Month: January 2024

Love, Friendship, Mexico and the villa

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

We often talk about the treasures in our live.  The things we want and desire.  That incredible car.  The beautiful house.  That amazing vacation.  Expensive clothes.  Season tickets to the theater, our favorite sports teams, or tickets to see our favorite band  play in concert.  For a long time, that was what I was focused on.  The house and the neighborhood, the car, the vacation spot, the newest technology.  Things that could be purchased that showed the world how well I was doing.

Over the past number of years, that has changed dramatically for me.  I don’t really care about the house or the car (although I do like both my house and my car, I don’t need a newer or bigger or better one.)  And while I enjoy our season tickets to the theater, it’s going with my family that makes it so enjoyable, not just going alone.  Often I will pass up buying tickets to a game, concert, or show if my family doesn’t want to go with me because being together with them is what matters, not the show or the sporting event.

Recently, my focus has been much more on my friends and how valuable they are.  Life brings us many challenges and opportunities, and the past few months have had lots of both for me.  It’s an exciting time in my life yet also a major change that has helped me see who are the friends that really care and who are the acquaintances that somehow disappear in challenging times.  I’m grateful for the clarity and even more so for the friends who have shown up.

This past week was a true view into the power of friendship.

My longtime friend Jeremy was getting married this weekend.  He told me about his fiancé Astrid when they met, when they began dating seriously, and when he decided to marry her.  When he told me it would be a destination wedding in Puerta Vallarta and the date, I marked it on my calendar and told him I’d attend.  There was never any thought that I wouldn’t be there to celebrate with him and his new wife as they began this new journey. 

Jeremy and me at the airport in Puerto Vallarta

Last month, he asked if I would be will to be a part of the ceremony.  I was incredibly honored and immediately said yes.  I expected to be asked to do a reading, be an usher, or have some small role with the ceremony.  Two weeks ago, he and Astrid called me and asked if I wanted to know what they wanted me to do at the wedding.  I had to ask him to repeat himself because I was stunned by the request.  They wanted me to officiate their wedding!  There would be two of us, me speaking in English and the other person speaking in Spanish.  I was truly blown away by their ask and immediately accepted.

With Marlen, my co-officiant after the wedding. She is my new friend from Mexico who lives in Alaska.

We arrived in Puerto Vallarta around the same time this Thursday and met up at the airport before boarding a shuttle to the villa that everything was being held at.  This amazing, huge villa, is where we ate, slept, hung out, swam, and where the wedding was held.  A truly spectacular place.  A number of longtime friends came for the wedding, and we had a great time spending time together and catching up.  In addition, I got to meet Astrid’s friends and family and now have a whole new group of friends in Mexico. Then came the wedding on Saturday afternoon.

The villa looking up from the water

The pool

The water crashing against the rocks. A dream to sleep to and relaxing throughout the day.

The wade pool. Fun to hang out in and when the big waves come, truly amazing

The wave was huge and came crashing in – I was already videoing and managed to hold onto a rock with one hand while videoing with the other and not dropping or losing my phone!

I’ve told you it was an incredible resort, and the view was spectacular.  The pictures don’t do it justice.  On Saturday late afternoon it was spectacular.    The ceremony was entirely created by Jeremy and Astrid.  It involved the 4 elements (earth, fire, water, and air).  It included 10 crystals.  Each one of these was presented by a friend or family member with their own special words.  Then came the vows.  Jeremy and Astrid had written their own and chose to do it one at a time, going back and forth with each other.  They were real, honest, and powerful.  Finally, we got to the ring ceremony that included a red string, binding them together.   As we finished the ceremony, I was filled with love, gratitude, and an overwhelming sense of joy that these two found each other.  The ceremony was completely organic and meaningful.

Longtime friends Jim, Ananda, Anna Marie, and me just before the wedding.

Hanging with Jeremy before the wedding. Loving the linen suits!

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band

As the mariachi band began to play, with the sun beginning to set, as the hors d’oeuvres were served, I stood to the side and found myself reflecting on the power of community, friends, family, love, and meaning.  Their love was clear but so was the love of everybody that was there to celebrate together.  It was a group of people who were all connected through Jeremy and Astrid and yet had built relationships with each other in few days we were together.  We were friends and quickly became family.  The ceremony was incredibly meaningful, yet we found meaning in being together, playing cards, laughing, eating our meals together, sitting by the pool, in the hot tub, listening to music, and learning more about each other. 

The bride and groom dancing to the mariachi band as the sun sets

Beto, Ananda, me, Astrid, Jeremy, Peyton (Jeremy’s oldest son), Jim and Joe. Some old friends and some new ones.

My new friends who are also Astrid’s family members.

Astrid and Jeremy celebrating

In today’s world, where the divisiveness is so profound, where hate often seems to be more prevalent than love, this time together with friends reminded me of the beauty that is possible.  It was inspiring.  It filled my heart.  It gave me hope. 

The beautiful sunset after the wedding

Dinner was amazing Mexican tacos.  Not like in the US or our Mexican restaurants.  A plate filled with corn tortillas, fresh everything.  I don’t know what they put on mine; I just asked for a little of everything.  We ate and listened to a jazz band while we celebrated Astrid and Jeremy.  Then came the DJs.

The first two hours of music were mariachi and jazz.  They were wonderful.  When the first DJ took over however, we had two hours of dancing ahead of us.  We filled the dance floor, smiling and laughing.  The joy was palpable.  As we began to tire a little, we took a quick break because the next few hours the dance floor was turned into a rave.  It’s been a long time since I was at a rave.  And when I say a long time, I mean a very, very, very long time.  Yet the music was pounding, the lights were flashing, and once again the dance floor was filled with energy.  I told Jeremy that I didn’t think I could make it until 2 am when the rave was set to end – after all I am usually asleep by 10 or 11 pm at home and since this was central time, that would be me staying up until 3 am.  His response was classic.  “It’s my wedding.  You have to make it until at least 1!”  So, I promised and continued dancing, taking a few more frequent breaks to rest until at 1 am I gave both him and Astrid big hugs, and went to bed.

The next morning at breakfast, we started talking about how we needed to do this every year to celebrate their anniversary.  How we liked being together so much and the venue was so incredible, we needed to plan for next year and get it scheduled.  It was a great reminder that there is no need to wait to spend time with those you care about.  Spending time with friends and family is priceless.  So many other things can easily be replaced but time is not one of them.  Neither are the people you care about.  We are now planning for January 2025 to be all back together in Puerto Vallarta at this resort for maybe a few more days than this time.  Unless of course, one of the couples we met gets engaged and plans their wedding before then in which case we’ll all be together at their wedding and then Puerto Vallarta!

Astrid’s family put on a show for everybody. It was a beauty pagent they made up on the spot. Miss Brazil won but you can pick your own winner from the picture. It was fun to watch.

During the 5 days we spent together, we had a lot of time to talk.  A few of my friends wanted to ask me questions about the Israel-Hamas war, Israel itself, and about Hamas.  One afternoon, we sat in the hot tub as they asked questions and I answered.  It was one of the more refreshing conversations I had, not because it was filled with joy and not because it was talking about happy things.  It was refreshing because they really wanted to know.  They had real questions and followed up with more questions.  We were talking about history, not hasbara (advocacy).  One of them had been to Israel once before on a Baha’i pilgrimage so while she had experienced part of Israel, there was much she didn’t know.  In a later conversation, I was talking with another friend when I blanked on a name and filled the gap while I thought by saying ‘you know’.  She quickly corrected me and said, ‘No, I don’t know.  That’s why I am asking.’  It was a throwback to a time when it was important to learn, to understand, to inquire, to ask, and to communicate.  Not to yell.  Not to demand that everybody agree with one point of view.  It reminded me of what is possible and why conversations, outreach, friendships, communication, dialogue, and respect are so critical. 

As we prepared to leave the villa today, every one of us was sad.  Not just because we were leaving such a beautiful place but because we were leaving each other.  Emails and phone numbers were exchanged with new friends.  Plans were made with longtime friends.  We took three shuttles to downtown Puerta Vallarta where one of us was staying to extend their trip.  One group left for the airport, having earlier flights to Guadalajara.  The rest of us stored our bags in his Airbnb and headed to a local restaurant.  The food was great, the company even better, as this little restaurant pushed together a bunch of 4 tops so we could all sit together.  As we headed to the airport in multiple Ubers, we hugged, said our Thank Yous and were all filled with gratitude. 

