chanting ‘Heil Hitler’. This is not the 1930s in Germany. This is 2024 in the United States. Crime is up. Instead of random acts of kindness, we see random acts of violence. The rape, murder, and kidnapping of Jews on October 7th is acceptable only because they are Jews. Calls for a ceasefire happen daily but these people don’t demand the release of the hostages, now in their 133rd day of captivity. Too many good people are silent. It seems that over the past few years the famous quote, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” was everywhere being said by everybody. Yet after October 7th, these people went silent. It seems there are daily demonstrations of the evil of humanity. I look every day for signs that most people are good and yet most people fail the test every day.
This was yesterday, 2 miles from my house. The hatred is real.I never thought I’d see Nazi flags flying like this in my lifetime. This was February 17, 2024.The growth of antisemitism is real. February 17, 2024 in Winter Park, FL.
It is a reminder to me that I can’t control anybody else. I am only responsible for myself. I can choose to be good. I can do my part to make the world a better place. I can choose to engage in random acts of kindness. I can choose to fight against all hatred and stand up and speak out. I can be an example and live true to my values. Perhaps if we each take responsibility for ourselves, we will end up with most people being good. At the end of the day, I’m not responsible for most people. I am responsible for myself.
I love the line about most mamas qualifying for sainthood. Being a parent is difficult and as I have watched my mom, my mother-in-law, and my wife, I see how much more difficult it is to be a mom. I don’t know if it is societal expectations and training or something innate, but the differences between being a mom and a dad are significant. I am ok with my children struggling – it’s part of life and learning important life lessons. My wife wants to protect them from any struggles, it’s in her DNA as a mom. We both love our children and want only the best for them. We talked about this last night, and I was fascinated by the difference in our points of view. So I agree with Luke Bryan – most mamas should be Saint Mama.
I believe most Friday nights look better under neon or stadium lights.
As the parent of a high school football player, there was not much better than Friday Night Lights and watching my son play each week. It was an incredible four years and six years after it ended, I still miss it.
I can dig deeper into this lyric and go beyond high school football. Growing up, Friday night meant Shabbat dinner. It didn’t matter what I wanted to do before or after, we sat down as a family, often with guests, for Shabbat dinner. My mom would light Shabbat candles, my dad would typically make kiddush, and one of the kids would say the Motzi. No matter what, we were together as a family for Shabbat dinner. When my son played high school football, that became our Shabbat dinner – together as a family, under the stadium lights, usually eating a hot dog or hamburger for dinner, and loving every minute of being together.
Friday night, Shabbat, gives me the opportunity to set aside the business of the week and focus on the things that are really important. Family. Friends. Spirituality. Health. Just like Friday Night Lights creates a special environment, Shabbat itself creates that opportunity, if we are willing to take it. I fully admit that I am not a traditionally shomer shabbat person. I do use Shabbat as a break from the week. It’s the day that I get to refocus and recenter. It’s the day I focus more intensely on family. As a family of college football fanatics, Shabbat has been a traditional day where all four of us sit together all day watching college football. When the kids were little, we all climbed into our bed. Now that they are bigger than me, we watch in the living room. It’s become a family tradition that is a break from the rest of the week.
Friday night looks better under the neon or stadium lights because of the uniqueness they offer. Friday night also looks better because of the uniqueness of Shabbat and the opportunity to, for one day, set aside the stress of the real world and focus instead on the smaller, more intimate world of family and friends.
I believe you love who you love. Ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of.
It makes me so happy that a country singer wrote these words and sings it proudly. Country music and fans of country music are often categorized as racist and homophobic. To have a major country music star make this type of statement helps improve the world. It says loud and clear that people are people. Who you love is your business and nobody else’s. And there is nothing wrong with loving whoever it is that you love.
