Tag: football

The Real America

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

The past few years have been crazy in America and the world. The past year, since the October 7th attacks by Hamas on Israel, have increased and/or exposed antisemitism in the world and in the United States in a scary way. I have been very vocal about my concerns about the lack of leadership by our elected officials at all levels of government as well as within the Jewish community. Those concerns remain and grow stronger every day.

This past weekend gave me hope from the PEOPLE of America. What happened? What did I experience? What did I do? How did this happen?

First of all, I want to acknowledge that it was Rosh Hashana and I celebrate the chagim different than most. Services don’t do it for me so I find other ways to connect with God. Sometimes it is at the beach. Sometimes it’s in nature. It’s usually something that has deep meaning to me and gives me a chance to assess my life, my choices, and how I want to do better in the upcoming year.

As strange as it sounds, this year, I returned to my Alma Mater, Penn State University, for the Penn State – UCLA game. How could a football weekend give me such hope during such a bleak time? It doesn’t sound reasonable let along possible. Yet it happened. On multiple levels through multiple situations. With multiple different people.

I flew out on Thursday to meet one of my best friends who is like my brother. We’ve been friends and it’s been like this for 36 years. I called him mom, mom. He calls my mom, mom. His Aunt Jean my was my Aunt Jean. My dad was like his dad and my parents treat him like a 3rd son. It’s that type of relationship. He picked me up at the airport, we grabbed lunch, caught up, and went to see his new house and to hang out with his wife, who I have known literally just as long as he has (almost to the minute!). That’s a different story for a different time.

After stopping for lunch we went to his new house, built on 125 acres. Living in the country provides a different experience. People are nicer. People take care of each other. There was a different feeling being there than in the city. A calmness. Safety. Natural community. People know who belongs and who doesn’t. They look after each other. Favors are commonplace, not to keep a count but to help others. With the hate of the last year, it was refreshing to be in a place where kindness and care was so essential to life.

On our drive to Penn State, there were four of us in the car. We spent the time talking, laughing, bonding, and connecting. I didn’t know the other two guys before we got in the car, yet by the time we got there, it felt like we had been friends for life. It was refreshing to be with people who wanted to connect, who wanted to get to know each other, and focus on similarities, not differences. On the way, we stopped at Sheetz for dinner (If you don’t know what Sheetz is, you are missing a Western Pennsylvania highlight). The common Pennsylvania battle is Sheetz vs. Wawa. As the only one with Philly roots, I chose to remain silent about the competition to enjoy the company (although I prefer Wawa). We shared the unloading of the car, shared setting things up, and enjoyed each other’s company. There was common responsibility. It wasn’t any one person’s job to do anything. It was all of our jobs to do everything. How refreshing! The focus was on the common good, not counting who did what or if somebody had done too much or not enough. We hung out, talked, watched some TV, enjoyed the company, and then went to bed, getting ready for a full next day.

Friday was golf day. The four of us spent the day on the course, enjoying a beautiful October day of sunshine and cool weather. Three of the four of us are not good golfers but we sure had a lot of fun. We played on teams for the front nine, competing against each other. By the end of the front nine, we dropped the competition and just enjoyed hitting the ball, laughing at each other, and excited about the good shots we hit. As we finished golfing, the rest of the crew coming up for the weekend arrived. We headed home, ready to shower, have guests for happy hour, and then have dinner.

The more people who showed up, the more we bonded. Everybody was different yet we focused on our similarities. Living in a world where half our country hates the other half, it was an incredible change to be with people who didn’t care about the differences, who didn’t want to focus on the problems but instead enjoy everything we had. One of the guys owns cigar shops and we listened to him, fascinated by the things he was telling us and learning from him. On a beautiful evening, we sat on the back porch, enjoying each other’s company.

