Tag: dancing

Lessons to make me a better person

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Shabbat (the Sabbath) is an interesting concept.  A day of rest.  A day where you don’t do work.  A day of reflection.  What is it really and what do words like rest, work, and reflection actually mean? 

I have never found an interest in ‘keeping shabbat’ (following all the rules) in a strict sense.  Not turning on light switches or the using the remote control never made sense to me.  Driving isn’t really work, is it?  You turn a key or push a button and it starts.  After that, what’s the difference?  Not turn on the oven or stove.  Why can’t I push buttons on the microwave or the air fryer?  And not carry?  Why do pants have pockets anyway? 

When I am in Israel, Shabbat becomes a little bit clearer.  I typically find that I look forward to it for a number of reasons.  First, by the time Friday afternoon arrives, I am usually wiped out.  The thought of having a day with little to do and a chance to really unplug from the prior week is attractive.  Going to the Kotel (Western Wall) for Shabbat services is always fun and meaningful.  You’ll hear more about that later.  A nice dinner with friends that is leisurely and relaxing?  Sign me up. 

On this trip I had the privilege of learning from three amazing people.  As we were walking back to the hotel on Friday after an amazing morning at the Begin Center, I started asking Lori Palatnik, the founder of Momentum, about Shabbat.  I understand the prohibition about not working and a day of rest, but my definition of work isn’t starting and driving a car, turning on the stove or oven and cooking, turning on the TV, changing channels and watching shows.  So how does that reconcile?  Lori taught me something interesting that I am still chewing on.  She told me that there is no prohibition against work.  That is a wrong interpretation.  The prohibition is for creating.  And the reason there is a prohibition against creating is that Shabbat is a chance to honor and recognize THE creator, God.  The reason she doesn’t do these things is because they involve creating.  On Shabbat, it’s all about our creator, God. 

It is an interesting concept to take a day each week and use it to honor and thank God.  I meditate and pray every day.  I have for more than 35 years.  I don’t use a prayerbook when I pray, it’s a quiet conversation with God.  Over the years it has gone from asking him for things that I wanted to thanking him for the things that I have.  When I meditate, it’s often in silence, just focusing on my breathing and paying attention to all the sounds around me.  I get in touch with God and with the world.  Sometimes I will do a guided meditation to mix it up and they are enjoyable as well.  But most of the time, my meditation is about getting closer to God. 

So what if I was to expand my practice of prayer and meditation to take a full day each week and focused entirely on that connection with God?  I don’t know that I’d go to synagogue or follow a formal process, but what if I were to unplug, honor our creator, and not worry about making anything for a day?  It’s an interesting question and one that I will ponder for a while.

I also had the opportunity to learn with Rabbi Yakov Palatnik, Lori’s husband.  I have seen him on other trips, but this was the first time I really got to spend time with him, and WOW!  I have been missing out.  This quiet and humble man is filled with incredible wisdom.  One of the things we discussed that really intrigued me was about prayer.  As a scholar of Maimonides (the Rambam), he told me that the Rambam said you need three things in a prayer.

The first is to praise God and acknowledge his greatness.  While I am not an overly religious person, that is something I always do.  One of my favorite things to say is that God often does for me, what I can’t do for myself.  I have seen that happen over and over again in my life.  Things happen that I hate and that I think are awful and I would get upset about.  A few days or weeks or months later, I would look back and realize it was the best thing that could have happened.  I know and understand the greatness of God and it centers me and gives me great comfort.

The second is to ask for what you want or need.  As I said, I used to do this but stopped.  In part this was because of my understanding of the greatness of God.  Who am I to ask?  I don’t know what’s best for me.  Isn’t it better to ask God just to take care of me and that’s enough?  Rabbi Palatnik said no.  He said we have to ask because we have to know ourselves.  If we don’t ask it means we don’t know.  Of course God knows, and we aren’t asking for him to know.  We are asking to show that we know.  We are asking because we have done our part and done the work.  That makes sense to me but it is still going to be uncomfortable to ask for things for myself.  That is because of the third thing that Rabbi Palatnik told me Maimonides required in prayer.

You have to say Thank You to God.  That I do every day.  I thank God for giving me another day of life.  Sometimes it’s saying the Modeh Ani, but most of the time it is just saying thank you for another day.  I say it at night when I go to sleep.  I say it throughout the day.  Part of the reason I struggle with asking God for things is because I know he will take care of me and I’d rather say thank you than ask for things that I may think I want but in hindsight I wish I didn’t get.  Saying thank you to God is comforting to me. 

It is an interesting process for sure.  Over the next few days, weeks, and month, I am going to follow Rabbi Palatnik’s suggestion to listen to the Rambam.  I’m going to work to make sure I include all three components in my prayers.  We will see what happens as a result.