Growing up, we had a tight group of friends that all went to Hebrew School together. Most of us also went to the same public schools. We remain close today and have a Facebook messenger chat group to keep in touch. I remember when two members of our tightknit group came out. It wasn’t a surprise to any of us. We had known for years and years. It didn’t matter because we love everybody in the group for who they are. We celebrate all the diversity of our friends because of who they are.
My confirmation class – we stay in touch 40 years later.
In a song about most people being good, this line is so important. Hate is simply unacceptable yet continues to grow in our world. It doesn’t matter who the hate is targeting. It can be the African American community, the LGBTQ+ community, the Asian community, the Muslim community, the Jewish community – hate is hate is hate. We must stand together against all hate because those who live in hate will simply move their hatred from group to group. Our power comes from standing together and strongly condemning all hate. Not allowing it to fester and grow. Hate is taught which means we can teach love instead of hate. Just like Luke Bryan, I believe you love who you love and there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If we want to live in a world driven by love instead of hate, we accept people for who they are and appreciate all the differences each of us bring to our community and to the world.
I believe this world ain’t half as bad as it looks. I believe most people are good.
Despite some of my struggles with most people being good, I find this line inspirational. Perhaps it is because he says it ‘ain’t half as bad as it looks’, recognizing that the world looks pretty bad today. So much of why the world looks bad is because of what the media shows us. The saying, “If it bleeds, it leads” has become more than the truth, it seems it is now the mantra for the media. We get shown the worst of humanity most of the time. We live in our own bubbles where we don’t interact enough with people who are different from us. We don’t celebrate our diversity and we don’t bother to try to understand others, instead we try to get them to agree with us.
In 2019 I had the gift of participating on the Encounter Immersive Program. This is a program that takes Jewish leaders to meet with leaders of Palestinian civil society for four days. I remember thinking that four days seemed awful short. After day 3, I was grateful it was only four days. The tagline for Encounter is “Listen, Learn, Lead.” And the program is really all about listening. It’s about understanding a different point of view and perspective. It’s not about trying to convince anybody of my beliefs but rather a chance for me to learn about their beliefs, their narrative, their story. It was a truly fascinating experience that I wrote about earlier in this blog – you can find the many posts I wrote near the beginning of this site. By listening, learning, and asking clarifying questions, I got a better understanding of the challenges in the region. It wasn’t just the simple good vs. evil or mine vs. yours. It gave me a chance to dig into challenges that have reframed by understanding. It only strengthened my Zionism while also increasing my humanity and building bridges.
If we can get beyond the surface answers and really spend time communicating – listening and learning – there is hope for the future. Not just in Israel but in the United States and around the world. There is so much clickbait and so many people only read the headlines without really understanding the details that it is easy to lose hope and only see the negative. I truly believe that most of us want the same things, it is more about how we get there and how we find was to talk about it that are the key. I think often of the stories of President Ronald Reagan and Speaker of the House, Tip O’Neill. They would spend all day arguing policy and at the end of the day, they would go out together and get a beer. How do we get back to the days when we focused on our similarities, not our differences?
So maybe the world really isn’t half as bad as it looks. We can certainly hope and do our part, since it looks pretty awful right now.
I believe them streets of gold are worth the work. But I’d still wanna go even if they were paved in dirt.
My parents taught us all that results aren’t promised. We can only do our part and put in the work. That’s what they asked of us – put in the work. I remember being happy in school getting an A- without any work and my parents being very upset. I didn’t understand. I remember working hard and only getting a B and they were happy and supportive. That confused me as well – wasn’t the A- better than the B? It took me a long time to understand that the value was in the work, not the result.