I had been having a health issue for a couple of days and it wasn’t getting better. I am known to try to just power through things and not always make the smartest decisions about my health needs. Since most people, including myself, know this, I finally decided to ask my wife about what was going on. Since she’s a nurse, I probably should have asked her a few days before, but again, I’m not always the smartest when it comes to my own health. When I shared what was going on, she told me to go to the Emergency Department at the hospital right away to get seen and have it addressed. She made me promise to text her when I got there and keep her updated. She knows me too well and that without making me promise to go right way and text her when I got there, I might delay going (or find a reason not to go at all). When I shared what I needed with a couple of guys, they jumped up to volunteer to help. I had offers to take me, to wait with me, whatever I needed. I didn’t need anybody to sit with me so I took the ride, thanked everybody for their offers, and went to be seen.

As I sat waiting to be seen, sitting next to an Amish couple (yes, a real Amish couple), a number of the guys started texting me to check on me. These were people I didn’t even know two days before. The power of community and friendship was clear. I found myself remembering what it was like growing up in Central Pennsylvania, where everybody really did care about each other. Our parents always knew that somebody’s parents would be watching us, no matter who’s house we were at. Somebody’s parents would pick us up when we needed to. It was that common responsibility, just like when we arrived at the house at Penn State, that I grew up with. I found myself wondering how that had changed throughout the country and very grateful to have found it once again.

After being seen and having the pressing issue taken care of with a promise to see my doctor in Florida when I got home, I was picked up and went back to the house. The response I got was amazing. People asking how I was. People checking on me. One of the guys had a similar issue and got open and vulnerable sharing about it with me. Some of these people I hadn’t even known 24 hours and yet I mattered that much to them. It was so powerful and overwhelming. I have written and talked about how kindness costs nothing and how valuable it is, yet being on the receiving end was both surprising and overwhelming. It’s something I will never forget.

The next day was the Penn State – UCLA football game. The guys were shocked that I was going, having just been at the hospital the night before. I felt fine after they resolved my issue and I wasn’t going to miss out. Throughout the tailgate before the game, the game, and the tailgate after the game, different guys would come up to me and tell me how they shared what happened with their wife and their wife was asking about me. They couldn’t believe I was at the game, happy, and having fun.

At the Penn State – UCLA game, less than 18 hours after my hospital visit

So much of our life is determined by out attitude. Despite the health issue, despite a couple hours at the hospital, with every opportunity to look at the negatives, I only wanted to focus on the positives. I wanted to be at the tailgate with friends. I wanted to enjoy the game with friends. I wanted to focus on the good rather than the negative. We all have that choice every day. How often do we take it? How often do we get stuck in the negative, complaining, whining, missing out on the opportunities that are in front of us because we are focused on something we have no control over.

Back at Beaver Stadium. I forgot how much joy I have there

A few of the guys who are now my lifelong friends pulled me aside to talk. They got vulnerable and shared some things going on in their lives because I had taken the risk and shared what was happening with me right then and there. I wonder how many people there are that are looking for that opportunity to get vulnerable and never find it, never feel safe enough, to open up. As strange as it sounds, I found myself glad that I had the medical issue because it gave me the opportunity to be vulnerable and that then allowed others to do so as well. We live in a world where being right is so important that we forget to be human. We argue and fight over things we have no control over instead of focusing on the things that matter. People. Friends. Family.

Before we all left on Sunday, I made sure to tell them that we need to find a weekend next year that doesn’t conflict with a Penn State home game and do this for a UCF game so I can expose them to the Bounce House. There was real excitement and hopefully we can make it happen during the 2025 season. I spent roughly 3 days with these guys and they are now friends. People I want in my life moving forward. People who showed me kindness and care when I needed it. People that opened up to me and that I opened up to.

Imagine a world where instead of half the country hating the other half, we had people who cared about the other half. Not in a political manner. Not in a big picture, social justice, argue about policy manner, but as real human beings. There is something special in the Central/Western Pennsylvania area that I had forgotten, having moved from Pennsylvania to Florida in 1992. The hominess. The welcoming attitude. It’s a lesson I am glad to be have been reminded. It is a reminder that it is my responsibility to act and behave that way no matter how other people choose to act and behave. It is that reminder of the power of kindness. It is that reminder that we all want and need to connect, no matter how crusty our exterior may be, and we all have the opportunity to create that connection.

