I arrived in Israel this time on Thursday September 12th. My flight was changed to leave 3 hours early so I arrived at 3:30 am. The airport was empty – a strange thing at any time. I got to my hotel by 5 am, they let me check in 10 hours early for a 280 shekel charge, and I was in business. A shower, a nap, and off to my first meeting of the trip. The first four days were a combination of meeting with potential clients, friends, and enjoying Israel and the beach. I got a lot accomplished and was able to really enjoy being in Israel.

I also began spending some time with Israelis without touring. Time talking about life. About the last year and how things had changed. Most of my trips to Israel involve an itinerary related to seeing locations. Jerusalem and the Old City. The Kotel. The Kotel tunnels. The City of David. Masada. The Dead Sea. The mystical city of Tzfat. Ammunition Hill. The strategic value of the Golan Heights and the importance of the Galilee for agriculture. Meaningful places that help me ask and answer questions about myself and what it means to be a part of a people that is over 3,000 years old. I could tell this trip would be different. This wasn’t going to be a trip about my own self exploration. This wasn’t about who I am, who I want to be and how to get there. This was going to be an experience focused on who Israel was. The impact of October 7th. Who Israel is currently. Who Israel might be in the future. From time spent with my friends Grace and Yocheved who live in Israel (both made Aliyah about 30 year apart) to my friends Margot and Tamar (Margot made aliyah over a decade ago while Tamar is a sabra) I could tell just how different the country is and the impact on them. It was going to be a different type of exploration.

I had Shabbat dinner with Margot, Tamar, and their family in Modi’in. I wrote about that previously. On the drive home, Tamar and I had a deep and meaningful conversation. Knowing her as a proud Israeli and her history it was painful to listen to her uncertainty about the country we both love. As a mom, she expressed the concern for her children. She expressed her concern for the impact on not just her and Margot as parents but on her friends who are parents. The challenges of her children being so young and yet seeing and hearing things that were not age-appropriate. Her 9 year old daughter asking questions that are meant for much older children but are now part of her reality. Hostages. Hate. Murder. Invastion. Loss of family. She shared a dream her daughter told her about where terrorists came to their house, killed everybody but her and took her into captivity as a hostage. No 9 year old should have this as part of their reality. As a parent, my heart broke.

Our talk took the entire drive. It was deep. She shared things she needed to but hadn’t had a safe space. Everybody in Israel is living this horror. It was the first glimpse for me into what Israelis are really going through. It hurt. Deeply. These are my people. My family. My mishpacha. The last 11 months have not only been horrific, each day makes it a little worse as there is more death. More rockets. More destruction. More hostages found or confirmed dead. More fear of it happening again. Does Israel stop to get as many hostages back and let the people heal, knowing full well that they will end up repeating this again in the future? Do we do whatever it takes to end it and worry about the human and emotional toll after? Theoretically it had been a challenge for me as I debated in my own head. Talking with Tamar showed me it isn’t theoretical. It’s real people struggling with real emotion and life. We got to my hotel and gave each other a big hug. It was the start of my head spinning journey that continues on the plane as I write this.

Saturday night I had dinner with a group of newer friends. All but one I met just a few days before. Most were Israelis who had made aliyah. Two were IDF soldiers, recalled from the reserves to fight in Gaza. As we talked over dinner, I could see the impact the war has had on them. These two Americans who moved to Israel to follow their zionist dream not only got their dream but also their nightmare. One had finished his reserve duty, the other was about to go back in for another round of reserve duty. The one who had finished his was preparing to return to America and then to travel. He needed to get out of israel and get away. He needed to wander and clear his head. It was obvious to me that the other one needed this as well but didn’t have that option as he was back in mellowim (reserves) and had to finish this round before he could even consider it. I tried to think what it must be like to make aliyah, live your dream, join the army and complete your service. Begin to start you life as an Israeli when all hell breaks lose. Your dream becomes a nightmare. In and out of reserves. In and out of Gaza. Seeing things nobody should see. I realized it was something I simply could never comprehend. I have called this Israel’s greatest generation. They have showed up in a way that was unexpected and unprecidented. They are paying the price for it. When this is finally over, how long will it take them to heal? How will their children be affected? For those that don’t have children, how long will it take for them to have children? Immediately? A few years? Many years? Never?

