Yesterday, January 30, 2025 marked the end of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East (UNRWA). Many in the world are criticizing this action, claiming that only UNRWA can provide the aid and take care of the needs of the Palestinians. Those who do that have chosen to believe the lies and ignore the truth about UNRWA.
Every refugee in the world is covered by the United Nations High Commission for Refugees. Every single one. Except for the Palestinians, who get their own agency despite not really being refugees. Gaza has been fully governed by the Palestinians, who elected Hamas as their leaders, since 2005. In Judea and Samaria, the Palestinian Authority fully governs Area A. They are in charge of the civil society in Area B. Yet they have to have their own refugee organization while the entire rest of the world gets their own?
UNRWA has been exposed for many human rights violations. Employees of UNRWA have been confirmed to be Hamas operatives. Employees of UNRWA have been proved to be active participants in the attack on October 7th. Employees of UNRWA have been proved to have hidden hostages in their private homes. UNRWA has failed to deliver the humanitarian relief to the people of Gaza. It isn’t that the food isn’t being sent to Gaza. UNRWA has left it on the docks to rot. UNRWA has given the food to Hamas and the local gangs who sell it on the black market. I have seen the pictures of the food on the docks, rotting. I have seen the pictures of Hamas taking the food from the relief trucks.
Thank you @Keir_Starmer for calling us today and all your support in getting Emily home. Hamas held Emily in @UNRWA facilities and denied her access to medical treatment after shooting her twice. It's a miracle that she survived, and we need to get aid to remaining hostages now. pic.twitter.com/K5aZybh0K2
When I saw the post above, I was livid. UNRWA held her in captivity AND denied her medical care. This is the organization that is supposed to help people. This is a part of the United Nations (UN). If there was ever something that showed just how disgusting and vile UNRWA and the UN are, this is it. Yet the world is silent. You won’t see this information on the national news, read it in the NY Times or Washington Post. The ICC won’t be issuing arrest warrants for the leaders of UNRWA or the UN. They should, but they won’t.
When Arbel Yehoud was released from captivity on Thursday, she had to go through a crowd in Gaza of people shouting at her. She was surrounded by terrorists in uniform. The look on her face is terrifying. They are wearing pressed uniforms, the crowd looks well fed, which in a famine shouldn’t happen. These are the people Israel is supposed to trust and make peace with? Israel should trust the UN after learning that they held Emily Damari as a hostage since October 7th? That their employees are Hamas and Hezbollah members?
Hamas and people of Gaza as Arbel Yehoud is released
I’m grateful that UNRWA is no longer operating in Gaza, Israel, or Judea and Samaria. Why should Israel enable terrorists (and UNRWA is a terrorist organization) to operate freely? The world is an outrage over this but not that Emily was held hostage by UNRWA. The hypocrisy is beyond aggravating.
Along with the good news of no more UNRWA, there is also this heartwarming video of Agam Berger being reunited with her four fellow Nahal Oz comarades who were release last Saturday from captivity. The look on the faces of Karina Ariev, Daniella Gilboa, Naama Levy, and Liri Albag as they see Agam, the sound of their voices, their hugs and compassion tears at my soul. What these women endured is unimaginable. Like the Jewish people at large, they endured, they survived, and they will flourish. It won’t be easy.
Hostages returning home. Three more scheduled to be release tommorow. We know Yarden Bibas is alive and hopefully we will get good news soon about Shiri Bibas and their beautiful children, Ariel and Kfir. We know 8 of the 33 being returned will not be alive. We can only hope and pray that most of the remaining 82 hostages are still alive. We do know that they must all come home.
With President Trump meeting with Prime Minister Netanyahu in Washington, we can only hope that this administration stands strongly with Israel and enables her to do what is needed to both get the remaining hostages back and ensure her long term security. Since October 7th, those have been the two clear priorities. Whatever it takes, both must happen.
I went to get my hair cut and beard trimmed yesterday. I’ve gone to the same barbershop since we moved to Central Florida. It is a true, old school barbershop. What makes it a little unique is that it is a Latin barbershop. Most of the people working there do not speak much English. The owner, Gomez, does and he usually cuts my hair now. My previously guy, who was great, didn’t speak English so we communicated with pictures and hand guestures, unfortunately left.
It is a barbershop with an interesting history. When we began going there in 2016, it was in a different location than it is now. A year or so into going there, there was a major gang shooting there leaving one barber dead and a few injured. It closed for a few months and then reopened. I never thought of going anywhere else. Maybe that says more about me in many ways than anything else. I wasn’t going to be afraid and I wanted to continue supporting this small business where I had become friendly with the owner. They added a buzzer to be let in, tinted the windows, and business went on as usual. A few years later, the land was sold and they had to move. The new location is a little further away, in a little sketchier area, but once again, I wasn’t going to stop supporting the business.
When I went yesterday, the only person working was a young barber that I had never met before. He didn’t speak English so I showed him a picture of what I wanted and we managed to figure things out. He cut my hair and we didn’t talk because of the language barrier. As we got near the end of the haircut, he took out the straight razor to get the close shave and make things look good. A man I don’t know, where we have a language barrier, has a razor to my neck, and I’m laying back with my eyes closed. I began to think about what it would take for an Israeli Jew to get into a barber chair and let a Palestinian Arab not just give them a haircut with sharp scissors but then take a straight razor to their neck. It was something that I no longer could imagine. Prior to October 7th, I could imagine places in Israel where relationships between Jews and Arabs are good where this could happen. Today, I can’t fathom it.
The buzzer rang and two teenage latin boys came into the barbershop. The conversation was all in Spanish. I had no idea what they were saying and the barber had the straight razor on my neck. I tried to imagine two Arab teens coming into an Arab barbershop, speaking to the Arab barber in Arabic, with a Jewish Israeli who doesn’t speak Arabic in the chair, a straight razor on their neck. Again, it was incomprehensible. How can something be so absolutely incomprehensible in one place that is so easily done in another? What is the difference that makes that happen? How do we change the reality?
It comes down to hate. The terrorists hate the Jews. They want them all dead. They hate the Christians, Druze, and even the Arabs who work with the Jews. There is no compromise. There is no opportunity for commonality. When there isn’t hate, there is opportunity. I saw it myself in 2019 when I spent 4 days meeting with leaders of Palestinian civil society. Those who lived in hate gave me no hope, made me angry and frustrated. Those who chose not to live in hate gave me lots of hope and made me want to do better. When I was in Israel in May, I walked from Ben Yehuda Street through East Jerusalem to the American Colony Hotel. I walked through Arab neighborhoods, past Arab schools getting out for the day, passed by Arabs on the street. I met my friend who owns the bookstore at the American Colony Hotel and we spent 90 minutes talking about October 7th, the hope for peace, if the 2 state solution was dead, Hamas, hostages, and much more. It was a thoughtful and insightful conversation. I didn’t agree with everything he said and he didn’t agree with everything I said, but we had a great dialogue. It gave me hope. In September while doing work with Dror Israel, a client of mine, we went to visit their youth movement, Hanoar Haoved, in Ein Mahil, an Arab village. This is an Israeli, Zionistic Youth Movement that is in EVERY Druze Village in Israel along with 55 ARAB VILLAGES with over 20,000 Arab children involved. The Mayor of Ein Mahil came to speak with us because he enrolled his daughters in Hanoar Haoved. We spoke to leaders of the movement in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, Arabs who grew up in the movement and have dedicated their lives to it. We met with children in the youth movement and it was beautiful. Throughout the time at Ein Mahil and ever since, this has given me hope.
In Ein Mahel with the leaders and children of Hanoar Haoved.
