Some people get inspired by poetry.  Others by art such paintings or sculptures.  For some it is the beauty of dance.  Still another group it’s the theater.  That’s the great thing about the arts.  Different people can find inspiration in different things at different times.  For me, it has always been through music and the lyrics, or poetry, that make up the song. For years I would quote my favorite poet, Bruce Springsteen.

Recently, I have been listening to a lot of country music.  I think it’s because my oldest son likes it and listens to it (along with hip-hop) in his car or when he would take over the music in my car.  Since I tend to do most of the long-distance driving, I began listening.  After our 10+ hour drive to Tennessee to move him to graduate school I was fully hooked and even had some favorite ‘new’ songs. 

The lyrics to country music truly speak to life.  I have found many artists that I like and even more songs that speak to me.  As my children are now in their 20s, I found it a little odd that the song ‘Watching You’ by Rodney Atkins became a favorite as it’s about a father and his 4-year-old son.  As I listened to it over many days, I finally realized that it’s not just about our children watching and learning from us.  Children are sponges and soak up whatever we put out.  What speaks to me now is the impact of this.  As we see worldwide hatred continue to grow, as we have seen the incredible expression of Jew hatred since October 7^th, it really does come down to the lyrics of this song and people watching us.

“So I said ‘son, where did you learn to talk like that?’  He said, ‘I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool? I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.  And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are. We got cowboy boots and camo pants.  Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?  I wanna do everything you do.  So I’ve been watching you.’”

People watch what we do.  Our children are exposed the most and we have the most impact on them.  I think of the messages I got from my parents and my grandparents about what really matters and what to invest in.  About the messages I have sent and continue to send to my children. 

I want to focus on 5. 

1. Family is everything.  It’s something my parents and grandparents always believed in.  Whether that meant ensuring we spent time together as a nuclear family, extended family, or with those who are just considered family, there was never a question about this in our house.  Growing up, we attended every family celebration.  We spent vacations at my grandparent’s beach house in Connecticut which meant we spent that time with most of our cousins.  Holidays were family events and I have fond memories of Thanksgiving and Passover with my cousins.  This is something I have continued with my children.  It’s essential they understand that when it comes to family, that always comes first.   

2. Judaism matters.  I spent most of my childhood at the synagogue or JCC.  Hebrew school was 3 days a week.  We went on Shabbat morning for services.  My parents were involved so there was usually an event at least one other day a week.  4-5 days a week, 10 months a year, I was there for something.  The JCC was a couple of blocks away and easy to walk between the two.  I learned to swim at the JCC.  I played basketball, floor hockey, did community theater and was on the swim team at the JCC.  As I got older, the public school had a bus that stopped there so it was common for my friends and I to go there after school and then, at 5 pm, figure out which of our mom’s would be able to pick us up.  Using the phone at the reception desk, eventually we would find one of them at home or before they left work to get us.  At least most of the time.  Being Jewish and a part of the Jewish community was ingrained in me from the beginning by what my parents did and invested in.  I went to Jewish summer camp.  I was involved with a Jewish youth group. 

Every Friday night we had Shabbat dinner.  We all sat down at the table after lighting candles.  My dad said the kiddush.  One of the kids said Hamotzi.  Every week.  We could invite friends if we wanted.  As we got older, we were allowed to go out with friends on Friday night only AFTER Shabbat dinner.  It was tradition.  It was special.  As my kids got older and my oldest started playing high school football, during football season, our Shabbat dinner changed.  Instead of being at the table, it was in the stands, usually a hot dog and soda as we watched him play.  It wasn’t the same quality of meal, but it was the same quality of time together.  Even today, we are talking about Shabbat dinner and while I don’t bake Challah like I used to before becoming gluten free, I’m trying to find a good recipe so it will be part of the weekly ritual.  Family time is special and a value to my grandparents, parents, myself, and our children. The investment my parents and grandparents put into infusing being Jewish into my core remains today.

3. Talk is cheap.  This was one of my dad’s favorite statements to me (or maybe most often used).  Anybody can say anything.  It’s not what you say but what you do that matters.  As a child, I would always have an excuse.  My dad taught me that it didn’t matter what you said, it mattered what you did.  “Show me, don’t tell me.” was a common theme.  My parents showed love.  They showed responsibility.  They showed what a marriage looked like.  They showed what raising a family is like.  They showed sacrifice.  They showed commitment.  They gave the example of what to do, not what to say.  At work. With each other. With us. Basically, they showed how to do this in life.

4. The best gift you can give your children is to love their mother.  This came from my dad and his father.  I heard this growing up.  I saw it in action with my grandparents and my parents.  Both sets of grandparents were married for over 55 years.  My parents were married for over 55 years.  They set the example for their children about love, commitment, and respect. 

5. Get involved and make a difference.  My parents and grandparents were always involved in the community, particularly the Jewish community.  Presidents of their synagogue.  Involved with the men’s clubs, sisterhoods.  Volunteering at the Jewish Home for the Aged as I grew up.  The Masons, Kiwanis, Hadassah, National Council of Jewish Women, and B’nai Brith are just some of the organizations they were involved with.  My grandmother knitted slippers and hats for people in the hospital.  Growing up, I saw what commitment was like and as I got involved with my youth group, I took on leadership roles.  In college, I was a leader in my fraternity.  Throughout my adult life, getting involved has been important to me whether it was in the workplace or the things I do for fun.  It’s something I have infused into my children as well.  Just showing up isn’t enough.  We have an obligation to get involved and make a difference.

When I listen to Rodney Atkins sing those lyrics, I see myself as a little boy looking up at my dad.  I see my boys looking up to me as their dad.  And I think about the final chorus when he sings:

“But when I’m big I’ll still know what to do.  Cause I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool?  I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.  And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.  By then I’ll be strong as superman.  We’ll be just alike, hey, won’t we dad?  When I can do everything you do.  ‘Cause I’ve been watching you.“

Our kids are watching us and learning.  Their friends are watching us and learning.  The world is looking at us and watching and learning.  What are we committed to showing and teaching them?  For me, I know.  Do you?