I am very open with the fact that I am very Jewish, very spiritual, love Jewish traditions, enjoy learning Jewish texts and how they apply to my life today, and that I am not very religious and don’t really enjoy services. For many years now, when it comes to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, I have chosen to find my own way to connect with God, to contemplate the year that has passed, what I have done well and what I have struggled with, who I have harmed and who I want to be in the upcoming year. I find my connection much more in nature – at the beach or sitting in my back yard enjoying the beauty of the world. It gives me time and a way to really think about who I am, who I want to be, what matters to me, and connect, in my own way, with God. For Sukkot I don’t usually build a Sukkah but choose to spend time outside underneath trees and looking at the greenery, as if I was actually sitting in a Sukkah. I say this so you understand where I am coming from, not advocating that anybody do what I do. I do advocate that everybody find their own way to connect Jewishly that is meaningful to them.

This year I have found myself really focusing on the people in my life. One of my favorite things about Yom Kippur is that we are required to make amends to people we have harmed before we can ask God for forgiveness. This has always highlighted for me the importance of our relationships. Over the past few years, I have really learned who are the people in my life and who are those that are mere acquaintances. Often times I have found that those I thought were friends were really acquaintances. Sometimes I learn that those that I thought were more acquaintances are actually really friends.

This holiday season I have really been thinking about a few friends and group of friends and how they impact me and how lucky I am to have them. I have childhood friends along with two long time very close friends who are literally like brothers to me. This Yom Kippur I am focusing on those people and groups of people who have made a great impact on my life and continue to do so today – those who on Yom Kippur remind me that it costs nothing to be kind and how important kindess is.

I’ve written a lot about my dad and the relationship we had. How much I miss him and how grateful I am to have him in my life for nearly 55 years. I’ve been lucky to have other male role models who are still here to help me. One friend has been like the older brother I never had. We became friends more than 30 years ago and have been through life together. My marriage and children. The loss of his wife who was also a dear friend. The loss of my dad. His stroke and recovery. It’s rare to have people like that in your life. I have two friends for nearly 40 years from college that are like brothers to me. We’ve been there for each other through the deaths of their parents and my dad, marriages, children, health issues, and with one of them, their children’s marriages and now grandchildren. To have those types of close relationships for nearly 40 years is special. I know that I am lucky to have them in my life and know they are always there for me and I’m always there for them. At the holiday season, it lets me reflect on how special these relationships are and not to ever take them for granted.

I grew up close with all four of my grandparents along with my Great-Grandmother Rose. They were instrumental in my upbringing and in my life. The things they taught and role modeled for me made me into the person I am today. The last of my grandparents died in 2001 when my oldest was a year old. I’ve felt the loss of their guidance ever since. A number of years ago I met somebody who reminded me of my grandparents. We became friends and would sit and talk about various topics. Even though she is more than 35 years older than me, we have become fast friends. I call to check up on her. We go to breakfast every few weeks to sit together and talk. She shares her amazing history with me and I learn from her about growing up Jewish in an Arab land in the 30s and 40s. She asks me about Israel as it has been years since she has been able to visit. We talk about dreams and hopes for the future, her at 95 and me at 58. We talk about her grandchildren and my children. My wife and her career goals. The work I am doing and how I am growing and changing as a result of working with the clients that I do, people and organizations that are actively changing the world. I love spending time with her. It fills me with joy. Her inner beauty infuses my soul with light. I tell her I love her and she tells me she loves me. It’s a treasured relationship that at this time of the year, I thank God for putting in my life. I appreciate how lucky I am to have this type of relationship where neither of us asks the other for anything but our time. The more time we spend together, the richer we both become.