Israel is a different place today than it was on October 6, 2023. The hostages remain front and center in our hearts and minds. The IDF soldiers, risking their lives every day, are in my thoughts. My friends who are serving or who’s children are serving in the IDF, the families dealing with the challenges of having their mother and/or father away for long stretches of time due to milium (reserve duty). One of the people I met in September was from Kibbutz Nir Oz. He lost his mother and father on October 7th although he didn’t know his father was murdered for a few weeks and didn’t know his mother was murdered until July 2024 when they found her body in Gaza. I thought of him today as hostages Arbel Yehoud and Gadi Mozes were released from Gaza. Both are from Kibbutz Nir Oz, a small kibbutz of 380 people on October 7th. I can’t imagine the way he is feeling, watching them come home. I can’t imagine the emotions he has thinking of his parents, who were murdered after being taken hostage, and his friends and neighbors, who were also taken, finally coming home after 482 days of captivity.
The Unites States and the world are different since October 7th as well. Antisemitism is on the rise and we see violence against Jews and Jewish organizations and buildings. It is often times hard to find hope. It often feels that where we are and where we are heading is hopeless. We cannot allow that to be our reality. Without hope we are lost. I think of two different quotes about hope from two remarkable people. Anne Frank wrote, “I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that remains”. The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope”. In these challenging times, I think of their words and of my 4 days in 2019, my meeting with my friend in May in East Jerusalem, and the visit to Ein Mahil in September to give me hope for a better future. I refuse to be lost so I will continue to find hope.
Four more hostages returned home on Saturday. Karina Ariev, Daniella Gilboa, Naama Levy and Liri Albag, all members of the Israeli Defense Forces, were released from captivity in Gaza by Hamas after 477 days. They were released early in the morning Eastern Time, so when I woke up, they were already out of Gaza.
L: Daniella Gilboa, Karina Ariev, Liri Albag, Naama Levy
When I watched the video of their release, I was horrified. Hamas held a parade to show them off to a cheering crowd. The video clearly shows the support of Hamas and of terrorists who brutally murdered 1,200 people on October 7th and kidnapped another 251 people. It’s more proof of the lies told by the media, the ICC, and the world. There is something very wrong about giving gift bags and certificates to people you have brutally kidnapped and held for 477 days.
The Hamas parading of the 4 hostages to a celebratory crowd in Gaza.
I anxiously awaited the videos and pictures of them reuniting with their families. Last week, those videos were incredibly emotional and both broke and warmed my heart at the same time. Thinking of those who will never come home alive, thinking of those still in captivity, and thinking of what nearly 500 days of captivity would do to a person.
The pictures and videos were amazing. They brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me why Israel made such a terrible deal. 200 terrorists and murderers went free to bring these 4 women home. A terrible deal. And worth it. When I looked at their faces, the faces of their family members, and listed to the sounds of their squeals of delight, it was an insight into the values of Judaism. Life. Family. Love. Perserverance. Humanity.
Naama Levy greeting her family
Daniella Gilboa with her family
Karina Ariev meeting her family
Liri Albag with her family
I’m not sure how any human being can watch these videos and not smile and have tears in their eyes. We’ve seen the brutality of Hamas on October 7th. We’ve seen them murder hostages. They kept these 4 women in captivity for 477 days. An incredible number of days. The hostages in Iran were held for 444 days in much better conditions.
I can understand how these women could be bitter and angry. How they could be filled with resentment. I would expect they would want privacy with the families and loved ones. Amazingly, I would be wrong. Last week we saw the amazing Emily Damari, who lost two fingers on her left hand, inspire us with her bravery and smile. The story of how she tried to get Hamas to release her friend’s father, Keith Siegel, instead of herself, is an epic exhibition of selflessness. This week we got the story of Liri Albag, now 19 years old, send the world a message of love. She has every right to be angry. She has every reason to hate the world that allowed her to remain in captivity for 477 days. Instead, she sent a message of love.
I was astounded as I watched it. Her smile. The heart symbol at the end. Extraordinary. How does somebody come out of 477 days of captivity at 19 years of age with this type of attitude? How much gratitude for her family and for life must she have?
As the day went on, we learned more about their 477 days of captivity. They were used as domestic slaves, often given no food and not allowed to bathe or have any personal hygiene. They were kept in civilians’ home for a good amount of time. Civilians who harbor and hide hostages are not civilians. They are complicit and combatants. As the media decries attacks on civilians, it’s important that we remind them that these ‘civilians‘ are anything but innocent. They were part of the looting after the attacks on October 7th and they helped hide hostages. When the UN or the ICC makes their absurd claims, we have proof that they are lies.
Later in the day, word came out that a member of the Israeli Health Ministry said that the released hostages are in an “emotionally and medically complex” situation. None of us know what that means but it hurts to the core of our hearts. These brave women clearly faced things that are unimaginable. Yet the had brave faces for the world. She wanted to show strength and love in public. We can only pray for their full recovery, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
To summarize what we know about Hamas and these hostages on the day of their release:
They were held together in captivity along with Agam Berger, who remains in Gaza, and were separated from her just days ago.
In the first days of captivity, an elderly hostage helped ensure they had food and were able to shower. They were able to share that he was killed in captivity.
There were periods when there was no food and they were starved
The girls were held both in civilian apartments and in Hamas tunnels
They were disguised as Arab women when moved from place to place
They were able to see some news, mostly to Al Jazeera, and learned to speak Arabic
When they spoke about Hamas’ “release ceremony,” they said, “We showed them on the stage that it did not bother us. We are stronger than that.” Now we all say a mishaberach (prayer for healing) for them to have a full recovery.
The other topic of the day is the Bibas family. They are on the list to be released but have not yet been included. This beautiful family with two beautiful babies were taken hostage on October 7th. We don’t know if they are alive or not. We know that they have a deep meaning to us all. We need them to be alive. We need them to be ok. We need them to come home. If they aren’t alive, I am concerned about what the Jewish world will demand as a pound of flesh for their murders. Kidnapping a 9 month old and a 4 year old is bad enough. Murdering them is unforgivable. If they come home dead, I’m concerned that I will feel like I did at Kfar Aza while I watched and listened to Israel bomb Jabaliya, less than a mile away. In May, that was the only time I felt any relief at Kfar Aza, when the bombs were dropped and exploded. Listening and seeing buildings collapse. It’s not who I am but it is who I was in that moment. The murder of the Bibas family may be that way for not just me but many others. All we can do is pray and hope. All we can do is wait for Hamas to send them home.
The Bibas family – 2 beautiful babies and their parents taken hostage
It is hard to believe that we will go through this same emotional rollercoaster every week for another 5 weeks in this first stage of the ceasefire. 33 hostages will come home over a 7 week, painful period. Hamas wants us to feel the pain. Hamas wants us to agonize. We will. But we can also look at the videos of the released hostages. We look at the images of their reunification with their familes and see the love and gift of life. Their hope and their spirit can get us through this. After nearly 500 days in captivity, the three girls released last week and four girls released this week will continue to give to us. It feels selfish but somehow, I think they would disagree and would understand and appreciate our pain.
I will use this picture of Naama Levy reuniting with her parents. Naama, who’s kidnapping was one of the most seen videos from October 7th. Naama, who we begged to come home and now is. When I look at this picture, it reminds me of a picture I have with my dad, one from my older son’s bar-mitzvah, when we were both filled with joy, happiness, gratitude, and awe. Just like the Levy family who got their precious daughter back alive.
Emily Damari’s hand has become an international symbol. The pictures are stunning and shocking. When you see her face and her hand, you realize that her hand does not define her, yet it also is a par tof her identity now. Shot in the hand by Hamas on October 7th, kidnapped and held hostage for 471 days, nobody knew what Emily would be like upon her release. What we have seen in just a week is truly remarkable. Her spirit, her smile, and the videos of her with her family warm my heart. It gives me hope for the other hostages and their pending release. It reminds me of my obligation to live and to be an inspiration, not just to my family, but those who know me or know of me.