Our incredible view from the main balcony of the villa

Our last sunset was spectacular

A panoramic view from the villa. It’s not the only reason we’ll be back.

While I’m lucky to have friends like this and am even luckier that we do the same thing with family to be together, it shouldn’t make me unique.  For some people, the family connection isn’t an option.  Community and friendship always are.  It takes effort.  It takes commitment.  It requires going out of your way often, just because a friend is in need for something.  And it’s 100% worth every bit of it.  I can’t wait to see my old and new friends again.  I can’t wait to spend time with my family this upcoming weekend to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday.  I can’t wait to see my siblings and mom at my cousin’s daughter’s bat mitzvah in March. The joy that fills my heart when I get to do this is unexplainable.  I hope you take the opportunity to experience it. 

The bride and groom dancing is what I want to leave you with

The voices we hear

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

A number of years ago, when I lived in Gainesville FL, I was exposed to the idea of spending an hour with others learning about and talking about Jewish biblical stories.  Three of us began having lunch once a week while we talked about learned about the book of Daniel for months.  It was interesting, fascinating, fun, social, and a meaningful use of time.  Unlike my Hebrew School experience growing up, this had real value and I truly enjoyed it.  It’s something I have continued, on and off, for the past decade.  Over the last few months, I have found a wonderful partner to study and learn with, and we spend an hour each week focusing on the weekly parsha (the part of the Torah we read each week) and digging into what some of the great Jewish commentators throughout the generations had to say.  More importantly, we then talk about what we think it means to us.  Frequently, I challenge him and he pushes back.  We go back and forth sharing our thoughts, opinions, interpretations, until we come to some consensus about what it means for us in 2024.  It’s a wonderful hour each week that I both look forward to, thoroughly enjoy, and think about the rest of the week as I apply these lessons in my daily life.

As I’ve previously written about, recently I have been obsessed with country music, the lyrics and stories that are told, and what it means to me.  Similar to what I do weekly with my friend the Rabbi, many of the lyrics of these songs speak to lessons to improve my life.  And sometimes, the song will trigger something from my Jewish learning as well.  That’s what happened this weekend.

Once again, an old song was new to me.  Voices by Chris Young came out in 2008.  I discovered it in 2024.  The lyrics spoke to me in a different way after last week’s hour of conversation.  Here are some of the lyrics and some of my takeaways.

                  I hear voices.  I hear voices like

 My dad sayin’: ‘Work that job.  But don’t work your life away.”

When I hear that line, I think of my dad.  That work is important, however it is a means to an end, not the end.  That nobody is going to put ‘he worked very hard’ on your tombstone but they will talk about the type of person you and what you mean to other people.  The lessons he taught me about the place of work, values, and family.  I can’t count how many times he would talk to us about family and how important it is.  How it is everything.  My parents showed it in their actions.  Holidays were for extended family, and I have close relationships with my cousins because it wasn’t just about our immediate family.  My kids laugh because they say that sometimes they aren’t sure who we are really related to and who are such close friends that we call them Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Sister, Brother.   I have aunts and uncles that really cousins.  I have aunts and uncles who are lifelong friends of my parents.  I have brothers and sisters who aren’t related to me by blood but are family by choice.  I have nieces and nephews that are really cousins.  It doesn’t matter what the blood relationship is or isn’t, what matters is the relationship that we build.  On my birthday this past year, my niece Rylee, who is 3 years old and technically a cousin by marriage once removed (we never use that language in my family) called and sang Happy Birthday to me on my voicemail.  It was the sweetest message I have gotten in years.  I called her back to say thank you and she promptly sang it again.  It was the highlight of my day.  Nothing at work will give you that feeling.  So don’t work your life away.  Its far too short and there are far too many beautiful moments you will miss.

   My adorable ‘niece’ Rylee who sang me Happy Birthday. 

And mama tellin’ me to drop cash in the offerin’ plate on Sunday

I was taught by my grandparents and my parents from a very early age the importance of Tzedakah, giving charity to help others.  We had the blue JNF box that we always put coins in, especially on Friday night before Shabbat.  Giving of our time, talent, and treasure was something my grandparents did, my parents did, and I learned to do.   It’s something I have taught my children.  We have an obligation as human beings to help those who need it.  It’s why I fell in love with the acts of random kindness. It takes nothing to hold a door, let somebody go in front of you, wait patiently, or many other acts of kindness.  When my kids and I go out for breakfast on Christmas day (usually Waffle House because they are open), I have begun to do my special Christmas day gift tip – whatever the amount of the bill is what I also tip.  The server is working on Christmas, likely because they need the money to support their family.  I’m privileged enough to not work and to be able to go out to breakfast with my kids.  It’s a small, nice thing to do that likely makes their entire day.  Random acts of kindness can change the lives of those that we do them for.  So give a little of your time, talent, and treasure to help others.  Not only will you change their lives, you will feel so much better because you are making the world a better place, one random act of kindness at a time.

One of my favorite pieces of art by Joanne Fink. A reminder of the importance of Kindness

                 

And grandad sayin’ “You can have a few, but don’t ever cross that line.”

One of my mom’s favorite sayings has been “Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered.”  What she was teaching us is that there is a limit to everything before bad things happen.  Unlike the famous Gordon Gecko line from Wall Street that was a calling card to my 1980s generation, ‘Greed is good’, what my mom was teaching us is that greed is NOT good.  Greed gets you in trouble.  Excess desires take you places that you don’t really want to go.  Decisions made on greed or the desire for more than you need end up with disastrous results. 

Balance is the key to life.  We hear it all the time.  ‘I don’t have any work-life balance’.   I struggle to balance my wants with my income.  Too many people don’t set aside money for retirement, balancing the need for the future with the need for now.  What good is working hard and missing out on your children growing up, on the relationship with your spouse?  Covid stole two years of time with my parents from me, time I will never get back.  Why?  Because I worked too much and too hard to get through that time.  For what?  To lose my dad in September 2022? 

My mom, dad, Evan and me at the UCF-USF game. Treasured memories worth everything

I think more about my mom’s message now than ever before.  What do I need?  And what do I really want?  The material things that drove me to want more, more, more are meaningless.  I want more time with my kids.   More time with my family.  In the summer of 2023, we almost lost our 13 year old dog Bella.  It was a miracle she survived.  I treasure the time with her now.  Where before when she would climb on my lap and I was working I would get annoyed, now I simply set the work aside and welcome this 75 lb dog into my lap. 

Bella laying on my lap – a daily occurance that I love.

Bella loves to lay out in the yard

Our sweet little girl

So as you choose what matters to you, remember to have a few but not cross that line.  Remember that pigs get fed and hogs get slaughtered.  Remember that you have control of balance in your life unless you give it away.  And remember what is really important.  It’s always possible to make more money and get more things.  There will also be something newer, something shinier, something just a little bit better than what you have.  But you can never get back time.  Time is the ultimate treasure.

Yeah I hear voices all the time.  Turns out I’m pretty dang lucky, for all that good advice. Those hard-to-find words of wisdom, holed up here in my mind  And just when I’ve lost my way, or I’ve got too many choices, I hear voices.

I am lucky.  I hear the voices of my Great Grandma Rose, my Grandma Esther and Grandpa Si, my Grandma Evie and Grandpa Lenny.  I hear the voice of my dad the most.  And of course, my mom, who is not only the voice in my mind, but on the phone and in person.  The things they taught me and powerful and core to my life.  They continue to guide me, even though most have been gone for more than 20 years. 

Grandpa Len, Grandma Evie, me, my brother, Grandma Esther, and Grandpa Si

I have written before about how I discovered studying in chavruta (two people learning together) and how meaningful it is.  For the past 4 months or so I have been learning with Rabbi Ehrenkranz.  One of the things that I often struggle with, and we regularly discuss is when it seems that God is being ‘vindictive’ or ‘petty’ in his statements.  It’s not how I envision God and I have a hard time understanding when the text says things that I interpret that way.  Last week had another instance of this, so once again we discussed and debated.  What I came to understand is that God is like our parent.  He wants the best for us and provides guidance on how to live life.  As a parent, he sets guidelines, expectations, and provides consequences.  It’s actually not that he’s being vindictive or petty, but rather caring.  The lessons he tells us can be voices we hear as well.  A voice that tells us how to choose right over wrong.  How to behave.  What to do.  Another guide when we’ve lost our way to help us get back where we need to be.  After 15 minutes of back and forth, I found this explanation to be comforting and a different way to interpret the language.