So to Master Gunny Jimmy, Steve, and Gary, my newest friends, thank you for being who you are. Thank you for reminding me of how to act and behave all the time, especially in this crazy world. Thank you for your friendship. To my friend Aric, thanks for being my brother and thanks for bringing us all together.

Now ask yourself, “How do I live my life?” Do you live in joy or in anger? Do you live in kindness or resentment? Are you willing to be vulnerable and allow others to be vunerable with you? What type of person do you want to be and what type of world do you want to live in? We all get to make those choices and we all can live in the world we desire based on our actions. We are not powerless and don’t have to accept what is being given to us. This weekend reminded me of that.

In the immortal chant based exactly on this lesson (click on it read the story), one that never gets old:

“WE ARE……………………………..PENN STATE”

The Sunday music inspiration

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

About 6 months ago I began subscribing to The Free Press.  The articles have been great and each Sunday there is a focus by Douglas Murray called, “Things Worth Remembering” that in year one focused on poetry.  I have to admit that for most of my life, poetry hasn’t been something that I really got.  Yet getting this weekly article about a specific poem that really dug into the words began to inspire me.  I went from glancing at it, to skimming it, to reading it and really enjoying it.  The Free Press announced that year two of the column will now focus on great oratory of the ages. 

I’ve also written about how behind I am with popular music.  So, as I catch up on music, I thought I’d imitate the Free Press and use Sunday as a day to be inspired by music.  Today’s song is from 2017, so I’m only 6-7 years behind the curve on this one.  It’s by Scotty McCreary and called ‘Five More Minutes”.  The words remind me of the past and inspire me for the future.

Eight years old, couple cane pole sittin’ down by the creek.  Lines in the water, watchin’ those bobbers, seein’ that red sun sink. Mama’s on the porch yellin’, “Supper’s hot! Y’all come and get it!”  We yelled, “Five more minutes.”

As a child, we played outside every day.  Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, it didn’t matter how hot or cold it was, we were outside playing.  The rules were when the streetlights came on, we had to head home.  And every day, when the lights came on, we kept playing until at least one of our mothers who open the front door and yell at us to come inside for dinner.  And just like in the song, we would groan and beg for just five more minutes.  We never really wanted just five more minutes but that was what we asked for.  As an adult, I look back on those days with such gratitude.  We had no worries.  We played all sorts of games outside with everybody in the neighborhood.  The only worry we had was watching for the streetlights to turn on.  There are many days that I wish for just five more minutes of that childhood without the pressures of life.  As my children grew up, I wanted to give them to same type of experience.  While the world had changed and technology meant they weren’t outside all afternoon like we were, I still wanted to give them the opportunity to ask for just five more minutes.  I smile when it’s dinner time and my now young adult sons will ask for just a few more minutes to finish their game before they come to eat.

The joy of childhood is precious, and we lose it far too often.  While as adults we have responsibilities beyond coming home for dinner when the streetlights turn on, we can find our own ways to do the things that bring us similar joy to we experienced in childhood.  In the times we live in, bringing some childhood joy to our lives is critical to maintain our sanity.

At sixteen, it was 12:03, standin’ at her front door.  And Katie’s dad said “Midnight,” but we needed just a little more.  Yellow light flippin’ on and off interruptin’ that good night kissin’.  We wanted five more minutes.

As a teen, it was no longer just come in for dinner when the streetlights came on.  After dinner it was going out with friends.  First it was just in the neighborhood and as we got older and could drive, it was midnight and later.   It was exciting and thrilling.  The night brought lots of opportunities, especially with dating.  I remember many times sitting in the car or at the front door with the ‘goodnight kiss’, knowing that her dad was waiting inside to make sure she got home by curfew.  And like the song, we always wanted just five more minutes.   High school was all about the five more minutes of whatever we were doing, other than school.  Dating, parties, youth group conventions, vacations – we always wanted just a little bit more. 

