We often generalize way too much.  My father used to tell me all the time to be specific. Be detailed. Don’t just generalize as you miss too much.  He was right.  I used to joke that the older I got, the smarter my dad got.  As a parent, I now joke that the older my kids get, the smarter I get.

Today’s world is crazy.  The growing hatred is hard to believe.  The lack of basic knowledge is shocking.  Often, it is very easy to generalize about people, places, things, beliefs, etc. and wish it all away.  Fortunately, that isn’t true and with just a little effort, it is possible to learn that generalizations don’t work, and that people are people.  It’s possible to make friends with people who have different political beliefs, different religions, different ethnic backgrounds, come from a different socio-economic status, have different criminal histories, different educational backgrounds, come from different parts of the country or different countries, and speak different languages.  We can choose, if we desire, to focus on our similarities, not our differences, and make the world a better place.

When I was in Israel in May, I made it a point to go visit my friend Mahmoud, a Palestinian Muslim who lives in East Jerusalem.  I wanted to walk there, through East Jerusalem, through Arab neighborhoods, because I chose not to believe the stereotypes and generalizations.  It was a beautiful walk and I saw many families and people living their daily lives.  It was not what you see on television.  It was not what you read in the newspapers.  It was real life. 

Mahmoud and I have many different beliefs.  We come from different backgrounds.  I’m an American Jew who loves Israel.  I have lived my entire life in the United States with the safety and privileges that come with living in the US.  Mahmoud is a Palestinian Arab, who has lived his entire life in East Jerusalem.  He has lived with the challenges that come with living in that region, not being an Israeli citizen, and having a limited voice in his government.  We could easily not be friends.  We could easily be enemies. We could easily demonize each other.  Instead, we have chosen to invest time in a relationship based on mutual respect, on trust and on respect.  Our conversation in May was challenging in many ways.  It was refreshing in others.  I was relieved by some things he said and discouraged by others.  We spend 90 minutes talking deeply as friends, sharing thoughts, feelings, and opinions.  I wish I had more people in the United States that I could talk with the way that Mahmoud and I talked.  I’ll be back in Israel in July and hope to be able to see him again and talk more.  Invest more in our friendship. 

There are often generalizations about liberals and conservatives.  That there is no real center left or center right.  That a Democrat can’t talk to a Republican and vice versa.  That there is no common ground – you choose a side and that’s where you have to be.  I hate that absolutist way of thinking because that isn’t real life.  Real life is complicated.  Real life is complex.  Absolutes rarely, if ever, work in real life.  It is truly consumed by the gray and how we navigate the gray.

I consider myself a slightly right of center person.  I am liberal on most social issues and conservative on most fiscal issues.  I believe in small government and the rights of the individual.  I’ll be vulnerable here and share some of what that means for me. It means I am pro-choice (which isn’t pro-abortion, it means that a woman has the right to choose whatever is best for her).  It means I don’t want the government telling me what I can and can’t do in my personal life.  I am pro-marriage equality because people love who they love and should be able to marry who they love.  As a fiscal conservative, more marriages (and then divorces) mean a better economy so there is a practical side of it as well.  People should be able to use the pronouns that they want because it matters to them.  It doesn’t affect my life in any way to use somebody’s preferred pronouns once they tell me what they are.  Just like I don’t need to share mine if I don’t want to. 

We live in a time when common sense isn’t so common.  We focus on the things that don’t affect us because somebody else tells us it should matter.  Don’t believe in marriage equality?  Then don’t marry somebody of the same sex.  Other people’s life choices are their choices.  Let them make them.  Common sense.

Let’s use common sense and focus on the things that do matter.  How do we keep people safe so they can enjoy their inalienable rights of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?”  How do we not discriminate against people when it comes to things like jobs, housing, or education?  What can we do to ensure equal access to things like jobs, housing, or education?  Instead of fighting about forgiving student loans, how do we find a solution to the exorbitant cost of a college and/or graduate school education?  How can we use our intellect to find a solution to the rising cost of housing instead of trying to socialize housing?  What can we do to deal with the rising costs of food and clothing?  A number of years ago, I was very frustrated by the government’s incentives to put solar panels on your roof.  You had to have the funding or the ability to get a loan to pay for the panels and at the end of the year, when you filed your taxes, you’d get the money back.  Why not just have the government pay that money to the solar company upon installation so it was affordable?  Simple solution.  Same money.  Only now it would be accessible.