Learning with Rabbi Ehrenkranz. It’s a fun hour every week.

Whenever I have lost my way or am overwhelmed with too many choices, it is these voices that help me.  These are the lessons that I learned from them that resonate in my mind.  I can close my eyes and see and hear the person who taught me the lesson, reminding me of it once again.  I truly am lucky to have had these special people in my life who not only taught me important lessons but continue to teach me throughout my life.

I hear voices, lke my dad sayin’ “Quit that team, and you’d be a quitter for the rest of your life.”

Commitment and dedication.  Two very important concepts that have always been a part of my family and something that we were taught growing up.  Finish what you start.  Don’t start it if you aren’t going to finish it.  Have integrity.  Behave as if your words and actions will be on the front page of the NY Times. 

Reliable and Dependable.  Two more important concepts that were ingrained in me from a young age.  If you aren’t reliable and aren’t dependable, you won’t have integrity.  If you say you are going to do something, then do it.  From 1992-1995 I worked for the Florida Department of Corrections in mental health.  I worked in two different prisons.  One was minimum security, the other closed custody (maximum security) and the home of Florida’s Death Row.  I learned there to never make a promise I couldn’t deliver on.  When I said I would do something, I did it.  I earned the respect of the inmates because I didn’t promise them things that I wouldn’t do.  I learned to be very clear about making promises and commitments. 

My parents and grandparents always told me there is a right way to do things and taught and urged me to always do it that way.  Commitment, dedication, reliability, dependability, and integrity – all incredibly important and things I believe in because of the people who’s voices I hear.

And mama tellin’ me to say a prayer, every time I lay down at night.

Prayer is something I grew up with.  We went to synagogue almost every Saturday morning.  I went to Jewish Day School for a year (it wasn’t for me).  We had Shabbat dinner with kiddush and motzi every Friday night.  I went to Jewish overnight summer camp (Both Camp Ramah in the Poconos and Camp Airy).  I knew the prayers, knew the tunes, but didn’t know what it meant.  As a result, it didn’t really have much meaning to me.  I think it was summed up best by an IDF soldier on our birthright bus many years ago.  After services on Friday night, we were talking as a group and he asked, “So you know the words?”.  We answered, ‘Yes.’  Then he asked, “and you know the melodies?”  We answered, ‘Yes.’   Then he asked, “but you don’t know what it means?”  We answered, ‘yes, we don’t.’   He said, “I don’t understand!”

In college I began to explore a meaningful way to get involved with prayer.  It wasn’t easy and took a long time to find a meaningful way to pray and what to pray for.  Should I really be asking God for things?  Would he really pay attention to my prayers, especially if I was asking for things I wanted?  Didn’t he know what was best for me?  Over the past nearly 40 years, I have learned my own way to meaningfully connect with God.  It involves prayer and meditation.  It involves my own conversations with God and connecting with nature.  It involves some traditionally Jewish things like putting on tefillin (not every day but regularly).  It’s lighting the Yahrzeit candle for my father.  Similar to the lyrics of the song, I take a minute to thank God every morning and every evening for the life I get to live. 

About 20 years ago, I began exploring spirituality with a friend of mine, Mickey Singer.  Some of you may know him as Michael A. Singer, the author of The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment.  I consider Mickey my spiritual advisor as he challenges me to think differently about my relationship with God.  For the past 20 years, he has nudged and encouraged me to explore my relationship with God in a different way.  If you haven’t read his books, I highly recommend them.  He also gives a few talks a week and they are posted on the website for Temple of the Universe.

Mickey Singer, my spiritual advisor and friend.

In my weekly chavruta, we discuss prayer a lot.  God doesn’t need us to pray to him, he’s God.  So why do we do it?  What’s the point?  If he doesn’t need it, why bother?  They are interesting conversations and so much of what we discuss relates to remembering who is really in charge and what is our role and responsibility.  It ties in with what Mickey has taught and teaches me.  And just like the lyrics say, it’s important to do it regularly and consistently. 

And grandma sayin’ “if you find the one, you better treat her right.”

One of my favorite stories about my Grandma Esther happened a few years before she died.  She wanted to be a great-grandmother more than anything.  So, she started bugging me about getting married and having kids so she’d be a great-grandmother.  I told her that I didn’t have to get married to make her a great grandmother.  The look on her face was priceless and one I’ll ever forget, as she quickly replied, “I can wait.”

Grandma Esther. I keep this picture on my mantle.

Both my grandfathers and my father showed me how important this is through their actions.  Grandpa Len would get up early, go to the JCC for a swim and schvitz (steam room) and then come home to have breakfast with Grandma Evie.  Every day.  Without fail.  After Grandma Evie died, I used to go visit Grandpa Len on Sundays.  We’d go to whatever organization was having their pancake breakfast, have fun and laugh, and then go back to his house and put on football.  Most of the time we would take a little snooze (nap) during the games.  I’ll never forget one day there was a boxing match on.  He told me how much he loved watching boxing but that my grandmother didn’t like it so for their entire 55+ year marriage, he chose not to watch boxing because he’d rather be with her than watch boxing.  It’s a lesson I will never forget.

Grandpa Len and Granda Evie

Grandpa Si taught me a powerful lesson as well, one that I used to tease him about sharing with my wife.  He said that early in their marriage, he and Grandma Esther figured out a great way to resolve any arguments.  When they agreed, he got his way.  When they disagreed, she got her way.  It was a powerful lesson in the importance of being happy instead of being right.  In their 55+ year marriage, they lived by that rule.  I regularly ask myself if I’d rather be happy or be right.  I have decided that I’d always rather be happy. 

Grandpa Si was always teaching me something

My parents were married for 55 years.  But they were together for a decade before they got married.  After my dad died, his sister, my Aunt Sheila, talked about how it was always “Susie and Barry”.  There is a famous story about my parents getting engaged and their cousin said, “they can’t get married!”  When asked why, she said, “Because they are related.”  My parents were a true partnership and they talked to us about it all growing up. 

My parents wedding photo

Mom and Dad

You can see how much my mom and dad loved each other

In a world where divorce is far too common, the lyrics of the song ring true.  When you find the one, you better treat them right.

Yeah I hear voices all the time.  Sometimes I try to ignore ‘em, but I thank God for ‘em.  ‘Cause they made me who I am.

There is no doubt that I am the person I am today because of the lessons from my grandparents, my parents, some aunts and uncles (both blood and those I call aunt and uncle) and my mentors.  Understand and appreciating that is so important.  As my children are now in their 20s, I hope they listen to their voices – their grandparents, their parents, their aunts and uncles and their mentors.  We get so much wisdom from those close to us and whether we know it or not, it embeds in our brains. 

I no longer try to ignore those voices.  Perhaps its from the lessons I’ve learned from Mickey about my relationship with God.  Perhaps it’s years of learning to pray and meditate in a way that is meaningful to me.  Perhaps it’s the daily meditation and focus on gratitude for the life I get to live.  I’m not really sure about the why and it doesn’t really matter.  What matters is listening to them and their wisdom.  What matters is being teachable. 

I have written a lot about my struggles since October 7th.  I’ve tried to express it in many different ways.  I recently watched the music video of the original song “OK” by John Ondrasik, known by Five for Fighting.  He’s not Jewish however this song and video is about not just October 7th but the feelings afterwards.  It expressed what I have struggled to do.  It’s a powerful video and there is a warning in the beginning.  I suggest you watch it and leave a comment on this post about your experience. 

Watch it on YouTube – it has some graphic video from October 7th in it.

The song has become another voice I hear, helping me cope with the trauma of October 7th and everything that has followed. 

I treasure the voices I hear not just for their lessons but also for who’s voices they are.  It brings this wonderful people back to life on a regular basis.  And my life is better because of their lessons that they keep teaching me.

On the Map

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

This week I had a business meeting with filmmaker Dani Merkin in Boca.  I was introduced to him through a friend but didn’t know much about him or his work.  His newest project sounded interesting so I wanted to see if I could help.  He was in Florida for a showing of his 2016 movie, On the Map along with Israeli basketball icon, Tal Brody.  I met Tal a few times in random occasions and it was great to see him again for a few minutes during the meeting.  During the meeting with Dani, we not only discussed his new project but also talked about On the Map, a movie about the 1977 Israeli team that won the European basketball championship.  As a sports fan who is Jewish and that grew up in the 70s and early 80s, I knew the team had won the championship but didn’t know the story.  Dani graciously sent me a screener to watch the film.

