Today is day 317 of the hostages captivity. 317 days of horror, of abuse, of terror. Most of them have now celebrated a birthday in captivity. For those who are married they may have celebrated their anniversary in captivity. Those with children have missed their birthdays. The horror of Hamas and the hostages is real. Yet the Red Cross still has not visited the hostages once. The UN and UNRWA have not visited the hostages once (unless you count the UNRWA employees who helped take the hostages and hid/housed the hostages).

Back in November/December, I helped get birthday and Hanukkah presents for a 13 year old girl who was released as part of the ceasefire and otherwise would not have had any. The Jewish world stepped up and she knew she was remembered and loved by the entire Jewish world. I wonder what the hostages that are still alive think about the Jewish world and the world in general. Do they have any idea how present they are in many of our daily lives? Can they imagine that most of the world doesn’t think or talk about them?

The horror of the hostages and the world’s failure to address them is startling. The hostages are not all Jewish. There are still 8 American hostages taken by Hamas.There are Thai hostages. There are Druze hostages. There are muslim hostages. It shows the evil of Hamas – whoever they could take, they took. Yet the world remains silent about the hostages except when they choose to attack Israel for not agreeing to deals with Hamas that would be like commiting suicide.

It amazes me how so many people choose to criticize Israel for her actions that have never been to the region. Who know nothing about the realities on the ground. Who think that it is a simple solution – Palestinian statehood – and then the hatred and violence goes away. They don’t know the history of the peace deals offered and the opportunities that have been available for a Palestinian state that were rejected because as my friend Fleur Hassan Nahoum says, “The problem of the conflict is not that there isn’t a Palestinian State. The problem of the conflict is that there IS a Jewish State.”

I have been to Israel twice this summer and am going back again next month. It is a different country than before October 7th. My two trips this summer have been very different than the 20 that came before then. I was there during the first intifada. I was there during the second intifada. I was there just before the country reopened because of Covid and the worldwide pandemic. I have been there in some of the most challenging times yet nothing like what it is like after October 7th.

People are in and out of the reserves. They try to plan their lives and then they get called up and everything goes on hold. The rockets continue to be fired by Hezbollah in the north and Hamas in the south. Fewer from Hamas with the IDF winning the war but more from Hezbollah. On my last trip we went to the lower Galillee but couldn’t go to the upper Galillee. One of my favorite places in Israel, Tzfat, is too far north to visit in groups. Hostage Square is powerful to visit and listening to the family members of hostages speak is heartbreaking. In Hostage Square, they have a mock tunnel that I walked through. It was hard to walk through it. I can’t imagine living in one for 317 days. Perhaps these leaders who don’t hold Hamas accountable should have to live in the mock tunnel in Hostage Square for a week with the ends covered so it’s dark and there is no natural light. Maybe then they would change their minds and speak out.

My friend Adam Bellos started The Israel Innovation Fund (TIIF) a few years back. One of the things they do is work with vineyards in Israel and promote Israeli wine. After October 7th, he began working the families of hostages to create Wines of Hope, a special collection of wines where different bottles of wine are dedicated to different hostages. When a hostage is released, their date of freedom is added to the label. When we learn that one has been murdered, it becomes a memorial bottle. It’s a beautiful tribute and reminder of the hostages and those we lost. On my last trip, we stopped at the grave of a friend of one of our partipants. He was a medic who was murdered leaving Gaza when a rocket landed on their emergency vehicle. The media doesn’t cover this because it was Jewish lives that were lost. After visiting his grave, we went to meet his parents who spoke to us about their amazing son and the state of Israel. I’ll never forget his father telling us that every Friday night when he says Kiddush, he is not saying it for his family. He is saying it for the hostages. It’s a reminder that we must remember the hostages. Consider buying some of this wine, supporting Israeli vineyards and the families of the hostages. Use it in your home to remind you, your family, and your friends, of the hostages.

As we get closer and closer to the 1 year anniversary of October 7th, we have a chance to remember who and what we lost that day. I have been struck by a few stories recently and wanted to share them.

Margarita Gusak dreamed of becoming a doctor. She studied day and night and promised everyone that she would be one.

She went to the tests and they told her, “You will get an answer in a week.”

Margarita bit her nails, counted the minutes until she receivd the answer, and when she could no longer wait, she went to the Nova music festival and was murdered there.

Two days later, the test results arrived. She didn’t get to find out that she got the grade needed to get into medical school.

I think of my sons. My oldest, waiting to hear if he got the college football coaching job he wanted. There were plenty of places he went and things he did before he got the answer he was hoping and work towards. He was not different than Margarita Gusak, except he didn’t have to deal with bloodthirsty terrorists who killed him before he found out he got his dream. Margarita did. My youngest, working hard to get the internship he wanted to hopefully open doors after he graduates college in May. He was waiting and waiting. He also went lots of places and did lots of things while he waited. Like his brother, he didn’t have to deal with bloodthirsty terrorists who wanted him dead before he found out he achieved his dream. Margarita wasn’t that lucky. The only thing different between my children and Margarita was bloodthirsty terrorists. We need to remember that it could be our children. It could be us.

