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Humble and Kind with a side of Meatloaf

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

This week is another Tim McGraw song.  This one, “Humble and Kind”, is from 2016, once again highlighting how far behind I am in discovering country music legends.  I chose this for many reasons, as you will see below.  If you want to watch the video, I have included it.

The lyrics begin:

You know there’s a light that glows by the front door
Don’t forget the key’s under the mat
When childhood stars shine
Always stay humble and kind

Growing up, the key was always under the mat.  At my house or at my friends’ homes.  Everybody knew it, nobody took advantage.  It was a different time.  More than just having a key under the mat, the door was always open if you needed a place to go.  Many times, I had friends who needed to get out of their house and a safe place to hang out and sleep over.  My house was that place.  My parents would often joke that they didn’t know who was staying for dinner or who was gonna be there for breakfast.  They cared only to the extent that they wanted our house to always be a safe place for our friends.

It was a great lesson growing up.  Treat everybody the same.  It doesn’t matter what their home life is like, how much money they have, what type of prestige their family may or may not have.  People are people, friends are friends.  It was one of my first lessons in kindness and has left a deep impact on me and my siblings.  It was also a lesson in humility, one that I didn’t really understand until much later in life.  My parents didn’t do this for recognition.  It wasn’t something that was publicized amongst their peers in the neighborhood.  It was private.  It was personal.  It was about taking care of the kids, our friends, and making sure they had what they needed.  It was truly them being humble and kind.  It is why my childhood friends all have such strong respect and love for my parents to this day.


Go to church ’cause your mamma says to
Visit grandpa every chance that you can
It won’t be wasted time
Always stay humble and kind

This verse highlights three very important things.  First, listen to your parents.  When I reached my teens, all of a sudden I was brilliant and knew everything.  My parents knew nothing.  Listening to their guidance became optional for me and they had to force me to listen with threats of being grounded, losing access to a car, money, or the ability to go and do the things I wanted to do.  So, in this little, throw-away addition to the first line, the lesson is provided.   Listen to your parents.  They may seem old, boring, and not up to date with what’s happening in the world today.  And they may be.  But they also have the wisdom of life’s experiences and can help you avoid many pitfalls.  I often ask myself what my parents would say to me and when I am not sure, I call my mom for her guidance.  I always wish I could still call my dad.

Charles Barkely, one of my favorite commentators on life, puts his own spin on this

The second lesson is the importance of spirituality in our lives.  It doesn’t matter if you prefer church, synagogue, the mosque, temple, nature, the beach, or anything else.  Finding spirituality in your life provides a grounding base for life.  Life is filled with ups and downs, risks, and consequences.  Having that spiritual base provides comfort.  It opens the door to supportive relationships with others on that spiritual journey.  As we go on the journey of life, having a spiritual base anchors us, and provides us stability.  So, listen to your mamma, go to church (or synagogue or the mosque or the temple or experience nature or the beach), and build a spiritual base.  As you get older you can pick your own spiritual journey if the one you started on with your family doesn’t resonate. 

Finally, visit grandpa.  It’s not just grandpa.  It is grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all your relatives.  The time spent with family isn’t wasted time.  As I think of my childhood, growing up spending significant time with all four of my grandparents, my great grandmother Rose, my aunts and uncles, and my cousins, I am so grateful for it.  I think of going with my grandpa Si to visit his father, my ‘Poppy’.  Poppy was already in his 90s when I remember him.  He didn’t move well, he didn’t speak much.  We would go over to see him, for my grandpa to give him a shave, and for me to sit on his lap as his great grandson.  I remember the day he died and how sad I was to not be able to see him any longer.  I was only six years old and when I talk about him with my brother, who is three years younger than me, he doesn’t even remember visiting him. 

With my Grandpa Si. I have great pictures and memories with all my grandparents.

I think of the many lessons all of my grandparents taught me.  Their love, guidance and support is something that I treasure.  I watched my parents with my children emulate them.  I watched the way my in-laws interact as their parents did with my wife and her sisters.  It becomes a generational connection with the lessons of family, love, respect, honor, humility, and kindness being transmitted from one generation to another.  I look forward to the day when I become a grandfather and have that opportunity to fulfill that role.  I know that my great-grandparents, my grandparents, and my parents will be on my shoulders guiding me, helping to ensure that my grandchildren are also humble and kind people as they grow up and enter the world.

My sister called me today to talk about our Grandma Esther, who died more than 25 years ago. That’s a true legacy.


Hold the door, say “please”, say “thank you”
Don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t lie
I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind

My Grandma Ev and my mom, her daughter, were always on us about manners.  Holding the door.  Saying please and thank you.  Writing thank you notes.  Helping to clean up after meals.  If we ever referred to my mom as ‘she’, we were told that is the cat (we never had a cat) and were to use proper names.  I can still hear them saying, “What’s the magic word?” (the answer is please),   I remember in middle school when we took home economics, the issue of manners was an easy one for me because it was drilled into me at home.  It’s something that I have endeavored to do with my children as well.  It doesn’t take much to have manners, just some effort.

Grandpa Len, Grandma Ev, Grandma Esther and Grandpa Si. That’s me with the big grin. I’m so lucky to have had the relationship with them that I did.