Tal Brody and me

I watched the film and something happened that I did not expect.  I got incredibly emotional.  The story, from 1977, had so many links to what is happening in our world today.  In the movie, they talked openly about the Yom Kippur war of 1973, “the worst attack on the Jewish people since the Holocaust.”  Unfortunately, today we know that the worst attack on the Jewish people since the Holocaust is now October 7, 2023. 

I knew that in 1977, the USSR was persecuting the Jews who lived there.  We all knew about the Refuseniks and our Jewish hero, Anatoly (now Natan) Sharansky.  We prayed for them in synagogue.  There were marches and rallies in DC. There were local rallies.  We raised money for them.  As a 9-year-old boy, I didn’t know that they refused to play the Israeli team in the European championships because they didn’t recognize Israel’s existence.  They wouldn’t play in Israel and they wouldn’t play in Moscow.  Today, it is South Africa stripping the captaincy from the Jewish player on their cricket team because of Israel.  The International Ice Hockey Federation removed the Israeli team from its competitions until under massive pressure, they relented and just this week restored them.  Israeli and Jewish athletes are facing problems all over the world just to compete.  There are musicians who refuse to play concerts in Israel.  I have a list of actors and musicians that I won’t support, won’t watch their movies or tv shows, won’t listen to their music, because of their hatred of Israel.  Have we really made any progress since 1977?

My friend Todd Sukol and I meeting the iconic Anatoly Natan Sharanksy

In 1977, FIBA, The International Basketball Federation, pressured the Soviet Union to play the Israeli team.  After much negotiation, they agreed on the condition that the game was played in Virton, Belgium, a small out of the way town.  The arena only held about 400 fans, almost all of the Israeli fans.  It was truly a David vs. Goliath match as the powerhouse Red Army team, had won the FIBA Euro Cup Championship in 1961, 1963, 1969 and 1971.  Nobody, except the Israeli team, thought they could actually win against the Russians.  In the film, Ambassador Michael Oren talks about how just getting the game played was a win. 

Ambassador Michael Oren – he will be here in Orlando in February 2024 for the JNF event!

Today it seems like just getting people to remember the hostages held in captivity by Hamas, underground in tunnels, is a herculean effort.  As Kfir Bibas celebrated his 1st birthday as a hostage in the tunnels, the world mainly remains silent.  As Hamas announces the murder of Yossi Sharabi and Itay Svirsky, hostages in Hamas captivity, South Africa is accusing Israel of Genocide.  As Israel dropped leaflets and made phone calls to warn civilians of upcoming bombings, Hamas refused to let the civilians leave, uses human shields, turns hospitals, mosques, schools and homes into military targets, it’s Israel being accused of war crimes.  The groups who support women’s rights and speak out against sexual violence, fail to do so because they are Jewish and Israeli women.  Just as in 1977 when Israel was held to a different standard and not recognized, today it is the same. 

In 1977, there was a lot going on in the world.  As Israel was still dealing with the impact of the 1973 Yom Kippur War, the United States still dealing with the impact of Watergate, the Viet Nam war,  and the oil crisis.  Israel was dealing with the Dollar Account Affair scandal while in the United States we had the impact of Elvis dying.  Today there is a lot going on in the world.  The Ukraine-Russia war, the border crisis, the impact of Covid-19 and inflation over the past 3+ years, the Israel-Gaza war.  The more things change, the more they stay the same. 

Tal Brody, Israel’s Mr. Basketball is an amazing story.  A star player who was the first round pick of the Baltimore Bullets, he elected to move to Israel and play Israeli basketball instead.  Both David Stern (z’l) and Bill Walton, talk about how extraordinary what he did was.  It was unheard of.  When drafted by the US army, he served 2 years in Viet Nam to complete his service before returning to Israel to play.   He had decided to retire and everybody knew it.  Just before the championship game against Italy, who had won the championship 6 of the prior 10 years, his father had a heart attack and was in ICU in New Jersey.  He flew home to be with his father.  Nobody knew if he would be back in time for the championship game.  This game was why he went to play in Israel.  To bring Maccabi Tel Aviv from a team that lost in the first round to a team that could compete for championships.  And yet, days before he flew across the world to be with his father.  When his father awoke, he told him to go back.  There was nothing he could do sitting with his father but he had an important role to play for Israel and the Jewish people.  So he went to the airport to pick up his ticket to fly to the game however there was no ticket there.  Luckily, one of the managers of the airline knew who he was from watching him play and put him on the plane, without a ticket, so he was able to get back to the team 24 hours before gametime.

Just like Tal, we all have important roles to play in our life.  As parents, children, siblings, spouses, friends, mentors, bosses, and employees.  Knowing what they are and balancing them is where the challenge comes in.  Tal knew he had to be with his dad.  His dad knew that Tal needed to be with his teammates, playing for Israel and the Jewish people.  We often make mistakes when we confuse our important roles because we think we know best.  Just like Tal had his coach and teammates say go see your dad, he also had his dad to say, no go be with your teammates and play the role you need to for Israel and the Jewish people.  We have those people in our lives, and it is so critical to listen to them.  When my dad got sick, I knew I had to play the role of son first.  I had to do what I could to help my dad and support my mom before anything else.  Once I did what I could, I needed to be husband, father, brother, uncle, employee, and supervisor.  After my dad died and shiva ended, one of the hardest things for me was leaving my mother’s house to come home to mine.  My primary role as my mother’s support had changed and as difficult as it was to return to my life and my other roles, I had to do it.  Our roles are fluid, as Tal showed.  He went from the star of the team and Mr. Israeli Basketball to son to player on the team all in a week.  We do that all the time and again, like Tal, need to use our support system to help us with those transitions.

My role taking care of my dad. When my dad could finally eat non-hospital food, I ordered him this. I can still hear his voice as he enjoyed it and it still puts a smile on my face. 

My rolse as son with my mom

My role as dad. Taking my son Matthew to go watch my son Evan coach college football and the obligitory ‘dad takes college kids out to eat’ photo.

My role as mentor with Shelley Greenspan who is now the Biden Administration’s Liaison to the Jewish community. 

As a huge sports fan who grew up in the 1970’s and 1980’s, the US Olympic Hockey team of 1980 is burned into my being.  “Do you believe in miracles?   Yes!!’ is as loud in my head today as it was coming from Al Michaels through my TV set in 1980.  Mike Eruzione and Jim Craig are childhood heros.  Herb Brooks was the epitome of a coach we all wanted growing up.  Mark Johnson, Dave Silk, and Buzz Johnson were personal favorites.   Dave Christian, Ken Morrow, Mike Ramsey, Neal Broten were future NHL stars I followed throughout their careers.   44 years later, I remember their names and what they accomplished.

One of the greatest, if not the greatest, call of all time. ”Do you believe in Miracles? Yes!!” I still get chills.

As a Jew, the names that were burned into my head were not athletes.  They were Moshe Dayan, who I spoke about at my Bar Mitzvah and was a huge fan of Maccabi Tel Aviv, David Ben Gurion, Golda Meir, Menachem Begin, Anatoly Sharansky, Yitzhak Rabin, Yoni Netanyahu (the only Israeli casualty of the raid on Entebbe and Bibi’s older brother).  They were political and military leaders.  They were the founders of Israel.  Quite different.  Yet now I have new names to match the 1980 US Olympic Hockey team.  They are part of the 1977 Israeli European Champions Cup winning basketball team. 

Ralph Klein, a Holocaust survivor who was the head coach of the team.

Tal Brody, an American who gave up an NBA career to put Israel ‘on the map’.

Aulcie Perry, an American who was the last cut by the Knicks in 1977, resulting in him playing in Israel.  Aulcie, an African American man, converted to Judaism. Dani made a movie about him that I now need to see.

Jim Boatwright, an American who made the key shots in the championship game

Miki Berkovich, an Israeli with an incredibly sweet jump shot

Eric Minkin, Bob Griffin, and Lou Silver, a group of Americans committed to Israel and Israeli basketball.

Motti Oresti, Shuki Schwartz, Eyal Yaffe, Eran Arad, and Hanan Indibo, the Israeli players who were the rest of the team.

When this team won the European Cup Championship, Israel exploded in joy.  While Prime Minister Rabin resigned that same day, the country was filled with pride and joy.  We can learn from the players, coaches, and the citizens of Israel in 1977 that despite, or perhaps because of what happened on October 7, 2023, we need to be proud of being Jewish.  We have an obligation, just like the players on that team did, to show that we belong in a world that often times doesn’t want us and doesn’t think we deserve to exist. 