It used to be that our leaders and most Americans wanted the same things, and it was merely a question of how to get there.  We focused on how to improve lives, how to improve our country, how to keep the world safe.  It was about the HOW, not the WHAT.  Today, I’m sure we even agree on the “what”.  The hatred that comes from the far left and the far right is powerful but isn’t the majority, even when it feels like it.  We have the ability to take the narrative back.  We have the ability to build relationships with our elected officials to get things back on track.

I have the gift of working with many local, state, and federal officials.  I have their cell phone numbers, we text, we meet, and we talk.  I choose to invest my time talking with our elected officials, regardless of their party, about the challenges we face.  I don’t care whether they are a Democrat, Republican, or Independent.  I care about what their positions on issues are.  I care about the policies they believe in.  Like with my friend Mahmoud, we can differ on many things but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about them and have meaningful and deep conversations.  It doesn’t mean that I can’t learn something from them, or they can’t learn something from me. 

Our country was built on being able to talk with our representatives and share our views, our hopes, dreams, needs, concerns, and fears.  It seems we have forgotten that.  I live in Central Florida and have relationships with all my local elected members of the US House of Representatives.  I have a relationship with both Florida Senators.  I have relationships with Florida Representatives and Senators.  Not because I am special.  Not because I have any sort of special access.  It is because I made the effort to connect with them.  I spent the time and continue to spend the time investing in a relationship with them.  When there is a new candidate who I want to get to know better, I reach out and introduce myself.  We can get coffee.  Talk about why they are running for office.  Talk about my concerns.  It’s building a relationship.  We can all do this if we want. 

Larry Hogan, former Governor of Maryland and a current candidate for the US Senate from Maryland, wrote a letter to 60 Maryland Rabbis concerned about rising antisemitism and Jew hatred.  In it, he wrote:

“This is a moment when our leaders must be held accountable for their words and their actions. There are times in history when leaders must stand up for what is right regardless of party affiliation or personal interests.”

This is what we can each make happen with our own advocacy.  This is within our individual power.  Pick up the phone and call your elected officials.  Local and state elected officials will easily meet you for coffee and begin a conversation (not an argument) and build a relationship.  Write to your US Representatives and call their office to request a meeting.  It may take a few months, but you can get the time with them.  Make an appointment in their local or DC office.  You may get 30 minutes so use it wisely.  Ask questions, listen, highlight your concerns. 

I often highlight the movie, The American President, because the writing is so brilliant.  The last speech by President Shepard speaks to this and still gives me chills decades later. 

“America isn’t easy.  America is advanced citizenship”. 

“We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them.”

Despite the challenges of our Congress not working, despite the challenges we face in our individual states with their legislation, we do have serious people ready to work to solve our serious problems.  It’s our job to make sure they know that it matters to us. It is our job to make sure they know that when they take on this work, we have their back.  It is our job to be their citizen partners as they address these problems.  And it is our job to get to know them so that if they are not serious people ready to take on serious issues, we replace them with people who are. 

That means we vote.  I always vote.  I hate it when people say, “what does one vote matter?”  Many years ago when I was in graduate school, I went to vote and there were two local positions where nobody was running.  As a joke, I voted for my roommate and ‘brother from another mother’, Aric, for both of them.  I told him that he could tell his future children that he got votes in an election and would have the proof for it.  We laughed and forgot about it.  A few weeks later he got TWO certified letters.  He had won BOTH elections with my ONE vote.  While he didn’t choose to serve in either role, it shows the power of one vote.  If you choose not to vote, you don’t get to complain because you were not part of the process.  I don’t care who you vote for, just vote.

Common sense isn’t so common.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  It doesn’t mean we get to throw up hands up and quit.  It means we double down on our efforts.  It means we advocate for the things that we value with the decision makers.  It means we build relationships with them.  It means we hold them accountable in a respectful manner.  It means we actively vote and encourage others to vote. 

The time to take action is here.  What are you going to do?  That’s the question that only you can answer.