The other lesson this part of the song highlights for me is to have morals and ethics.  My grandparents would emphasize this all the time.  Who you are when nobody is looking is who you are.  What you do when nobody sees is what shows your morals, values, and ethics.  If you want to be a good person, then you do it all the time, not just when people are watching.   The future is unlimited, and we were taught not to take shortcuts to get there.  No stealing, cheating, or lying.  We learned early on that we got in much more trouble for lying than telling the truth.  I remember getting caught cheating on a test in high school and getting in much more trouble for that than failing the exam and getting a bad grade that marking period.   As kids, when we would take something from a store without paying, we were made to not just return it but to apologize to the store owner.  Raising my children, I have done the same thing and shared the same messages.  I’m proud of the people my sons are.  How they live their lives and live their values.   And I know my grandparents are looking down and smiling, knowing it was their influence.

We have bright and exciting futures ahead of us, no matter where we are in life.  It’s important to remember that throughout the journey we must remain humble and kind.

When the dreams you’re dreamin’ come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride
But always stay humble and kind

As I just wrote, we have bright and exciting futures.  In the words of Theodore Herzl, “If you will it, it is no dream.”  So, the dreams we have require work to realize.  My grandparents and parents always taught me that.  The effort was more important than the results since the only thing we can control is our own effort.  When I got an A but didn’t study, it didn’t impress my parents.  If I worked really hard and ended up with a B, they were incredibly proud.  The same was true in sports.  Working hard to improve was more important than being the star.  It’s the work you put in that means everything.  It also may result in achieving your dreams.

The full Theodore Herzl Quote

I remember my first semester in grad school, I got 2 A’s and 2 B’s.  My advisor called me to his office and told me that serious graduate students didn’t get B’s.   I took that to heart and for the rest of that degree, I worked harder and got all A’s.  It was the effort that mattered.

This lyric reminds us of that.  We can be proud of our results.  Graduating high school, college, graduate school, law school, medical school, or building a successful business are all wonderful achievements.  The important part is the work we put in.  So go ahead and feel the pride of the accomplishment but more importantly, recognize the effort that went into achieving the goal.  That’s what really matters.  So don’t be full our ourselves for the accomplishment.  Instead, be humble and kind, because it’s the effort that really matters, not the accomplishment.  Celebrate the effort, appreciate the gift of the accomplishment.


Don’t expect a free ride from no one
Don’t hold a grudge or a chip and here’s why
Bitterness keeps you from flyin’
Always stay humble and kind

I love how these lyrics build off each other.  Just as I finish writing about how it’s the effort that matters, not the outcome, the song emphasizes this with stating there is no free ride.  Nobody gives you anything, it’s all earned.  So if you are going to have to earn what you get, don’t hold grudges or live with a chip on your shoulder.  Living with bitterness only diminishes ourselves.  It doesn’t hurt the other person.  It’s like being angry at somebody and punching yourself in the face.  They don’t feel a thing, but we sure do. 

If our goal in life is to enjoy every minute, why would we want to limit ourself because of other people?  Why would we want to let other people rent space in our heads without paying for it?  That’s why the song reminds us to stay humble and kind.  By doing that, we aren’t letting somebody else control our lives.  We aren’t giving our power away to somebody we don’t even like.  It’s an important life lesson for happiness.  Often we think that our ego will make us feel good when in reality, it’s being humble and kind, focusing on our own part and not worrying about other people’s behavior.


Know the difference between sleeping with someone
And sleeping with someone you love
“I love you” ain’t no pick-up line
So always stay humble and kind

‘”I love you” ain’t no pick-up line’ is such a powerful statement.   In today’s world, love becomes a word that is thrown around too often and recklessly.  It was the key word to use when you were trying to sleep with somebody.  Telling them you loved them was the key statement.  If you were able to throw that out there, sex was the likely outcome.  But then you were stuck with the impact of your words.

It reminds me of one of my favorite songs, Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. 

How often do I get to use a song as I analyze the lyrics of another song?  In Paradise, the end of the song is the perfect example of this.

I couldn’t take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother’s grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!
So now I’m praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
‘Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don’t think that I can really survive
I’ll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I’m praying for the end of time
It’s all that I can do
Praying for the end of time,
So I can end my time with you!

The risk of throwing the phrase ‘I love you’ out there recklessly is that if you have morals and ethics, you get stuck.  Meatloaf said it to get what he wanted and now is ‘praying for the end of time.”  Our desires to sleep with someone instead of sleeping with someone you love can be compared to many of our choices where we go against our morals, ethics, and values.   When we stick to them, when we remain humble and kind, we don’t have to worry about praying for the end of time.  Kindness and humility doesn’t just help others, it helps us.


When it’s hot, eat a root beer popsicle
Shut off the AC and roll the windows down
Let that summer sun shine
Always stay humble and kind

As the song begins to conclude, the lyrics get more general about life itself  Appreciate what we have when we have it.  When its hot, have something cool.  Enjoy the moment.  Don’t worry about what we don’t have, focus on what we have.  Grab the opportunity with two hands and enjoy every moment of it.

