I grew up in a very multicultural environment.  My friends were many different religions and came from many different cultures.  They were of many ethnicities.  They came from different socio-economic backgrounds.  Some had intact families, some had parents that were divorced.  Some were straight and while some were not ‘out’ yet, we all knew they were gay. It was a great way to grow up as people were just people.  Friends were friends because of who they were, not any other reason.  Growing up this way shaped me as person.  To this day, my friends are my friends because of who they are, not based on their religion, culture, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexual orientation or identification. 

I didn’t realize that how I grew up was a bubble in a world that was not like that until much later in my life.  As a Jewish, middle-class kid, I didn’t feel any different than my friends.  I would go to their house; they would come to mine. We all played together, hung out together, dated each other, shared our hopes and dreams with each other.  I wrongly assumed that everybody felt the way I felt.

It wasn’t until I went away to college that I began to notice the difference.  We went to different colleges, and some didn’t go to college.  A number of my friends had children when they were 19, 20 or 21.  Even my friends who went to college with me ended up having different social groups that were more aligned with their personal identity.  I joined a Jewish fraternity.  I had friends that joined the historically black fraternities.  Some joined fraternities that didn’t like Jews or black people.  Others joined no fraternity and had a totally different social circle.

While I faced antisemitism in college, I didn’t see my friends facing prejudice because of their skin color or their ethnicity or their sexual identity.  It wasn’t something that I lived with and so it was easy not to notice.  I was blind to the discrimination they faced.  When my childhood friends came out, it wasn’t a big deal to me because I had already known they were gay since childhood.  While I was happy that they could now publicly be who they were, I didn’t understand what they were now facing as openly gay men.

It wasn’t until I was in my 40s and living in Seattle that I began to notice what my friends faced.  I saw the Jew hatred starting and saw others ignoring it or not standing up for it.  I saw hatred against the LGTBQ+ community and saw people ignore it.  A friend of mine there told me that my leadership reminded her of Harvey Milk, and I’m embarrassed to admit that while I knew the name and that he was a gay man and leader in San Francisco, I didn’t know his story.  I read about him, watched the movie (I highly recommend watching Sean Penn as Harvey Milk in the movie Milk) and was amazed that this incredible leader isn’t taught to children.  I was more stunned when I learned it was his murderer who got off on the ‘Twinkie Defense’ which I had heard of. 

When the murders happened at Pulse in Orlando, it was shocking to me.  After Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Philando Castile, Botham Jean, Breanna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery were killed, I remember a friend of mine posting about how her son was driving across country and how worried she was about his safety because he would be driving while black. That was a slap in the face for me.  My children were just a little younger than hers and while I worried about them driving safely, I wasn’t worried about them getting pulled over and ending up dead.  It deeply affected me and made me realize how much I was oblivious to because of how I grew up and my own life experiences.  My heart broke for her.  It broke for my other friends who faced the same thing and were not comfortable saying it publicly.

When my son was recruited to play football by Howard University, a historically black college, I was excited for him.  Howard is an excellent school with a great alumni base, and a childhood friend of mine was one of the coaches.  When they offered him a full scholarship, I really wanted him to choose Howard.  I was surprised by the pushback I got from people.  He decided to attend UCF instead and I was sad about the process.  When he thought about transferring, he was recruited by 4-5 other HBCs and I encouraged him to consider them.  Again, there was pushback by others which saddened me. 

I began paying more attention.  One of my childhood friends posts regularly about black history and important black historical figures.  Most of them I have never heard of and as I read about them, I am sad that I never had.  When The Free Press wrote an article about Bayard Rustin, the architect of the March on Washington in 1963, I was stunned that I had never heard of him.  I learned about the March on Washington, the Reverand Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Malcom X.  Why had I never learned about Bayard Rustin? 

When October 7^th happened, it was my turn.  The pain I felt from the murders, rapes, and kidnappings that day was intense.  I was worried about my friends in Israel who lived in the south of Israel and could be murdered just because they were Jewish.  Those murdered and kidnapped from the Nova music festival hit me hard as that could have been my children and could have been me with them.  When my friend’s son was killed by the terrorists, it hit hard.  He was younger than both my sons.  When I learned of family members of my friends who were being held hostage, I was devastated.  As of now, there were 10 hostages that are related to my friends.  6 remain hostages to this date. 

When the violence against Jews increased after October 7^th and people were silent, I was outraged.  When the denial of the rapes happened, I was outraged.  When the women’s rights groups are silent about the rape of Jewish women on October 7^th, I was outraged.  When the hostages are forgotten or not mentioned by many of our leaders, I am outraged.  When Israel gets vilified for defending her citizens, I get outraged.  When the lies about what is going on become accepted, I get outraged. 