As I got older and began to understand the importance of the work itself, I began to learn things like not having control of the results. I can only do the work and put things in place for a likelihood of success. There are too many other factors to make it my responsibility for the outcome. The wisdom of Benjamin Franklin spoke to me when said, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail”. One of my mentors, Rabbi Mark Kram, was famous for saying “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
Over the past years as I began to learn with a Rabbi, these thinking was reinforced again. I have learned with many Rabbis and educators. One common theme has been and continues to be that everything comes from God. Our job is to the work, not determine the results. Recently I was having dinner with my friend Harry Rothenberg, an attorney who is perhaps the best Jewish educator I have ever experienced. I watch his video blog every week and learn something meaningful each time. We were talking about how he had been stuck in terrible traffic and was going to be late to an event. He didn’t have a chance to eat lunch and there was a great cocktail reception before the event with delicious food. He was incredibly hungry and was going to miss the chance to eat. He was getting frustrated. He managed to make it to the event just as they were finishing clearing up the last of the food. Disappointed and hungry, he sat down for the event. At that time, he realized that the entire plan was one from God. He made the event on time. He arrived safely. Sure he missed the food but he wasn’t going to starve. He just missed the food. In the meantime, he had missed the bigger picture of everything being God’s plan. He realized he needed to do better.
Harry and me after dinner and a great learning session. I love having him as a friend and teacher.
I was inspired by the story for two reasons. First, if you are like me, you tend to get caught up in what is happening that minute and can lose sight of the big picture. I can get upset because traffic means I will be late. The person in front of me is driving slowly. I didn’t get to eat lunch and am hungry. All sorts of details that are happening right at that time but don’t really matter. I lose the big picture that I I will arrive where I need to get safely. That patience is a virtue. That I won’t starve and have plenty of food, just not at that minute. When I focus on the big picture, I get filled with gratitude. Even if the roads are paved in dirt, they feel like they are paved in gold.
The second part of inspiration is the desire to do better. There is always an opportunity to improve, to do a little more, to be a little better. My spiritual advisor, Mickey Singer, would often guide me that life is a journey to be experienced. We are here as a spiritual being, having a human experience, so experience it. Realizing that we can improve, that we can be better, and doing the work required to do better really does make those dirt roads into gold.
I believe that youth is spent well on the young. ‘Cause wisdom in your teens would be a lot less fun.
How many times have any of us said, “If I only knew then what I know now…”? Would we really want to know then what we know now? As a 16-year-old, would I really know and be able to follow through on things that took me 40 years to learn? Would that knowledge ruin the childhood that I talked about above? Would I be any better off knowing it then but not having the capacity or ability to really take advantage of it?
Youth is for the young. Our bodies are able to do more. We have more energy and the lessons of the world have not been learned yet. As somebody who grew up in the 70s and 80s, I look back with fond memories. Not because I want to be who I was back then but because of who I was back then. It was the only time in my life that I could be that person. That I could have the freedom offered to the young. No physical restriction. No limitations because of the responsibilities of a wife and children. No career to be concerned about.
I think about friends who didn’t have the luxury of youth when they were young. Financial insecurity. Issues with permanent housing. Unstable home life situations. They were forced to grow up quickly and had far more wisdom at 16 or 20 than I did. It comes at a cost. I think of the children impacted by the war with Israel and Hamas. They have far too much life wisdom now. How many of them would trade all of this wisdom to go back to an October 6th world?
We live in such a fast-paced world now that kids don’t get a chance to be kids. There is academic pressure that begins at an insanely early age. I remember a few years ago talking to parents about their 2-year-old child in our preschool. The child’s grandfather had already called Harvard about getting him on a wait list. Let me repeat, the child was 2 YEARS OLD! I think about the IB and AP courses my children took in high school and the academic pressure they faced. In hindsight was it really worth it? When I talk with them the answer is no – both would have been much happier doing a dual enrollment program or even taking regular coursework.
Youth is for the young. Let’s not steal it from them by trying to get them somewhere before they need to be there.
I believe if you just go by the nightly news, your faith in all mankind would be first thing you lose.
I stopped watching the nightly news a number of years ago. Everything was negative and the national news was focused entirely on their own spin. There is a reason there is no longer a news department and these programs are in the entertainment division. It is far too easy to find a news channel that will reinforce your own beliefs or will make you hate those with different views.