I remember growing up and spending summers at my grandparents’ house.  The ice cream (or Good Humor as my grandfather would say) man would come every day and getting that popsicle or ice cream on a hot afternoon was everything.  It was simple.  It was delicious.  It was special.  Asking for that dime (and then quarter as I got older, and prices went up) was a big deal.  Running after the truck, catching it, and walking away satisfied made the entire day.  It’s hard to believe today, but AC wasn’t a given back then.  Fans would be moving the air, windows would be open, and we would wear shorts and t-shirts.  TV was only on at night, starting with the news.  That summer sun shone and we took advantage of it and enjoyed every moment.

It’s a life lesson for today.  Forget about video games, screens, monitors, and staying inside.  Sit outside and read a book.  Go for a walk.  Play outside with friends.  Go for a swim.  Be with other people in person.  Don’t use zoom or facetime or internet and headphones with a video game.  Be in person.  Interact with other people.  Pay attention to their nonverbal communication because you are really ‘with’ them, not just in the same place virtually. 

Be humble about the toys and the technology.  Be kind with your time.  There is nothing like being together in person with people.  Don’t ever forget that.


Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you’re going don’t forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind

The closes with an important reminder.  Don’t take things for granted.  Don’t expect there will always be time to say what you want to people.  To get together with people.  Don’t take for granted the people who love you and who go out of their way to help in any way they can. 

When you reach new status in life, don’t forget the people who were there along the way.  If you move to a nicer house, in a different neighborhood, don’t forget your friends who were there for you during the times you lived in your old house in your old neighborhood.  If your life changes to where you are now traveling to exotic places where some of your old friends can’t go, don’t leave them behind.  Make the time to be with them and enjoy every minute in the places you can both be at.  The one thing we know is that life will change.  Our circumstances will change and be different from our friends and loved ones.  The question is will we change?  Will we still talk to the people we talked to every day before things changed?  Will we judge them for the difference in status or accept and love them for who they are?  We may not notice our behavior, but they will.  And when we need them in the future, they won’t forget that we forgot them.  People are not disposable. 

The final two lines focus on three things, two of which we have repeatedly discussed and will close with.  Humble and Kind.  The other is helping others.  It often takes very little to help somebody else.  Holding a door, sharing an umbrella, giving somebody a ride, letting them use your phone.  So many little things happen every single day where we have the opportunity to lighten up somebody else’s day with a little kindness and humility.  The three go together to make the type of world we all want to live in.  Don’t shirk your responsibility.  Remember to help.  Remember to be humble.  And remember to be kind.

Sunday Song – what if we really could write a letter to a younger self?

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

Today’s song is “Letter to Me” by Brad Paisley from 2015.  I find it very inspirational and thoughtful as I’m sure most of us have often thought about what we might tell the 17-year-old version of ourselves if we had the ability to go back and give some advice. 

The song begins:

If I could write a letter to me and send it back in time to myself at 17
First I’d prove it’s me by saying
“Look under your bed, there’s a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid.”

We all have said to ourselves, “If I only knew then what I know now” about something.  How would we even know it was us from the future to know to listen?  The beginning of the song is that connection point between the us of today and the us of then.  We all had things hidden, secrets we kept from others when we were teenagers.  The connection here reminds us that we are still the person we were in the past, just changed by experiences and time.  And we can connect with that person from the past anytime we want by channeling those things that meant a lot to us and we didn’t share.

I spent this past weekend with my mom, brother and sister for a family Bat Mitzvah.  As we talked about our kids and lessons they have learned or are learning, my brother brought up how he always uses me as the example to his kids.  He does this, not because I was a pillar of virtue but actually because I wasn’t.  I’m the cautionary tale because I pushed the boundaries and took silly risks and did risky things.  The me of today wouldn’t be recognized by the 17-year-old version of myself and I would need to provide some sort of ‘street cred’ to convince that 17 year old version of myself that I really was the same person, just grown up. 

We don’t have to be embarrassed by the person we were.  We can identify with them and appreciate them for who they were and grateful that we are who we are today.  We don’t have to be trapped by our past and can look forward to the present and the future. 

And then I’d say I know it’s tough
When you break up after seven months
And, yeah, I know you really liked her, and it just don’t seem fair
But all I can say is pain like that is fast and it’s rare.

It’s funny how our world view changes as we get older.  As a teenager, a month was forever.  As an adult, a month disappears so quickly it’s hard to believe.  A seven-month relationship at 17 seems like forever.  Having been married almost 26 years, seven months is the blink of an eye.  Being able to put context to time only happens with maturity.  That 17-year-old version of myself would be devastated losing a relationship after seven months.  That was an eternity.  The song reminds us of a few things.

First, life isn’t fair.  Life is life.  It comes how it comes and it is all about how we deal with the things that come.  Sometimes that means we have to deal with pain.  The good news is the pain will pass or lessen.  But it takes time.  And at 17, time isn’t something we understand.  My senior year of high school I had a relationship that ended after around 8-9 months.  I was devastated.  I thought she was the one.  We’d been together such a long time.  When I look back, I can appreciate the pain and can appreciate how time is completely relative.  And while it felt like the pain lasted a long time, it really didn’t.  It was fast.  I moved on.  I haven’t seen or talked to her in nearly 40 years.  What was so incredibly painful at 17 passed quickly, even though at the time it felt slow.  It’s critical to remember that time is precious and goes too fast.  At 17 it didn’t seem that way.  Now it seems to go far too fast.