A few years ago I was invited to join a group of guys who meet every week for lunch. I knew a number of them and others I didn’t know at all. A few were acquaintences. Other than me, the youngest is now either 79 or 80. I bring the age range down significantly! They are all people who were titans of their industry. Doctors. Attorneys. Judges. Journalists. Business owners. Investors. Wealth managers. Incredibly successful and each one brilliant. Our conversations at lunch are deep and thorough. Educational. Sometimes confrontational but always in a respectful and friendly manner. We don’t agree on everything although recently we have found that although part of the group is right of center and a larger part is left of center, we agree on far more than we disagree. I look forward to our weekly lunches and the conversations. The questions we all ask. Sometimes I sit and listen as we are discussing legal issues and the experts are teaching us. Sometimes it is a medical conversation and the doctors are the ones sharing their wisdom and their experience with us. Sometimes I’m actively talking about topics, especially since I go to Israel so often and spend time across the political spectrum there and with Palestinians in the West Bank. We ask a group question and go around the table with each person sharing their thoughts on the topic without interruption until they finish their thoughts. I am enriched by the friendships that have developed with these men. The deep personal relationships that we have built over the past few years. I have come to realize that in today’s world, I am very lucky to have a group like this where we discuss any topic anybody wants to bring up and respect each other and differing opinions. It is the one place I know that I will hear many different viewpoints and will walk away each week a better person that I was before lunch.

We go to the same restaurant almost every week. We have the same servers. They know our orders. They know us. Secretly I think we are their favorite customers because we are so much fun to listen to and watch. There is no doubt that we could be a successful sitcom because of the wonderful characters at the table and how funny and interesting we all are. As the baby of the group, I’d be the star, but knowing how these go, I’d probably just be a bit player. One thing I know for sure is that I’m incredibly grateful to be a bit player in this group of outstanding human beinns and that they enrich my life weekly.

I have had a few mentors in my life besides my dad. I’m incredibly grateful to them. They have taught me so much and each came to my life at the exact time I needed them. I recently spoke with one of them and we set time for a zoom to catch up and a breakfast meeting in a few months. I got such incredible gifts from them, I believe it’s my job to not only live up to their high expectations but also to share with them the success I am having by taking advantage of their mentorship. It is me paying them back, not with dollars but with appreciation. Helping them see that the time they spent with me, the investment they made in me, was not only worthwhile and valuable, but is being actively used and valued today. I have the privilege of doing some coaching and mentoring as well. It’s one of my favorite things that I get to do. I was speaking with one of them last week and as we are coming to close to the end of the formal, professional relationship, he asked me what happens when that part ends. I told him, “I’m your friend you call to talk. We just don’t have scheduled time like we do now. You text or call when you want or need. We have a friendship now.” That comes from my mentors. People that I built authentic relationships with that went beyond their coaching and teaching me. As I have moved into their role, I’m grateful to them for not just the skills they taught me but the things that went far beyond technical skills and more into how I live my life. The way they taught me to identify my values and make sure I am always living up to them. To be the type of person that I am proud of, not that others are proud of. Technical skill lessons and true life lessons.

Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year, gives us a time to reflect on the year that happened. We often think that the 10 days of Awe, in between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are designed just for atonement. I push back on that. In my opinion it is also the time to pay attention to more than those we harmed and make amends to them. It is time to pay attention to those who are the real gifts in our lives and make sure we tell them. It is an opportunity to ensure we are not taking them for granted. We can truly be greatful for the wonderful relationships we have and the deep friendships. I’m lucky to have the relationships I do with my siblings and with my mom and my in-laws. With my wife and my children. With my nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles. I’m also very lucky to have a deep group of friends like I highlighted above. So Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur for me is certainly atoning for my sins. It is certainly asking for forgiveness from those I have harmed. It’s also valuing those who enrich my life. Those who fill me with wisdom, joy, friendship. guidance, love, and care.

Whether you are Jewish or not, celebrate the holidays or not, believe in God or not, this is a time where we can each pause and reflect on the past year. What do we have to be greatful for? What do we wish we had done differently. Who are we greatful is in our life? Who have we harmed, intentionally or not, and how do we ask them for forgivenss so we have a clean slate moving forward? Life is too short to miss the blessings and endure the negativity.