For a while I watched the CBS Sunday morning show because they only told happy and inspiring stories. It made me realize that there are plenty of these stories available if you look for them. We don’t have to be consumed with the negativity and lose our faith in mankind. We can find the stories that inspire us. That give us hope. One news site I follow does a story every Sunday where they allow a reader to tell a story of gratitude where they get to highlight the kindness somebody else did for them. It’s one of my favorite things to read because it reinforces faith in mankind.
The nightly news can be toxic. On October 7th, my friend the Consul General of Israel to Florida, told me to stop watching the news. It wasn’t healthy to be so focused and so obsessed on the murder, rape, and kidnapping of Jews by Hamas. I understood but also couldn’t stop. When I watched the Hamas video of October 7th, many people asked why I would want to see that inhumanity and put myself through it. I told them I needed to bear witness. We have to be careful with what we consume as it shapes our reality. I spend time talking with friends of mine in Israel, with friends who have had family members taken hostage – some have been released and some are still hostages. I talk with people who are actively looking to change the world through their actions. Medical research. Summer camp for children. People working with victims of terror to attempt to restore humanity. Mentoring and coaching youth who need the guidance and support to have a better future. Those working with pediatric hospitalized patients and seniors struggling with loneliness. People focused on finding the light in the world amidst the darkness.
We can find our faith in mankind restored when we choose to see the beauty happening all around us and make an active choice to join in that beauty.
I believe that days go slow, and years go fast. And every breath’s a gift, the first one to the last.
As a kid, the days went slow, and the years seemed to go slower. There was always something to look forward to. Turning 10 and being double digits. 13 was Bar Mitzvah. 16 was my driver’s license. Graduating high school and going off to college. 18 was voting. 21 the legal drinking age. Graduating college. Focusing on the milestones, time seemed to drag on as the next one was always so significant and exciting. I remember when my oldest son was born and being told that now the days will go slow, but the years will go fast. How true that statement became. It seems like yesterday my sons were in preschool, taking naps, and I was reading them bedtime stories as we cuddled, never certain who fell asleep first, them or me. Precious days and precious times. My wife commented to me the other day how much she misses my older son who is now in Tennessee starting his career. My youngest is still at home and we treasure the time because it goes too fast. In a few months he will be a senior in college, and we will prepare for the next big change in our lives.
I turned 56 in December. I still feel like I am in my 30s most days and there are times I feel like I’m back in high school. Yet 60 is around the corner. I remember when my Uncle Joe died at 50 years old thinking, “at least he lived a good long life.” I was 21 – what did I know? As a kid, filled with youth and being young, time was plentiful and abundant. Now it is the most precious commodity in the world. We only get so much of it and then it is gone forever.
I first experienced this when my cousin Eric died in 1995 at the age of 27. We grew up together and were like brothers. My childhood is filled with stories of Eric and me. One day he was here, vibrant, alive, with an incredible future. Then he was gone. I was blessed to know two of my great grandparents, all four of my grandparents, all four of my wife’s grandparents, and have great relationships with my parents and my in-laws. My great-grandparents and all eight of the grandparents are now gone. I treasure the time with them and appreciate all that I got. My dad died in September 2022, and I miss him every day. My cousin Todd, Eric’s younger brother, died tragically in 2015. After Eric’s death, he became another little brother to me, and we had many long and deep conversations. I had spoken with him a few days before he died. Every breath truly is a gift, the first to the last. And we are never promised the next one.
Its still hard to believe it has been almost 30 years since Eric died
I can’t beieve it’s 8 1/2 years since Todd died.
Over the last two years I had a number of health issues. I was still in the youth mindset of living forever and being indestructible, despite the clear signals that wasn’t true. My dad dying was the point where I knew I had to make changes. I lost weight, got in better shape, and tried to put better boundaries in my life. Work life balance became much more important as I realized that I had taken more breaths in my past than I would in my future. As these changes took hold and required significant life alterations, it really hit home when my mom said to me, “I was waiting for the call telling me you had a heart attack.” That statement shook me to the core and still does today. I’ve chosen to live my life differently as a result. Each breath we get is truly precious, from the first to the last. Why would want to waste a single one?