Lori and Rabbi Palatnik and me. Two great teachers. One average student.

The third person I got to learn from was our trip leader, Saul Blinkoff.  Saul is an amazing man, and you can google him to learn more about him.  During Shabbat, he said two things that really resonated with me. 

The first is that what you will die for determines what you live for.  It’s a fascinating concept.  He shared the story of a woman in a concentration camp during the Holocaust.  The woman looked like she was ready to end her life when she walked up to the Rabbi in the camp and asked for a knife.  The Rabbi was shocked and worried about her.  She demanded a knife again.  The Rabbi didn’t have one and tried to talk to her.  She looked behind him and saw a member of the SS who had a knife.  She walked up to him, grabbed the knife, reached down to her leg and pulled a baby out from under her uniform.  She had recently given birth and was keeping the baby a secret.  She took the knife, performed a circumcision, a Brit Milah in Hebrew, entering her son into the covenant with God.  She then gave the knife and the crying, newly circumcised baby to the SS officer, turned around and walked away.  A minute later there was a shot and the baby stopped crying.  A few seconds later and the SS officer shot the woman in the back of the head.  She knew what she was willing to die for – to be Jewish and part of the Jewish people.  So she knew what she was living for. 

It is a powerful lesson and question.  What am I willing to die for?  What is so important to me that I would sacrifice my life for it?  I have started my list and will be thinking about this for a long time.  Once I know what I would die for, I will know what I live for and can make sure that’s what I am doing in my daily life. 

The other lesson Saul taught me on Shabbat was about the mezuzah.  I have had a mezuzah on my door for many, many years.  I know what it is, why it is there, what is inside it, what it says, where the commandment comes from.  One of my clients has a focus on the mezuzah so I’ve learned even more over the past few months.  And yet, Saul taught me something new and important.  He said that one reason the mezuzah is on the door is because it signals a transition.  When we walk into the home from outside, we need to leave our outside problems at the door.  It is a visible signal to change our focus to what is inside the house, our family, and go all in.  What a really cool concept.  A visible reminder of what is important.  This is one that I have already started using.  When I walk through a new door with a mezuzah on it, I think about where I am going to and what mindset do I need in this new space. 

Saul Blinkoff teaching us. What an amazing man and teacher. Lucky and proud to call him my friend.

Learning stuff like this to challenge my behaviors and beliefs is really cool (at least to me) but that isn’t the only special part of Shabbat.  As I have said, I am not the most religious person and don’t really go to shul.  Ok, I don’t go to shul unless it is a family simcha (celebration).  In Israel, I don’t want to miss Shabbat at the Kotel (Western Wall).  It is joyous, fun, exciting, and meaningful.  There are so many different types of Jews there and so many different services going on.  And you never know who you are going to see.  This Shabbat was no exception.  As we got to the Kotel and began our service, I looked ahead and saw Rabbi Lipskier from Chabad at UCF.  I quickly made my way over to him to give him a big hug and to wish him Shabbat Shalom.  Only in Israel!  I returned to our group and the singing and dancing began.  We were a group of about 25-30 men.  This is small on Friday night at the Kotel but as we sang louder and danced, we started seeing others come over and join us.  IDF soldiers in uniform.  Hassidic men.  Men in Black hats.  Men pulling out their kippah from their pocket before they joined us.  Men with the big fur hat.  Men who looked like they belonged at a Grateful Dead show.  Even a little boy.  It was amazing to see all these different types of Jews join us to sing and dance.

When it was over and it was just our group again, I started thinking about how this was an allegory for the world.  If Jews of all different types can come together at the Kotel on Shabbat and not only pray together and separately but also join together in unification, why can’t we do it elsewhere.  Forget about the entire world, why can’t we do this in our local communities?  Why can’t we find different types of people who will be happy with their differences and yet also celebrate their similarities?  What can we do to make our local communities look more like the Kotel on Shabbat?  Different types of people enjoying both their differences and similarities.  That’s the type of world I want to live in.

My takeaway is really something else that Rabbi Palatnik taught me during this trip.  We have to be able to learn from everybody.  It is a fascinating concept that everybody has something to teach us.  It doesn’t matter who they are, where they come from, how much or how little they have, how well educated they are or are not, or anything else.  Everybody in the world has something to teach us.  I haven’t only learned from these three amazing people on this trip.  I learned from the other men on the trip.  I learned from some of the women on the women’s trip who spoke.  I learned from the French Machal soldiers and the families from Kibbutz Alumim who have been relocated.  I learned from the farmer, visiting Kfar Aza and Nova.  I learned from the Chabad Rabbi who put my tefillin on at the Kotel on Wednesday.  When I am open to thing, I can learn from everybody.