The diaspora Jews have showed up as well. Many have chosen to flock to Israel to volunteer. What other people run TOWARDS a war zone? This was my third trip since October 7th. I would have come more often except my family wouldn’t let me go until May 2024, 7 months after October 7th. I would have gone October 8th and they know it. My friend Mark had never been to Israel before October 7th. This was his 3rd trip since. He’ll be back in December. All to volunteer. All to make a difference. Masha was back to volunteer again and brought her sister Diana on her first trip to Israel. Leon was back to volunteer again and again. He took his break on Shabbat and then went right back to working hard in the fields. He’s a successful attorney who leaves his practice to do this. Masha has found a way to work remotely so she can do her job while in Israel. Mark takes time off from his career. The sacrifice is clear. It is inspiring. Yocheved left her job and got on a plane in October to be in Israel while her brother fought in Gaza. She helped start a volunteer organization, Sword of Iron, that now has nearly 40,000 people a part of it. She is 24 and has literally changed the world.

Is this a new definition of Judaism? Is a return to our Zionist roots, working the land, giving of ourselves, going to be the next advent in Judaism for those who are Jewish at heart but have not been Jewishly connected? There are many who are running far away from Israel, yet there are many who are literally running to Israel. I have alway believed that Israel is core to my identity as a human being and as a Jew. Is this going to be a new reality for many Jews? I have watched as Israel has changed the lives of so many people and the impact of October 7th has completely changed who they are. I know it has changed me. I know it has changed others. When we look back in 100 years will see this being a turning point? The rise of the greatest generation of Israelis since the founding of the state? The change in the diaspora in their relationship with Judaism?

Sunday night I met with one of my partners and a potential client. Hersh Polin Goldberg (z’l) was a key part of the conversation. There were things about him that I didn’t realize. Things that made his death that much more tragic. An even bigger loss, if that’s even possible. As I was talking business, his presence hovered over us along with all the hostages still in Gaza. It was an introduction to the trauma of the hostages on Israeli society that I was about to experience. After our meeting, we headed to Jaffa for a private talk by Avigdor Lieberman, a candidate for Prime Minister when the elections finally happen. While it was entirely in hebrew, one of my partners translated for me. Once again, it was eye opening to sit in the room and hear what he was saying. The questions were blunt and powerful. Pointed. He answered them all. Some with the answers that I expected and others in ways I did not expect. While I knew Israel wasn’t the same country since October 7th and felt it on my two prior visits, this was a different depth that I hadn’t experienced before. It continued building on the conversation Tamar and I had on the drive. The future of Israel is undetermined. Not the physical existance but the spiritual existance. The essence of what the country is going to stand for and what level of trust the people were going to have. It reminded me of Michael Oren saying that on October 7th the 2 convenants the government made with the people in 1948 were broken. The first is “Never Again”. Never again died on October 7th. The second is that the IDF will always be there to protect Israeli citizens. That myth also died on October 7th. An existential covenant broken. A country questioning who they are and what they stand for. The soul of the country on the table up for debate. If I thought that it would now be time to chew on this and come up with some bright, pithy statement, I was very wrong. It was just the start of what would overload me and keep my head spinning all week long.

Monday we went to Kiryat Gat, the temporary home to those who lived at Kibbutz Nir Oz on October 7th. Nir Oz was devastated on October 7th. We met with Gal Goren, a 22 year old boy, who lived at Nir Oz. On October 7th he was away from home on a retreat. His family was at home in Nir Oz. On that Sunday he learned that his parents were missing. Were they alive? Were they dead? Were they hostages? 18 days later, his father’s body was found in the fields. It took 18 days to find his father’s body while it was simply in the fields. In July 2024, 9 months after he last spoke to his mother and she was last seen, her body was recovered in Gaza. She had been wounded on October 7th severely and only survived a few hours yet it took 9 months to get her body returned and closure for her family. As we sat on the couch in Gal’s home, listening to him tell his story, looking at pictures of his parents in the room, I realized that his parents were probably close to my age. I later looked it up and they were both 56. Maya Goren (z’l) and Avner Goren (z’l) were simply parents of 4 children. They were living their lives, no differently than me living my life. Until terrorists showed up. They are gone. Their children have no parents alive. I could see the pain in Gal’s eyes. I could hear it in his voice. I can’t imagine what his younger sister is going through. His two older brothers are in the IDF, the organization that failed them. In Nir Oz, there was not a single IDF bullet fired. By the time the IDF got to Nir Oz, the terrorists were completely gone. It took them 8 1/2 hours to arrive. Hundreds of terrorists against five people with guns. Somehow the five people lasted over two hours before the last was killed.