I got it.  While Jews marched with Dr. King and were active in the civil rights movement, that was 50 years ago.  Where have we been as real partners for other communities, building friendships and relationships, since then?  How could we expect them to be there for us when we haven’t been there for them?  Of course there are some people who have been, but as a community, we have not.  I made a commitment to not be that person any longer.  To build relationships with other communities so they know the Jews are there for them before we ask them to be there for us. To have my eyes open for hatred of all types and to stand up against it. 

On Thursday June 20, 2024, the SF Giants played the St. Louis Cardinals at Rickwood Field in Birmingham, Alabama.  It was a tribute to the Negro Leagues and to honor Willie Mays (z’l).  The fact that Mays died on June 18, 2024, days before the game, made it more poignant.  That June 19^th is the holiday Juneteenth made it more powerful.  During the pregame interviews on television, Alex Rodriguez asked Reggie Jackson what it was like returning to a field that held so many memories of baseball’s past.  Reggie’s response was one of the most powerful things I have ever heard. He describes with bitter passion how horrible it was for him.  He shared the prejudice he faced.  How his manager, teammates, and even the owner, supported him.  How they likely saved his life because without them he would have reacted on his anger.  It made me commit even more to fight against racism and hatred.  Watch the interview – it is powerful.

As I listened to Reggie talk, it hit me that we are back there again.  From violence against the black community, the LGTBQ+ community, the Asian community, the Muslim community, and the current horrific issues against the Jewish community, it is just like what Reggie described.  “No Jews” is now heard.  Being a Zionist means your teachers and other students will discriminate against you.  Being Jewish makes you eligible to be attacked.  Looking Jewish makes you a target for physical violence.  A 12-year-old Jewish girl was gang raped in France on June 19^th because she was Jewish.  Jewish schools have been shot at in Canada.  The horrors Reggie faced are now being faced by Jewish students on college campuses, in public schools, synagogues, and other public spaces.  How have we come so far to be right back where we were?

This is why we need to do 3 things immediately.

1. Get educated.  Learn the facts.  Don’t believe the lies and don’t just speak in generalities.  Know that Zionists so wanted a Jewish homeland that they accepted the partition plan immediately despite the challenges the plan presented.  It was a Jewish homeland, so they took it.  The Arabs rejected it and have continued to reject every opportunity for peace and a 2-state solution since 1948.  Most of the time rejecting with violence.  Learn about the State of Israel and the Arab supreme court Justice, the Arabs in the Knesset.  The Israeli-Arabs, the Ethiopian Jews, the Druze, the Bhai, the Bedouins, and the Christians.  Hasbarah is great but not enough.  Learn the history.  Learn the facts.  Be able to have an intelligent discussion and defend Israel.  Even when you are talking with people who know nothing.  Actually, especially when you are talking with people who know nothing. 

• Defend Israel and the Jewish people.  The days of hiding or playing defense are over.  We play offense now.  We don’t take the beatings because we get to stay alive.  We fight back so we can live.  Go to Israel and be public about it.  Wear your Jewish pride, as a Star of David, a Chai, a kippah, a t-shirt, or whatever you want.  Stand up.  Speak out. 

• Build relationships with other communities.  We need to have these relationships.  During Pride month, be visible as a Jew celebrating Pride.  During Black History month, be visible as a Jew.  Stand with the black community as they celebrate their history.  During Ramadan, go to a community Iftar and celebrate with your Muslim brothers and sisters.  Learn the right greeting and wish them a Ramadan Kareem or Ramadan Mubarak.  Know and use the greeting Eid Mubarak on Eid-al-fitr, the last day of Ramadan.  Build relationships with the Christian community, the Sikh community, and every other community you can.  We need them and they need us. 

Here is an example of what getting educated and defending Israel can look like.  Watch as this lie, this falsehood, is completely exposed by the speaker.

And watch true experts, Douglas Murray and Natasha Hausdorff debate on behalf of Israel here.  Some highlights of the debate are below.

Hate is on the rise.  Don’t think it isn’t.  Don’t think it hasn’t always been here.  I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t see it for a long time while my friends had to deal with it.  I’m embarrassed it took what it took to open my eyes.  Now that they are open, there are only two options. 

1. Keep my eyes open and take action to fight hate and bigotry.
2. Put my head back in the sand and pretend that I never saw it. 

History has shown that only keeping our eyes open open and taking action has positive results.  This action includes making the effort to support other communities and show that we are there for them before we need them to be there for us. That’s my choice. What is yours?