Friendship is a wonderful and strange thing. We do get to pick our friends although sometimes, our friends pick us. We have childhood friends that we lose touch with and those we stay in contact with. Sometimes our best friends of our youth are no longer part of our life and sometimes we lose touch for years and when we reconnect it’s like no time passed at all. Sometimes people flash into our life, make an impact, and then they are gone. Sometimes we have friends for our entire life. Friendship is dynamic, it’s not static. Friendship is something that is active and takes work.

I got a text Saturday night, letting me know that there was a good chance that a friend of mine had died. It was sudden. It was unexpected. I reached out to somebody who would know if it was true, and sadly it was. It’s a very strange, modern, Covid friendship. We only ever met in person 3 times. Yet the loss is profound.

I’m not sure how Zev found me on Facebook during Covid. Likely through a friend of a friend. He reached out about some things we were doing and thoughts I had shared. We began chatting on Facebook messenger and sharing thoughts and ideas about the Jewish community. For two years we had a virtual friendship. In December 2022, I was invited to the White House Hanukkah party and was heading to DC. It was my first trip since Covid and the first time since Zev and I ‘met’ on social media. We made plans to meet for dinner and finally got to meet in person.

My son Matthew was with me and the three of us had a great dinner filled with interesting conversation. We talked about Matthew’s college experience, how Covid impacted his high school years, the challenges of the organized Jewish community, the decline in synagogue membership, what Jewish life could look like, things in Israel (this was pre-October 7), and much more. We spent a few hours eating and talking and building our friendship.

When I returned to Orlando after the party, we continued to keep in touch. We would email, Facebook message, and talk on the phone. When Cantor Azi Schwartz performed at a synagogue gala, we discussed the role of music in prayer. A year or so later, he and his family commissioned a special musical score for MIZMOR L’DAVID: A PSALM OF DAVID by Sam Glaser at his synagogue, Adas Israel. Of course one of the senior Rabbis there is a long time friend and the Cantor there is the wife of another good friend. The Jewish world is small and Zev made it smaller. After October 7th, we had more to talk about. The conversation was always easy and flowed naturally.

Earlier this year, I was in DC for the AIPAC Policy Summit. I stayed a few days extra for some work with a client. One of the people we met with was Zev. I thought he would be interested in the project and would also provide some good feedback and suggestions. He did both. He financially supported the project and gave some great feedback that helped our messaging. He made some suggestions of other people to meet with and share information about the project. That’s who Zev was, a person who got involved and wanted to make a difference.

The last time I saw Zev was just a few weeks ago. I was back in DC to do some work with a different client. Zev and I planned to meet for lunch as my hotel was a short walk from his home. We had a great lunch, great conversation, and he was interested in the work of this client, agreeing to support them. I had another client doing work I thought he might be interested in and after lunch, sent him some of their Israeli wine to taste. In typical Zev fashion, he didn’t want me to spend money on him but I sent it anyway. We walked back to my hotel, continuing our conversation, and said goodbye in the lobby, making plans to meet again in 2025.

We emailed after that visit. He enjoyed the wine. He shared some things he was concerned about and wanted my thought on. It seemed like everything was going great for him and I looked forward to our next meeting. Unfortunately that will now never happen.

Friendship is like that. It can be fleeting and it can be lasting. We never know where our friends will come from. A life lesson that I have learned is that we may think we know who our friends are and then life shows up. The people who show up then are our real friends. People I thought were friends have shown me they were really acquaintances. And people I didn’t think were good friends have shown me that they really are good friends. I’ve learned not to pre-judge anybody.

Zev was a real friend, even though we only met in person 3 times. I’m grateful that we met because of Covid and that he became a part of my life. I’m sad that he is gone, yet the things we discussed and the passion for Jewish life and the Jewish community we shared will remain a part of me forever. While he may be gone from this earth, his impact is not. He changed many people’s lives with his friendship, his committment to making a difference and being a light to the world. As a mutual friend of ours said to me after Zev passed, the Jewish people and the Jewish community were his children.

Thank you Zev for reaching out on Facebook back in 2020. Thank you for sharing who you are with me. Thank you for inviting me into your life and being my friend. You are greatly missed. זיכרונו לברכה (ichrono livrakha). May your memory always be a blessing.