And, oh, you got so much going for you, going right
But I know at 17 it’s hard to see past Friday night
She wasn’t right for you and still you feel like there’s a knife sticking out of your back and you’re wondering if you’ll survive it
You’ll make it through this and you’ll see you’re still around to write this letter to me

Perspective is one of those things we all need and struggle with.  The song continues by pointing out to the 17-year-old version that so much is going right yet the focus is on the one thing that isn’t.  And even though she wasn’t right for him, and he probably knew it at 17, it still hurts.  Pain is a part of life.  If we are going to live life, we are going to experience pain.  People will disappoint us.  People will leave us.  Things won’t always go the way we want them to.  Yet we move forward and get beyond the immediate hurt into a better future.

My friend and spiritual advisor, Mickey Singer, always talks about preference.  It’s preference that gets us into trouble.  We prefer something go a certain way because of our limited view.  He reminds me that things happen the way they are supposed to happen.  Our job is to get rid of preference and understand that.  It’s the short-term view vs. the long-term view.  When I look back at the life my 17-year-old self wanted and expected, mine is very different.  It’s better.  More fulfilling.  More successful in almost every way possible.  If I had stuck with what I wanted at 17, I would have shorted myself an incredible amount.

Like the song says, in the moment we may wonder if we’ll ever get through the pain but we always will if we keep moving forward.  And at some point we will be able to look back, appreciate what we went through for what it taught us and what we learned, and be incredibly grateful we are where we are and not back where we would have been.

At the stop sign at Tomlinson and 8th, I always stop completely, don’t just tap your brakes
And when you get a date with Bridget, make sure the tank is full
On second thought, forget it, hat one turns out kinda cool.

This verse makes me laugh.  It’s the older version trying to give basic advice to the younger version.  Stop completely at the stop sign.  I think back to the younger version of myself and what advice I’d give myself like this.  The girls I didn’t realize liked me and in hindsight saw they did.  The opportunities I missed that I could have taken advantage of.  The small things that my younger self would have appreciated but really don’t mean anything.  The older version realizes this when he starts saying to make sure the tank is full of gas.  That’s the adult thing to do.  The younger version ended up with a great experience and story.  Our older selves don’t always know best. 

I think about appreciating the challenges that I had growing up.  My older self could give advice that would let me avoid lots of mistakes and awkward situations.  But then I would not be the person that I am.  I would not be able to do the things I can do.  I wouldn’t have learned the lessons I did to become who I am.  So as much as the older me thinks it would be nice to save the younger version of me some pain, grief, and embarrassment, just like in the song, the realization that it really was for the best is critical. 

It’s another reminder that we aren’t in charge.  As Mickey would tell me regularly, we are here to experience life and everything that comes with it.  Each experience we have in life is a gift, even the things we don’t prefer (there is that preference again).  They shape who we are, who we will become, and how we will impact and change the world.  It gives us a chance to be grateful for every experience because even the painful ones will pass.  I am who I am today because of the experiences of my life to this point.  Why would I want a younger me to miss those experiences when it would mean I wouldn’t be who I am? 

Each and every time you have a fight, just assume you’re wrong and dad is right
And you should really thank Ms. Brinkman
She spends so much extra time, it’s like she sees a diamond underneath
And she’s polishing you ’til you shine.

This reminds me of a famous Mark Twain saying that I heard years ago.  “The older we get, the smarter my parents become.”  As a teen, I was sure that my dad didn’t get it.  He was a child of the 50s and 60s.  I was a child of the 70s and 80s.  It was a different time.  What did he know about modern times?  And yet, the older I got, the more I realized his wisdom.  The more I understood that he did know what he was talking about and the more I sought his advice.  Now that he isn’t here any longer, I miss his wisdom and advice.  I often find myself wanting to ask him for that guidance, to share his wisdom.  I’m glad that I got smarter as I got older and had a chance to learn from him.  It allows me the opportunity to imagine what he would say.  The messages that he would tell me.  It’s because I had a chance to learn from him that I can apply that knowledge to imagine what he’d say and how he’d guide me. 

The second line is the reminder to appreciate all the other teachers and influencers in our lives.  Often times we don’t appreciate those who give us that guidance as mentors, role models, friends, and teachers.  As I think back, there are many people I would like to say thank you to.  People who believed in me and encouraged me to try a little harder, show up a little more, put in that extra effort.  They saw the diamond in the rough and were willing to invest their time, energy, and effort into polishing it (me).

It also reminds me that I have that same responsibility today.  I find that there are so many amazing people out there that just need some encouragement, somebody who will invest time in them, somebody who believes in them.  I am proud of the people who I have been able to serve that role for.  One of them recently said to me:

“My time at UF was shaped by talking with you and others who taught me more than I ever would have done in a classroom.“

It’s nice to know that I have been paying it forward on behalf of those who did the same for me.  I believe it’s our responsibility to both realize and recognize those who provided that mentorship and guidance to us and to pay it forward with others.  It’s what makes the world better.  I have a number of people that I have been able to play that role for and as they achieve success and do amazing things to change the world, I know I had a small part in it.  It’s very gratifying.  If I could go back to my 17-year-old self, I would want to encourage that kid to say thank you and recognize those people.  A thank you means the world and from personal experience, just makes me want to help more people.  I wonder how many other people would be impacted if that 17 year old version of me recognized and thanked all those people who saw potential and invested in me?