Who would have thought that a simple country music song would inspire a 5,000-word essay? I guess the need for believing that most people are good is really that important. The world we live in is so fraught with challenges that a simple believe in the goodness of people is essential and a given. Let’s join together to change that.
A number of years ago, when I lived in Gainesville FL, I was exposed to the idea of spending an hour with others learning about and talking about Jewish biblical stories. Three of us began having lunch once a week while we talked about learned about the book of Daniel for months. It was interesting, fascinating, fun, social, and a meaningful use of time. Unlike my Hebrew School experience growing up, this had real value and I truly enjoyed it. It’s something I have continued, on and off, for the past decade. Over the last few months, I have found a wonderful partner to study and learn with, and we spend an hour each week focusing on the weekly parsha (the part of the Torah we read each week) and digging into what some of the great Jewish commentators throughout the generations had to say. More importantly, we then talk about what we think it means to us. Frequently, I challenge him and he pushes back. We go back and forth sharing our thoughts, opinions, interpretations, until we come to some consensus about what it means for us in 2024. It’s a wonderful hour each week that I both look forward to, thoroughly enjoy, and think about the rest of the week as I apply these lessons in my daily life.
As I’ve previously written about, recently I have been obsessed with country music, the lyrics and stories that are told, and what it means to me. Similar to what I do weekly with my friend the Rabbi, many of the lyrics of these songs speak to lessons to improve my life. And sometimes, the song will trigger something from my Jewish learning as well. That’s what happened this weekend.
Once again, an old song was new to me. Voices by Chris Young came out in 2008. I discovered it in 2024. The lyrics spoke to me in a different way after last week’s hour of conversation. Here are some of the lyrics and some of my takeaways.
I hear voices. I hear voices like
My dad sayin’: ‘Work that job. But don’t work your life away.”
When I hear that line, I think of my dad. That work is important, however it is a means to an end, not the end. That nobody is going to put ‘he worked very hard’ on your tombstone but they will talk about the type of person you and what you mean to other people. The lessons he taught me about the place of work, values, and family. I can’t count how many times he would talk to us about family and how important it is. How it is everything. My parents showed it in their actions. Holidays were for extended family, and I have close relationships with my cousins because it wasn’t just about our immediate family. My kids laugh because they say that sometimes they aren’t sure who we are really related to and who are such close friends that we call them Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Sister, Brother. I have aunts and uncles that really cousins. I have aunts and uncles who are lifelong friends of my parents. I have brothers and sisters who aren’t related to me by blood but are family by choice. I have nieces and nephews that are really cousins. It doesn’t matter what the blood relationship is or isn’t, what matters is the relationship that we build. On my birthday this past year, my niece Rylee, who is 3 years old and technically a cousin by marriage once removed (we never use that language in my family) called and sang Happy Birthday to me on my voicemail. It was the sweetest message I have gotten in years. I called her back to say thank you and she promptly sang it again. It was the highlight of my day. Nothing at work will give you that feeling. So don’t work your life away. Its far too short and there are far too many beautiful moments you will miss.
My adorable ‘niece’ Rylee who sang me Happy Birthday.
