We often talk about the treasures in our live.  The things we want and desire.  That incredible car.  The beautiful house.  That amazing vacation.  Expensive clothes.  Season tickets to the theater, our favorite sports teams, or tickets to see our favorite band  play in concert.  For a long time, that was what I was focused on.  The house and the neighborhood, the car, the vacation spot, the newest technology.  Things that could be purchased that showed the world how well I was doing.

Over the past number of years, that has changed dramatically for me.  I don’t really care about the house or the car (although I do like both my house and my car, I don’t need a newer or bigger or better one.)  And while I enjoy our season tickets to the theater, it’s going with my family that makes it so enjoyable, not just going alone.  Often I will pass up buying tickets to a game, concert, or show if my family doesn’t want to go with me because being together with them is what matters, not the show or the sporting event.

Recently, my focus has been much more on my friends and how valuable they are.  Life brings us many challenges and opportunities, and the past few months have had lots of both for me.  It’s an exciting time in my life yet also a major change that has helped me see who are the friends that really care and who are the acquaintances that somehow disappear in challenging times.  I’m grateful for the clarity and even more so for the friends who have shown up.

This past week was a true view into the power of friendship.

My longtime friend Jeremy was getting married this weekend.  He told me about his fiancé Astrid when they met, when they began dating seriously, and when he decided to marry her.  When he told me it would be a destination wedding in Puerta Vallarta and the date, I marked it on my calendar and told him I’d attend.  There was never any thought that I wouldn’t be there to celebrate with him and his new wife as they began this new journey. 

Jeremy and me at the airport in Puerto Vallarta

Last month, he asked if I would be will to be a part of the ceremony.  I was incredibly honored and immediately said yes.  I expected to be asked to do a reading, be an usher, or have some small role with the ceremony.  Two weeks ago, he and Astrid called me and asked if I wanted to know what they wanted me to do at the wedding.  I had to ask him to repeat himself because I was stunned by the request.  They wanted me to officiate their wedding!  There would be two of us, me speaking in English and the other person speaking in Spanish.  I was truly blown away by their ask and immediately accepted.

With Marlen, my co-officiant after the wedding. She is my new friend from Mexico who lives in Alaska.

We arrived in Puerto Vallarta around the same time this Thursday and met up at the airport before boarding a shuttle to the villa that everything was being held at.  This amazing, huge villa, is where we ate, slept, hung out, swam, and where the wedding was held.  A truly spectacular place.  A number of longtime friends came for the wedding, and we had a great time spending time together and catching up.  In addition, I got to meet Astrid’s friends and family and now have a whole new group of friends in Mexico. Then came the wedding on Saturday afternoon.

The villa looking up from the water

The pool

The water crashing against the rocks. A dream to sleep to and relaxing throughout the day.

The wade pool. Fun to hang out in and when the big waves come, truly amazing

The wave was huge and came crashing in – I was already videoing and managed to hold onto a rock with one hand while videoing with the other and not dropping or losing my phone!

I’ve told you it was an incredible resort, and the view was spectacular.  The pictures don’t do it justice.  On Saturday late afternoon it was spectacular.    The ceremony was entirely created by Jeremy and Astrid.  It involved the 4 elements (earth, fire, water, and air).  It included 10 crystals.  Each one of these was presented by a friend or family member with their own special words.  Then came the vows.  Jeremy and Astrid had written their own and chose to do it one at a time, going back and forth with each other.  They were real, honest, and powerful.  Finally, we got to the ring ceremony that included a red string, binding them together.   As we finished the ceremony, I was filled with love, gratitude, and an overwhelming sense of joy that these two found each other.  The ceremony was completely organic and meaningful.

Longtime friends Jim, Ananda, Anna Marie, and me just before the wedding.

Hanging with Jeremy before the wedding. Loving the linen suits!

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band

As the mariachi band began to play, with the sun beginning to set, as the hors d’oeuvres were served, I stood to the side and found myself reflecting on the power of community, friends, family, love, and meaning.  Their love was clear but so was the love of everybody that was there to celebrate together.  It was a group of people who were all connected through Jeremy and Astrid and yet had built relationships with each other in few days we were together.  We were friends and quickly became family.  The ceremony was incredibly meaningful, yet we found meaning in being together, playing cards, laughing, eating our meals together, sitting by the pool, in the hot tub, listening to music, and learning more about each other. 

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band as the sun sets

Beto, Ananda, me, Astrid, Jeremy, Peyton (Jeremy’s oldest son), Jim and Joe. Some old friends and some new ones.

My new friends who are also Astrid’s family members.