Oh, you got so much going for ya, going right
But I know, at 17 it’s hard to see past Friday night
Tonight’s the bonfire rally but you’re staying home insteadBecause if you fail algebra, mom and dad’ll kill you dead
But trust me, you’ll squeak by and get a C
And you’re still around to write this letter to me

Once again, the song focuses on perspective.  The end of the week and the weekend was everything.  A week was a long time.  The events and choices we made seemed so critical, so essential.  Algebra and grades.  SAT scores.  Who to take to prom.  The things that seem so important at the time that in hindsight really weren’t.

It’s also a lesson that sometimes good enough is good enough.  It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for excellence.  Nobody can be excellent in everything all the time.  Nobody can know everything about everything.  It’s simply not a realistic expectation yet as teenagers we often think it is what we need to do.  There are times when being perfect or the best isn’t what is needed.  Sometimes we just need to get by.  Sometimes success is simply accomplishing the goal, passing the class, doing what it takes. 

Expectations, often unrealistic ones, cause us much harm.  They are usually not based on fact or on what we really can accomplish.  They tend to come from other people or from societal expectations.  As we get older, we have the ability to choose to accept them or not.  As a teen, our parents, teachers, and peers have undue influence.  The song reminds us that we don’t have to accept the expectations put upon us by others.  We can choose to if we want, but it’s a choice.  We are not doomed to fail because we didn’t meet the expectations of others. 

You’ve got so much up ahead
You’ll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife

The future is bright.  We can get the things we really want.  More is ahead than behind.  These are all messages our 17-year-old self needs to hear.  The person we thought was “the one” at 17 may or may not be.  That relationship not working out doesn’t mean we’ll never be married, never have kids. 

We can look to the future with excitement no matter our age.  There is always so much ahead, even the older we get.  The length of time to experience thing may be shorter than at 17 but that doesn’t mean there are not new adventures and experiences ahead.

Life is a journey.  We make new friends.  We have new experiences.  Things continue to change in our lives.  We don’t have to worry if it will or won’t change – it will!  We don’t have to wonder if it will be good.  It may not be what we want.  It may not be what we hoped.  Iti s what is on our journey.

I love the line, “you should see your kids and wife.”  There isn’t any detail added to the statement.  It doesn’t say they are amazing or incredible.  Yet that is what is inferred.  It reminds us that we don’t need all the detail to know something is good.  And as we look towards the future, we don’t know what will be.  When we look back, we can be filed with gratitude for what we got.

And I’ll end by saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life
I guess I’ll see you in the mirror when you’re a grown man.

We often think of times in the past as being the best years of our lives.  Especially when we are looking at times when we didn’t have significant responsibilities.  It’s also easy to think that our high school years are the best years of our life and perhaps we are wasting them. Or our college years.  Or our 20s or 30s.  The reality is that today is the best year of our life all the time.  It’s about what we do with our time, not when or where we are in life.  Our job is to seize the day.  Make the most of the day, of the time, of the life that we have rather than thinking about the life we used to have. 

P.S. go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can.

And oh, you got so much going for you going right
But I know, at 17 it’s hard to see past Friday night

I love the P.S.  This is the reminder to tell the ones we love that we love them.  To appreciate those in our lives while we still can.  I was blessed to have my Great Grandma Rose in my life into my 20s.  All four grandparents into my 20s.  Two grandfathers into my early 30s.  My dad into my mid 50s.  My mom today.  My in-laws today.  I would love to have them all today, but I also don’t have any regrets for not hugging them, telling them I love them, or spending time with them.  I took advantage of every chance I had.  One of my favorite stories about my Great Grandma Rose happened near the end of her life.  I had sent her a card just because I loved her and was thinking of her.  My Grandpa Si was visiting her and she was so excited.  She kept telling him, “I got a letter from Keith, I got a letter from Keith.”   Grandpa Si asked her, “Well what did it say?”  She responded, “I don’t know, I can’t read it.  But I got a letter from Keith.”  Just thinking about it makes me smile. 

We are all limited by time.  Don’t miss the time you have with the ones you love.  Another day is never promised.  Make sure they know how you feel about them and spend the time with them while you can.  My mom, brother, sister, and I all just spent the weekend in Chicago for a family Bat Mitzvah.  It was a wonderful time being with family and even more special to have the four of us together.  I never want to wish I had spent more time with them or told them I loved them.  That’s the lesson in this song. 

Dancing with my mom. All 3 of us took a turn.

I wish you’d study Spanish, I wish you’d take a typing class
I wish you wouldn’t worry and let it be
Hey, I’d say have a little faith and you’ll see

If I could write a letter to me

The last line of the song has a bit of irony.  It’s the little things you don’t think about as a teen that can have a long-term benefit as an adult.  Learning Spanish, a language that helps a career.  Typing to make computer use easier.  There are so many mundane choices we make as kids that seem unimportant but in hindsight we’d change.  My son took French, a great language.  Spanish would have been more helpful.  When I was in middle school we had to take Cooking, Sewing, Metal Shop, Wood shop, Drafting, and more.  I learned how to cook.  I learned how to sew.  I learned to use power tools.  I learned that I didn’t have the skills to be an architect.  Usable skills that helped me in life.  It’s sad to me that kids today don’t have those same life skills as courses in school.  It also tells us that we can still learn Spanish, typing, cooking, sewing, etc.  It’s never too late to learn the things we want.  And just because we missed an earlier window doesn’t mean we can’t revisit it in the future.