And mama tellin’ me to drop cash in the offerin’ plate on Sunday
I was taught by my grandparents and my parents from a very early age the importance of Tzedakah, giving charity to help others. We had the blue JNF box that we always put coins in, especially on Friday night before Shabbat. Giving of our time, talent, and treasure was something my grandparents did, my parents did, and I learned to do. It’s something I have taught my children. We have an obligation as human beings to help those who need it. It’s why I fell in love with the acts of random kindness. It takes nothing to hold a door, let somebody go in front of you, wait patiently, or many other acts of kindness. When my kids and I go out for breakfast on Christmas day (usually Waffle House because they are open), I have begun to do my special Christmas day gift tip – whatever the amount of the bill is what I also tip. The server is working on Christmas, likely because they need the money to support their family. I’m privileged enough to not work and to be able to go out to breakfast with my kids. It’s a small, nice thing to do that likely makes their entire day. Random acts of kindness can change the lives of those that we do them for. So give a little of your time, talent, and treasure to help others. Not only will you change their lives, you will feel so much better because you are making the world a better place, one random act of kindness at a time.
One of my favorite pieces of art by Joanne Fink. A reminder of the importance of Kindness
And grandad sayin’ “You can have a few, but don’t ever cross that line.”
One of my mom’s favorite sayings has been “Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered.” What she was teaching us is that there is a limit to everything before bad things happen. Unlike the famous Gordon Gecko line from Wall Street that was a calling card to my 1980s generation, ‘Greed is good’, what my mom was teaching us is that greed is NOT good. Greed gets you in trouble. Excess desires take you places that you don’t really want to go. Decisions made on greed or the desire for more than you need end up with disastrous results.
Balance is the key to life. We hear it all the time. ‘I don’t have any work-life balance’. I struggle to balance my wants with my income. Too many people don’t set aside money for retirement, balancing the need for the future with the need for now. What good is working hard and missing out on your children growing up, on the relationship with your spouse? Covid stole two years of time with my parents from me, time I will never get back. Why? Because I worked too much and too hard to get through that time. For what? To lose my dad in September 2022?
My mom, dad, Evan and me at the UCF-USF game. Treasured memories worth everything
I think more about my mom’s message now than ever before. What do I need? And what do I really want? The material things that drove me to want more, more, more are meaningless. I want more time with my kids. More time with my family. In the summer of 2023, we almost lost our 13 year old dog Bella. It was a miracle she survived. I treasure the time with her now. Where before when she would climb on my lap and I was working I would get annoyed, now I simply set the work aside and welcome this 75 lb dog into my lap.
Bella laying on my lap – a daily occurance that I love.
Bella loves to lay out in the yard
Our sweet little girl
So as you choose what matters to you, remember to have a few but not cross that line. Remember that pigs get fed and hogs get slaughtered. Remember that you have control of balance in your life unless you give it away. And remember what is really important. It’s always possible to make more money and get more things. There will also be something newer, something shinier, something just a little bit better than what you have. But you can never get back time. Time is the ultimate treasure.
Yeah I hear voices all the time. Turns out I’m pretty dang lucky, for all that good advice. Those hard-to-find words of wisdom, holed up here in my mind And just when I’ve lost my way, or I’ve got too many choices, I hear voices.
I am lucky. I hear the voices of my Great Grandma Rose, my Grandma Esther and Grandpa Si, my Grandma Evie and Grandpa Lenny. I hear the voice of my dad the most. And of course, my mom, who is not only the voice in my mind, but on the phone and in person. The things they taught me and powerful and core to my life. They continue to guide me, even though most have been gone for more than 20 years.
Grandpa Len, Grandma Evie, me, my brother, Grandma Esther, and Grandpa Si
I have written before about how I discovered studying in chavruta (two people learning together) and how meaningful it is. For the past 4 months or so I have been learning with Rabbi Ehrenkranz. One of the things that I often struggle with, and we regularly discuss is when it seems that God is being ‘vindictive’ or ‘petty’ in his statements. It’s not how I envision God and I have a hard time understanding when the text says things that I interpret that way. Last week had another instance of this, so once again we discussed and debated. What I came to understand is that God is like our parent. He wants the best for us and provides guidance on how to live life. As a parent, he sets guidelines, expectations, and provides consequences. It’s actually not that he’s being vindictive or petty, but rather caring. The lessons he tells us can be voices we hear as well. A voice that tells us how to choose right over wrong. How to behave. What to do. Another guide when we’ve lost our way to help us get back where we need to be. After 15 minutes of back and forth, I found this explanation to be comforting and a different way to interpret the language.
