A friend of mine’s father was dying. He is in the music industry and shared this song with me. My father died on September 6, 2022. The haunting voice and lyrics speak powerfully to me. It describes my relationship with my father. I had three weeks with him at the end where I got to spend hours daily together. Some days we had deep conversations. Some days he wasn’t doing well and I sat with him. I was there through procedures we thought would get him better. And I was there at the end when my mom and I went to his hospital room just after he died.

Those last three weeks we were not father and son. Like the lyrics say, we were two men saying goodbye. I think he knew that’s what we were doing. Deep down, maybe I did as well. I remember getting him food delivered the first time he could eat non-hospital food. Ordering Philly cheesesteaks shipped from the famous Pat’s and then reheated for him. Taking walks around the floor of the hospital. He knew my mistakes and I knew some of his. We had long got past those things.

So every day, I strive to make him proud. Every day I hold my actions against what he would think of them. Every day, I judge myself by the standards he set for me. Every day I am a better human being because of him. So on this father’s day, I say thank you Dad. For being yourself. For teaching me how to be a good human being. For having values and ethics. For ensuring I have something to stand for. For being an example of how to be a father to my children and one day, a grandfather to my grandchildren. To be a husband, a leader, and a Jew.

Happy father’s day Dad. You may not be here physically, but you will always be here with me.

Lyrics

Oh, before they turn off all the lights
I won’t read you your wrongs or your rights
The time has gone
I’ll tell you goodnight, close the door
Tell you I love you once more
The time has gone
So here it is

I’m not your son, you’re not my father
We’re just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping I’ll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won’t you just close your eyes?
Don’t be afraid, it’s my turn
To chase the monsters away

Oh, well, I’ll read a story to you
Only difference is this one is true
The time has gone
I folded your clothes on the chair
I hope you sleep well, don’t be scared
The time has gone
So here it is

I’m not your son, you’re not my father
We’re just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping I’ll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won’t you just close your eyes?
Don’t be afraid, it’s my turn
To chase the monsters away

Sleep a lifetime
Yes, and breathe a last word
You can feel my hand on your own
I will be the last one
So I’ll leave a light on
Let there be no darkness, in your heart

But I’m not your son, you’re not my father
We’re just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping I’ll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won’t you just close your eyes?
Don’t be afraid, it’s my turn
To chase the monsters away