When I look back, I find myself thinking about how to get that extra time with the things I love.  Going to sporting events with my kids, the theater with my wife, vacations with my wife and with the family, concerts, spending holidays together, and so much more.  I remember growing up hearing about how time was the most precious commodity we have and thinking how young I was and how much future was ahead.  In my mid 50s, with 60 around the corner, I look back and appreciate the way I spent some of my time and think of the missed time that I can never get back.  I treasure the time I got to spend with my grandparents and how integral all four of them were to me into my mid-20s and early 30s.  I think of my great-grandma Rose and the time I spent with her.  I think of my parents, my siblings (including my wife’s sisters and her family), my cousins, my in-laws, and my close friends. 

As I look at the next two decades of my life, I want to focus on that extra five more minutes with the people I love and the people who matter to me.  Time truly is the most precious possession we have, and I am grateful to be at a place in my life and with my career where I don’t have to sacrifice the time because of work, finances, or ego.  I want to remember what it felt like being a teenager when I treasured every minute on a date, while being out with friends, and with everything that I did.  Somehow when building a career and raising a family, these things get lost, and it is too easy to never recover them. 

Time rolls by, the clock don’t stop. I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times.  Ah, but they just keep on flyin’. Right on by like it ain’t nothin’.  I wish I had me a-, a pause button.  Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it.  And give myself five more minutes. 

As a kid, time seemed to drag on.  I remember being told that as I got older, the days would go slow and the years would go fast.  I didn’t believe it nor did I truly understand it.  I was young.  Invincible.  The future was mine and so much ahead of me.  I remember turning 30 and thinking how old I was, because I grew up in shadows of the ‘don’t trust anybody over 30’ generation.  I wanted a fast forward button, not a pause button.  Fast forward through high school so I could be independent and move away to college.  College was fun but I wanted to fast forward to building a career.  Being single was fun but I wanted to fast forward to getting married and having children.  Time was plentiful so why would I want to slow life down? 

My fraternity brothers at one of our formals. Truly the best of times that went way too fast.

My friend Aric, who is like a brother to me, and his now wife Carol Ann. We joke that if it was ‘my turn’ when we met girls that she would have been my wife instead of his. It feels like yesterday but it was more than 30 years ago.

High school. Hard to believe this was almost 40 years ago. It feels like yesterday. We lost my friend Ellen (z’l) in the Penn Sweatshirt and sunglasses last year. Time goes too fast. I’d like 5 more minutes with my friend.

How naïve we are as young people.  We think we are indestructible.  We think we will live forever.  We think nothing bad will happen.  I would love to go back and use the pause button as my grandparents’ beach cottage every summer with extended family.  I want to use the pause button on our family Thanksgiving touch football games and our family Passover whiffle ball games, especially when my grandparents would play in one way or another.  I’d use the pause button when we celebrated both sets of grandparents 50th wedding anniversaries on the same cruise and when we celebrated my parents 50th wedding anniversary on another cruise.  I’d hit the pause button on all the time I spent with my cousin Eric growing up together.  I’d pause my wedding and honeymoon.  I’d use it when my kids, Evan and Matthew, were little to get more of them as small children.  When I look at the pictures that we have of them when they were both under 6, I wonder where the time went and how it went so quickly. 

Family picture on my parents 50th anniversary cruise

My parents and their grandchildren as we celebrated their 50th anniversary.

The family in Curacao at the oldest synagogue in the western hemisphere. We had so much fun together celebrating my parents.

My cousin Eric and me at ‘the cottage’ cooking breakfast. We had amazing times together and at the cottage before his early passing. We had life plans that never happened.

While we don’t have a real life pause button, we do have the ability to treasure every moment and not miss them.  I think of driving Evan to Tennessee to start graduate school and his college football coaching career and how I treasured every minute of the drive, moving him in, and shopping for the things he needed.  I think of the times I went on college recruiting trips with Evan and when I took Matthew to visit and explore potential colleges.  Going to theater with my wife and Matthew, sporting events with Evan and Matthew, and our special fantasy baseball ‘Get Together’ weekends with our ICBL brothers each year and smile as the memories are vivid and I enjoyed every minute.  Recently I attended my friend Jeremy’s wedding and had the honor of officiating their marriage.  Every minute of the time we all spent together was special and treasured.  We have the ability to step back, slow down, and appreciate the gifts we have in our life.  Too often, we look back and realize ‘we missed it’.  I made the decision when my dad died that I wasn’t going to miss anything any longer.  It was the experience that taught me the importance of time and how to treasure it.  To live life as if there was a pause button so I appreciate all the moments.