Learning with Rabbi Ehrenkranz. It’s a fun hour every week.
Whenever I have lost my way or am overwhelmed with too many choices, it is these voices that help me. These are the lessons that I learned from them that resonate in my mind. I can close my eyes and see and hear the person who taught me the lesson, reminding me of it once again. I truly am lucky to have had these special people in my life who not only taught me important lessons but continue to teach me throughout my life.
I hear voices, lke my dad sayin’ “Quit that team, and you’d be a quitter for the rest of your life.”
Commitment and dedication. Two very important concepts that have always been a part of my family and something that we were taught growing up. Finish what you start. Don’t start it if you aren’t going to finish it. Have integrity. Behave as if your words and actions will be on the front page of the NY Times.
Reliable and Dependable. Two more important concepts that were ingrained in me from a young age. If you aren’t reliable and aren’t dependable, you won’t have integrity. If you say you are going to do something, then do it. From 1992-1995 I worked for the Florida Department of Corrections in mental health. I worked in two different prisons. One was minimum security, the other closed custody (maximum security) and the home of Florida’s Death Row. I learned there to never make a promise I couldn’t deliver on. When I said I would do something, I did it. I earned the respect of the inmates because I didn’t promise them things that I wouldn’t do. I learned to be very clear about making promises and commitments.
My parents and grandparents always told me there is a right way to do things and taught and urged me to always do it that way. Commitment, dedication, reliability, dependability, and integrity – all incredibly important and things I believe in because of the people who’s voices I hear.
And mama tellin’ me to say a prayer, every time I lay down at night.
Prayer is something I grew up with. We went to synagogue almost every Saturday morning. I went to Jewish Day School for a year (it wasn’t for me). We had Shabbat dinner with kiddush and motzi every Friday night. I went to Jewish overnight summer camp (Both Camp Ramah in the Poconos and Camp Airy). I knew the prayers, knew the tunes, but didn’t know what it meant. As a result, it didn’t really have much meaning to me. I think it was summed up best by an IDF soldier on our birthright bus many years ago. After services on Friday night, we were talking as a group and he asked, “So you know the words?”. We answered, ‘Yes.’ Then he asked, “and you know the melodies?” We answered, ‘Yes.’ Then he asked, “but you don’t know what it means?” We answered, ‘yes, we don’t.’ He said, “I don’t understand!”
In college I began to explore a meaningful way to get involved with prayer. It wasn’t easy and took a long time to find a meaningful way to pray and what to pray for. Should I really be asking God for things? Would he really pay attention to my prayers, especially if I was asking for things I wanted? Didn’t he know what was best for me? Over the past nearly 40 years, I have learned my own way to meaningfully connect with God. It involves prayer and meditation. It involves my own conversations with God and connecting with nature. It involves some traditionally Jewish things like putting on tefillin (not every day but regularly). It’s lighting the Yahrzeit candle for my father. Similar to the lyrics of the song, I take a minute to thank God every morning and every evening for the life I get to live.
About 20 years ago, I began exploring spirituality with a friend of mine, Mickey Singer. Some of you may know him as Michael A. Singer, the author of The Untethered Souland The Surrender Experiment. I consider Mickey my spiritual advisor as he challenges me to think differently about my relationship with God. For the past 20 years, he has nudged and encouraged me to explore my relationship with God in a different way. If you haven’t read his books, I highly recommend them. He also gives a few talks a week and they are posted on the website for Temple of the Universe.
Mickey Singer, my spiritual advisor and friend.
In my weekly chavruta, we discuss prayer a lot. God doesn’t need us to pray to him, he’s God. So why do we do it? What’s the point? If he doesn’t need it, why bother? They are interesting conversations and so much of what we discuss relates to remembering who is really in charge and what is our role and responsibility. It ties in with what Mickey has taught and teaches me. And just like the lyrics say, it’s important to do it regularly and consistently.