There are many key moments in Israeli history that I always think of.

The signing of the Declaration of Independence

The Six Day War

The 1972 Munich Olympics

Entebbe

The 1977 visit of Egyptian President Anwar Sadat to Jerusalem

The Camp David Accords

To these I now add the 1977 European Championship winning Maccabi Tel Aviv team.

Tal Brody with the championship cup

Moshe Dayan, a big fan of the team, greeting them before a game

The team photo

The 50th anniversary of the team championship

Anger, Rage, Love, Hope

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

On Sunday Jan 14, 2024, it will officially be 100 days since the violent attacks by Hamas resulting in the murder, mutilation, rape, burning, and kidnapping of Israelis.  There remain 132 people held hostage by Hamas in Gaza including infants, toddlers, children, women, and the elderly.  They have not been provided their medication in 100 days.  They have been held in underground tunnels for 100 days.  Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays have come and gone while they are being held captive.  For the past hundred days the attacks on October 7th, the murders, mutilation, rape, burning, and kidnapping of my Jewish and non-Jewish brothers and sisters just because they were in Israel has weighed heavy on me. 

I ordered a new Magen David (Star of David) from Israel that I wear.  I got two dogtags from Israel, one saying “Bring them Home Now” in English and Hebrew, the other quoting released hostage Mia Schem, taken from the Nova music festival, and her tattoo, boldly stating, “We will dance again.” I want to fly an Israeli flag at my house, however due to the rise in antisemitism and the fears of my family, I don’t. 

This rise in antisemitism has fueled my anger and rage.  Seeing what’s happening on campus and watching and listening to then President of The University of Pennsylvania, Liz Magill, then President of Harvard College, Claudine Gay, and President of MIT, Sally Kornbluth refuse to state that calls for the genocide of Jews would violate their University’s code of contact was infuriating and unbelievable. 

Watching some members of the US House of Representatives who previously stood strongly against sexual violence keep silent because the victims were Jews burns in my gut.  People shamelessly throwing around words like ‘ethnic cleansing’ and ‘genocide’ without knowing the definition or the proper application has fire in my eyes.  When South Africa has the nerve to charge Israel with genocide at the International Criminal Court my body cramped and ached with exhaustion.  Israel, and the Jewish people, are being singled out compared to every other group or nation and excluded from protection.

When Germany, of all nations, comes out with a strong statement in support of Israel, clearly stating they are not involved in genocide, it provides relief.  When Canada stands up and says that while they believe in the process of the International Criminal Court, it “does not mean we support the premise of the case brought forward by South Africa.” it is both surprising because of recent events in Canada and relief that they are doing what’s right.  When the U.K. calls these claims “unjustified’ it generates major news.  The United States has called these claims ‘unfounded’.  It took watching and listening to Dr. Tal Becker’s incredible opening statement, 30 minutes of powerful and clear statements, to truly provide me with some relief.

This is not the way I lived my life prior to October 7, 2023.  It’s not how I want to live my life today.  Yet the realities of what occurred on October 7th and what has happened since, have me struggling on a daily basis.  I was talking with a friend on Friday over coffee who saw the 47-minute Hamas video with me about the experience.  She commented on how she hasn’t been able to process it with anybody because they can’t imagine the horrors she witnessed.  And how some of the images will never leave her memory.  I feel the same way and some of the images that have deeply disturbed her are the same that deeply disturb me. 

So how do I move forward?  How do I find inspiration and hope in a world that continues to suck hope and joy out with such incredible hate.  How do I get past these feelings when I already know where I will go and who will hide me and my family if that time should ever come?  How do I come to accept that not only have I had that thought but spoken to that person who agreed to do it?  That in 2024, in the United States of America, I feel so unsafe that I need to have a secure place to hide.  That the hatred of Jews is so strong and accepted that people feel safe screaming it from the top of lungs in public settings.

I have found inspiration in three places.   The first is the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.  A true leader in times when the African American community was facing the same type of public hatred, he remained a beacon of light.  Nearly 56 years after his assassination, his words, spirit, and leadership remain powerful.  How fitting is that as I write this, it is the weekend celebrating his birth.  Dr. King has many famous quotes that are filled with inspiration.  So many inspired me.  I picked 5 that speak to me now.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

We must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

You will notice that 3 of the 5 relate to love instead of hatred.  It’s easy to be filled with hate after October 7th and the 100 days the hostages have been kept.  It’s easy to hate when the Red Cross refuses to see the hostages or get them medicine.  It’s easy to hate after watching the 47-minute Hamas video.  Yet hatred, as Dr. King states, is a burden, paralyzes, confuses, and darkens life.  As I struggle with my anger and rage, Dr. King inspires me to be better and to do better.  He reminds me that those who are sincerely ignorant and consciously stupid are dangerous and I have an obligation to continue to learn and to educate others.  And most importantly, he reminds me that I must have faith in the future and focus on love, not hate.

The second may be seen by some as controversial.  Joe Paterno was more than a football coach.  The investment he put into his players as people is legendary.  I know so many people who weren’t players who had interactions with him and his focus was always about being better people.  What type of person do you want to be?  What type of parent?  Spouse?  I have friends who played on his teams and they all talk about how he invested in them as people.  Due to the Sandusky scandal, the statue of him was removed.  Penn State fans want it back and recently I read something about it once again.  The thought came to me that were he still alive, the statue wouldn’t be something he cared about.  But the type of people he coached and how they live their lives today is something he’d care about.  One of my middle and high school friends who was on the team from 1985-1990 is a great example.  Darryl is also in coaching and has been a mentor to my son Evan.  Along with being a friend to me, he is always available to help Evan.  I have seen the way he interacts with the players he coaches and like Joe Paterno, he cares about them as people first.  As I struggle with the feelings since October 7th, I think of the lessons from Coach Paterno and how that relates.  “Success with honor” was one of key goals for Coach Paterno.  It’s also how the IDF behaves.  They have their mission however they go above and beyond to what they can to ensure civilians aren’t harmed.  Unfortunately, Hamas does everything they can to ensure that civilians are harmed.  Coach Paterno had to compete against those who cheated.  Israel has to fight against Hamas who uses hospitals, schools, mosques, and homes as military bases.  Yet neither Coach Paterno nor the IDF compromise their values even when it makes things more difficult. 

The third place I find my inspiration is from my father.  I had a very close relationship with my father and when he died in September 2022, it had a huge impact on me.  My dad always focused on what you do, not what you say.  He focused on family and how important it is.  He cared about people and was always there as a resource to anybody and everybody.  As I struggle with these feelings, I often hear my dad in my head, giving me advice and guidance.  I have wanted to go to Israel since October 7th but my family is too concerned about safety and doesn’t want me to go.  I hear my dad telling me that as much as I want to go, as much as I need to go for myself, nothing is more important than family.  I know he would tell me to do what I can from here and be grateful that I can do things from here, even if it isn’t what I would prefer to do.  As I struggle with the anger and rage, he would tell me to focus on the beauty in my life, my family, my friends, and appreciate what I have rather than be consumed with anger and hate.  Like Dr. King, my dad focused on love and light.  I miss him terribly but even now, he is helping me deal with these feelings.

My brother, my dad, and me. He was my mentor and idol and he continues to teach me every day.

Today was the Ride for Israel in town.  Some wonderful community members put it together and a large crowd showed up for motorcycle and cars driving with Israeli flags, signs, and more throughout Orlando.  For two hours we drove all around town as people honked in support.  We had a great crowd and it felt good to be together as a community in support of Israel and the Kibbutzim that were attacked on October 7th.  It was a day of love, hope, community, friendship and fun.  As I struggle with the feelings post October 7th, it’s things like this along with the inspiration from Dr. King, Joe Paterno, and my dad that get me through it. 

Leaders of the Ride for Israel. What an incredible day.

I do believe and have hope for the future.  And perhaps that hope is what will get me through these challenging days.

Inspiring art and words from Joanne Fink

Sacrifice and the Zac Brown Band

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

I have loved the Zac Brown Band since I first heard their music.  There is a great energy and it’s fun to listen and sing along.  The lyrics tend to be upbeat and happy just like the music.  As I was listening to one of their biggest hits, Chicken Fried, last night, a section of the lyrics hit me very differently than ever before.  It’s because of October 7th and the aftermath of the Israel-Hamas war, the incredible rise of antisemitism and Jew hatred in this country, and what is happening on college campuses.