The song resonates with me because the letter ends up being something entirely different than what most of us think we would right.  It’s not a lecture nor is directions to avoid the mistakes we think we made.  It’s advice and guidance to enjoy the time in high school and all the time ahead until the age we are when we write the letter.  It’s validation and suggestions to help appreciate all that we have.  It’s a reminder that no matter how young or old we are, we have the ability to enjoy the moment for what it is and not be fixated on what we think it should be. 

My life has had ups and down.  Good times and bad.  Challenges and rewards.  When I stop, take a deep breath, and truly look at what I have in my life, it doesn’t matter what stage I am in, it’s a good life.  It’s filled with meaning.  I can appreciate my family and all the wonder in my life even when it isn’t perfect.  And I don’t have to worry, I can let it be, and have a little faith, because I will end up looking at the same self in the mirror either way.   I can choosee to enjoy the journey.

PS – Since the song has a PS, so does this blog.  My last post was about friendship and what is a friend.  One of my friends sent me this, which totally resonates with me.  In fact, many of my friends and I have basically said the same thing to each other many times.

What does matter to me?

Posted on by Keith Dvorchik

It’s Sunday so it’s back to music that inspires me.  Before this week’s blog, written just before I left for a concert by Sting and Billy Joel, I want to comment on the concert.

Both are amazing musicians and performers. Both are in their early 70s and put on an incredible show. Both brought me back to the late 1970s and early 1980s with their music, as vibrant today as it was when released. That’s the power of music. I sat with my 21 year old son Matthew, his 21 year old girlfriend Carla, and my wife, as we all enjoyed the show. Matthew was amazed when Sting performed one of his songs that was recently sampled by a current artist. Carla was in shock when I explained to her that Scenes from an Italian Restaurant was actually 3 unfinished songs that Billy Joel creatively crafted into an all time classic. We sang, we danced, and we enjoyed the music and the performance. My favorite was Billy Joel imitating Mick Jagger as he sang Start Me Up and did his interpretation of Mick’s dancing. I may write about this concert and what it meant to me later, but it felt wrong not to mention it in a post about music a few hours after experiencing such a powerful few hours of music.

Now onto the song I wanted to discuss.

Luke Combs got a lot of attention at the Grammy’s with his duet with Tracy Chapman.  If somehow you haven’t seen it, watch it.  If you have seen it, watch it again.  There is so much that is truly remarkable about it.  You could see how in awe of her he was and how honored he was to have the chance to sing with her.  It’s a song written by a queer woman of color in the 1980s that was a big hit then and covered by a white country star in 2023 who didn’t change the pronouns and had no problem singing it as written.  And the lyrics speak about the challenges of the American dream in the 1980s that is perhaps even more relevant today.  There is a lesson for us all there that could be an entire different blog post.

I saw Tracy Chapman in concert when I was in college, and it was an amazing show.  She is an amazing artist.  And so is Luke Combs.  I’ve always been a fan of hers and have become a big fan of his and have many of his songs that I love.  Today I want to talk about his song, “Does to me.“

Released in 2019, it makes me feel better that I am only 5 years behind the music curve.  Like a number of amazing songs, Eric Church is also featured.  The lyrics read:

I was a third-string dreamer on a second-place team
But I was hell on wheels with a full head of steam
When coach put me in
And I’m still proud of that hit

To start a song with true self-awareness is an amazing choice.  Most of us like to brag about the size of the fish that we almost caught.  Or we talk about the star player we played with or against.  The superstar we met or saw nearby to us.  The hole in one we almost made, the local tennis tournament we won or almost won.  We glory in greatness or close to greatness.  Yet here is Luke Combs talking about being a third string player who wasn’t very good on a team that wasn’t very good.  It’s about as far from greatness as possible.  When he finally got a chance to play, he was so proud that he actually got a chance to play and did something in the game.  He doesn’t get into any details of ‘that hit’, who it was against, or that anybody else thought it was something special.  Just that he got into the game, played, and made a tackle.  He is bragging about making one tackle.  Not leading the team, not making a key or important tackle to anybody but himself.

We often judge ourselves by other people’s outsides.  What looks good or important.  We forget about what might really be important to us and the things we value.  The songs opening stanza is a reminder that we only need judge ourselves against ourselves.  He knows he isn’t a good player.  He wants to be on the team and is appreciative that he got a chance to actually play.  That one hit is enough for him.  He doesn’t have to be Al Bundy from Married with Children constantly remembering his 4 touchdowns at Polk High School 30 years later.  What makes that funny is we can all relate to that desire for greatness and adoration from the outside when what really matters is what’s inside.

I was a last resort to go to prom with the queen
Thanks to an ex-boyfriend who broke her heart that week
No, I didn’t get luck
But I still felt like a king


Once again, Luke Combs is self-deprecating.  He was the last resort for the prom queen because her boyfriend broke up with her that week AND he didn’t have a date.  Think about what it’s like to acknowledge that yes, I went with the prom queen but only because the week of prom, I didn’t have a date and she suddenly became single.  He’s proudly beating his chest saying I was the best choice of the bottom of the barrel of options for her. 