Jeremy and me before the wedding. A memory I will never forget.

Evan, Matthew and me on the field before the game at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium during a recruiting vist to UF.

Alison, Matthew, Carla, and me at the Orlando Ballet’s performance of the Nutcracker. These are highlights we take advantage of while we can.

At eighteen, turned my helmet in and walked to the fifty-yard line.  Just the coach and me after we lost eighteen to nine.  And I cried, “Man, next time to get in here, I’ll have to buy a ticket.  Can’t you give me five more minutes?”

My oldest son Evan played high school football and started all four years.  We went to football camps together his last two years of high school.  As a family, we didn’t miss games and the opportunity to watch him play.  I’ll never forget his last high school football game as we walked the field arm in arm, as he was honored on senior night.  I’ll never forget the look on his face after the game, a big win, and the connection he had with his coach.  I remember the feeling I had at that moment, knowing I would never watch him play high school football again and that not only was his life changing, but mine was as well.  We stayed on the field after the game for a long time to soak up every minute we could.  And I remember thinking as we walked off the field how I wish I could have had just a little more time, just five more minutes, of that experience as it ended forever.  When he told me that he had decided not to continue playing college football and instead wanted to start his coaching career early, while he was in college, I was devastated.  He was fine with his decision and didn’t regret ending one stage and moving onto the next step in his career.  I wasn’t ready.  I was looking forward to watching him play, to celebrating his achievements, and struggled with the way it was changing my life.  I was still able to watch him coach at UCF and then in high school and with the semi-pro Orlando law enforcement/first responders’ team.  It was still an awesome experience, but a very different one.  As he started his professional career coaching college football, it was an incredible experience watching him coach. 

Evan and Coach Carter sharing emotion after his final high school game. 

Evan and Coach Carter. A great mentor

Evan tackling as a freshman. His first tackle ever was NBA star Dejounte Murray.

Family picture on the field after his freshman season

Evan played in the band at halftime 3 of his 4 years of varsity football. This was a classic – we need more cowbell! Matthew is in the back as they played in the band together.

Evan in uniform at UCF

Evan in the locker room before the game

Evan with his conference championship ring. A forever treasure.

Evan snapping in practice. He was a great long snapper.

Evan with the UCF conference championship trophy. What a memory
Evan as the head coach of the Orlando Guardians of the National Public Safety Football League. They played teams like FDNY and the Chicago Fire Department. 

Watching Matthew, my younger son, graduate high school was another seminal moment.  I would now only have kids in college.  Attending his graduation, Magna Cum Laude, from Seminole State, was an incredible experience. When he graduates UCF in another year, I will no longer have any kids in college.  It’s another major life transition and when he moves out of the house as well, I know I will want 5 more minutes of kids living in my house.  It’s another reminder of how precious time is and how important it is not to waste the time we have.

Matthew graduation night – he graduated Magna Cum Laude, truly impressive. 

I was invited to the White House Hanukkah party in 2022. Matthew came with me and we had a great time. Another special moment we will both remember forever.

At eighty-six, my grandpa said, “There’s angels in the room.”  All the family gathered ‘round, knew the time was comin’ soon.  With so much left to say I prayed, “Lord, I ain’t finished.  Just give us five more minutes.”