The lyrics I refer to are:

I thank God for my life and for the stars and stripes. May freedom forever fly, let it ring. Salute the ones who died. The ones that give their lives, so we don’t have to sacrifice all the things we love. Like our chicken fried and cold beer on a Friday night. A pair of jeans that fit just right and the radio up.

I have always loved those lyrics because as an American, I am truly grateful for those who serve in our military.  I do thank God for my life, for the freedom that exists in America, and for the sacrifices those who serve make every day so that I get to live such a wonderful life.  I truly believe in the slogan, “Home of the free Because of the Brave”.

As I listened to them now, I heard something very different because of what’s going on in Israel.  I have many friends who are currently serving in the IDF in Gaza or in the north, recalled from the reserves.  I have many friends who have children who were recalled from the reserves or are currently serving in the IDF.  I have friends whose relatives were taken hostage by Hamas or were murdered by Hamas on October 7th.  I have connections to a number of IDF soldiers who have died in the war. 

The lines “Salute the ones who died.  The ones that gave their lives, so we don’t have to sacrifice all the things that we love.” really bothered me this time.  As I thought of how Israel recalled 300,000 reservists and expected no more than 250,000 to show up, yet 360,000 actually did show up.  When I think of the hostages still kept in Gaza by Hamas and the IDF soldiers valiantly fighting hand to hand combat to try to rescue them, it’s hard to align that with us not wanting to sacrifice the things we love.  In Israel, they are sacrificing the things they love for the future of Israel and the Jewish people.  They are willing to sacrifice their loved ones.  Their parents, children, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends in defense of Israel and the Jewish people.  They’d gladly sacrifice some comfort food, a cold beer, a comfortable pair of jeans and loud music to get their loved ones back.

I started thinking of all the things we take for granted in our lives and all the people who sacrifice in order for us to have them.  The ability to go to a summer camp as a child.  It wasn’t inexpensive and my parents and grandparents had to sacrifice so we could go.  I went to Jewish Day School for a year, my brother for many years.  We all know private school, especially Jewish private schools, are not inexpensive. Yet another sacrifice.  As parents, my wife and I made the decision that we did not want our kids working while in school. This included college.  Their primary job was school and their education, with their involvement in other things as a secondary priority.  They could work if they wanted but only if their schoolwork, their primary job, was strong. It meant we took care of their spending money, car insurance, etc.  Not a huge sacrifice but we felt an important one. 

My CIT year at Camp Airy (with the girls who were CITs at Camp Louise). What a magical summer. My many years at summer camp only came with sacrifice from my parents and grandparents.

Working as a camp counselor after years of being a camper. I’m still in touch with a number of these guys nearly 40 years later. Thanks mom and dad, grandma and grandpa.

As I am contemplating sacrifice and how, as Americans, we are so entitled, I learned about another example.  Idan Amedi, a well-known Israeli singer and actor, who starred in the amazing TV show Fauda’s as Sagi, was seriously injured in Gaza while voluntarily serving in the IDF. Despite having every excuse not to fight, Idan felt it was his duty to protect his country.   Can you imagine Mark Ruffalo, Brad Pitt, Melissa Barrera, Kanye West or Gigi and Bella Hadid doing this? Can you imagine Susan Sarandon letting her children defend the country?  They are happy to take their money and speak out without knowledge but actually make a sacrifice?

Idan Amedi, known by many as the character Sagi from Fauda. 

Highlighting Idan, a celebrity and entertainer, is the American way to view things.  In Israel, Idan is no different that the father or mother who leaves their family, the business owner who leaves their business not knowing what will be there when they return or many other Israelis who put the country first rather than allowing others to make the sacrifice for them.. 

When I think about things like chicken fried, cold beer, jeans that fit right or loud music in this context, I get angry.  Why?  Because of the things that we choose to matter are really so unimportant, so shallow, especially with hostages still held in Gaza by Hamas. These innocent people who were kidnapped and have been held in brutal conditions for over 100 days.  Kfir Babis turned 1 year old this week, having spent a quarter of his life as a hostage, living underground. 

Kfir at 8 or 9 months old just before being taken as a hostage by Hamas. We can only hope and pray he is still alive now that he turned 1 in captivity.

Karin Ariev, Daniela Gilboa, and Agam Berger, all 19 years old, and Liri Albag, 18 years old, brutalized by Hamas for more than 3 months. We can’t imagine how they are being treated. We cannot forget them.

I think about the atrocities on October 7th and the promises to continue to do it again and again and again by Hamas leadership and I understand, as much as I can living in America, the need for sacrifice. I’ve seen the 47 minute Hamas video. This story below is horrifying but shows the evil of Hamas and why we must never allow evil to continue, even at great personal and communal sacrifice

WARNING – this is hard to listen to so before you hit play, be prepared.

The hostages have not been seen by the Red Cross.  They have not been given medicine.  No human rights organizations are crying for their release or to see them.  You can read what the hostages who have been released report it was like and imagine how much worse it is for those 136.  Do they know there are people in the world who care about them, or do they feel forgotten?  They surely don’t care about a cold beer, chicken fried food, a pair of jeans, or listening to music.  They are paying a horrible price in the fight for Israel and the Jewish people.

 A total of 136 people remain as hostages in Gaza, held by Hamas, after being kidnapped.Their names are listed here. We must never forget them and remember their names and that each one of them is a person with a family.


It’s a lesson to us about priorities and taking responsibility.  In the world we live in, with the situation and challenges we face in America, perhaps learning to take personal responsibility and to serve the greater good is what is sorely needed.

I became obsessed with the writing and thoughts of Kareem Abdul Jabbar a few years ago.  He always makes me think just a little deeper.  In his most recent writing, he highlights a quote from Taika Waititi’s recent soccer movie Next Goal Wins. As Kareem writes, “an American coach is being punished for his on-field outbursts by being assigned to coach a team from American Samoa that not only has never won a game but never scored a single goal. The hard-drinking loner lost in grief for his dead daughter is soon welcomed into the local community where their warmth and love heals him. At one point, the coach tells the local man who has helped him understand the Samoan way of life that he can’t win the game. The man’s response: “Then lose. But don’t lose alone, lose with us.”

In Israel, the people are fighting together.  Politics have been put aside.  Personal grievances are not important.  The wants and needs of the individual are not the focus but the needs of the country are front and center.  The required sacrifice of every person who lives there is something to aspire to.  Jew, Muslim, Christian, Druze, it doesn’t matter.  They are all Israelis and will win or lose together.  They are committed to doing everything they can to win because losing isn’t an option, just like losing alone isn’t an option for the Samoan talking to the coach in the movie. It often seems that in America, we’d rather lose alone.

The song Chicken Fried is lighthearted and meant to be.  Yet there is a powerful lesson to be learned about allowing others to make major sacrifices for our personal pleasure.  I’m grateful to those that keep us safe so we get to live the way do, but I won’t ever take them for granted.  One of my favorite camp counselors was a Viet Nam veteran and I personally saw the impact of the war on him as well as the lack of support he, and those who served, got from the public when they returned. Its something I will never forget. I pray for a quick, safe, and successful end to the war in Gaza, I also pray for the families of and those serving in both the IDF and the US military, for the families of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, and for those still held in captivity and their families by Hamas. 

Perhaps the lyrics should really be

I thank God for my life and for the stars and stripes. May freedom forever fly, let it ring. Salute the ones who died. The ones that give their lives, and those who continue to serve, so we can continue to live in freedom. Like our freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

It’s not as catchy, but sure rings truer.

I took this picture myself and wanted to end this post with something hopeful and beautiful. Being there and just looking at the picture and reflecting gives me great hope for the future. 

They are always watching

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Some people get inspired by poetry.  Others by art such paintings or sculptures.  For some it is the beauty of dance.  Still another group it’s the theater.  That’s the great thing about the arts.  Different people can find inspiration in different things at different times.  For me, it has always been through music and the lyrics, or poetry, that make up the song. For years I would quote my favorite poet, Bruce Springsteen.

Recently, I have been listening to a lot of country music.  I think it’s because my oldest son likes it and listens to it (along with hip-hop) in his car or when he would take over the music in my car.  Since I tend to do most of the long-distance driving, I began listening.  After our 10+ hour drive to Tennessee to move him to graduate school I was fully hooked and even had some favorite ‘new’ songs. 