How do you deal with an epic failure of intelligence and security? As a country that prides herself on safety and security, on the IDF being a badass army, how do you reconcile that it took them 8 1/2 hours to arrive. 117 of the 400 people on the kibbutz were murdered or kidnapped and taken hostage. It’s an incredibly indictment of the IDF yet it is the IDF that is required to keep Israel safe. Two of Gal’s brother are fighting for an organization that didn’t save their parents. Gal went back into the army to be an IDF educator. After having their parents murdered and the IDF not showing up for 8 1/2 hours to Kibbutz Nir Oz, Gal and his two brothers went back to the IDF to play their role. I can’t imagine what that must be like. Around every turn is the failure that resulted in the dealth of your parents and yet you double down, invest, and give of yourself to the army.

During the four days I spent with my client, we explored the experience of the evacuees deeply. Nir Oz. Kiryat Shemona. Kibbutz Reim. A school just for evacuee children in Kibbutz Ravid. More than 11 months after the attack, these communities remain evacuated and remain living in temporary places. Some in hotels. Some took over entire buildings. Some are scattered around and nobody is sure if the community will return. It is not just the number of internal evacuees due to the war who have been displaced. Those used to living on a Kibbutz with lots of land and freedom are now cramped into a hotel room or a small apartment. Their entire life has been turned upside down and for some there is no timetable for their return. I experienced a little of this on my last trip with the people of the town of Shlomi living in our hotel. It was shocking to see then. To see the meta perspective of so many communities still living like this was troubling to say the least.

The world pays attention to the people in Gaza, terrorized by Hamas, used as human shields by Hamas, refused by Egypt and without any pressur on Egypt from the United States to be me let into Sinai to live, where there would be no reason for military attacks. Yet the world is silent about the Israeli internal refugees, some who will no be able to move back to their home communities for many years. Some who will never move back to their home communities. The Jews remain the world’s pariah. In a world that frowns upon hatred and bigotry against any minority community, the only one that it remains acceptable and encouraged to hate are the Jews.

We heard from a lot of people about both what they experienced on October 7th and what they began to do on October 8th. Carmi told us about taking her 7 month old daughter into their safe room while her partner was up north celebrating his birthday that weekend. I can’t imagine being in a safe room for nearly 30 hours with a 7 month old and limited bottles, diapers, and entertainment, all while trying to shield them from the sounds of the rockets and the fear of terrorists entering your building and attacking you. I can’t imagine the horror of knowing your family was at risk and getting no update, and then when you get the update it is that they have been taken captive by Hamas and are hostages in Gaza. Zohar told us about his sister-in-law and niece, taken into Gaza where they spent 50 days as hostages. The fears of his brother and himself. The non-stop fight to get not only them returned but all the hostages returned. As we spent time at the Hostage Family Forum, hearing Zohar’s story, it was painful. Hearing his anger at the government was powerful and understandable. He summed up my thoughts on our leadership, which I have written extensively about, when he said, “We don’t have leaders. We just have government.”

As we walked through the Hostage Family Forum building, I felt the sadness. I felt the depression and anxiety. The effort to do anyting to make a difference. To push the government to get them home. To actually lead. Somebody has referenced this building as the saddest place in Israel and I believe that to be true. The posters of hostages on the wall where their age was crossed out and updated by a year. In a few weeks, they will all have celebrated a birthday in captivity.

There are Americans who are still hostages yet our government remains largely silent. There is no pressure on Hamas, Qatar, or Iran to have them released. If America won’t force the return of our hostages, who is going to put the pressure on diplomatically? The only choices are surrender to the wishes of Hamas or military action. Neither are good options. So we sit. They protest. I write. They cry. The hostages get a day older and a day closer to death. Shame on us. We like to think we are better than that yet the proof is there that we are not.

We went to hostage square. I was there in May and the sadness envelopes you. The mock tunnel is powerful. Walking through it is depressing and I always think of what I was told in May that released hostages said after going through the mock tunnel, “I only wish they were that big.” I bought some Israeli flags with the yellow ribbon through them. I have my ‘NOW’ hat. While up to now I have struggled with what happened on October 7th and how that has changed me, now I find myself thinking about what happened AFTER October 7th and that is changing me. We must do better. We must get leaders not government. It is up to us to BE THE CHANGE. I look at people who were seen as changemakers, people who spoke up and spoke out about other causes and how today they ignore what happened on October 7th and ignore Hamas and Iran. How they simply engage in Jew hatred. Greta Thornburg has become a racist and bigot, spewing Jew hatred. What a shame. Leaders of the UN show they are merely power hungry Jew haters with their statements and the resolutions. Is this the world we want to live in? Is this the behavior we want to encourage? It never ends with the Jews. We are merely the first. Are you ready to be the second? The third? Because you will be.