I know how to put on Tefillin but I can still learn from the Chabad Rabbi who did it for me at the Kotel.

What a powerful thought – to learn from everybody and every interaction.  That sure makes us all better people and makes for a better world.

Love, Friendship, Mexico and the villa

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

We often talk about the treasures in our live.  The things we want and desire.  That incredible car.  The beautiful house.  That amazing vacation.  Expensive clothes.  Season tickets to the theater, our favorite sports teams, or tickets to see our favorite band  play in concert.  For a long time, that was what I was focused on.  The house and the neighborhood, the car, the vacation spot, the newest technology.  Things that could be purchased that showed the world how well I was doing.

Over the past number of years, that has changed dramatically for me.  I don’t really care about the house or the car (although I do like both my house and my car, I don’t need a newer or bigger or better one.)  And while I enjoy our season tickets to the theater, it’s going with my family that makes it so enjoyable, not just going alone.  Often I will pass up buying tickets to a game, concert, or show if my family doesn’t want to go with me because being together with them is what matters, not the show or the sporting event.

Recently, my focus has been much more on my friends and how valuable they are.  Life brings us many challenges and opportunities, and the past few months have had lots of both for me.  It’s an exciting time in my life yet also a major change that has helped me see who are the friends that really care and who are the acquaintances that somehow disappear in challenging times.  I’m grateful for the clarity and even more so for the friends who have shown up.

This past week was a true view into the power of friendship.

My longtime friend Jeremy was getting married this weekend.  He told me about his fiancé Astrid when they met, when they began dating seriously, and when he decided to marry her.  When he told me it would be a destination wedding in Puerta Vallarta and the date, I marked it on my calendar and told him I’d attend.  There was never any thought that I wouldn’t be there to celebrate with him and his new wife as they began this new journey. 

Jeremy and me at the airport in Puerto Vallarta

Last month, he asked if I would be will to be a part of the ceremony.  I was incredibly honored and immediately said yes.  I expected to be asked to do a reading, be an usher, or have some small role with the ceremony.  Two weeks ago, he and Astrid called me and asked if I wanted to know what they wanted me to do at the wedding.  I had to ask him to repeat himself because I was stunned by the request.  They wanted me to officiate their wedding!  There would be two of us, me speaking in English and the other person speaking in Spanish.  I was truly blown away by their ask and immediately accepted.

With Marlen, my co-officiant after the wedding. She is my new friend from Mexico who lives in Alaska.

We arrived in Puerto Vallarta around the same time this Thursday and met up at the airport before boarding a shuttle to the villa that everything was being held at.  This amazing, huge villa, is where we ate, slept, hung out, swam, and where the wedding was held.  A truly spectacular place.  A number of longtime friends came for the wedding, and we had a great time spending time together and catching up.  In addition, I got to meet Astrid’s friends and family and now have a whole new group of friends in Mexico. Then came the wedding on Saturday afternoon.

The villa looking up from the water

The pool

The water crashing against the rocks. A dream to sleep to and relaxing throughout the day.

The wade pool. Fun to hang out in and when the big waves come, truly amazing

The wave was huge and came crashing in – I was already videoing and managed to hold onto a rock with one hand while videoing with the other and not dropping or losing my phone!

I’ve told you it was an incredible resort, and the view was spectacular.  The pictures don’t do it justice.  On Saturday late afternoon it was spectacular.    The ceremony was entirely created by Jeremy and Astrid.  It involved the 4 elements (earth, fire, water, and air).  It included 10 crystals.  Each one of these was presented by a friend or family member with their own special words.  Then came the vows.  Jeremy and Astrid had written their own and chose to do it one at a time, going back and forth with each other.  They were real, honest, and powerful.  Finally, we got to the ring ceremony that included a red string, binding them together.   As we finished the ceremony, I was filled with love, gratitude, and an overwhelming sense of joy that these two found each other.  The ceremony was completely organic and meaningful.

Longtime friends Jim, Ananda, Anna Marie, and me just before the wedding.

Hanging with Jeremy before the wedding. Loving the linen suits!

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band

As the mariachi band began to play, with the sun beginning to set, as the hors d’oeuvres were served, I stood to the side and found myself reflecting on the power of community, friends, family, love, and meaning.  Their love was clear but so was the love of everybody that was there to celebrate together.  It was a group of people who were all connected through Jeremy and Astrid and yet had built relationships with each other in few days we were together.  We were friends and quickly became family.  The ceremony was incredibly meaningful, yet we found meaning in being together, playing cards, laughing, eating our meals together, sitting by the pool, in the hot tub, listening to music, and learning more about each other. 

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band as the sun sets

Beto, Ananda, me, Astrid, Jeremy, Peyton (Jeremy’s oldest son), Jim and Joe. Some old friends and some new ones.