One of the most beautiful pictures I have seen. Her face, her smile, and her hand show resilience
Her hand is a symbol and an inspiration. But of what? Rabbi Daniel Gordis, in his Israel from the Inside substack, writes about this, stating
“Here are some of the thoughts that I’ve heard from others:
It’s a “V” symbol, for “victory”
It’s “just” a wave, but Hamas turned her simple into “V”
It looks like the letter shin, ש, which is the letter on the Mezuzah, as “shin” stands for “Shadd-ai”, one of the Hebrew names of God
It sort of looks like a heart
And then, the one that I thought was the most profound:
“She’s home, and she’ll heal. But she’ll never be whole. Just like this country.”“
There is so much to think about in that analysis. It may be a ‘V for victory’, but what did we really win? She is home safe, which is a victory, but it is hard to say that we have won anything. Israel defended her citizens, crippled Hamas and Hezbollah, weakened Iran, and as a result, allowed for the toppling of the Assad regime. Yet it’s hard to think of that as a ‘win’. I believe almost everybody would rather the world be as it was on October 6th rather than where we are today, so it’s hard to see anything as a victory.
I love the concept of her hand now looking like the Hebrew letter shin, standing for the name of God. It’s a physical symbol of God and how God is inside all of us. In Emily’s case, she now has an outer symbol of God. It has been noted that her hand is now the same as the sign for “I love you” in American Sign Language. This ties even more into the letter shin as it shows God’s love for us all. I had the privilege and honor of meeting Elie Wiesel three times and having dinner with him twice. Sitting with him, it was clear that he had been touched by God. I feel the same way about Emily. Her hand is the symbol.
When I look, I don’t see a heart. I think it’s a bit of a stretch but I do love the concept. Emily and all the hostages have had our hearts since October 7th. When we learn one of them was murdered, our heart breaks. When we see one of them released, our heart sings. As Jews, we are all mishpacha (family). It’s a reminder of that as well. It is a reminder that no matter how much the terrorists of Hamas and Hezbollah try to take away our morals and ethics and our commitment to life, we will not let them do that. When I see her hand, it reminds me that I have to do better, be better, to make the world a better place.
I agree with Rabbi Gordis on the last one. It is the most profound. And perhaps the most true of them all. October 7th broke us. Going to the Nova site at Re’im was incredibly painful. Visiting Kibbutz Kfar Aza felt like being at Auschwitz just after liberation. I’ll never forget that feeling. Meeting and spending time with the displaced families from Kibbutz Alumim in Netanya as heartbreaking and inspiring and then visiting Kibbutz Alumim two months later, meeting those who moved back, and seeing what the terrorists both did and tried to do there, was deeply moving. We will all heal in some way. Yet we will also not be whole. Emily is the symbol for the entire Jewish world. She is the symbol for Israel. When I visited Israel in May and July iof 2024, you could feel how the country was different. When I went back in September, after the murder of Hersh Goldberg-Polin, Ori Danino, Eden Yerushalmi, Almog Sarusi, Alexander Lobanov and Carmel Gat, the country had changed yet again. Israel will heal. Israel will recover. But the Israel of October 6, 2023 will likely never exist again. Neither will any of us.
Kfar Aza in May 2024. When I watch and listen, I still feel the pain and anger that I did on that day.
My friend Fleur Hassan Nahoum picks a scumbag of the week and a hero of the week on her podcast, The Quad, each week. This week, her hero was Emily. As you listen to her talk about Emily, there is so much to identify with. She, and all the hostages, are family. We cried when they were taken. We ached as we thought of what they were enduring. We spoke out for their release and safe return. We celebrate when they are released and we mourn when we find out they have been murdered. Her hand should be the new symbol of giving Hamas “the finger”. They tried to murder us all and kill our spirits. They took her captive and held her for 471 days. She wouldn’t be detered. She is emblematic of the Jewish and the Israeli spirit. When I look at her, when I watch videos of her, I see life. I see future. I see hope.
Emily reminds us all of who we used to be, who we currently are, and who we aspire to be. As she comes home after 471 days that none of us can imagine, after 471 days than none of us would to experience for a single day, she exudes hope, love, and beauty. In a world filled with despair, filled with immense challenges, filled with incredible hate and bigotry, Emily reminds us that there is another path. Even in the worst of times, in the worst of places, enduring the worst of humanity, Emily’s smile shows us we can perservere. We can win by living our lives. We can defeat evil by never letting go of who we are and what we believe.
Drawing by artist Moshe Shapira, the father of Alex Shapira z’l, murdered on October 7, 2023, while hiding with his friends and others in a shelter in Re’im, after fleeing the Nova music festival
Emily is an inspiration. She is a reminder than good can defeat evil. It takes effort. Sometimes herculean effort, like surviving 471 days of captivity and brutality by Hamas. Losing two fingers and having their stubs fused together. Who knows what other horrors she had to face. Yet she survived and brings light to all of us. If Emily can do it, so can we. Let Emily’s spirit inspire all of us to do better, to be better, and to fight harder. Am Yisrael Chai!!
Yesterday was a challenging day, emotionally. After 471 days, three of the remaining hostages were set to be released. As expected, Hamas didn’t follow the agreement, resulting in a 2 hour delay. When word came out that ‘our girls’ were being handed to the Red Cross, it once again came with mixed reports. Terrorists and ‘innocent civilians’ were in the street, harrassing them as they were taken to the Red Cross. If you aren’t aware, the Red Cross is the most expensive and well funded taxi service in the world. In 471 days, they have yet to visit a hostage, to make sure they get medicine, and are being humanely treated. They are a great taxi service between Gaza and the terrorists and Israel though. In the first hostage release they served that role and they did it again today. I have confidence that as the deal moves forward and more hostages are released, the Red Cross will continue to be an excellent taxi service between Gaza and Israel. As a relief organization, a disaster relief organization, and one that purports to take care of human beings, they simply exclude the Jews and the hostages.
The word came out that they were with the Red Cross and able to walk on their own. Soon we heard that they were officially in Israeli hands. The relief was overwhelming. After 471 days, these 3 women were finally home. They were finally safe. When the video below was released, it was comforting to see them.
We can see the bandage on Emily Damari’s hand and her missing fingers. Hamas took 2 of her fingers, shooting her in the hand and not getting her proper medical treatment. We also see she isn’t consumed by her damaged hand. She is filled with life. It’s a reminder of the difference between terrorists and the rest of us. We celebrate life. We want to live. They celebrate death and destruction. They don’t care about life.
Because I have only the worst expectations of Hamas, it didnt’ surprise me when I learned that the terrorists gave these three women ‘gift bags’ when they released them. After 471 days in captivity and who knows what torture and abuse, Hamas thought it would be nice give them a reminder of their captivity. Bags filled with pictures of them as hostages, a commemorative photo of Gaza, and a certificate. Treating their 471 days of captivity as if it was a vacation.
The girls with the Hamas gift bags.
We got to see video of the mothers of the three girls talking to them on the phone. I have met with family members and parents of hostages when I was in Israel in May and July. I’ve been the Hostage Family Forum and Hostage Square. I’ve heard the anguish in the voices. The anger, fear, and hope. I’ve felt it deep in my soul. Watching these mothers see their daughters was heartwarming. It brings hope to a terrible situation. It’s the reason we made a bad deal, because we value life and family.