October 7th didn’t just affect the Jews. On this trip we spent time in the arab village of Ein Mahil. My client works with all Israelis. Jews. Arabs. Druze. Christians. It’s about people and children. They work with the children of Majdal Shams, the Druze village where Hezbollah murdered 12 children playing soccer by bombing them while they played. Hundreds were wounded. I wanted to go visit but it was deemed not safe. It made me sad. Tzfat was not safe to go visit. Most of the north is not safe. We went to Akko, we went to towns around the Kinneret (Sea of Galilee) but we could not see anything further north. There were two mornings where rockets were fired in our general vicinity. We did not get alerts but they did 10-15 minutes away. I made sure to text my family that everything was ok, not wanting to alarm them but also not wanting them to worry.

Ein Mahil was a great place to visit. The youth center there is part of the Israeli Zionist youth movement, HaNoar HaOved (NOAL), that I am working with. Yes, you read that correctly. The arab village, just like the Druze village of Majdal Shams, are places where there are Israeli Zionist youth groups where arab and druze children are members. There are 55 arab villages that have this youth group. You read that correctly. 55 ARAB VILLAGES HAVE A ZIONIST YOUTH GROUP THAT ARAB CHILDREN PARTICIPATE WITH AND LOVE. More than 20,000 Arab children are participants in this Zionist youth group. We got to hear from leaders of the Ein Mahil branch. They grew up in the movement. They are Israeli, Arab, and not only participated in a Zionist youth movement but are now leaders of a Zionist youth movement in their Arab Village!! Abu Hani, the Mayor of Ein Mahil came to speak with us. His daughters were in the Zionist Youth movement. Yes, he is also Arab. The children were having so much fun. I enjoyed getting to walk around and talk with them. By talking I mean mostly hand motions as they spoke Arabic and I don’t. I’ll never forget this one little girl, Yasmina. When I saw her name on her project and called her by name, the smile on her face was precious. When we went to take the picture, I made sure that this shy little girl joined us. She smiled when I called her by name and waved her over. Who says you can’t communicate with kindess and love instead of words.

Gazel, the head of the branch, spoke to us. She only spoke Arabic so it was translated. Lina, who learned English from watching Friends and How I Met Your Mother on TV spoke with us. Yousef, who was an early participant in the movement in 1995 (the movement began in Ein Mahil in 1989!) spoke to us. Shadi, another leader in the movement, told us about how he began in 4th grade and now his children participate. Shadi told us what October 7th was for him. It was something I never considered. How did October 7th impact Israeli Arabs? He was out with his son, getting haircuts. After hearing what happened, they got in the car and raced home. He said he drove like a maniac. He didn’t know who was going to want to kill him. Would it be Hamas because he was an Israeli Arab? Would it be Arabs who think he is a traitor because he was in an Zionist youth group and now is a leader of the movement for Arab children? Would it be Jews who see him as an Arab and think he is a terrorist? I can’t imagine the fear he and others faced, thinking every person they encounter could be an enemy and wanting them dead, all because they live in Israel, are Israeli citizens, and get along with Jews. Shadi told us his Jewish friends from other villages were calling to check on him. They understood what was happening to Israeli Arabs. Calls that Israel is an apartheid state simply miss the facts. Every one of those people needs to visit Ein Mahil. Majdal Shams. Or any of the 55 Arab villages with a Zionist youth group thriving. The 12 Druze Villages (almost all of the Druze Villages) that have a Zionist youth group thriving.

The effects of October 7th and more importantly, the effects of what has happened since October 7th, will not only change Israel forever, it is changing our world. I felt the impact of hate like I never have before. October 7th was an explosion of hatred that was overwhelming. What has happened in the 11+ months since then is an ongoing hatred, ongoing pain and suffering, ongoing bigotry and racism. Ongoing terror. For many of us, today is not September 20, 2024. It is still October 7, 2023. Until the hostages are returned, until Hamas, Hezbollah, and Iran are defeated, until the refugees from the north and south of Israel can return to their homes and rebuild, and until the people of Gaza can live safely, in peace, with their neighbor Israel, it will always be October 7th. As Zohar so powerfully stated, we need leaders, not government. Where will they come from? How do we get there?

There is much more from this trip to process. More I will write about. For now, I have added the pain of everything after October 7th to the pain of what happened on October 7th.

Today is my younger son Matthew’s 22nd birthday. I get home in time to celebrate it. While I treasure the time celebrating his birthday with him, I will be thinking of Gal, who because of hatred, because of bigotry, because of Hamas and Iran, didn’t get to celebrate his 22nd birthday with his parents and will never get to celebrate another of his birthday’s with his parents. Gratitude for what I get and sadness for what he lost.

Am Yisrael Chai.