My new friends who are also Astrid’s family members.

Astrid and Jeremy celebrating

In today’s world, where the divisiveness is so profound, where hate often seems to be more prevalent than love, this time together with friends reminded me of the beauty that is possible.  It was inspiring.  It filled my heart.  It gave me hope. 

The beautiful sunset after the wedding

Dinner was amazing Mexican tacos.  Not like in the US or our Mexican restaurants.  A plate filled with corn tortillas, fresh everything.  I don’t know what they put on mine; I just asked for a little of everything.  We ate and listened to a jazz band while we celebrated Astrid and Jeremy.  Then came the DJs.

The first two hours of music were mariachi and jazz.  They were wonderful.  When the first DJ took over however, we had two hours of dancing ahead of us.  We filled the dance floor, smiling and laughing.  The joy was palpable.  As we began to tire a little, we took a quick break because the next few hours the dance floor was turned into a rave.  It’s been a long time since I was at a rave.  And when I say a long time, I mean a very, very, very long time.  Yet the music was pounding, the lights were flashing, and once again the dance floor was filled with energy.  I told Jeremy that I didn’t think I could make it until 2 am when the rave was set to end – after all I am usually asleep by 10 or 11 pm at home and since this was central time, that would be me staying up until 3 am.  His response was classic.  “It’s my wedding.  You have to make it until at least 1!”  So, I promised and continued dancing, taking a few more frequent breaks to rest until at 1 am I gave both him and Astrid big hugs, and went to bed.

The next morning at breakfast, we started talking about how we needed to do this every year to celebrate their anniversary.  How we liked being together so much and the venue was so incredible, we needed to plan for next year and get it scheduled.  It was a great reminder that there is no need to wait to spend time with those you care about.  Spending time with friends and family is priceless.  So many other things can easily be replaced but time is not one of them.  Neither are the people you care about.  We are now planning for January 2025 to be all back together in Puerto Vallarta at this resort for maybe a few more days than this time.  Unless of course, one of the couples we met gets engaged and plans their wedding before then in which case we’ll all be together at their wedding and then Puerto Vallarta!

Astrid’s family put on a show for everybody. It was a beauty pagent they made up on the spot. Miss Brazil won but you can pick your own winner from the picture. It was fun to watch.

During the 5 days we spent together, we had a lot of time to talk.  A few of my friends wanted to ask me questions about the Israel-Hamas war, Israel itself, and about Hamas.  One afternoon, we sat in the hot tub as they asked questions and I answered.  It was one of the more refreshing conversations I had, not because it was filled with joy and not because it was talking about happy things.  It was refreshing because they really wanted to know.  They had real questions and followed up with more questions.  We were talking about history, not hasbara (advocacy).  One of them had been to Israel once before on a Baha’i pilgrimage so while she had experienced part of Israel, there was much she didn’t know.  In a later conversation, I was talking with another friend when I blanked on a name and filled the gap while I thought by saying ‘you know’.  She quickly corrected me and said, ‘No, I don’t know.  That’s why I am asking.’  It was a throwback to a time when it was important to learn, to understand, to inquire, to ask, and to communicate.  Not to yell.  Not to demand that everybody agree with one point of view.  It reminded me of what is possible and why conversations, outreach, friendships, communication, dialogue, and respect are so critical. 

As we prepared to leave the villa today, every one of us was sad.  Not just because we were leaving such a beautiful place but because we were leaving each other.  Emails and phone numbers were exchanged with new friends.  Plans were made with longtime friends.  We took three shuttles to downtown Puerta Vallarta where one of us was staying to extend their trip.  One group left for the airport, having earlier flights to Guadalajara.  The rest of us stored our bags in his Airbnb and headed to a local restaurant.  The food was great, the company even better, as this little restaurant pushed together a bunch of 4 tops so we could all sit together.  As we headed to the airport in multiple Ubers, we hugged, said our Thank Yous and were all filled with gratitude. 

Our incredible view from the main balcony of the villa

Our last sunset was spectacular

A panoramic view from the villa. It’s not the only reason we’ll be back.

While I’m lucky to have friends like this and am even luckier that we do the same thing with family to be together, it shouldn’t make me unique.  For some people, the family connection isn’t an option.  Community and friendship always are.  It takes effort.  It takes commitment.  It requires going out of your way often, just because a friend is in need for something.  And it’s 100% worth every bit of it.  I can’t wait to see my old and new friends again.  I can’t wait to spend time with my family this upcoming weekend to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday.  I can’t wait to see my siblings and mom at my cousin’s daughter’s bat mitzvah in March. The joy that fills my heart when I get to do this is unexplainable.  I hope you take the opportunity to experience it. 

The bride and groom dancing is what I want to leave you with