The mothers of Romi Gonen, Emily Damari and Doron Steinbrecher waiting to video chat with their daughters after 471 days of captivity,
Israel released pictures of each of the released hostages with their family. It was heartwarming. I could feel the emotion in each picture. The joy. The love. Looking at the pictures is a reminder of who we are – people who value life. People who do whatever it takes to save a life. People who will hold their nose and allow their stomachs to churn as 99 murderers, terrorists, and people who are pure evil are released from prison so that these three girls can return home. As distasteful and dangerous as it is to let these 99 terrorists back into the world, we pay the price because it is who we are and what we value. It is because of our morals and ethics. It is what makes us human and separates us from the evil that is Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis, and the Iranian regime.
Whenever I think about what a bad deal this is, how we are releasing 999 murderers and terrorists to get 33 of our hostages back, I focus on the faces of these three girls. On the faces of their mothers. On the pictures of them embracing. It’s a reminder that no matter how bad the deal is, it’s worth it. It’s worth it because we value life. It’s worth because we understand that nothing is more important than life. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 37a) tells us:
Translated, this means that “Whoever saves a single life is considered to have saved an entire world.” When you look at the faces of these 3 women, you realize this deal has saved 3 entire worlds. The next 41 days will be difficult as we watch terrorists and murderers released and wait anxiously for the release of the remaining 30 hostages in phase 1 of the deal. We don’t know how many are alive and how many are dead. We don’t know what will happen with the other 64 hostages and how many of them are alive and how many are dead. We know the Bibas family is on the list but are Kfir and Ariel still alive? Are their parents, Shiri and Yarden still alive? How will we react if it is only the bodies of these beautiful children are returned?
It’s a reminder of both who we are and what we are faced with. It is a reminder that whatever the cost in a deal to get our hostages back, we must remain vigilant fightng the evil of Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis and the Iranian regime.. There may be a ceasefire, but the war isn’t over because they simply want us all dead and will continue to do whatever they deem necessary to accomplish that goal. These political cartoons do a good job of showing what we face after the hostages are returned.
Peace is not easy. Peace is not free. Peace does not happen unilaterally. As we find hope in the faces of Romi Gonen, Doron Steinbrecher and Emily Damari, the faces of their mothers and their families, we need look for the hope that may result in change. The Abraham Accords. The fall of Assad. The people of Iran fighting the regime. Perhaps there will be a new world order in which we can live in peace. We can work for it, hope for it, and pray for it. We cannot act as if it is a given and allow Hamas and Hezbollah to regroup, to rearm, and to attack once again. Lives are too precious to take that risk and leave things to chance. We did that once and got October 7th. Never again.
It appears there is a hostage deal. When dealing with terrorists like Hamas, it is better to see it happen than listen to the words they say or even the agreements they make. They lie, cheat and steal. They say whatever they need to achieve their ultimate goal, the genocide of the Jews.
There is a lot of talk about the deal and is a good deal or a bad deal. I’ll be blunt. It’s a bad deal. It was ALWAYS going to be a bad deal. From the moment Hamas took the hostages, there was never going to be an opportunity for a good deal. Perhaps if Israel had said on October 8th that Hamas had 24 hours to return the hostages alive or she would turn Gaza into a parking lot, they would have been returned and it would have been a good deal. Israel was never going to kill the civilians in Gaza like that. The United States was never going to allow Israel to do that.
Hamas does not value human life. We have seen that with their use of human shields. Their use of hospitals, schools, mosques, and private homes as military bases. The way they value those who will become terrorists and give their lives to murder Jews. The way they murdered hostages when the IDF got close instead of leaving them alive and escaping themselves. This was never going to be a good deal.
It is a deal Israel had to make. Not because of Biden or Trump. Not because of world pressure or the ICJ. Not because of the U.N. or the antisemites. This is a deal Israel had to make for the soul of the country. Israel does value human life. If you walk the streets in Israel you will see the pictures of the hostages everywhere. It is a constant reminder that they are our family and they have been kidnapped and undergoing unspeakable horror for well over a year. We have to get them home so the people of Israel can begin to heal.
I was talking to somebody yesterday who said that all Israel has done is trade lives today for more lives in the future. That is very possible. It is also a trade Israel has always been willing to make because we value human life today and everyday. Because the future is uncertain and being alive today is what matters. Israel did not surrender. Israel did not lose. The war was not lost. The war was also not won. Yes, the leadership of Hamas and Hezbollah were destroyed. Yes, Syria is no longer under the leadership of Assad and there may be hope for Lebanon. Iran has been weakened. The job is not finished.
The announcement of the deal is showing the world the realities of Hamas yet once again they are not paying attention. They don’t care. The video posted below shows Hamas emerging from tents in the displacement camps in full uniforms with guns. They are not displaced civilians. They are Hamas soldiers and terrorists. Hiding with the civilians. The world doesn’t care because they can’t blame Israel and the Jews.
Hamas will regain control of Gaza even while the IDF is there, just as fast as the Taliban took over Afghanistan before the US completed the withdrawal. They are literally remerging from displacement tents, as you can see in the 1st video, with uniforms, insignia, vehicles & guns pic.twitter.com/emNmqhIJn4
This is a deal I will believe as it happens. When the hostages are home, I will believe we have a deal that involves the hostages that are released. Every step in the process is not guaranteed. I am not optimistic that phase 2 will ever occur. Hamas cannot be trusted. I am hopeful that phase 1 will happen. I pray for the Bibas family to be released in phase 1. They are all on the list. As the father of two sons, approximately the same age difference as Ariel and Kfir Bibas, I relate to them personally. I had the family pictures on chairs during our Passover Seder and kept them there for a few months afterwards.
The Bibas FamilyShiri, Kfir and Ariel Bibas being kidnapped by Hamas
Getting the 33 hostages returned alive is critical. Hopefully we can get all of the hostages that are alive returned and the bodies of those murdered returned as well. It’s critical to who we are. We also must learn from our past mistakes. Israel maintaining veto power of the terrorists who will be traded for them is required. Some simply cannot be released. Ensuring that Hamas does not rearm and rebuild is essential and I hope the agreement provides the ability for Israel to strike when needed to avoid future terrorist attacks. It is essential that the same mistakes are not made again. This is a challenging deal as it must get the hostages home while doing everything possible to ensure we don’t have future hostages taken and a repeat of October 7th.
Nobody knows in what condition the hostages will return. We know many are in critical condition. After more than a year in captivity, we know there will be emotional damage and challenges. We don’t know what torture they had to endure. We have seen the publicity that Noa Argamani and Mia Schem received and some of the public criticism. We cannot allow this to happen to the hostages when they are returned. They will be fragile. They need our protection. We need to ensure that there is nobody saying how humanely they were treated, that they don’t look starved, that nothing bad happened to them. We need to protect them and silence those that will work to traumatize them once again. We need to support their families and friends as they welcome back their loved ones who are likely not the same people they were on October 6th.
We can celebrate the return of the hostages and be grateful they are home. We can be grateful that Israelis are now able to return to their homes in the north and the south, 15 months after being evacuated. We can also be wary and afraid of the cost of this deal. We need to understand who we are dealing with and not minimize their hatred and willingness to do inhuman things. The video below, of a mother in Gaza promising that October 7 will happen again every year is a perfect example. This is what Israel faces. This deal creates the opportunity for those who hate, for those who don’t value human life, and for those who will do anything to murder Jews, to rebuild and take action. Israel must ensure that doesn’t happen. Never again no longer just refers to the Shoah. It also refers to October 7th. It refers to believing that Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis, and the Iranian regime are trustworthy. What we know is that we can’t trust them and we cannot forget that.
