The events of October 7th have been widely circulated and publicized. Most people know what happened and even thought there are deniers, they are largely discredited. As sombody who sat in front of the TV all day on October 7th while sending WhatsApp messages to my Israeli friends and family to check on them, I have been more aware than most. In addition, I put together a viewing of the 47-minute Hamas video and I saw the Nova music festival documentary and heard a survivor speak afterwards. I have friends in the IDF reserves who gave me updates.

I thought I was prepared when we went to Hostage Square and heard from the fathers of two hostages earlier in the week. I wasn’t. Hostage Square was overwhelming and I want to go back and just sit there for hours with the family members to show support. Hearing the pleas of the fathers of two hostages was beyond painful. I’ve mainly processed the experience and while the hostages will be in my heart and mind until they are released, I figured out a way to cope with the experience.

Today, we went to the Gaza envelope. This was something I have looked forward to being able to do since October 7th. To volunteer with agriculture because the Kibbutzim and Moshavim are short workers. To visit Kfar Aza or Be’eri, the Kibbutzim that were brutally attacked. To be at the Nova music festival site and pay tribute to those murdered by Hamas terrorists while they were enjoying live music and their friends. It felt noble. It felt important. And it was.

Working on the lemon fields was rewarding. It wasn’t fun work. It wasn’t hard work. It was necessary work. We started by seeing the office area, using the bathroom, and getting a feel for where we were. We were about 2 miles from Gaza. They had a collection of rockets fired from Gaza in the front as well as some remnants from the Iron Dome rockets that shot them down. I got a chance to hold one of the Iron Dome rockets which was much lighter than I expected.

We then spent about an hour and a half cleaning the trees, cutting away excess branches that made it harder for them to properly water and nourish the trees. The lemons were big and delicious and I cut one up to squeeze into my water bottle. As we worked the fields, we found parts of rockets and Iron Dome rockets lying around. They couldn’t be bothered with cleaning up the smaller fragments from the grove.

Our guide from the kibbutz shared the challenges with having lost their workers from Thailand and all the workers that came daily from Gaza. The King of Thailand won’t allow them to come back to Israel but he was able to get some Thai workers back by having them go to Cypress and then pick them up there. They also added some workers from India but are still woefully short of labor. When we asked him if the Kibbutz lost any members on October 7th, his response was a bit surprising. “Yes, only 4”. I had to double and triple check that he understood I meant were any of them murdered by Hamas terrorists, not if they decided to leave the Kibbutz. He understood clearly as he told me they had 3 women and 1 man murdered. He said they got lucky. Some people climbed out of the window and ran to other houses, allowing the people coming from Gaza to just rob their homes. Others opened the door and told them to go away and they did. Nobody is sure why they got so lucky (as if having four people in your community murdered is lucky) but they were.

I think the most impactful think that he said to us was that they were planting because it gives them roots. They aren’t going anywhere. They aren’t leaving the land. They aren’t moving and they aren’t afraid. This is their home. It was a powerful statement and I thought to myself, “F them! I’ll move here. I’ll live here to show Hamas and others that we as Jews aren’t going anywhere!” Since my wife has already said I have the softest hands of anybody she knows, that feeling was really good for about 30 minutes and then reality set it. I’m not moving to be a farmer in the south of Israel. But it should did feel good for a while. Israel is our historic home and after 2,000 years, we aren’t giving it up and aren’t leaving.

On the way to Kfar Aza, one of the men on our bus asked if we could stop at the bus shelter near the Nova site to pay tribute to two of his friends who were murdered that day. As it turns out, one of the people was the uncle of the woman I heard speak in Orlando after the showing of the Nova documentary. Lee survived the massacre. Her story was brutal and gunwrenching. She had described the shelter she hid and and where she watched her uncle and others die. To see it in person and pay my respects both to her uncle and the others who perished but also to honor her survival, I wanted to get out and see it as well.

I have been inside bomb shelters on prior visits to explore them. I knew what the size was like, the dark and dinginess. The feeling of being trapped even as the only one in there. For some reason I didn’t apply that when Lee told her story. As I stepped into the bunker, it all camp flowing back. I thought about 25 or more people cramped in this tiny space. I thought about being trapped with no way out as terrorists reached their guns around the corner and began firing randomly, guaranteeing to hit people based on both the small area and the concrete walls. I thought about what would happen each time a grenade was thrown into that small space by the terrorists. I thought about Lee, hiding underneath dead bodies to protect herself from the bullets and the grenades, using the dead bodies as shields from the explosions of the grenades. It became overwhelming and I quickly left.