My dad died on September 6, 2022.  I had gotten him moved to Advent Health about three weeks prior and my mom moved in with us while he was in the hospital.  I visited him every day while he was in the hospital and got to spend quality time with my mom every morning and evening.  Those three weeks are precious to me, both for the time I spent with my dad and the time I spent with my mom.  When I think of them, I tear up, because they were some of the most meaningful days of my life.  I look back at some of the pictures from those three weeks and smile with a mixture of happiness and sadness.  My dad eating real food I had delivered when he got out of ICU into a private room – I can still hear him talking about how good it was because the hospital food was so bad.  The picture of him and my mom walking hand in hand in the hospital hallway.  They were married for 56 years and together for 65+.  The last picture I took of my dad, lying in his bed, with a sweet smile on his face.  I remember kissing him goodnight, telling him I loved him and would see him in the morning.  My mom got the call from the hospital around 1:30 am that morning that he had died.  We went to the hospital together and sat with him, just the three of us, while we waited until it was not too early to call my brother and my sister as well as my Aunt Sheila, his sister.  Writing about it brings tears to my eyes once again.

When I look at this picture, I can hear my dad’s voice talking about how good the food was and how much he enjoyed it. I’m forever grateful for the opportunity I had the last 3 weeks of his life.

My mom and dad walking the hospital hallway. So many special moments during those 3 weeks that I will treasure forever.

The last picture I took of my dad. He looked so sweet and peaceful. I gave him a kiss, told him I loved him and that I’d see him the next morning. He died a few hours later. Every time I look at this picture it brings tears to my eyes. How I wish I could have 5 more minutes.

As we sat in the room with him after he had died, I remember wishing I just had one more chance to talk with him, to tell him again how much I loved him, to be able to ask his advice and hear his wisdom and knowing that would never be possible.  I wanted those five more minutes.  I have no regrets with my dad, I just wanted more.  I wanted those five more minutes.  And today, there are plenty of times when I want to pick up the phone and call him, talk for five minutes, and pick his brain and get his advice.  Once again, it’s an example of the precious nature of time. 

I choose to invest my time with my family.  With my sons, my wife, my mom, siblings and siblings-in-law.  I want to do my part to ensure that when the time comes, my children have no regrets.  They don’t wish they had just done something more with me.  They don’t regret missing out spending time together. 

Celebrating my mom’s birthday with the family. I don’t miss these opportunities.

The family celebrating Alison’s 50th birthday

Dancing with my mom at a family Bar Mitzvah. 

I think of the lost time with my family members who died too young.  My Uncle Joe. My cousins Eric and Todd.  I think of the time missed with my friends who have died in the past few years and how they won’t be around any longer.  I always think of my dad, who died in September 2022, and who I miss daily.  We have no guarantees in life, and we get to choose our priorities.  I’ve reached a place in my life where my priorities have shifted.  It’s far more rewarding to do what I can to minimize the impact of wanting those five more minutes at the end. 

Yeah, sometimes this ol’ life will leave you wishin’.  That you had five more minutes.  Five more minutes. 

Priorities are the key.  We live in a culture that values money, status, and titles.  We often sacrifice things like time with family and friends in our effort to make money, obtain a better title, or because our identity is tied to our job.  In the end, like the song says, those priorities “will leave you wishin’ that you had five more minutes.”  Our society puts pressure on us to meet their priorities.  Over the past 18 months, since my dad got sick and then died, I have been reviewing my priorities.  Asking myself what is really important.  What do I really value?  It’s been a complete reset in many areas.

October 7th only highlighted this even more.  I have seen the 47-minute Hamas video and it’s horrifying.  I have four friends who had family members taken hostage.  Of the 6 hostages, 4 have been released.  There are still 2 held by Hamas, now for 126 days.  I have friends who lost family members at the music festival.  Friends who lost family serving in the IDF.  Friends who are serving or have children currently serving in the IDF, worried every day about their safety.  I wear my dogtags every day.  My Magen David (star of David) every day.  I put a new piece of masking tape on my shirt, over my heart, every day, updating the number of days the hostages have been kept. 

Besides being a great song, Five More Minutes teaches an important lesson.  It reminds us that in the end, all we really want is more time.  No matter how much money we may have, no matter how much power and influence we may have, no matter what our titles are or what we have accomplished in our careers, the one thing we all want is just five more minutes. At the end of the day, we have the choice to set our priorities.  I choose to do what I can to want, but not need, those five more minutes.