A mother in Gaza promising October 7 will happen again every year. This is the challenge for Israel
Ambassador Michael Oren wrote a brilliant article about this hostage deal. It is the cost of Israel’s failures. We must admit that in order to learn from the catastrophic errors that cost the lives of 1200 people on October 7th and more than 250 people being taken hostage. Part of the cost of this deal is learn from our mistakes and ensure that Never Again truly begins now. Just like Israel has done whatever it takes to get the hostages back, she must do whatever it takes to ensure it never happens again.
For those who hoped for a good deal, it was never possible. You make a good deal when both sides have a common goal. The Israelis want to survive. Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis and Iran want Israel to be eliminated. There is no common ground. Israel won’t ever say it’s ok to murder half the population and the terrorists will never say murdering half the Israelis is enough. Pay attention to the words of Warren Buffet and learn from them when dealing with terrorists.
Lets prepare to celebrate the return of the hostages. Focus on the good that they will finally be home. We know that the repercussions from this deal will be large and will have to be accounted for. But not now. Now it’s about our brothers and sisters returning from captivity. Being released from bondage.
It is the middle of January, 2025 and yet it is also October 7, 2023. The calendar moves on yet for many of us, it remains October 7, 2023, one of the worst days in Jewish history. The Holocaust and the destruction of the first two temples are certainly worse, but October 7, 2023 belongs in the top 5 of all time worst days in Jewish history. The 15 months that have followed have reinforced the Jew hatred that we saw on that day.
More than 1,200 men, women and children, including 46 Americans and citizens of more than 30 countries, were slaughtered by Hamas on October 7. Girls and women were sexually assaulted. Babies were cooked alive in ovens. People were beheaded. The depravity of Hamas’s crimes is unspeakable and yet we must speak. I watched the 47 minute Hamas video and those images are forever burned into my mind as are the comments of the representative from the Israeli Consulate that day – that they had worse footage that they simply wouldn’t release because it was too graphic and too horrific to be in the public domain. Hamas also took 254 people hostage that day, including 12 Americans. Four of those Americans – Hersh Goldberg-Polin (z’l), Itay Chen (z’l), Judy Weinstein (z’l), and Gad Haggai (z’l) – were murdered by Hamas.
Since October 7th, the rise in antisemitism has been profound. Jews are attacked daily for being Jewish. Jewish buildings are being attacked. Jewish schools shot at in Montreal. Attempted firebombings. Jews have been threatened with arrest in England just for looking Jewish. Synagogues in the United States have had protests blocking people from entering or exiting the building to pray. University campuses are filled with hatred, not just from other students but from faculty. Classes are including antisemitism as part of their curriculum. Columbia had Jewish students take their finals in the spring of 2024 online because campus wasn’t safe instead of making campus safe.
All of this has made we wonder how we got here. And yet, I do see some brightness flickering. Growing stronger. Not only because people who are Jews but not connected are now saying, if I am really Jewish no matter what, maybe I should learn what being Jewish means. It’s also because of our allies stepping up and speaking out. Shouting from the rooftops that these are lies and fighting not just along side us but often times leading the fight.
They give me hope. Not only do I want to talk about them but I want to show what is possible from things that have happened in the past. We don’t have to accept hatred in our lives, in our communities, in our city, state, country or world. It requires effort and requires allies. Not just to fight Jew hatred but to fight all hatred.
I’m going to start in the past. In 1993 in Billings, Montana, somebody threw a rock through the picture window of a Jewish family’s home. The family had been displaying a menorah in the window, a very Jewish custom and part of the Hanukkah celebration. The local paper—The Billings Gazette—hear about the story and did something that would be shocking in today’s world. Rather than excuse the behavior, rather than publish lies about why it happened, rather than make up something about Hanukkah being offensive to Christians, rather than, as happened in my own Orlando Sentinel where a very well known and respected columnist published a column with the headline, “In college protests, media hysteria overshadows reality“ making the claim that there really wasn’t antisemitism on campus and it was being overblown. He took the side of the terrorists and those who spout hate over Jewish students attempting to go to class. I reached out directly to him, angry and frustrated by what he wrote since it simply wasn’t true. When called out on this, he stood his ground, basing everything on his nephew’s reports and what was happening in Florida. A nephew he admitted is part of the protest movement against Israel and the Jews. Florida, a state in which leadership has done what very few other states have done to protect Jewish students. He never apologized. He never retracted what he said. The column remains posted. At least he hasn’t tried to comment on the rise of antisemitism since then.
In Billings, Montanta, in 1993, they reacted totally different. Instead of minimizing what happened, the newspaper published a full-page image of a menorah, urging its readers to tape the picture up in their windows. There were only approximately 150 Jews in Billings, yet the greater community displayed over 10,000 newspaper menorahs.
The newspaper menorah from Billings in 1993
Billings didn’t stop in 1993. With the rise in antisemitism, they reprinted the menorah in December, 2022 and held a public menorah lighting. All in a town with a small Jewish population. Because they believe in morals and ethics. Because they chose to stand against hatred, including Jew hatred. In a world where we don’t hear or publicly see much support for Jews, it’s important to recognize it and show people that they can make a difference and they can stand against hate.
It’s similar to the “MyZuzzah, YourZuzzah” campaign that Patricia Heaton created, encouraging people who aren’t Jewish to stand up against Jew hatred by putting a mezzuzah on their front door. Special solidarity mezzuzahs were created for those who aren’t Jewish but want to show solidarity.
That’s what allies do. They stand up. They speak out publicly. We have plenty of celebrities who speak out in favor of Jew hatred. Examples include Mark Ruffalo, Susan Sarandon, John Cusack, Bella Hadid, and many more. We need to focus on those like Patricia Heaton, who stand with us.
People like Douglas Murray, a journalist who has been speaking loudly for a long time. He isn’t Jewish. He has no Israeli family members. Yet he speaks out loudly, clearly, and passionately about the stakes of this war and the moral clarity required. Here is just one example of what he does and says.
There is Australian news anchor Erin Mulan, also not Jewish, who has been actively talking about the truth of what happened on October 7th and the evil of Hamas. It cost her her job. She didn’t care. She continues to speak out and speak up. She uses her platform to advocate for truth, Israel, and the Jewish people. You can watch her recent report from Israel.
Natasha Hausdorff is another ally. She is a British barrister, not Jewish, and an incredible advocate. She often travels and speaks with Douglas Murray. She gave the closing argument in the Munk Debate staying that Anti-Zionism is Antisemitism. With no dog in the fight, she chooses truth and humanity. Listen to her closing argument in the Munk Debate.
It’s not just academics. Boxer Floyd Mayweather recently took his second trip to Israel since October 7th, calling Israel his “home way from home”. He doesn’t just speak with his words. He takes action with his money. He has used his private plane to deliver essential medical supplies to the nation. and during his previous visit in March 2024, he not only spent time meeting with IDF soldiers, rescue workers, and civilians, he donated an fleet of ‘medicycles’ to Magen David Adom.
On his recent trip in December 2024, he visited an IDF base where he hosted a barbecue for military personnel. He visited the headquarters of United Hatzalah, Israel’s largest volunteer emergency medical service and then made a $1 million donation to United Hatzalah, supporting their critical work. He has donated $100,000 to buy bullet proof vests for Israeli medical volunteers. Like I said, he doesn’t just say it with words, he shows it with actions and with his money.
Floyd Mayweather receiving the Champion for Israel Award at the Dan Family Aish World Center
We need to thank our allies. We need to invest in building relationships so we have more allies. Antisemitism thrives when the non-Jewish community allows it to. When the non-Jewish community steps up and says no, antisemitism and Jew hatred decrease. I have spent countless hours talking with non-Jewish friends about what’s going on in Israel, Gaza, Lebanon, Syria, as well as in Orlando, Florida, the U.S. and around the world. Helping them to understand. Perhaps if that Orlando Sentinel columnist had strong Jewish relationships, he would have asked for input before writing and publishing that column. We cannot sit idly by and let others tell our story. We must reach out to potential allies and engage with them. We must thank and engage with those who are our allies and are actively speaking out against Jew hatred.
