I grew up in an interesting community.  In the 1970s and early 1980’s, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania was very middle America and a very integrated place.  My friends growing up were of various ethnicities and backgrounds.  We went to school together, played together, and grew up together.  I like to joke that because 1/3 of my public school was Jewish, we were closed for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and you would see tons of Matzo at lunch during Passover.  But because it was Central Pennsylvania, we were also closed the first day of deer hunting season, because 1/3 of the school (including teachers) wouldn’t be there.

My friends were Christian, Jewish, and Hindu.  They were African American, Indian, and Caucasian.  They were gay and straight (although nobody had come out at that time, we all knew).  They were in the gifted program and in the regular educational program.  They came from different socio-economic backgrounds.  We were kids who liked each other and hung out together and were friends.  It’s amazing how many of them I keep in touch with even to this day.

Growing up in this environment, I didn’t see the challenges that some of my friends faced.  They were my friends, so the fact that they were African American or gay wasn’t an issue to me and I wrongly assumed it wasn’t an issue in general.  I was ignorant because I made a key false assumption that people thought the way I thought.  As a result, I never saw the challenges they faced or would face in the future.

When October 7^th happened, not only was I horrified, I also expected that the world would be horrified with me.  When I saw that not only were they not horrified but they also wanted more October 7^th type violence against Jews, that they blamed Jews for being attacked and murdered by terrorists, and that the world openly turned against the Jews, I got it.  I finally understood what my friends dealt day in and day out that I never saw.  Just like I saw them as people first, there are those who see Jews as people first.  But there are far more who are filled with hatred towards Jews.  I felt guilty for how I missed what my friends dealt with and deal with. 

I used to get frustrated when I would see things like ‘Queers for Palestine’ and think to myself, “Don’t they know that they would be persecuted and killed there?”  I would think, “Israel is the only place in the Middle East where you can be openly gay.  Don’t they know that?”  I would wonder, what’s wrong with them?  Since October 7^th and in the aftermath, I no longer think that way.  I now wonder what did we do wrong?  How did we let them identify with a group that hates them instead of with Israel?  How did we abandon them?  Sure we fought for gay rights, marriage equality, the right to adopt, and many other things.  But we didn’t understand their challenges in the world.  We didn’t identify WITH them.  So instead they identify with those who would kill them, who want to kill us, because they did identify WITH them. 

I used to wonder how the African American community could have forgotten the civil rights movement and how the Jewish community played such an integral role in fighting WITH them.  How could they abandon the people who helped found the NAACP, who fought so closely in the 1960s for equal rights?  Since October 7^th and the aftermath, I now wonder, “How did we abandon them?”  Where did WE go wrong?  How did WE move on and no longer serve as allies, creating an identification with terrorists who hate the very freedom we fought together to have? 

The same is true for a part of our Jewish community who fights against Israel.  I used to wonder how THEY went wrong.  How could THEY be self-hating, how could THEY not understanding their homeland, how could THEY be so misinformed?   Since October 7^th and the aftermath, I now wonder, how did WE lose them?  How did WE not provide what they needed?  What do WE need to change to ensure the future generations understand the real meaning of Zionism, the importance of Israel to all Jews, and that it’s ok to disagree with the ruling government without trying to delegitimize the only Jewish country in the world. 

If it’s really on US to change then we have to do things differently.  We have to not only invest in the relationship but also work to understand the barriers they face on an everyday basis. 

I read about Bayard Rustin, an openly gay black man during the civil rights movement who was the architect of the 1963 March on Washington.  He was the right-hand man for the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. until he was blackmailed and chose to step away rather than risk damaging Dr. King and the movement.  A man who formed BASIC – Black Americans to Support Israel Committee in 1975.  There was a movie made about his life in 2023 that is available on Netflix.  I am fascinated by this amazing man that I never knew about and it made me wonder how many more people like him do I not know about.  How many historic figures do our schools do not teach.

I knew a little about the Tuskegee airmen but just a little.  I read an article in The Free Press about them and the lesson in excellence that they taught us.  It’s a lesson I never learned because schools don’t teach about them.  There is a lot for me to learn about the Tuskegee airmen, much to read, much to understand.  A few of the remaining airmen spoke in Orlando recently and I was disappointed that I had a conflict and couldn’t hear them speak.  If I get the opportunity again, I won’t miss it.  I heard a story from the event that really hit me.  One of the airmen said that many years later he met a white pilot who the airmen had supported and escorted many times in battle.  The white pilot had never met or known who escorted him so many years later, he went up and thanked him.  I can’t even imagine doing what they did with that little recognition or acknowledgement.  True heroes.  I was so inspired by the article that just like the author, I am getting a piece of artwork signed by some of the actual airmen to hang in my office to remind me what excellence, bravery, and commitment are really about. 

When I lived in Seattle, a friend of mine who is gay, made a comment, complimenting me and talking about Harvey Milk.  I had heard the name but didn’t know much about him at that time.  Since she was saying it as a compliment, I wanted to learn about him and his story.  What I learned was fascinating and once again, I was stunned and disappointed that I never learned about him in school. I had always heard of the ‘Twinkie defense’ in California and we used to joke about it growing up and even in college.  That was common knowledge.  The fact that the man who murdered Harvey Milk was who got away with murder for using the Twinkie defense wasn’t something I learned until I started reading about him.  I was stunned that such an important part of the story of the Twinkie defense was never taught.   I watched the movie Milk, starring Sean Penn, and was amazed at what a great job they did telling his story. 

I wrote earlier about my Palestinian friends and how I reached out to them to check on them.  After Iran attacked Israel, I reached out to friends in Iran to see how they are doing.  The people of Iran are not the government, and they have publicly supported Israel.  They have painted things like “Israel bomb the Ayatollah’s house” and cheered for Israel in the streets.  I am concerned about the safety of my friends in Iran, both from the government and potential attacks.  Since October 7^th and the aftermath, I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes we have made with other communities.  So I reach out.  I share empathy.  I do my best to understand what they are going through and share what I am going through with them.  Build on commonalities so we see our similarities. 

I don’t know if it’s too late for the generation who thinks those that hate them are the ones they need to support.  I don’t know if we can educate or change their minds.  I know that I have to try.  I know that I have an obligation to make a difference with those that I can.  The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. finished his famous ‘I have a dream’ speech with the following words:

And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

We need to speed up that day with our actions.  I am committed.  I ask you to join me.