The lyrics to country music truly speak to life.  I have found many artists that I like and even more songs that speak to me.  As my children are now in their 20s, I found it a little odd that the song ‘Watching You’ by Rodney Atkins became a favorite as it’s about a father and his 4-year-old son.  As I listened to it over many days, I finally realized that it’s not just about our children watching and learning from us.  Children are sponges and soak up whatever we put out.  What speaks to me now is the impact of this.  As we see worldwide hatred continue to grow, as we have seen the incredible expression of Jew hatred since October 7th, it really does come down to the lyrics of this song and people watching us.

“So I said ‘son, where did you learn to talk like that?’  He said, ‘I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool? I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.  And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are. We got cowboy boots and camo pants.  Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?  I wanna do everything you do.  So I’ve been watching you.’”

People watch what we do.  Our children are exposed the most and we have the most impact on them.  I think of the messages I got from my parents and my grandparents about what really matters and what to invest in.  About the messages I have sent and continue to send to my children. 

Sitting in Grandpa Len’s lap. He never stopped teaching
Grandpa Si was always teaching us as we watched him
I was lucky to have all 4 grandparents alive and teaching me until I was 26

I want to focus on 5. 

1. Family is everything.  It’s something my parents and grandparents always believed in.  Whether that meant ensuring we spent time together as a nuclear family, extended family, or with those who are just considered family, there was never a question about this in our house.  Growing up, we attended every family celebration.  We spent vacations at my grandparent’s beach house in Connecticut which meant we spent that time with most of our cousins.  Holidays were family events and I have fond memories of Thanksgiving and Passover with my cousins.  This is something I have continued with my children.  It’s essential they understand that when it comes to family, that always comes first.   

The family celebrating Ali’s 50th birthday
One of our memorable family vacations
My parents with their 7 grandchildren on their 50th anniversary cruise
The Dvorchik family all together
Even without my dad, when there is a family event we show up

2. Judaism matters.  I spent most of my childhood at the synagogue or JCC.  Hebrew school was 3 days a week.  We went on Shabbat morning for services.  My parents were involved so there was usually an event at least one other day a week.  4-5 days a week, 10 months a year, I was there for something.  The JCC was a couple of blocks away and easy to walk between the two.  I learned to swim at the JCC.  I played basketball, floor hockey, did community theater and was on the swim team at the JCC.  As I got older, the public school had a bus that stopped there so it was common for my friends and I to go there after school and then, at 5 pm, figure out which of our mom’s would be able to pick us up.  Using the phone at the reception desk, eventually we would find one of them at home or before they left work to get us.  At least most of the time.  Being Jewish and a part of the Jewish community was ingrained in me from the beginning by what my parents did and invested in.  I went to Jewish summer camp.  I was involved with a Jewish youth group. 

My synagogue confirmation class. We still keep in touch and many of us are in Facebook chat. There is even a big time future Rabbi in our group!

Every Friday night we had Shabbat dinner.  We all sat down at the table after lighting candles.  My dad said the kiddush.  One of the kids said Hamotzi.  Every week.  We could invite friends if we wanted.  As we got older, we were allowed to go out with friends on Friday night only AFTER Shabbat dinner.  It was tradition.  It was special.  As my kids got older and my oldest started playing high school football, during football season, our Shabbat dinner changed.  Instead of being at the table, it was in the stands, usually a hot dog and soda as we watched him play.  It wasn’t the same quality of meal, but it was the same quality of time together.  Even today, we are talking about Shabbat dinner and while I don’t bake Challah like I used to before becoming gluten free, I’m trying to find a good recipe so it will be part of the weekly ritual.  Family time is special and a value to my grandparents, parents, myself, and our children. The investment my parents and grandparents put into infusing being Jewish into my core remains today.

As little kids, lighting the menorah with my dad
As a little kid, saying Hamotzi with my Grandpa Si on Shabbat
Kiddush with Grandpa Si. I got a sip of wine.

3. Talk is cheap.  This was one of my dad’s favorite statements to me (or maybe most often used).  Anybody can say anything.  It’s not what you say but what you do that matters.  As a child, I would always have an excuse.  My dad taught me that it didn’t matter what you said, it mattered what you did.  “Show me, don’t tell me.” was a common theme.  My parents showed love.  They showed responsibility.  They showed what a marriage looked like.  They showed what raising a family is like.  They showed sacrifice.  They showed commitment.  They gave the example of what to do, not what to say.  At work. With each other. With us. Basically, they showed how to do this in life.

4. The best gift you can give your children is to love their mother.  This came from my dad and his father.  I heard this growing up.  I saw it in action with my grandparents and my parents.  Both sets of grandparents were married for over 55 years.  My parents were married for over 55 years.  They set the example for their children about love, commitment, and respect. 

One of my favorite pictures of my parents showing their love
Their faces show their love
Their wedding picture has always been a favorite
My dad’s favorite picture of my mom – he always had it in his office
Ali and me enjoying a night out

5. Get involved and make a difference.  My parents and grandparents were always involved in the community, particularly the Jewish community.  Presidents of their synagogue.  Involved with the men’s clubs, sisterhoods.  Volunteering at the Jewish Home for the Aged as I grew up.  The Masons, Kiwanis, Hadassah, National Council of Jewish Women, and B’nai Brith are just some of the organizations they were involved with.  My grandmother knitted slippers and hats for people in the hospital.  Growing up, I saw what commitment was like and as I got involved with my youth group, I took on leadership roles.  In college, I was a leader in my fraternity.  Throughout my adult life, getting involved has been important to me whether it was in the workplace or the things I do for fun.  It’s something I have infused into my children as well.  Just showing up isn’t enough.  We have an obligation to get involved and make a difference.

My dad’s last big volunteer effort was a Nefesh Mountain concert to raise money for Jewish summer camps scholarships. Everybody said he was crazy. They made about 10k to help send kids to camp. He was so excited and so proud.

When I listen to Rodney Atkins sing those lyrics, I see myself as a little boy looking up at my dad.  I see my boys looking up to me as their dad.  And I think about the final chorus when he sings:

My dad with me and my brother when we were little
I’m sure I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to
The time I took my kids to dinner with Eli Weisel

“But when I’m big I’ll still know what to do.  Cause I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool?  I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.  And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.  By then I’ll be strong as superman.  We’ll be just alike, hey, won’t we dad?  When I can do everything you do.  ‘Cause I’ve been watching you.“

Our kids are watching us and learning.  Their friends are watching us and learning.  The world is looking at us and watching and learning.  What are we committed to showing and teaching them?  For me, I know.  Do you?

My favorite picture of me and my dad. This is from Evan’s Bar Mitzvah party. We were both filled with so much joy.

Change the world one small thing at a time

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

October 7th and the aftermath is very personal to me and to many other people.  I have friends who had family members murdered at the music festival.  I have friends that had relatives kidnapped by Hamas and taken to Gaza as hostages.  I have friends who raced into danger to fight the terrorists.  I have met with people who were attacked on October 7th and fought back.  I have spoken with people who were at Kfar Aza two days later and saw the massacre in person.  I have friends on the front lines in Gaza and in the north of Israel.  I have friends who have their children on the front lines as well.  Every day when the casualty report comes out, I take a deep breath and read the names of those who lost their lives, hoping and praying that I don’t know any of them.

I don’t know that I can adequately express the impact this has had on me.  The deep pain.  The feelings of loss.  Watching the 47-minute Hamas video of their atrocities was difficult and there are images burned into my brain that will never leave.  I check on family and friends in Israel regularly.  The time they spend in bomb shelters remains shocking.  I message and audio message with a friend who was in the reserves and is now in charge of logistics in Gaza.  The gratitude in his voice that I reached out was both heartbreaking and heartwarming.  When the war is over, he plans to come to visit and I look forward to seeing him and hearing what he is able and willing to share.

   A beautiful piece of art by the amazing Joanne Fink

With all of this going on, it’s hard to find positive things to focus on.  But not impossible.  And when I do, it’s incredibly uplifting.  During the short ceasefire when hostages were released, the four hostages that are related to my friends were released.  One of them, Hila, turned 13 the day after she was released.  Her mother Raaya was released two days after Hila.  My friend who is related to Raaya and Hila began raising money to purchase birthday and Hanukkah gifts for Hila after she was released while her mother was still held in Gaza.  When I saw this, I reached out to see how I could help.