It’s the only way to survive.
Douglas Murray, Adam Bellos, and me after Douglas spoke in Miami.
The wildfires in California are devastating. People are losing their homes and their valuables. Some are losing their lives. I live in Florida, far from California. There is no threat of those fires expanding to my community, yet I truly understand what that loss feels like.
In 2013, my family and I were preparing to move from Gainesville, FL to Seattle, WA as I had been recruited and hired to be the new President and CEO of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. It was a big move with lots of nerves, fear, and concern for all of us. We were literally moving completely across the country. My wife and kids had never not lived close to family and now we were moving nearly 3,000 miles away.
This was a big new job in a new community for me. Alison, my wife, had one friend who lived there and my kids knew nobody. It was exciting and scary at the same time. We packed up our house, the movers took our belongings away, and we moved into my in-laws house for a few days. I was leaving a few days before my family to get things set up, move into our rental home, pick up our dog at the airport and then get the family a few days later. Everything was set up for this big change in our lives.
As I prepared to head to the airport in a rental car (our cars had been shipped already), my phone rang. It was the moving company. They told me that there had been a fire in our moving truck and it was a complete loss. Everything we owned that was on that truck was lost. My face dropped. I didn’t know what to do. For a minute I thought I was being pranked, I hoped and prayed I was being pranked, but I wasn’t. I told Alison and she was stunned. How do you comprehend losing all your belongings like that. Your memories. Your photos as a child, with your grandparents, your children as babies, your ketubah (marriage certificate) and so much more.
I headed to the airport in shock, talking to Alison on the phone the entire time. I called Delta, told them what happened, and they changed my flight to a day later. I called my new board chair and shared the news with her. She was shocked. Using humor to deflect my feelings, I said to her, “Well, at least we don’t have to unpack.”
When I got back to my in-laws house, we spoke to the moving company again and they said we could come to the facility in Jacksonville where the truck was and salvage anything that we wanted. Still in shock, Alison and I drove to Jacksonville, depressed at what we were going to see.
When we arrived, they told us what happened. The truck hadn’t left the yard yet. There was an issue with the truck that needed to be fixed before they could send it to Seattle. The way to fix it involved using a blowtorch. Their standard operating procedure is to removed everything from the truck, then use the blowtorch to fix it, and then reload the truck. The person who was fixing it decided he didn’t want to do that and just tried to fix it with all our belonging still on the truck. Something caught fire, the truck went up in flames, they rushed to put it out, but the fire, smoke, and water ruined our belongings. Later, I reached out to a few attornies about a lawsuit since they didn’t follow their procedures and I learned that they are only liable for the loss. Not for anything else. I learned that sentimental things have no value other than replacement of them. Things that were handed down from my grandfathers would be worth pennies because they were old things that could easily replaced. A lesson learned.
We were both fuming as we walked to the area where the truck and our belongings were. You could smell the smoke well before we got there. The sight was devastating. Boxes were charred and wet. Furniture burned. We slowly approached the area, tears in our eyes, and began to go through the boxes.
Then something amazing happened. We opened a wet and charred box and found our ketubah in it, in perfect condition. We opened another wet and charred box and found our wedding album along with other picture albums from our childhoods. We found our children’s professional pictures when they were 4 and 2 perfectly safe. We looked around as our furniture, clothes, and everything that could be replaced with money was damaged and lost and realized that things that really mattered to us were not. The collage from our wedding reception was fine. My autographed sports memorabilia that I got personally, signed to me, was fine. The things my grandfather and Alison’s grandfather did special for us, were fine. My grandfather had the newspapers from the 4 days leading up to Nixon’s resignation and the day that FDR died. They mean the world to me because they connect me to him, long after he died. They were all fine. Our hearts warmed quickly and were filled with gratitude. Yes, we lost all our material possessions and would have to get everything new. Yet the things that truly mattered to us, the things that were irreplaceable, were saved.
This was my proof that God exists. There was no reason for these things to be saved. They weren’t in a part of the truck that wasn’t burned. Our ketubah and Alison’s bridal portrait were in boxes that were behind the couch that burned up. The things that mattered the most were mixed with everything that was a complete loss. There was no reason for them to be saved and in great condition other than God.
As we see what is happening in Calfornia with the fire and loss of homes, I think back to when we lost everything we owned. When people reached out, wanting to donate money to help us, we declined. Why did we decline? We had insurance on our items and they could be replaced. We thought we had enough insurance but eventually learned that replacing EVERYTHING you own is much more expensive than you think. We told people that most importantly, nobody was hurt. We still had a place to live and material things are not important compared to being healthy.
I feel for the people who have lost their homes and their possessions. I have been there with the possessions and was grateful it was just possessions and not my house. I was lucky that the things that couldn’t be replaced were saved. The people in California don’t have that luck. Houses and possessions can be replaced. It will be an inconvenience. It will be frustrating. It’s not something anybody would want to go through. For those who lost their lives, they can’t be replaced. For those who lost their material possessions, all that can, and will, be replaced.
After losing our material possessions in 2013, I found myself grateful. Grateful that we were safe and it was just things. Grateful we had insurance, which covered about 85% of the cost of replacing everything. I was incredibly grateful that the things that couldn’t be replaced were saved. It reminded me of my priorities. It reminded me that material things are just that – things. We may like them and enjoy them, but they are just things. There are many things far more important.
I hope that those going through this awful time of loss, of devastation, and in a time when they are in shock, the same way I was in shock after hearing the news, come to the same realization. Their homes will be rebuilt. They will buy new clothes and new furniture. They can buy new art for the walls, new rugs for the floors, new towels and sheets, and appliances. There are many things that are irreplaceable. Possessions are not among them.
I found great comfort in this realization. I hope those dealing with it in California find the same comfort. Having lost all my possessions in 2013, I know what is really important. I would gladly go through it all over again to ensure my health and the health of my loved ones. Possessions are temporary and unimportant. Our lives and the lives of our loved ones are what matters. Health and happiness. Let the pain those in California are going through be a lesson to us all about what really matters in life. I know it’s a reminder for me.
Me walking through the fire damage of our belongingsInside the moving van where the fire occurred.
We recently finished with both Christmas and Hanukkah. Both have something in common that we often don’t think about. Light. Christmas lights and lights on the Christmas Tree. The light of the menorah/hanukkiah. Two holidays connected by light.
As we reflect on the year that just passed and think of the year ahead, one think I hope we all consider is light. Helping the world to have more light. Being the light in the world. Bringing the light of joy and happiness, the light of kindness.
It doesn’t take much be the light. I do it regularly with little things like holding the door for the person behind me. It’s a simple thing to do and almost always gets a ‘Thank You’ in response along with a smile. There are so many things we can do, like holding the door, to be the light. Here are a few thoughts and examples.
Help people in the grocery store. Often times people can’t reach what they are trying to get. Offer to help them get it. You may see them looking for an item. Ask what they are looking for and help them find it. Let the person with 3 or 4 items go in front of you in the checkout line. It adds a few seconds to your checkout time and will make their day. It’s likely they will tell everybody about that person with the full cart who let them go in front of them.
When you are talking to people, whether they are service people helping you or people you know, when you finish the conversation, add the words, “have a nice rest of your day.” These six words will put a smile on their face. They aren’t necessary but they do make a difference. It is a small gesture that will often get a smile in return and them wish you a nice rest of the day too. If it’s at night, you can say, “have a great evening” or something like that. It’s being thoughtful in a world that doesn’t have enough of that.
