When the official word came out that six hostages were murdered and their bodies found and returned, I was devastated. When their names were officially released, I was crushed. I felt betrayed. I was angry. I was crying. I was furious. I was destraught. I wanted revenge. I wanted them all to come home now.

This is where we stand today. We want two things that may not both be able to happen. We want our hostages home now. We want those who are alive to be returned immediately and alive. We want those who are no longer alive to have their bodies returned so their families can bury them and begin the mourning process. We need our hostages freed immediately. We also want the long term security of Israel We want to make sure that we are not allowing Hamas to simply regroup, re-arm, and attack us again like they did on October 7th in a few years.

The challenge Israel faces is that Hamas will not allow both to happen. In order to get the hostages back, they are demanding Israel put her long term security at risk. If Israel refuses to give in to Hamas’s demands, it is unlikely we will get any of the hostages back alive. In a normal conflict, you find some middle ground. Each side gives a little and finds an uncomfortable agreement that they don’t really like but they can live with. The reality Israel faces is that Hamas doesn’t want to give anything. They don’t want to find a middle ground. They want to get everything they demand and they really have no reason to change their demands. The world excuses their behavior. The more that Hamas entrenches themselves and continues to say no, the more the world supports them and pressures Israel to give more and more and more. It reminds me of this political cartoon.

After Hamas murdered Carmel Gat, Eden Yerushalmi, Hersh Goldberg-Polin, Alexander Lobanov, Almog Sarusi and Master Sgt. Ori Danino this weekend, my pain and anger was overwhelming. Then the news about the polio vaccinations of children in Gaza started coming out. Israel provided the safe zone. Israel provided the vaccines. The children in Gaza were getting vaccinated. But not the Bibas children. Not the Israeli children who were taken hostage and remain hostages. They don’t vaccinated. I started wondering why Israel didn’t demand that all the child hostages be released before vaccination began? It’s a simple demand. We will take care of your children but you have to give ours back first.

As Jews, we believe in the best of people. It is one of our best qualities and one of our worst. We care about the children in Gaza while they don’t care about our children in Hamas’s captivity. We will take care of their children even while they terrorize and hold captive our children. We value the lives of Jews and they know that so they not only hold them as hostages, they hold us hostage with them. We gave them 1,000 terrorists for Gilad Shalit because he is one of ours. That trade got us him back but cost us 1,200 lives on October 7th. Now we are being asked to do it again.

Do we release terrorists who kill Jews? Do we do so en masse? Do we withdraw from the Philadephi corridor where we know Egypt was supplying Hamas with weapons? Do we allow them to rebuild the tunnels because we aren’t monitoring it? Do we let Hamas stay in power and grow in size and re-arm to attack us again? Is all of that worth getting the remaining living hostages back? Is it worth it to get the bodies of the murdered hostages back so the families can buy their loved ones and get closure? Is it worth delaying the next attack for 5 years? For 10 years? Having another October 7th? Something worse? A return to suicide bombers?

I don’t have the answer. I’m glad that I am not the one who has to make the decision. It feels very much to my like the Solomonian decision to split the baby. We want our hostages and the bodies of the dead hostages back. We want to ensure there won’t be another October 7 type attack. Hamas isn’t giving us the option to have both. We have to pick one or the other. If we save 30 or 50 hostages now and end up with 3,000 or 5,000 dead in five or ten years, is it worth it? Was it worth getting Gilad Shalit back to lose 1,200 on October 7th because Sinwar was part of that deal? Plus all those lost since October 7th? I don’t know. It’s not simple math. It’s not so easy.

I remember watching the 47 minute Hamas video months ago and being grateful that the terrorists showed their faces. We were able to see exactly who was doing these horrible things. Some of their faces are burned into my memory. When I saw the two terrorists kill a father, blind one child in one eye, and take them into their kitchen where he took a Coke out of the fridge and drank it while they cried and were in shock, I remember thinking that he was going to pay. Israel would not let what he did go without making him pay. His payment came yesterday as Israel not only found him, they killed him. Those who perpetrated this horror are being made to account for their actions.

Leaders of Hamas have said that if Israel tries to rescue the hostages, they will just kill them. They murdered six hostages with bullets to the back of the head because Israel was close to rescuing them. The world continues not to hold them accountable so why would they stop? Our options seem hopeless. Surrender to Hamas and hope that they give back the hostages like they promise, putting the safety of Israel at risk. Continue to fight against Hamas and risk the lives of the hostages. Do whatever it takes to end Hamas and secure Gaza so that attacks can’t come from there on Israel in the future but know that the hostages are likely murdered as a result. Not a good choice amongst them yet these are the choices Israel faces.

I watched the funeral of Hersh Polin Goldberg with tears in my eyes. Watching Rachel and Jon broke my heart. All I could think of was my sons. All I could think of was how it could have been them. Hersch was 23. My sons are almost 22 and 24. When I look at pictures of them, my heart breaks.

At the funeral of Hersh Polin Goldberg, Israeli President Isaac Herzog said, “Beloved Hersh, with a torn and broken heart, I stand here today as the president of the State of Israel, bidding you farewell and asking for your forgiveness, from you, and from Carmel, from Eden, from Almog, from Alex, and Ori, and from all your loved ones,” Herzog said. “I apologize on behalf of the State of Israel, that we failed to protect you in the terrible disaster of Oct. 7, that we failed to bring you home safely. I apologize that the country you immigrated to at the age of 7, wrapped in the Israeli flag, could not keep you safe. Rachel, Jon, dear Leebie and Orly, grandparents and the whole family – I ask for your forgiveness, forgiveness that we could not bring Hersh back home alive.”

How many other families will Israel have to apologize to? Those who have loved ones as hostages now? Those who will be mourning in the future because Israel took security risks or released terrorists to save these hostages? It truly is a Solomonian decision. No matter what the decision ends up being, I’m not sure history will be kind to any of our leaders because of where we are today.

Leadership is about taking accountability. It’s about taking responsibility. In today’s world, our leaders don’t do this. They look for scapegoats. They blame others. It’s rare to find somebody in a leadership role who takes responsibility for their actions. We need new leaders. We need to train our leaders properly. One of my commitments is to be involved with this. My trip to Israel in July was for a leadership trip. I am working with others who understand that our future depends on better leaders and it is our responsiblity to train them. We don’t need to be stuck in these Solomonian decisions and no-win situations if our leaders understand their jobs and focus on doing them rather than politics and power.

I have written about how I sing Acheinu every day for the hostages. I will continue to sing it every day. At Hersh’s funeral, thousands of people spontaneously broke out in song with Acheinu. Throughout Israel people are singing Acheinu. The night of Hersh’s funeral, thousands gathered together and sang Acheinu. We are a people of love. We are a people of peace. We treasure life. We are in an impossible position with impossible choices to make. May God bless the leaders of Israel as they navigate this situation. They need God’s help more than ever.