On the entrance and interior of the shelter there are plaques to commemorate the 12 who were murdered in this shelter. There were stickers to commemorate and remember each individual who was murdered here. It was a powerful thing to see. I’ll never forget Lee Sasi’s story nor will I forget seeing As we headed to Kfar Aza, I had no idea that this wasn’t even close to what I would experience.

Earlier I said I thought I was prepared for Hostage Square and wasn’t. I also thought I was prepared for our visit to Kfar Aza. I have a friend who is from Kfar Aza and I knew it was beautiful before October 7. When we pulled up, it looked like many other kibbutzim that I have been to. Beautiful trees, grass, and warm, welcoming feel.

For those of you that don’t know, Kfar Aza is located in what is known as “The Gaza Envelope”. It is 1 mile west of Gaza and the city of Jabalyia. You can easily see Jabalyia from Kfar Aza. The people of Kfar Aza were peaceniks. They believed in peace and lived in peace. They had Gazans coming to work at the kibbutz and eat there as well. They’d sit as friends. On October 7, 2023, Hamas terrorists broke through the gate of the kibbutz, massacring the people in the kibbutz. 62 people were murdered with another 19 people taken hostage. Four of those people remain hostages today.

As I said earlier, I thought I was prepared for Kfar Aza. I thought I understood what happened there. After all, I had watched tv all day on October 7th, talked to friends of mine who live in Israel and serve in the IDF, talked with friends who live in the south, close to Gaza. I saw the 47-minute Hamas video. I watched the Nova documentary and heard a survivor speak afterwards. I talk with my friend who is a reserve commander in Gaza and one that is a reserve commander in the north. I’m very plugged in and get real information. And yet, I wasn’t close to being prepared for what I saw.

As we began to tour the area of the Kibbutz where the Hamas terrorists attacked, I was sad with what I initially saw. It was what I expected. Houses with their roof torn off.

Then we moved deeper into the Kibbutz and our guide from the IDF started telling stories. Watch her tell the stories. They are powerful and painful. It is something I will never forget.

This was powerful. It was hard to hear. Hard to look at the house and know the story that went with it. Yet we were only beginning.

She walked a little bit, stopped at another house, and told us another story. I’m sure she has told these stories many times. It was clear to me that no matter how many times she tells the story of the people murdered in each house, it causes her great pain. My anger continued to grow. I could feel the rage growing in my body. We moved on to another home and another story.

By this time I was boiling over with rage. I began thinking about those who deny this happened. I was thinking about those who say and believe that these people deserved it. I was furious with those who say it is all Israel’s fault and Hamas was right to massacre the Jews. I began hearing bombs dropping in Jabalya and something strange happened that I didn’t really like and continue to struggle with. Instead of feeling fear, I felt relief. Each time I heard a bomb explode just a mile away from me, it made me feel better. I’m not proud to say this and I don’t want any innocent people to be harmed. Yet what Hamas and those Gazans who followed them and looted and raped did was so horrific, bombs became the salve for my soul. Part of me feels terrible for this. Part of me is glad that something soothed my soul. It’s incredibly conflicting and I don’t think I will come to any resolution for a long time. We began walking to the next home.

The next area of homes were the youth village. At Kfar Aza, when you turn 18, you move out of your parents home and into your own apartment in this part of the Kibbutz. She told us that this was filled with life. Music and dancing. Karaoke. Barbeques. Fun. It was the heart of the Kibbutz. This was the part that was hit the hardest by Hamas. As we walked down the street, we saw pictures of those murdered and kidnapped.

There were so many, I only took a few pictures. We reached an intersection and turned towards the gate that Hamas breached to enter the Kibbutz. You can see from the picture, Jabalya is just behind the Kibbutz. 1 mile away. Maybe a little less.

I went to the gate and recorded this video. As the bombs continued to fall, it made me feel good. I hate writing that and I hate admitting it. It is not the person I am nor the person I want to be. Hamas is that type of evil. As we experienced the impact of October 7 in this part of the Kibbutz, the need to eliminate Hamas was not only clear but became an imperative.

As we headed down that part of the Kibbutz, the IDF soldier asked us not to take any pictures of the houses on that street. Everybody who lived on that street was either murdered or kidnapped. Let me repeat that again. EVERYBODY WHO LIVED ON THAT STREET WAS EITHER MURDERED OR KIDNAPPED.