In Judaism we don’t celebrate Valentines Day (spoiler alert, we do in my house). For Jews, the day we celebrate is called Tu B’Av, the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Av. Tu B’Av, the Jewish Day of Love, is a beautiful holiday and a great opportunity to focus on those in our lives who we love and who are important to us. I spent time today on the phone with my mom, we talked about my dad (z’). I get to spend tonight with my wife and youngest son and his girlfriend. I’ll call my oldest son to check on him. Yet this year Tu B’Av is also different. Many people lost the love of their life on October 7th or in the war that has followed. There are people who’s loved ones are still hostages and they don’t know if they are alive or dead.

I saw this online and it broke my heart. In Israel, everybody knows this feeling of loss. So as this beautiful Israeli woman sits alone at her romantic dinner with a picture of her fiance, a hostage in Gaza, on the chair across from her, she gets hugs and love from strangers because in Israel, everybody is family.

I saw some posts online that used pictures of Israeli’s at the beach or living their lives. The people posting them were critical, claiming that they didn’t care about what is happening in Gaza (they used words I won’t repeat). It is clear they don’t know what they are talking about and don’t know the Israeli spirit. Israeli’s of all religions – Jews, Druze, Christians, Arabs, B’hai, etc. all know the pain of loss. They choose to live rather than be consumed by it. They choose life and joy even when it is the hardest and most difficult. When we visited the grave of the IDF medic, his parents requested we meet with them. Despite all the pain they are dealing with, they wanted to talk to us. They even brought us food. We share our sorrow and we share our joy. Judaism is always about choosing life which is what makes what is happening in Gaza that much more difficult.

Daniel Lubitzky, the founder of KIND Snacks, posted this picture of his father, his brother and himself with the following story.

Laughter helped my father survive the Dachau concentration camp.

A long time ago, I was on a date and we were watching the movie Life is Beautiful. if you’ve never seen the movie, it’s about a family using humor to endure a concentration camp. The whole movie, I couldn’t stop laughing … which led to me feeling really guilty. I told my date that I needed to go call my dad.

When he picked up, I said, “It never crossed my mind that when you were in those barracks in Dachau, did you laugh?”

My father said, “Not only did I laugh it is what helped me survive.”

My father would tell jokes to the inmates to make them laugh AND to the soldiers to make them see the humanity of the prisoners.

When my dad was rescued, he was 6 ft tall and weighed 70 pounds. The prisoners didn’t look human, but, through humor, my dad tried to build those bonds of humanity.

Every day, I remember my father’s attempts at bringing light to those around him. We all need to do the same. We need to related to each other – human to human.

The story and the picture reminded me that as Jews, we chose life. We choose humanity. We choose laughter. Yes, life is difficult. Yes there is plenty of sadness in life. In the immortal words of the prophet Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.” Notice he said chocolates – something sweet. Something that brings joy. Think about the Jewish comedians – why are Jews overrepresented in comedy? It is because we always try to find the light in life. We always try to find the humor. It’s about living. After October 7th, the Israeli sketch comedy/satire TV show Eretz Nehederet, struggled with what to do. After a short period of time, they began doing what they do best. If you haven’t seen these, they are worth watching. I’d say enjoy but………

I’m going back to Israel in September to work with a client. I’m excited to go again. I am arriving early so I dont’t have to deal with jetlag before spending 4 days working. I can’t wait to spend some time on the beach in Tel Aviv. I’m having Shabbat dinner with friends in Modi’in. Another friend happens to be coming at the same time and we are on the same flight. He is joining us. Yet another friend from college will be there volunteering with his wife for the third time since October 7th. He had never been to Israel before October 7th. We will overlap for a few days and get together.

In the middle of a war, with rockets coming from the north and the south, with an ongoing threat from Iran, I’m not the only one going to Israel. Like my friend who is now going for his third time since October 7th, this is my 3rd time since May. My 23rd trip overall. There are a lot of arguments about Jews. Are we a race? Are we a religion? Are we a culture? Are we white? Are we European? Are we indiginous to the Levant? The answer to all of this is yes, because what we really are is a Mishpacha, a family. We are 12 tribes created by 12 siblings, the sons of our patriarch Jacob and our matriarchs Leah and Rachel. We were disbursed among the nations, so we have European/Ashkenazi Jews, Sephardic Jews (from Spain and Portugal), Mizrahi Jews (from the Middle East, North Africa and Central Asia), and Ethiopian Jews (obviously from Ethiopia). Those who hate us want to make us whatever they need for them to hate. Don’t let them define us. We are Mishapacha, family, with family members who spent two centuries or more living in various parts of the world. It is why we remember Margarita – she is our daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin. It’s why we remember the hostages – they are our brothers and our sisters. It is why we remember those lost in the Holocaust – they are our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, and uncles. It is why when you go to Israel you will be invited to Shabbat dinner at the homes of random people that you just met. They may have just met you, but you are their family.

These are challnenging times and most expect the challenges to increase in the short term. It is ok. Why? Because we are all family. We are all mishpacha. Together we have surivived for over 3,000 years and we aren’t going anywhere now. Our family is strong because we stand together.

Who knew Sister Sledge was really singing about the Jewish people?

Am Yisrael Chai (The people of Israel live).