When you are driving and somebody needs to get over, let them get over! Odds are, it’s only going to add a few seconds to your drive and you just made their life a little less stressful. They may give you the ‘wave’ to say thank you and they may not. But I’m sure they will say something to the person in the car with them about it. It adds a little brightness to their day.
Randomly text a friend to say hi and you were thinking about them. It’s easy to do this with a few friends every day. It doesn’t take much time and even if you get into a text conversation with them, it still doesn’t take much time. If you really want to make a difference, actually call them to say hi. Let them know you were thinking about them and just wanted to call to say hello. No other agenda, just to say hello. It makes their day and brings joy to them and to you.
If you see a parent struggling with a child, go over and engage them and offer to help. Sometime just waving at a young child or smiling and making silly faces gets them to stop what they are doing and brings relief to the parent. Often times they don’t really need any help, but just the offer makes them feel better. The same is true if you are traveling and see a parent with children and luggage. Offer to help with the luggage. You will have made their day a little easier whether they accept your help or not.
When I am on an airplane, I always look to see who is struggling with getting their bag into the overhead bin. When I see it, I offer to help. The same is true when we land. I’ll help unload the entire overhead bin on my side and the one opposite me. Sometimes I’ll reach to the one ahead or behind me to get somebody’s bag out for them. It is a small gesture that has big impact.
When people ask for help, be there for them. I have a number of friends who have been or currently are in the job market. I go out of my way to look for things that might be a good fit for them. I share the opportunities with them. Sometimes I know the recruiter for the position, the CEO, or the hiring manager. In those cases, I always offer to reach out to them directly. Most of these opportunities do not pan out. When they do, it’s a big celebration and both my friend and I feel great. When I know the recruiter, CEO, or hiring manager, all three of us feel great. The people looking for the jobs know they are not alone. They have somebody in their corner, somebody who has their back. It is far too easy to be alone in the world today. A little kindness, a little friendship, a little reaching out and going out of your way to help others makes a tremendous difference.
Speaking of helping others,one of the easy ways to be the light is to thank people. If you see somebody in the military or law enforcement or a first responder, thank them for their service. I recently had some medical procedures and I made sure the thank my nurses repeatedly. I know there is a form to fill out when they do a great job so they get recognized and I made sure to ask for that form and filled it out for my nurses. Today when I picked up my rental car, I was hoping to get upgraded to a much bigger car because I need to take 6 people with me. Having a car that size would save hundreds of dollars in Uber fees to and from the Orange Bowl. The man at the counter didn’t have to upgrade me. But he did. And when we realized the car he upgraded me to only fit 5, he remembered somebody cancelled on a much bigger SUV that seats 7 and he upgraded me to that. I made sure to thank him. To let him know how much he helped me. People appreciate when you recognize them. People appreciate when you thank them. It brings a little light ot their day. It helps us continue to make the world a better place.
When people you know are going through a challenging time, reach out to let them know you care. A friend of mine recently went through some job challenges. He was very down and I understood what he was going through. I made sure to reach out, to check in, to let him know he wasn’t alone. I checked in on him a few weeks later, to make sure he was ‘hanging in there’. When I checked in last week he shared exciting news and the challenges were gone. I didn’t need anything for that. I didn’t do it to be recognized or thanked. I did it because I want to be a good friend, a good human being, and I appreciated it when people reached to me during my challenges over the past 3 years. I want to ‘pay it forward’ as people say by being there for others.
We live in a world filled with darkness. We don’t have to live in that darkness. We can choose to be the light. We can choose to make sure the darkness doesn’t overwhelm us and the people around us. It doesn’t take much. I listed a bunch of little things that can change somebody’s day. Things that change somebody’s attitude. That small thing that you do is like the small pebble in the lake – the rings keep going and going and going. The impact expands well beyond where the pebble enters the lake or where your interaction happened.
On the 8th night of Hanukkah, my Facebook feed was filled with pictures on menorahs fully lit, shining brightly, exhibiting Jewish pride. Enjoy the pictures. I hope the light inspires you as it did me. I hope it reminds you that you can be the light that changes the world. That brightens the lives of those around you, whether you know them or not. This is how we make the world the place we want to live. Be the light.
As we begin 2025, I have found myself much more reflective than normal. For me, the end of a year is usually more future focused than reflective. I tend to look at what the upcoming year may bring and the opportunities that lie ahead rather than looking back at what happened and can’t be changed. I am not sure what is different this year but it definitely is different.
The past four years have been filled with incredible challenges and learning experiences. From dealing with the challenges and stress of Covid, especially when I was running an organization with almost 150 employees depending on me, to health challenges that at one point indicated potential major surgery, life was challenging. 2022 is the year that my dad died, a truly transformative event in my life. We were very close and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and miss him. I had a major career change and recently had another health scare that thankfully turned out to not be anything serious. I’ve had friends die and seeing people my age or slightly older die has shown me the reality that there is far more time behind me than ahead of me. My oldest son has begun his career and no longer lives close by. My youngest son is graduating college in May. As I prepare for 2025, it is clear that all these things have made me more reflective than ever before.
As we approach the start of 2025, I find myself thinking about what really matters to me. What is it that I really want? What is it that I really value? Who do I want in my life? How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to invest my most precious commodity, my time, with? I recently found old picture albums and boxes with pictures in them. As I look back at my college pictures, it doesn’t seem that long ago, yet it also seems forever ago. My 40th High School reunion is in 2025 and as I look at those pictures, it feels like yesterday while also feeling like it was lived by a different person. Perhaps it’s that stage of life, approaching 60, my youngest graduating college, watching nieces and nephews get married and have children, that is causing this.
It is actually a wonderful place to be. Challenging for sure, but also wonderful.
What does matter to me? Over the past few years I have clarified things and been much more focused. Here is my list as we start 2025.
Health. Without health we have nothing. I remember hearing this from my grandparents as a child and not appreciating it. Over the past few years, I have had some health challenges and understand it. My father had health challenges and then died in 2022. I recently had a friend die of a heart attack while he slept. I’ve seen far too many people my age or close to my age struggle with health issues and many pass away. Health matters. That means taking care of myself in ways I never would have before. It means being grateful for every day I wake up and am not struggling with a health issue. It’s being grateful for the health of my family and my friends. At the end of the day, health matters the most because no matter what else I have, if I don’t have my health, I really have nothing.
Family. I grew up being taught about the importance of family. Not just immediate family, but family by blood and by choice. In my family, I have brothers and sisters, both by blood (one of each) and by choice (2 of each). I have cousins that I am close with that are not your typical first cousins. I have aunts and uncles that are defined that way by the dictionary and those that are defined that way by their actions. I recently was talking to my aunt and uncle (who technically would be cousins) and I said to them point blank, “You are my aunt and uncle. You always have been and always will be.”. Family matters. Family shows up. Family is so much more than just blood. I got a note from my ‘brother’ on New Year’s Eve that touched my heart deeply. He talked about how our friendship that began more than 35 years ago has changed his life. I told him it changed mine as well. He has been, and always will be, my brother. His mom was my mom. His aunt and uncle were my aunt and uncle. My parents were his parents. I’m known as ‘Uncle K’ to his kids. He is Uncle Aric to mine. You can replace most things in life but you can’t replace family.