And grandma sayin’ “if you find the one, you better treat her right.”
One of my favorite stories about my Grandma Esther happened a few years before she died. She wanted to be a great-grandmother more than anything. So, she started bugging me about getting married and having kids so she’d be a great-grandmother. I told her that I didn’t have to get married to make her a great grandmother. The look on her face was priceless and one I’ll ever forget, as she quickly replied, “I can wait.”
Grandma Esther. I keep this picture on my mantle.
Both my grandfathers and my father showed me how important this is through their actions. Grandpa Len would get up early, go to the JCC for a swim and schvitz (steam room) and then come home to have breakfast with Grandma Evie. Every day. Without fail. After Grandma Evie died, I used to go visit Grandpa Len on Sundays. We’d go to whatever organization was having their pancake breakfast, have fun and laugh, and then go back to his house and put on football. Most of the time we would take a little snooze (nap) during the games. I’ll never forget one day there was a boxing match on. He told me how much he loved watching boxing but that my grandmother didn’t like it so for their entire 55+ year marriage, he chose not to watch boxing because he’d rather be with her than watch boxing. It’s a lesson I will never forget.
Grandpa Len and Granda Evie
Grandpa Si taught me a powerful lesson as well, one that I used to tease him about sharing with my wife. He said that early in their marriage, he and Grandma Esther figured out a great way to resolve any arguments. When they agreed, he got his way. When they disagreed, she got her way. It was a powerful lesson in the importance of being happy instead of being right. In their 55+ year marriage, they lived by that rule. I regularly ask myself if I’d rather be happy or be right. I have decided that I’d always rather be happy.
Grandpa Si was always teaching me something
My parents were married for 55 years. But they were together for a decade before they got married. After my dad died, his sister, my Aunt Sheila, talked about how it was always “Susie and Barry”. There is a famous story about my parents getting engaged and their cousin said, “they can’t get married!” When asked why, she said, “Because they are related.” My parents were a true partnership and they talked to us about it all growing up.
My parents wedding photo
Mom and Dad
You can see how much my mom and dad loved each other
In a world where divorce is far too common, the lyrics of the song ring true. When you find the one, you better treat them right.
Yeah I hear voices all the time. Sometimes I try to ignore ‘em, but I thank God for ‘em. ‘Cause they made me who I am.
There is no doubt that I am the person I am today because of the lessons from my grandparents, my parents, some aunts and uncles (both blood and those I call aunt and uncle) and my mentors. Understand and appreciating that is so important. As my children are now in their 20s, I hope they listen to their voices – their grandparents, their parents, their aunts and uncles and their mentors. We get so much wisdom from those close to us and whether we know it or not, it embeds in our brains.
I no longer try to ignore those voices. Perhaps its from the lessons I’ve learned from Mickey about my relationship with God. Perhaps it’s years of learning to pray and meditate in a way that is meaningful to me. Perhaps it’s the daily meditation and focus on gratitude for the life I get to live. I’m not really sure about the why and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is listening to them and their wisdom. What matters is being teachable.
I have written a lot about my struggles since October 7th. I’ve tried to express it in many different ways. I recently watched the music video of the original song “OK” by John Ondrasik, known by Five for Fighting. He’s not Jewish however this song and video is about not just October 7th but the feelings afterwards. It expressed what I have struggled to do. It’s a powerful video and there is a warning in the beginning. I suggest you watch it and leave a comment on this post about your experience.
Watch it on YouTube – it has some graphic video from October 7th in it.
The song has become another voice I hear, helping me cope with the trauma of October 7th and everything that has followed.
I treasure the voices I hear not just for their lessons but also for who’s voices they are. It brings this wonderful people back to life on a regular basis. And my life is better because of their lessons that they keep teaching me.
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