  Hila and Raaya

We ended up creating an Amazon wish list for Hila and sharing it.  People began purchasing the items so quickly that more and more were added.  And people kept purchasing them.  So we added more and more.  And people kept purchasing them.  Everything that was added was purchased. The list was empty at the end. 

One of the things Hila loves is Rare Beauty.  A friend works for them and so I reached out.  She was happy to help and the response from them was amazing. An amazing package was put together by them for Hila.  Another friend reached out to help.  Hila loves closes from Gary V’s and he has a contact there.  They also put together a great package for Hila.  She also loves lululemon clothes.  I get a nice discount there and we used it to buy her the clothes she wanted.  People and companies stepped up to help this 13-year-old girl who had been held hostage by Hamas in Gaza.  It felt good to do something to help her.

Today my friend sent me pictures and video of Hila with the gifts we got for her.  The joy on her face is palpable.  It’s infectious.  The videos are in Hebrew, but you can understand her joy and excitement.  On a day when Israel eliminated significant leadership of Hamas and an escalation from Hezbollah, the Houthis, and Iran is expected, this joy was unexpected and appreciated. 

Hila opening her birthday and Hanukkah gifts from her worldwide Jewish family. Her excitement is infectious.
More gifts for Hila. Listen to the excitement in her voice.

It doesn’t take much to change the world.  We do it one step at a time.  Random acts of kindness.  Being there for friends.  Doing just a little more than is required.  Today’s world is filled with challenges.  Your small effort has rippling and long-lasting effects.  If you don’t believe me, listen to Hila’s excited voice.  Look at the joy on her face.  A lot of people did a little bit to make a difference for this 13-year-old girl who was held hostage by terrorists.  We made her birthday and Hanukkah special this year.  You can do the same for others.

The look on her face melts my heart

That smile for the makeup is precious

How can you not fall in love with her?

You can feel her excitement and awe at the gifts

The gifts from Rare Beauty with the note to her from them. Such a class act.

It’s hard to imagine this sweet child kept in captivity by Hamas. Those are the sneakers she wanted so much and got for her birthday/Hanukkah because of our collective generousity.

Live Like You are Dying

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

I am the first to admit that I am not up on the newest trends.  Whether it’s fashion, movies, language, or music, I am always late to the table.  Recently I discovered the Tim McGraw song Live Like You are Dying that was released in 2004 (only 20 years behind the times!) that of course was the #1 song on the US Country Billboard chart for 7 weeks. Like I said, I’m behind the times.

As we enter a new year, 2024, the lyrics struck me deeply as a guide for how to live my life. The song was written by Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman who based it on family and friends who learned of illnesses (cancers), and how they often had a new perspective on life upon learning they had limited time. 

When one person asks the other what they did with this news, their answer was simple, beautiful, and powerful.  The answer is:

I went skydiving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying.

What an inspiration. Upon learning of a potential life ending medical condition, their decision was to invest in life.  To invest in living every moment possible.  To do the things they always wanted.  To feel the exhilaration of life.    I find myself wondering why it took the diagnosis to make the investment in life.  Why do we often wait until it is too late to do the things that we really want or that really matter?

Often times we put the things that society values in front of living.  We feel the need to work more, have more money, more things, a nicer car, a bigger house.  It often takes a major life event for us to realize our priorities are in the wrong place.  Would my life be any less if I drove a less expensive car?  Had a less expensive house?  Wore less expensive clothes or jewelry? 

In Bali I did the swing and it was incredible. I’ve been skydiving. It’s important to do the things that are fun in life.

Horseback riding on the beach in Netanya, Israel with my friend Remo. These opportunities come up for all of us and we need to remember not to miss them.

The next line in song is haunting.

Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying.

We get this chance every single day.  Do we want to be home for dinner with the family or work that extra hour or two?  Do we want to take our children to their doctor appointment, watch their sporting events, plays, recitals, and concerts or spend more time working, accumulating ‘things’. Why do we have to hope that “someday” we will get this change when we have it every single day.

The second verse talks about the person they want to be.  As I read the lyrics, it reminded me of the things that are really important to me.

I was finally the husband that most of the time I wasn’t, and I became a friend a friend would like to have.  And all of a sudden going fishin’ wasn’t such an imposition and I went three times that year I lost my dad.  Well, I finally read the Good Book, and I took a good, long, hard look at what I’d do if I could do it all again

Fishing with Evan and my nephews Nick and Caden. It was a fun day, especially because I caught all the fish! Memories are priceless.

The past 15 months have been life changing for me.  My father died in September 2022.  We had a very close relationship and the last few weeks of his life I got to be there for him on a daily basis.  The ability to do that was one I will always treasure.  His passing started a process of self-evaluation and reflection that continues today. 

When my children were little, I had the flexibility to take them to their doctor appointments and almost always did.  I didn’t miss a performance or sporting event.   As they got older and my travel requirements for work changed, I began missing some things when I was out of town however, I did my best to schedule around their appointments and events.  A friend of mine gave me wise advice when my children were little.  He said, “Every age is the best.”   As such, I wanted to fully engage with them at every age and through every phase. 

There came a 3-year period of time when work was overwhelming, and I was not able to engage this way.  I remember how I felt during that time period and how much I didn’t like it.  I remember feeling like I was not the father I wanted to be.  I was not setting the example that I wanted for my children.  I was not being the person that I wanted to be.  So, I made a change.

The past years have been filled with time invested with my family.  I have incredible memories I have with both of my children are ones that will last a lifetime.  The time visiting colleges for football recruiting with my oldest.  Friday night lights watching him play football in high school and then with UCF and coaching high school football.  The spent with my younger son at Jaguars games and theater at the Dr. Phillips Center.  Eating dinner as a family.  Holiday celebrations together.  Birthday traditions, family vacations. 

At the UFC fight – it’s become a tradition for Evan, Matthew and me to go.

Matthew and me at the 2022 White House Hanukkah Party. A memory with stories we will always remember

I had the chance to take my nephew Jacob to the Braves-Mets game in Citi Field. Time together is irreplaceable. 

On the drive to Tennesse to move Evan in to start as a GA coaching football at Tusculum College, he wanted a little detour to stop at the University of South Carolina football stadium. Worth every minute of the detour.

At my father’s funeral, my brother, sister, and I all spoke about him.  None of us talked about how much he worked.  None of us talked about the material things that we had.  It wasn’t important that we didn’t have the most expensive home, car, or clothes.  We talked about the person my dad was.  We talked about the time we spent with him.  We told stories about him and the impact he had on our lives and the lives of our friends.  I wrote in a previous blog how my dad told somebody that he wasn’t afraid of dying.  He was just sad about the things he would be missing.  I truly believe that is because when he “took a good, long, hard look at what I’d do if I could do it all again” he found little that he would do differently when it came to his family. He was ‘a friend a friend would want like to have’ and inspires me to make sure that I am as well.

Evan with my longtime friend Darryl. Darryl is a college football coach and has served as a mentor to Evan. A friend a friend would want.

The final verse of the song teaches me to do it now, not wait.  The lyrics state:

Like tomorrow was a gift and you’ve got eternity to think about what you’d do with it.
What could you do with it? What did I do with it? What would I do with it?

I decided years ago that I didn’t want to live with regret.  I never wanted to look aback on my life and regret missing out on things.  As my oldest is almost 24 and living his dream as a college football coach (graduate assistant) in Tennessee and my youngest is 21 and finishing his Junior year at UCF, I look back at time when they were young without regrets.  I took advantage of the time with them to fully immerse myself in being there.  I was cautioned by others to take advantage when they still wanted me around because the day would come when they didn’t any longer.  I’ve been blessed that they still want me around.  That we still do things and go places together.  That my oldest wants me to come to watch him coach.  That my youngest wants to go to sporting events, concerts, the theater with me.  That they both want to go on vacation with their parents. 

Evan, Matthew and me the night before he coached in the conference championship game. I wouldn’t trade the 10 hours each way with Matthew or the chance to watch Evan coach for anything.

Alison, Matthew, Carla and me at the Orlando Ballet performance of the Nutcracker. Going to the theater and the arts have become a fun thing for us.

A song that starts with a cancer diagnosis sounds depressing.  Yet this one is inspiring.  Not because the person survives – we don’t know that outcome.  But we do know that they chose to live.  They chose to take advantage of every day they have on earth with people. 

As we start 2024, I renew my commitment to living in the moment.  To not having regrets.  To set my priorities and have them in line with my values.  To live like I am dying.

I hope you do too.