Astrid and Jeremy celebrating

In today’s world, where the divisiveness is so profound, where hate often seems to be more prevalent than love, this time together with friends reminded me of the beauty that is possible.  It was inspiring.  It filled my heart.  It gave me hope. 

The beautiful sunset after the wedding

Dinner was amazing Mexican tacos.  Not like in the US or our Mexican restaurants.  A plate filled with corn tortillas, fresh everything.  I don’t know what they put on mine; I just asked for a little of everything.  We ate and listened to a jazz band while we celebrated Astrid and Jeremy.  Then came the DJs.

The first two hours of music were mariachi and jazz.  They were wonderful.  When the first DJ took over however, we had two hours of dancing ahead of us.  We filled the dance floor, smiling and laughing.  The joy was palpable.  As we began to tire a little, we took a quick break because the next few hours the dance floor was turned into a rave.  It’s been a long time since I was at a rave.  And when I say a long time, I mean a very, very, very long time.  Yet the music was pounding, the lights were flashing, and once again the dance floor was filled with energy.  I told Jeremy that I didn’t think I could make it until 2 am when the rave was set to end – after all I am usually asleep by 10 or 11 pm at home and since this was central time, that would be me staying up until 3 am.  His response was classic.  “It’s my wedding.  You have to make it until at least 1!”  So, I promised and continued dancing, taking a few more frequent breaks to rest until at 1 am I gave both him and Astrid big hugs, and went to bed.

The next morning at breakfast, we started talking about how we needed to do this every year to celebrate their anniversary.  How we liked being together so much and the venue was so incredible, we needed to plan for next year and get it scheduled.  It was a great reminder that there is no need to wait to spend time with those you care about.  Spending time with friends and family is priceless.  So many other things can easily be replaced but time is not one of them.  Neither are the people you care about.  We are now planning for January 2025 to be all back together in Puerto Vallarta at this resort for maybe a few more days than this time.  Unless of course, one of the couples we met gets engaged and plans their wedding before then in which case we’ll all be together at their wedding and then Puerto Vallarta!

Astrid’s family put on a show for everybody. It was a beauty pagent they made up on the spot. Miss Brazil won but you can pick your own winner from the picture. It was fun to watch.

During the 5 days we spent together, we had a lot of time to talk.  A few of my friends wanted to ask me questions about the Israel-Hamas war, Israel itself, and about Hamas.  One afternoon, we sat in the hot tub as they asked questions and I answered.  It was one of the more refreshing conversations I had, not because it was filled with joy and not because it was talking about happy things.  It was refreshing because they really wanted to know.  They had real questions and followed up with more questions.  We were talking about history, not hasbara (advocacy).  One of them had been to Israel once before on a Baha’i pilgrimage so while she had experienced part of Israel, there was much she didn’t know.  In a later conversation, I was talking with another friend when I blanked on a name and filled the gap while I thought by saying ‘you know’.  She quickly corrected me and said, ‘No, I don’t know.  That’s why I am asking.’  It was a throwback to a time when it was important to learn, to understand, to inquire, to ask, and to communicate.  Not to yell.  Not to demand that everybody agree with one point of view.  It reminded me of what is possible and why conversations, outreach, friendships, communication, dialogue, and respect are so critical. 

As we prepared to leave the villa today, every one of us was sad.  Not just because we were leaving such a beautiful place but because we were leaving each other.  Emails and phone numbers were exchanged with new friends.  Plans were made with longtime friends.  We took three shuttles to downtown Puerta Vallarta where one of us was staying to extend their trip.  One group left for the airport, having earlier flights to Guadalajara.  The rest of us stored our bags in his Airbnb and headed to a local restaurant.  The food was great, the company even better, as this little restaurant pushed together a bunch of 4 tops so we could all sit together.  As we headed to the airport in multiple Ubers, we hugged, said our Thank Yous and were all filled with gratitude. 

Our incredible view from the main balcony of the villa

Our last sunset was spectacular

A panoramic view from the villa. It’s not the only reason we’ll be back.

While I’m lucky to have friends like this and am even luckier that we do the same thing with family to be together, it shouldn’t make me unique.  For some people, the family connection isn’t an option.  Community and friendship always are.  It takes effort.  It takes commitment.  It requires going out of your way often, just because a friend is in need for something.  And it’s 100% worth every bit of it.  I can’t wait to see my old and new friends again.  I can’t wait to spend time with my family this upcoming weekend to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday.  I can’t wait to see my siblings and mom at my cousin’s daughter’s bat mitzvah in March. The joy that fills my heart when I get to do this is unexplainable.  I hope you take the opportunity to experience it. 

The bride and groom dancing is what I want to leave you with