Once again, he understands who he is and what is important to him.  He got to go to the prom with the queen.  That’s all that matters.  How it happened is a fact but doesn’t define him.  It wasn’t a romantic prom experience, but it was a prom experience that he will forever be grateful to have had. And he can always say he went to prom with the prom queen!

Many things in life are like that for all of us.  If we focus on all the details of the how they happened, we miss out on the great experience.  Many years ago, I took my kids to a Tampa Bay Rays baseball game.  We didn’t have great tickets, but they weren’t bad ones.  Yet when we walked into the ballpark, for some reason they chose us to get the Stubhub upgraded tickets.  We sat behind the Orioles bullpen and my kids had fun talking to the Orioles relievers the entire game.  One of them even gave my kids baseballs. 

Mark Hendrickson was the pitcher on the Orioles who spent most of the game talking with my kids and gave them baseballs. He won’t ever remember them but we will always remember him.

Well more than a decade later, we still talk about the experience and laugh about the funny things they talked to the players about.  We could have focused on the fact that it was the Orioles, not the Rays bullpen.  We could have focused on the fact that players they interacted with were not stars.  Instead Major League players (and Mark Hendrickson in particular) spent most of the game talking with them. Focusing on anything else would only diminish the experience.  Something similar happened at a UFC fight we went to last year.  Sedriques “The Reaper” Dumas came into the stands and they stopped him, took pictures, and spent a minute talking with him and hanging out.  It was a fun moment and I only remember his name because it was unique.  I’d never heard of him before but we thoroughly enjoyed the moment.

Sedriques!

Combs is telling us to enjoy the moment when they come.  It doesn’t matter why or how they come.  Live in the moment, appreciate the cool and fun things when they happen.  Otherwise we miss the moment and they don’t come around often enough.

And that might not mean much to you
But it does to me

This is point of the entire song.  Our life experiences that we value don’t have to mean anything to anybody else.  They only have to matter to us.  As a kid, I was a huge baseball fan (I still am).  I followed both college and the minor leagues.  The college player of the year in 1982 was a guy named Jeff Ledbetter. He attended Florida State. He had been drafted by the Yankees (my favorite team) out of high school and that year was drafted by the Red Sox (their rival) in the first round.  At my summer camp, we used to go to see the Hagerstown Suns (Orioles minor league team) play.  That year they played the Red Sox minor league team and Jeff Ledbetter was on the team and playing.  I was so excited to watch him play.  My friends laughed at me because they’d never heard of him and I was acting as if he was a major league star.  During the game, I went near the bench, found him, and engaged in a conversation.  In 1982, having a fan know who you are in the minor leagues and seek you was a big deal, so he was happy to talk to me during the game.  He even gave me some of his chewing tobacco which I tried (and got sick under the bleachers). I got his autograph and was beyond excited and happy for weeks.  And my friends kept laughing at me.  It didn’t matter to me.  41 years later, I still remember him, the conversation, and the experience because it mattered to me.

Jeff Ledbetter in 1982

We all have stories like this.  It may be a college band.  An author we fell in love with at some point in our life.  The local sports or weather broadcaster on the news.  The high school star athlete when we are in middle or elementary school.  It doesn’t matter who they are in general, only in how they matter to us at that point in our lives.  We treasure those moments because they mark a special time in our life.  We should enjoy them when they come because they don’t come often enough.

So say I’m a middle of the road
Not much to show
Underachieving, average Joe
But I’m a hell of a lover
A damn good brother
And I wear this heart on my sleeve
And that might not mean much to you
But it does to me

Once again, it’s amazing to see somebody so proud of who they are.  Self-awareness is so critical in the world and most of us struggle with it.  We think we are more important that we are, that our roles and titles define us, how much money we make equates to our value.  There has been a loss of pride in doing what we do as best as we can and that being enough.  I think of my grandfathers and what they did.  One owned a 5 and dime with a luncheonette across from the GE factory with his brother-in-law, my great uncle.  Working class, high character, good citizen, good husband, father, grandfather.  The other one worked managing low-income housing with his 2 partners, an accountant and attorney.  They handled the business side; he handled the management and people side.  I’ll never forget that he would get up early, go to the Bridgeport JCC to exercise and have a ‘soak and a schvitz’ (hot tub and steam room) and then come back to have breakfast with my grandmother.  Blue collar, hardworking, good husband, father, and grandfather.  Both were exceptional people and could have been called ‘average Joe’s’.  Neither were flashy.  Neither measured their worth by what they did for a living or how much money they had.  They were good people first. Active community members and true role models.

The second half of the lyric highlights what is important.  Hell of a lover, damn good brother, and not embarrassed to have a heart and let it show.  The final two sentences show that those are the things that matter.  It’s about setting our priorities.  It’s about values.  It’s about ethics.  It’s about what matters to each of us.  I’ve yet to be at a funeral where people reveled in the house the person owned, the car they drove, the jewelry that they wore.  They always talk about the person they were.  Their values.  How they impacted the world.  Their behavior and their actions.  It’s yet another lesson to not judge our insides by other people’s outsides. 