The bombs went off again and I hate to admit that my thought was, “They are not coming fast enough. We need more bombs in Jabalya. We need bombs in Rafah. We need them home.” I’m not proud of these thought but I want to be honest about the feelings that were occurring as I was seeing and hearing the horror of Hamas terrorists.

We headed to the final home we would learn about and visit. They had previously explained to us that the circle with the dot inside on the walls meant there was a dead Israeli inside. They explained all the other symbols as well but that was the one I looked for first. On this house, however, along with the circle with the dot inside, there was written in Hebrew that there were human remains on the couch. Watch and listen to her tell the story.

The couch no longer exists although some of the remains are outside the house. There are pictures of the couch inside. Here are pictures of not just the couch but also inside the house. Grenades were thrown in the house so what you are looking at are because of grenades, not bullets.

I was glad this was the last house. I was completely overwhelmed with anger, resentment, sadness, grief, and similar emotions. The horror documented in this house was beyond comprehension. I couldn’t speak for a bit as we walked down to the end of the road and met with one of the new leaders of the Kibbutz security team. The team is new because 7 of the 12 members were killed by Hamas and 3 were injured. Listen to his words and maybe you can understand what they faced and what it is like today not just in Kfar Aza but all of Israel.

We headed to the bus, all of us shaken by the experience. It was quiet and solemn. It was intense. We were all a little anxious as our next stop was the Nova music festival site. After what we just saw and experiened, would we be able to handle the Nova site? I really didn’t know.

We arrived at the Nova site about 20 minutes after leaving Kfar Aza. I needed the time on the bus to just have quiet and some peace. As we pulled in, it looked so peaceful and beautiful. I could imagine the festival happening and the joy of everybody in attendance. When we got off the bus, Saul Blinkoff, our amazing trip leader, showed us a picture of where we were standing from October 7, 2023. I took a picture on May 16, 2024. You can compare the two and see how much was left in haste compared to the emptiness now.

I wandered around the site, letting everything seep into me. There was a sadness and a beauty to the site. It was also overwhelming at the sheer number of people that were memorialized at the Nova site.

The pictures of everbody who was murdered or taken hostage at the Nova music festival. Look closely as there are a lot pictures of people.

I wandered amongst the pictures and notes about each one of the victims. Looked each person’s picture in the face and said their name in my head. Remembering them as living people. Paying tribute to how they died. Praying for their safe return if they were taken hostage. It was amazing how many young lives were ended. It reminded me of Kfar Aza and how the young people were wiped out.

After wandering around looking at the images of those murdered or kidnapped and taken hostage, I found myself wanting to sit down in front of some of them and really look at the person. Spend some time with them, as if I was sitting at their grave. Treat it like I was going to the shiva house (house of mourning for the 7 days after burial). So I did. It was beautifully peaceful. It felt right. Investing time in remembering these beautiful, innocent people who were murdered by Hamas because of hate. As I sat for 5-10 minutes in front of various memorials, I found some peace. Kfar Aza was hard. Nova seemed different. Perhaps it was the lack of obvious violence at the site. Maybe it was the beautiful tribute to the souls lost or kidnapped on October 7. At both Hostage Square and Nova, I felt the same peace in my soul. Awful atrocities happened at Nova and Hostage Square is a remembrance of the kidnapping and murder of innocent people. Yet both seemed to have a soul calming effect for me.

While at Nova, we had the privilege of hearing directly from Rami Davidian, a true hero of October 7 and the Nova music festival. You will want to read about him here as I can’t do justice to his story, but I will tell you a bit of it and the impact and takeaways for me.

Rami is a farmer who lives in the Gaza envelope. At 6:45 am on October 7, he received a phone call from a friend, asking him to rescue his daughter, who was near a farm in the area.  She had been at the Nova festival and managed to escape and was hiding from the terrorists. Rami not only saved her, he found others on the way to save her and got others to come pick them up. Since he was out saving people, his number was shared to those who had children at Nova and his WhatsApp was filled with requests to save people. He showed us the number of messages he received. It was unbelievable as scrolled and scrolled and scrolled.