Basic needs. I grew up in the 70s and 80s. Gordon Gecko and ‘Greed is Good’. Yuppies and the desire for material things. Madonna and ‘Material Girl’. More was always better. In my life today, more is not better. I find myself wanting less. I want to make sure I have clothes, shelter, and food. While I have a nice car, it’s not something that I ‘need’ and look forwad to when I get a different one and getting one that is a ‘step down’. I find that material things are not what drives me nor do I find myself ‘wanting’ many things. I’d rather get a call and a happy birthday wish than a gift. For Hanukkah this year, being together as a family and lighting candles together was so much more than any material gift. I am actively in the process of moving from ‘wanting less’ to ‘having less’, not because of economics but because things don’t mean much any longer. As I was cleaning out my garage last weekend, I came across some old photo albums. The memories in those pictures meant more to me than any material item. My focus is on my basic needs and the rest isn’t necessary. It no longer adds much value to my life.
Values. This may seem like a strange thing to list here but it is actually one of the most important to me. Who I am, what I stand for matters. The type of person that I am, matters to me. I don’t have to be right all the time. I don’t have to ‘win’ all the time. I appreciate those who help me and I want to do what I can to help others. Not because I will ‘get’ anything from it, other than feeling good because I am doing good. It helps me understand the Jewish value of “Tikkun Olam” in a different way. By being a better person, by having and living my values, by treating people with dignity and respect, by helping others without expectation of anything in return, I get so much. I recently had a friend who has been struggling to find full time employment. We would talk over texts as she shared her frustration with the job market. I kept my eyes open for her and found a variety of opportunities for her to consider. I was there to help and support her. Eventually, I found one that worked out for her – she got a job doing what she loves, in an environment that is positive, and that pays her a salary that she feels is appropriate for her skill level and talent. The fact that she is working for another friend of mine only makes it better, as they both win. What did I get out of it? Nothing material – just feeling good that I was able to help two friends. Values and integrity are everything. They mean far more to me than a paycheck or any material good. I feel good about who I am every day when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. That is truly priceless.
Time. This has become more important as I have gotten older. We have no control over the time we have on this earth. My cousin, who was my age and like a brother to me, died unexpectedly in 1995. His brother, who I sort of adopted as my little brother, died in 2015. My father died in 2022. My fraternity big brother died in 2013. One of my close friends and I have begun to keep track of our fraternity brothers who have died young. When our time is up, our time is up. It’s what we do with our time that matters. For many years, building my career was a top priority. It meant sacrificing time with my family, with my children, with my parents, because of the demands required to be successful. Many people behave this way. I made the decision that I no longer want that. I don’t want my time defined by work. Just this past year, I went to watch my older son coach college football games three times. I took a crazy day trip to California with my younger son to see the Giants and A’s each play home games before taking the redeye home. I took Brightline with my younger son and his girlfriend to Miami to see the Marlins play and get our SpongeBob Squarepants Marlins jerseys. My wife and I went to Red Rocks to see Carlos Santana in concert. We go to the theater for Broadway shows, we travel to watch the UFC fights, spending money to get good seats and have a memorable experience. I spend a good amount of time in Israel in 2024 with trips in May, July, and September. I meet my mom in Lakeland, halfway between us, for lunch or dinner. Time is a commodity. How we choose to use it is up to us. I spent enough time devoted to my career. While I still spend plenty of time working and on my career, I value family and time spent in meaningful ways much more than extra money, a bigger professional role, or a big title. My priorities have shifted.
Friends. Throughout my career and my life, I have made a lot of friends. What I have learned is that many people who we call friends are merely acquaintences. They are people who are there in the good times, who are there when you can give them something, and are there when it benefits them. Real friends show up during the difficult times. Real friends show up when it is inconvenient for them but you need them. Real friends don’t care what others think. Over the past few years, I have had the opportunity to learn who my real friends are. I have seen people that I thought were friends simply not show up. Not reach out. I have seen people show up and show that they are real friends who I didn’t expect would show up. I do things differently now. I make sure to check in with my friends, not matter where they live. I do it not because of what they can do for me but because I value them in my life. A few months ago, I started having lunch with a group of guys on Friday. They are all 80+ so I bring the demographic down signficantly. I love these lunches. I enjoy the company, the conversation, the things I learn from them. While some of them I have known for years, others are new friends. I do my best not to miss those lunches because I value their company. I learn from them. I can honestly say that if any of them needed something, I would be there for them. I reach out to friends that I know are struggling with things in life, just to be a voice telling them that I’m here and I care. I have learned how important active friendship is and make sure to be an active friend.
Spirituality. While I would not call myself a very religious person, I am a very spiritual person. I pray and meditate every morning and have for over 30 years. I like learning with a Rabbi (I have two that I do it with) because it helps me connect with God in different ways and helps me be a better human being. I enjoy rituals like putting on tefillin, singing Acheinu every day until the hostages are released, lighting the menorah, eating apples and honey, and cooking for holiday meals as if 40 people are showing up even when it’s just 4-6. These are things than bring me joy. My connection to God brings me joy. My Jewish identity brings me joy. These things actually make my life both simpler and fuller. I have found that nothing in life happens by accident. There is a divine force behind it all – I may not see or appreciate it for a while, but it is there. I am who I am today because of my life experiences. The ones that I loved and the ones that I would not have chosen. I know that God always takes care of me in the long run, even if the short run is uncomfortable and not what I would have chosen on my own. It is why I say thank you every morning for whatever the day may bring me. If it was up to me, I would always choose the easier option. This would inhibit my growth as a human being. This would limit me. Instead, I get the gift of opportunity to grow and experience life. I’ll take that every time. I love my spirituality and spiritual connection. It brings me great joy and meaning. It is a path I encourage everybody to follow, wherever it may take them. Each of our paths are different and I hope you follow yours. I’m going to keep following mine.
One of my favorite books by my spiritual advisor for the past 27 years
Speaking of friends, one of mine recently turned 24 (as you can tell, I have friends in their 20s and in their 80s, I’m an equal opportunity friend when it comes to age). For her 24th birthday, she listed 24 life lessons she has learned. It is an impressive list and one I look at very differently now than I would have at 24. It’s amazing how life experiences change the way we see the same exact things. Here is her list:
1. Life means nothing without the people you love around you 2. Chase your dreams everyday – life is not to be lived waiting around 3. Purpose mixed with passion will take you places in life 4. It’s okay to f*** up – we all do – that’s how you learn 5. Not everything is for everyone, and that’s okay 6. Workout before making a big or impulsive decision – you will always have a different perspective after 7. If you don’t ask, you’ll never get 8. Be comfortable being uncomfortable – that’s where growth happens 9. Everyone has their own way of doing things, there is no 1 way to do it, find your way to make it work 10. Learn something from everyone you speak too – advice is not always meant to tell you what to do, sometimes it’s to show you what not to do 11. Two things can be true at the same time…. 12. Happiness comes from doing things that you joy 13. Dare to be wrong in life, it’s always a lesson and a good story 14. If something won’t matter in 5 hours, 5 days or even 5 years – everything will be alright 15. You create memories everyday, make them memories with people you love 16. Being comfortable with yourself is the biggest gift you can give yourself 17. Ask questions always – don’t be afraid to feel stupid 18. People want to be around people doing good things for this world and making a difference 19. Life is not about you – it’s about the people you touch 20. You never know how something may affect someone else, good or bad 21. Do the difficult thing. Say the hard thing… whats the worst that can happen? 22. You don’t owe anyone your time or energy – it’s precious, hold on to it tight 23. Growth is a process – be patient with yourself – it doesn’t happen over night 24. Appreciate the moment because you will look back at the ‘good ole times’ and miss being here
As we move into 2025, I encourage you to take a look at your life. Ask yourself what really matters to you. Then act on what matters to you. Society tells us all sorts of things are ‘supposed’ to matter. The reality is that the only things that matter are those you decide are important to you. Take ownership and take action. Nobody is responsible for your life and your choices other than you.
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