I was the one phone call when my brother went to jail
Pawned my guitar just to pay his bail
No, I will never get it back
But I’m okay with that

Reliability.  Responsibility.  Dependability.  That’s what this verse adds to morals, values, and ethics.  In the example he sings about, he can be depended upon by his family and friends.  He understands what’s important in life, family, and that things can always be replaced.  And if we don’t ever replace the things, they are just things.  Things are designed to be enjoyed and an added bonus to our lives, they are not the key to enjoying our lives. 

Most of my life, I was obsessed with getting the things that I wanted.  The newest technology.  The biggest TV.  I remember getting my first real component stereo system when I was 13 (for those of you too young to know what this was, it was the most incredible thing in the world).  The best car, the nicest and biggest house.  Today, while I appreciate the things I have, I’m just as happier if I have less.  I don’t need the new car or the bigger house.  I’m happy with my phone, which is a few years old, and my TVs, which aren’t the newest nor the biggest.  I have a little Bluetooth speaker to listen to music that cost less than my first turntable.  The things I have enhance my life, they don’t define it.  My family, my mom, my in-laws, siblings, cousins and friends are what’s important.  I’d rather spend the money to go to my cousin’s daughter’s Bat Mitzvah in Chicago than buy some other toy.   It’s so nice having less because I actually have more.

I was the first man standing next to my best friend
The day the love of his life said “I do” to him
I was a couple beers deep
But I still remembered that speech
And that might not mean much to you
But it does to me

I have had the privilege of being the best man a few times in family and friend’s weddings.  I even had a chance to officiate a friend’s wedding last month!  The opportunity to be present for these life events are priceless.  Where before I may have found an excuse to not go, letting my life be too busy to take the time, spend the money, or whatever excuse I came up with, I have realized that there is nothing like being there when loved ones celebrate special occasions.  The most valuable thing in life is time and the people we choose to spend it with.  Over the past 25 years, I have made choices and spent time with people that when I look back, weren’t worth the time or the opportunity cost of doing so.  Today I get to choose who I want to be around.  Who is worth my time.  Who do I want in my life and why are they important.  It’s a much smaller group of people but it’s a much more impactful group of people.  It’s a lesson that I wish I had learned earlier in life and certainly one that I am actively teaching my children now.  I want them to understand that people will show you who they are and use that to ensure they don’t have to waste the time that I did with people who show you they don’t deserve it. 

There’s a worn-out blade that my Granddaddy gave me
My Mama’s first Bible, Daddy’s Don Williams vinyl
That first-fish-catching Zebco thirty-three
Well, that might not mean much to you
But it does to me

I have a number of things from my grandparents and my dad that are meaningful to me.  It’s not the financial value of them, it’s the emotional value.  I have my grandfather’s masonic ring that I can wear because, like him, I joined the Masons.  I have the newspaper covers from when Nixon resigned that my other grandfather had, which always reminds me of him and working in his basement workshop together.  We have the handmade wooden trucks that my wife’s grandfather made with his handwriting, signature and date on the bottom.  I have candlesticks and special China from my great grandmother than I still use.  It’s not the item itself that has the value, it’s the memories they bring up.  Once again, we are reminded that time and people are what matter.  The memories we make with people are what last forever.  The stories we get to tell our children and grandchildren make them live for generations after they are gone.  I am not the handiest person in the world, but I have my grandfather’s tools because he was handy and used them constantly.  Holding them in my hand is like holding his hand, 25 years after he passed away. 

So say I’m a middle of the road
Not much to show
Underachieving average Joe
But I’m a hell of a lover
A damn good brother
And I wear this heart on my sleeve
And I’m a damn hard working
One thing’s for certain
I stand up for what I believe


And that might not mean much to you
But it does to me

The final stanza, while similar to one above, adds two key lines to highlight.  The first is working hard.  We live in a world today where hard work is often considered a four-letter word.  That working hard is related to compensation and if we don’t feel that we are compensated appropriately, we don’t work as hard.  This line reminds us that working hard is entirely about ourselves.  It’s about our values, our morals, our ethics.  We choose to work hard because it is who we are.  I remember when being told you worked hard was a complement that had nothing to do with a paycheck.  Hard work in school was its own reward.  As a 15 year old working part time at Wendy’s for $3.35 an hour I worked hard because I was taught that was what you did at a job, regardless of the pay.  It makes a statement about my values, not my wallet.  I have never forgotten that lesson.

As he finishes the song by saying “I stand up for what I believe.” I find myself thinking how important that is.  A friend used to say all the time that, “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.”  I think about that and often ask myself, what do I believe?  What is important to me?  What does society tell me matters that really doesn’t.  How much is ego driven instead of value driven?  What is the outcome I really want and if I don’t stand up for what I believe, can I get that outcome both externally and internally.  There have been times in my life when I have gotten the external outcome that I desired but internally it was empty.  It didn’t feel good.  There have been times where I didn’t get the external outcome I desired, however I stood up for what I believed and even though others might say that I ‘lost’, I actually won because at the end of the day, I felt good inside. 

I truly love this song because as I have said earlier, it reminds me not to judge my insides with other’s outsides.  It reminds me that what I choose to value and prioritize is what matters, not what society or other people tell me matters.  At the end of the day, if society views me as a success but internally, I am empty, I am not a success.  If I feel internally successful and value the way I live my life, nothing else matters. 

This Steve Jobs quote truly resonates. Do something wonderful today. Be with the people you want to be with. Stand up for what you believe.