The story he told us that made us all gasp was when he went to rescue a girl named Amit. He was able to figure out where she was and as he came up to rescue her, he saw that she was surrounded by 6 Hamas terrorists. Thinking quickly, he spoke to them in Arabic (he is fluent) and introduced himself as Abu Rami, a muslim. He told them that the IDF was closing in on them and they needed to run now to stay alive. As they began to move, he told them he would take the girl to his car and come around to pick them up. It would save them time and keep them safe. They believed him, gave him Amit, and ran. He took Amit back to the car and drove away.

Unfortunately, Rami also found many people who were murdered. He took them all to one spot where he laid them together. For each person he found dead, he would also say the Shema before he left them, saying the prayer for them in case they weren’t able to. There were people who reached out to him to save their children and Rami knew they were already dead. He didn’t feel it was his place to tell them this news so he would either lie that he couldn’t find them or ask them to pray to God for safety. Even during this crazy and horrific time, he thought with compassion.

Rami is a true hero. A regular man who took action when needed and saved 750 people. To put that into context, Oskar Schindler, famous for saving Jews in the Holocaust and highlighted in the Steven Spielberg movie, Schindler’s List, saved 1200 people. Rami is a role model. A hero. A regular man who did great things. He should inspire us all to do what we can to make the world a better place. There are generations that will exist because of Rami.

We finished our time at Nova in an incredibly beautiful way. We had Anders, a musician, with us all day and at Nova, he gathered us together in a circle to play guitar and sing. Since we were at the site of a musical festival that was attacked by terrorists who committed horrific murders, rapes, and kidnappings, I couldn’t think of anything better as a tribute to those at the festival than to play music and sing. As he played the song and we joined in, our singing attracted others. A number of boys from Miami who were visiting the site joined us as we put our arms around each other, rocked back and forth, and sang loudly. It’s something I will never forget. While the impact of Kfar Aza remains and I have much more processing to do, the time at Nova was incredibly healing. It is a place I want to return to regularly, not just to pay tribute to those who lost their lives, were kidnapped, or who escaped, but also to heal my soul.

This was a heavy and hard day. Our trip leader told us that what we were doing was similar to visiting Auschwitz not long after it was liberated. I don’t like comparisons to the Holocaust as nothing does compare to it. 6 million Jews and 11 million people are not the same as the 1,200 people murdered and 250+ kidnapped on October 7. The thought behind it, however, was the same. True genocide. Not the made up word used by those who hate Israel and the Jews. Full intent to kill every Jew and Israeli they found. The goal was to eliminate the Jews. I think back to the joy in the voice of the Hamas terrorist telling his parents that he killed 10 Jews with his own hands. His celebration. He dad congratulating him. His mother being excited and elated that he killed 10 Jews.

It bothers and frustrates me that people think Hamas is the victiim. That those who support Hamas and their evil are the ones deserving of praise. When it’s a Jewish person, I shake my head, as they clearly don’t understand that these people want them dead. The media does a terrible job reporting on Israel, with tremendous bias and often times outright lies. After having been to both Kfar Aza and Nova, it is even clearer what a terrible job they have done. The horrors at Kfar Aza will remain with me. The feeling of standing on the grounds of the Nova festival will remain with me for life. Looking at the skyline of Jabalya, less than a mile away, will stay with me. Note that I said skyline – there are buildings, and plenty of them, in Jabalya.

This has been a pilgrimage for me in many ways. I needed to be in Israel for my own connection. I needed to be immersed in the culture and with the people. I needed to be here for Yom HaZikaron and share the sadness with my Israeli brothers and sisters. I needed to visit Kfar Aza to see and experience the horrors that happened there. I needed to put my feet on the ground at the Nova site, to walk around and pay my respects to those who were murdered and those who were kidnapped. I needed to sing while at Nova to honor the festival and heal my soul.

As somebody who has been to Israel 21 times now, I know not the believe the media reports. Too many others don’t. It isn’t the same Israel that I visited the first 20 times. There are questions about the hostages. Questions about Hezbollah and the north. Uncertainty about American policy. PTSD from October 7 and everything that has happened since. The hostages need to be returned. Hamas and the war in Gaza needs to be finished. Hezbollah and the north need to be stabilized. There are many existential issues facing Israel and Israelis. I’m glad to be here now and make my contribution, however small it may be.

At the end of the day, we can all do something. If you can come to Israel, please do. If you can’t, do what you can. Speak up. Speak loudly. Don’t hide. Learn the facts to address the lies. What we each choose to do now will not just shape the Jewish future, it will determine the Jewish future.

Am Yisrael Chai.